Hey sweety I don't want to bug you but I did want to know how you are.Youve been in my thoughts & I pray your OK.If you feel up to it give a fast post to let us know how you are.....your friend...mj
Hey Kerry;
Let me just second what Molly says here. Stay strong...this is such a bit%@ right now, but one day at a time life does get better. Sometimes it just takes a bunch of days put together to see the progress.
Take care;
Jim
Let me just second what Molly says here. Stay strong...this is such a bit%@ right now, but one day at a time life does get better. Sometimes it just takes a bunch of days put together to see the progress.
Take care;
Jim
Just wanted to say hi Jim...mj
Hey MJ, JR and LB.....kerry........I haven't posted much to you recently, I didn't know what else to add. I have kept up with your posts, though, and it has definitely made me rethink my evil thoughts about picking up. I am so sorry it happened to you and sorry that you have the pain that I hear in your words. You have been in my prayers. I hope your appt. goes (went) well and you get the support you need to overcome this hell.Though it may not be much consolation, your experience has helped some of us. Take care! ((((((((((hug)))))))))))
Good golly Miss Molly - you are such a "light" on this forum. God bless you!
I don't have a lot of free time lately to contribute much of anything here. I just finished my 2nd week of IOP, and between my recovery, my home life and my job, I'm just plain exhausted. But I have to suck it up, take responsibility for my actions, and plow forward a day at a time. I pray every morning now, something I haven't done in a long time. I carry a "cheat sheet" of inspirational messages and prayers in my pocket, and that helps.
I won't ever forget the hell I've been through recently. It's been a bit over 3 weeks since my last relapse, and that only lasted 9 days. Even so I'm still having some problems at night with restless sleep. This stuff gets its hooks into my body and really fights, but I'm making progress each day.
Anyway my old behaviors are what have kept me from staying clean in the past, and it's not okay anymore to accept the "that's the way I am" type of thinking. For me its all about total honesty. Fear of being "human" to those I love has kept me stuck. Why I have these issues I don't really know...that will come out as I see my counselor each week. Today I have a willingness to do the legwork and take each day for what it is.
My wife saw a new therapist earlier this week, and was essentially told "Hope for the best, expect the worst". I was pissed at 1st - expect the worst? wtf? But you know I have let my wife down too many times for her (and her therapist) not to expect me to relapse again. It's going to take a long time to earn back the trust between my wife that I've torn apart. I am making amends to her every day. Not so much with words - I've lied in the past. This is an action-based recovery program for me. But I still take every opportunity to tell her in some small way how sorry I am for what I've done.
Others have said it and for me it's so true, getting clean isn't the hard part (it's no picnic lol), it's staying clean that takes work. But it's also a blessing that we can treat this disease by working a program of recovery. To each his/her own on this. I know what I need to do, and with God's guidance I'm doing it. One day at a time.
Have a great day Molly!
Jim
I don't have a lot of free time lately to contribute much of anything here. I just finished my 2nd week of IOP, and between my recovery, my home life and my job, I'm just plain exhausted. But I have to suck it up, take responsibility for my actions, and plow forward a day at a time. I pray every morning now, something I haven't done in a long time. I carry a "cheat sheet" of inspirational messages and prayers in my pocket, and that helps.
I won't ever forget the hell I've been through recently. It's been a bit over 3 weeks since my last relapse, and that only lasted 9 days. Even so I'm still having some problems at night with restless sleep. This stuff gets its hooks into my body and really fights, but I'm making progress each day.
Anyway my old behaviors are what have kept me from staying clean in the past, and it's not okay anymore to accept the "that's the way I am" type of thinking. For me its all about total honesty. Fear of being "human" to those I love has kept me stuck. Why I have these issues I don't really know...that will come out as I see my counselor each week. Today I have a willingness to do the legwork and take each day for what it is.
My wife saw a new therapist earlier this week, and was essentially told "Hope for the best, expect the worst". I was pissed at 1st - expect the worst? wtf? But you know I have let my wife down too many times for her (and her therapist) not to expect me to relapse again. It's going to take a long time to earn back the trust between my wife that I've torn apart. I am making amends to her every day. Not so much with words - I've lied in the past. This is an action-based recovery program for me. But I still take every opportunity to tell her in some small way how sorry I am for what I've done.
Others have said it and for me it's so true, getting clean isn't the hard part (it's no picnic lol), it's staying clean that takes work. But it's also a blessing that we can treat this disease by working a program of recovery. To each his/her own on this. I know what I need to do, and with God's guidance I'm doing it. One day at a time.
Have a great day Molly!
Jim
hello me,mj,jr, and lb
i pray all is well with everyone today!! today is a new day for me everything is great and i just praise God for all he has done in all our lives, i want to say that i love all of you and many more on this board it is a source of strength to me along with my daddy God, my wife and my children. you people are great
with all the love i can give
johnny
i pray all is well with everyone today!! today is a new day for me everything is great and i just praise God for all he has done in all our lives, i want to say that i love all of you and many more on this board it is a source of strength to me along with my daddy God, my wife and my children. you people are great
with all the love i can give
johnny
Just a random thought (and I'm dating myself here...) but this week out of the blue I remembered years ago reading Gale Sayers book titled "I am Third". The full book title was "God is First, My Family is Second, and I am Third". Hmmm.....
