Lisa

and everyone. Sorry this took so long to start, I went to get a pepsi and found a box of instant oatmeal, this is the "cinnamon roll" flavor I haven't tried yet, its good. Since being clean, I've put on about 10 lbs. Oh well, at least when I started, I wasn't overweight, and as long as I watch it, I'll be okay, I'd rather be on the pleasantly plump side as long as they're "clean" pounds!
I am in an excellent mood today, the kids returned to school after two weeks off, and I can do what I want without interruption, fighting, or having to take someone somewhere, I don't have to tell you guys.

Anyway, Lis, remember the other day when you called and I was on my way to Nick's to get her and Tom to take them to meet my cousin's kid to take him out to lunch?
A little background. My cousin's are from the Chicago area (where I am from), our families were always close and we grew up together. There are seven of them (not including their families), but the oldest died about three years ago due to alcoholism.
I've never met any of their kids because we lost touch a long time ago. We lost touch because after I lost my family I didn't want to live there anymore and the way I handled it all was to just isolate and pretty much not have much to do with anything or anyone that knew my family and just buried it. Wrong I know now, and I regret all the years I lost with them. I love my cousins.
My favorite cousin ( I have 2 favs) his name is Joe, he's about five years older than I am. We all just recently reconnected around thanks giving. he's got three kids, one is a boy named Joey, he's 29, and was in town for a softball tournament that he was put in to replace a guy who had been injured. Well, his dad Joe, wanted us to get together and see each other, to tell you the truth, at first I wasn't really looking forward to it, was just doing it out of obligation.
I picked him up (the day I was or wasn't "lost", by the way, Ken got a real kick out of that).
I went to his hotel to get him and we went to Applebees. I was only planning on staying around an hour or so, but stayed almost four.
Turns out, he's been clean for nearly four years. He was terribly addicted to alcohol and other drugs (not sure which ones, we had to kinda watch what we were saying that visit, because Tomtom was there). He'd been to treatment 3 times and lived in a halfway house twice. He's really into AA. Well, none of my cousins know about me, but we ended up having three more visits after that, and talking like I knew him all my life. I did ask him not to tell my cousins about me.
He is such a great kid. I told him everything about me, where I was, where I'm at now and why. I told him about August and about how much this board has helped me, and that I had really admired August all these years on here and I just decided to not think about doing what I thought was right and to listen and follow excatly what he said to do.
I told him I was going to meetings daily and that I'm getting to my 90 days pretty quickly. He told me that he'd tried and tried before he finally got it, and he did excatly what I did. He listened to someone he knew (female), followed what she said and that that is what got him off to a good start. He's come so far. He wanted to die towards the end of his addiction, because he felt it was hopeless.
We basically just poured our hearts out to each other like you and I would do if we were sitting face to face. Lisa, it was amazing. He also told me that Laura (his August) and August he beleives, were put into our lives at the excact time we needed them. He said that thats part of the steps or one of the steps to help people when you can. To pass it on.
I couln't beleive it. My cousin's kid. What was suppose to be a quick lunch to make my cousin happy (his dad), turned out to what I beleive is going to be a long friendship. He's sending me some books from Hazeldon (I think thats a really famous treatment place that writes books and stuff, have you ever heard of it?
He went back to Chicago yesterday, and we have decided to keep in touch. He knows just how I feel. He said that I probably feel that I've got it licked, but don't ever feel that way and went on to tell me why, stuff he's done when he thought he was "all better" and stuff. He goes to four meetings a week. He said that one thing he did and does is surrounds himself with people who are completely sober. He said for him, there is no other way. Friends he used to have while using, he doesn't associate with and most of them think he's a jerk, but he said for his sobriety, he can't even be friends with people that use. He's the only one addicted in the whole family. Its strange to me how kids can come from the same parents, be brought up the excact same, yet be so different. My cousin Joe (Joey's dad) is in intelligence for the Chicago PD, strongly is against drugs and his son becomes a junkie, his other two sisters are not. How wierd is that?
We first went to lunch Friday, then saw each other for four hours Saturday, then early on sunday. He blew off his recreational time, his golf games and just played softball when he had to, he spent the rest of his time with me.
He helped me alot. he said I helped him too. (I don't know how). But I'm just thrilled at the way that all turned out.
He had 2 knee surgeries in the past five years. I asked him how he handled the meds, and he said he gave them to someone to give to him, had to have his books around him, and went through not even 20 pills. He said he doesn't count that as a a slip. I don't think it is. He said with that surgery most people go through about 2 or three refills, but he didn't even go through one. He lives, breathes and thinks sobriety. He's lucky to be where he's at he said. And he gave me alot of encouragement.
I'm so glad that happened. Every question I asked him was an answer I would have gotten from the board. I even told him the address to the board, he had a laptop and I looked it up for him, he said he'd check it out when he got home, so if he comes on, I'll introduce you all to him. I'm so happy that happened.
Remember when you called and we were laughing about what Ken said? That was the day. Ok dolly, thats what I wanted to tell you. I'll call you tomorrow ok?
Love ya,
Roe
xoxoxox
Thats how it all works Rose. You sound great. I am really happy for you.

