Hello, I'm currently living with my mother and we share the rent. I moved from another state to come live with her because she simply could not afford to live here on her own and she complained about my brother's laziness. So I relocated my one year old son and my husband to stay in her 4 bedroom apartment, and we pay 1/2 the rent. Upon arriving, me and my husband quickly realized that my brother is actually a drug user (meth, heroin, weed and alcohol). Basically anything he can get his hands on. We have lived here less than a year and he has stolen about $1000 cash from my mother's safe, as well as her belongings for drugs. My mother constantly enables him by buying him cigarettes and continuing to let him stay here and making this an unsafe environment for my family. She cannot afford treatment centers ($300 a day minimum for 28 days) and she refuses to kick him out even though I have offered to pay more rent in order to get him out. My mother works for a school district and I am afraid she will lose her job if they ever found out she condoned his behavior. On top of my child getting taken away because of the environment. My brother is 19, dropped out of high school, doesn't even have his GED, has never had a job or a license. I am not sure what to do in this situation. I do not want to leave and burden my mother with rent she absolutely cannot afford and I have been extremely open with how I feel about how she is enabling him.
Dear One, My son is 24 -A meth addict. In the last 2 1/2 years my addicted son has near destroyed my home and my car and me with his violent behavior. I have had him arrested numerous times, committed to psychiatric centers and nothing has stopped the behavior. I had to make the difficult choice to evict him from the home. As I write he has been wandering the streets for 4 days- He has refused all help. I am devastated to see him homeless, hungry, broken.... but it just may be the only thing that will save him. But.....I wish I had done this 2 years ago because maybe he would heal sooner. I never wanted to admit it, but I was enabling him to continue on the destructive path. He used my house as a flop house so he could sleep all day and drug all night then come home and abuse me mentally and emotionally. There is a very fine line between nurturing and enabling. Especially for a mother. As a mother we dont want to see our children hurt...we are geared to meet their needs because we love them so much. While we hope and pray they will change. But they dont! I have 4 other adult children... none of them are addicts. They have been the ones to help me see what I needed to do. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but your Mom has to do it so everyone can heal! You will have to help her see this. Now being that you are in an apartment, your mother can not evict him and the apartment management wont evict him unless they evict the entire household, but your mother would have to remove him from the lease and let the apt management know he is not allowed to be there. Criminal trespass warnings would have to be issued by the police and subsequent arrest if he doesnt stay away, ( Im an Apartment Manager)
A list of resources where he can get help should be given to him. United Way will have lists of options. I have kept my sons phone working so he can at least stay in touch, but I cant let him near me because he is so angry and destructive he may hurt me..... I hope for you and your families sake your Mom can make this very difficult decision so your brother can turn his life around. It's called TOUGH LOVE and it truly is........Good luck to you... One thing I realized is I am just as unhealthy as my addicted son. I am in the beginning stages of my own healing as an enabler......Its very hard,,,, all I want to do is run and pick him and save him..... but I'm being strong and saying NO .....
A list of resources where he can get help should be given to him. United Way will have lists of options. I have kept my sons phone working so he can at least stay in touch, but I cant let him near me because he is so angry and destructive he may hurt me..... I hope for you and your families sake your Mom can make this very difficult decision so your brother can turn his life around. It's called TOUGH LOVE and it truly is........Good luck to you... One thing I realized is I am just as unhealthy as my addicted son. I am in the beginning stages of my own healing as an enabler......Its very hard,,,, all I want to do is run and pick him and save him..... but I'm being strong and saying NO .....
I agree 100 percent! There is a fine line between helping and enabling. When the addict is active, no amount of help is helpful. They do not stop until all money, food and shelter are gone.
as long as they can get a crumb to eat, a dollar to spend, a blanket. they will keep things status quo. why should the brother give up food shelter and $$ and getting high, to go to a hospital for 30 to 90 days, and never get high again!
My husband and I gave and gave to help out our kids. to make it easier, to lead by example...
we gave to much, they thought it was too easy. they always worked, but they did not have to go without and feel the pain of not having something and the joy of saving up and buying it themselves. I think that was our mistake. too nice, too easy, too kind.
Also, the drugs are so instantly addictive that the kids and adults dont stand a chance.
They have no idea how quick and powerful it is and they think they can deal with withdrawl on their own, and then they are confused when they cant.
2 out of 3 children were addicted. one is clean 3 yrs, the other is in the process of recovery.
as long as they can get a crumb to eat, a dollar to spend, a blanket. they will keep things status quo. why should the brother give up food shelter and $$ and getting high, to go to a hospital for 30 to 90 days, and never get high again!
My husband and I gave and gave to help out our kids. to make it easier, to lead by example...
we gave to much, they thought it was too easy. they always worked, but they did not have to go without and feel the pain of not having something and the joy of saving up and buying it themselves. I think that was our mistake. too nice, too easy, too kind.
Also, the drugs are so instantly addictive that the kids and adults dont stand a chance.
They have no idea how quick and powerful it is and they think they can deal with withdrawl on their own, and then they are confused when they cant.
2 out of 3 children were addicted. one is clean 3 yrs, the other is in the process of recovery.