Good morning to ALL of you!!!
Jim - that was a wonderful post. I'm so happy that you have seemed to "find your way" - keep up the great work!! Thanks for mentioning that book - I might just check it out. I love to read!!
Kerry - You know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find your "path to recovery" and that it works well for you. As someone else had mentioned, what you are going through is actually helping others (when they see the mistakes that we make). God bless.
My love to all of you.
Love,
Marie
Jim - that was a wonderful post. I'm so happy that you have seemed to "find your way" - keep up the great work!! Thanks for mentioning that book - I might just check it out. I love to read!!
Kerry - You know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find your "path to recovery" and that it works well for you. As someone else had mentioned, what you are going through is actually helping others (when they see the mistakes that we make). God bless.
My love to all of you.
Love,
Marie
yea jim
great post i have always found that if i put God first then everything else just falls into place. He will arrange as needed
thanks
johnny
great post i have always found that if i put God first then everything else just falls into place. He will arrange as needed
thanks
johnny
jr,
you saying that getting clean is the easy part then after that is the hard work....that reminds me when i was in hospital delivering my daughter, my first born, the nurse says having her the delivery was the easy part the hard part was the next 18 years hehehe boy was she right. and you are also right as far as recovery the same holds true. but as time goes on and you have more time under your belt itdoes easier. but its always still important to have your support team always and be in check. cause as you've read i'm sure even people with years of clean time have relapsed. its all a process. good luck too you with much success.
ps, g,morning johnny. your light is shining through brightly this morning. i hope all is well with you and yours.
terrianne
you saying that getting clean is the easy part then after that is the hard work....that reminds me when i was in hospital delivering my daughter, my first born, the nurse says having her the delivery was the easy part the hard part was the next 18 years hehehe boy was she right. and you are also right as far as recovery the same holds true. but as time goes on and you have more time under your belt itdoes easier. but its always still important to have your support team always and be in check. cause as you've read i'm sure even people with years of clean time have relapsed. its all a process. good luck too you with much success.
ps, g,morning johnny. your light is shining through brightly this morning. i hope all is well with you and yours.
terrianne
jim.
just a quick note... your wifes therapist ( I assume it is for your wife and not yours....) is for her not you.... so she is speaking to your wife and she is more than not speaking from a statistical stand point as well as a pragamatic one... she is not wishing or really expecting you to fail... statistically an addict is expected to relapse once after fist attempting to recover.... then there chances at long term recovery goes up dramatically if they are in a program encouraging complete abstinence and has a good support base in and outside of that program.... with each subsequent relapse independent of there program... the odds of long term-- uninterupted abstenence decreases proportenently with each relapse... so if she was speaking from the odds.. she was just telling your wife how it is in the real world.... not to say that you will fail... but not that she should put too much expectations on you .... expectations can be deasterous for her and you.... for all of us.... your anger is understandable... that is way alot of people (nonaddicts) cant go to NA meetings... it is about the addicts... so conversely that counseling was about your wifes feelings and about what she can expect... not aobut how you would feel about it...
just thought i might say that.. dont know if it made sense....lol..
God Bless...
Teresa
just a quick note... your wifes therapist ( I assume it is for your wife and not yours....) is for her not you.... so she is speaking to your wife and she is more than not speaking from a statistical stand point as well as a pragamatic one... she is not wishing or really expecting you to fail... statistically an addict is expected to relapse once after fist attempting to recover.... then there chances at long term recovery goes up dramatically if they are in a program encouraging complete abstinence and has a good support base in and outside of that program.... with each subsequent relapse independent of there program... the odds of long term-- uninterupted abstenence decreases proportenently with each relapse... so if she was speaking from the odds.. she was just telling your wife how it is in the real world.... not to say that you will fail... but not that she should put too much expectations on you .... expectations can be deasterous for her and you.... for all of us.... your anger is understandable... that is way alot of people (nonaddicts) cant go to NA meetings... it is about the addicts... so conversely that counseling was about your wifes feelings and about what she can expect... not aobut how you would feel about it...
just thought i might say that.. dont know if it made sense....lol..
God Bless...
Teresa
JR.....great post! I should have written sooner and told you how much the sharing of your relapse has done for me, and for others I am sure.
I have hit the place where my disease is really working on me. this being my first time clean in 8 years, I am thinking, "It's been 2 months, what harm would a pill or two do? I would just love to have that feeling again for an hour or two!".
So, hearing from you and LB exactly what the harm would be is good for me. It is exactly why this board is so helpful for those of us at this stage of our "recovery". You testimony serves to remind us what picking holds in store. Thank you so much for your lack of shame and honesty in sharing not only the effect it had on you, but your wife as well.
I wish you both nothing but the best as you work on yourselves and your marriage. You're a great asset here and are in my prayers.