Love--Jeff
Your husband was really funny on the phone that day...I'm so happy for you that you got to re-connect. I have 2 cousins that I adore and am close too. They are more like my sisters than anything. Addiction is a family disease and I think most would be blown away at just how rampant it is in thier extended families. I think because of genetics. Most of the aunts, uncles and cousins on my Mom's side are all alcoholics and addicts. Both of my Grandfather's died of alcoholism. Me and my kids, never stood a chance.

As I said in Roger's thread..you are such a gift. I've always thought the world of you but now that you are clean, the "real" Roseanne is coming out and you are stunning dahlin... lol

Love you girly.
Your the best cowgirl. You are truly a dear friend and always will be.
I get so scared when I think of my kids. Ken's family has lots of alchys, so does mine. Look at me, look at Ken, my kids are doomed if genetics is a big part of it all.
And going through the Jake stuff with you, I just get so scared and am almost role playing in my head how I'm going to handle it when/if one or more of my kids start with drugs.
I pray to God they don't, the odds are definately not in their favor. The only good thing is that if it does happen, I have you, you'll have gone through it. If that happens, by that time, you'll be saying, "now look at Jake, he's running for president!"
Nikki did have an episode about a year and a half ago that I've never spoken of until now.
On the bus on the way home, she was a junior in high school, a kid gave her a bunch of xanax. She said she had used them before. They were a light dose and she knew it because she looked them up, they were 0.25, a half of a half a mg., so she figured she could take alot. I can't remember how many, but it added up to almost six miligrams! Thats a huge dose. I was on xanax at the time. My first reaction was to run her to the hospital, then I got nervous thinking she'd get in trouble, it'd ruin her future, etc. I knew about xanax, I do know quite a bit about CII drugs, especially opiates and benzos.
To this day I don't know if it was a mistake or not, but I took her vitals every 30 minutes, kept her awake, threw her (almost literally in the shower a few times during the night), made her sleep with me, kept the vitals up all night long and as long as they were in the normal range, I just kept doing that, and by like 2am she was ok, only tired and didn't want to go to school the next day. I made her go, she was tired for two days. I laid it all out for her the next day. About addiction and our families, etc. As far as I know, she's never done anything stupid like that again, but I know she's smoked weed and drank before. Lucky for me Ken's sister is a lush, and when Nicky and Alex and Paul went to WI this past summer, they stayed with her half the time and nicky told me she got really disgusted to be with Lisa (his sis) because she was sickening, drunk most of the time and she never wants to look like that. She said she hasn't drank since. I beleive her, but I don't know what else she may or may not have done.
It really does scare me though. I'm going to try to get reading material on it. I don't want to ever feel the way you feel. I would split the pain in half and take half from you and make it mine if I could.
Ok, enough rambling and (I'm sure there's a name for it, future tripping?) but I have thought about that more than I probably should.
Have a good one and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Love you,
Roe
xoxoxox