Hi Teresa - yes, it makes all the sense in the world! I was lucky because after my wife's appt on Monday I happened to have an appt with my psych (med check for my depression stuff) on Tuesday. Anyway even though it's not a "therapy session" for me I brought up the subject. And she said pretty much what you have written. My wife can't get excited or encouraged anymore about me and my program. She supports me (thank God), but she can't invest her emotions and expectations because of the fear that she'll be let down again. So her therapist was doing what she should be doing, based upon what my wife has told her of my chronic relapses.
Still....it was bugging me (expect the worst?) so I asked my psych and she said based upon the intensive work I was doing and the fundamental life changes I am committed to making, it was her professional opinion that my chances for recovery and away from relapse are good. She made a simple but good analogy for me, that my past attempts to get clean were like crash diets. You know, go head first for a month or two, feel really good, and then all of a sudden you slack off and eventaually crash. It doesn't matter why, you just will. Now I know that for me until I make permanent life changes, eventiually I'll fall back to old behaviors.
It's not rocket science is it? But it does take vigilance, and for me, a comprehensive program of recovery.
Thanks for your feeback Teresa. I appreciate you sharing your experience, strength and hope. It really helps!
Jim
Still....it was bugging me (expect the worst?) so I asked my psych and she said based upon the intensive work I was doing and the fundamental life changes I am committed to making, it was her professional opinion that my chances for recovery and away from relapse are good. She made a simple but good analogy for me, that my past attempts to get clean were like crash diets. You know, go head first for a month or two, feel really good, and then all of a sudden you slack off and eventaually crash. It doesn't matter why, you just will. Now I know that for me until I make permanent life changes, eventiually I'll fall back to old behaviors.
It's not rocket science is it? But it does take vigilance, and for me, a comprehensive program of recovery.
Thanks for your feeback Teresa. I appreciate you sharing your experience, strength and hope. It really helps!
Jim
Thanks Carol. Even with my recent relapse, hopefully I can share what I'm going thru, my experience, and help others in some way. It's not ego-centered, rather I try to operate under the simple premise that "for it is in giving that you receive". Unfortunately I have failed in that regard with my wife and these damn pills. But we're not perfect, are we, so a day at a time I'll just try to be a little bit better person than I was yesterday. Baby steps, right?
I'm so glad you've got 2+ months clean. Vigilance is soooo important Carol.
Stay strong;
Jim
I'm so glad you've got 2+ months clean. Vigilance is soooo important Carol.
Stay strong;
Jim
I agree with carol, JR -- your writing and honesty has helped me more than you can know. I admire your courage and your willingness to change. Thanks for all you contribute here. M.
JR..so proud of you, you're doing what needs to be done and staying on the right track.
None4Me..miss talking to you..how are you?
Cowgirl
PS..Kerry????? Are you out there?
None4Me..miss talking to you..how are you?
Cowgirl
PS..Kerry????? Are you out there?
Hey CG, I'm doing fine, clean and sober -- could use an attitude adjustment, but that's on me. Aren't you coming up on 9 months?
Kerry -- where are you?? Check in if you can. Lot of people here seem to have seen the real you....and LIKE her(!). M.
Kerry -- where are you?? Check in if you can. Lot of people here seem to have seen the real you....and LIKE her(!). M.
Umm yea. Todays the 28th, right? So 9 months today. Wow
Glad to hear you're doing ok, we all need attitude adjustments. It's an every occurance for me.
KERRYYYYYYY!!!!! starting to worry girl...
Glad to hear you're doing ok, we all need attitude adjustments. It's an every occurance for me.
KERRYYYYYYY!!!!! starting to worry girl...
Littlebeach I just wanted to check on you and see if you doing better and if you got your appt for the bup today, either way let us know, if you did get on it and you feel up to it let me know what the whole experience was like and how you felt after the treatment ,how much withdrawls you were in , how much did they start you at, and most of all does it make you fel normal, ive heard this CAN take a coupel cays. Best Ramon
jr...i feel your pain. i know how you feel. really. hang in there, big guy. just ask God to show you that he is there...it helps, I promise.
I TOTALLY FELL LAST NIGHT. I AM NOT IN WITHDRAWL, AND I THINK I MIGHT HAVE BROKEN MY COLLAR BONE. IT HURTS SO BAD. NOW WTF DO I DO??? I FELL ON MY SHOULDER. I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MEDS..
See, I told you all that I think that God has a messed up sense of humor...
i need to shower and get to the dr..I WANTED OFF THE PILL TRAIN...I HELD OUT UNTIL THIS MORNING, BUT IT HURTS SO BAD...
thank you all for your support.....
I TOTALLY FELL LAST NIGHT. I AM NOT IN WITHDRAWL, AND I THINK I MIGHT HAVE BROKEN MY COLLAR BONE. IT HURTS SO BAD. NOW WTF DO I DO??? I FELL ON MY SHOULDER. I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MEDS..
See, I told you all that I think that God has a messed up sense of humor...
i need to shower and get to the dr..I WANTED OFF THE PILL TRAIN...I HELD OUT UNTIL THIS MORNING, BUT IT HURTS SO BAD...
thank you all for your support.....
