It is amazing to do a search on sex in the heroin forums and read what I read. I have been living with a man on heroin for 3 years this summer. We are ships passing, hugs and small kisses. He doesn't come to bed. He sits on the sofa until he nods. He even falls asleep in his lines of dope as he doesn't shoot that I have ever seen or noticed. I have woken him up to find it all in his hair and on his head. It is very sad. He doesn't even try to come to bed. We used to be close intimately. Very close. That was the first 4 years. Since he went to heroin he is a bit nicer, a lot more manipulative and stingy with his money and a lot more depressed when he fears running out of money. He talks of death and quitting and seems to live in the past regarding things and that were not an issue when I met him or the first 4 years. He has not made a real effort to have sex with me in over a year. Sure I have long since given up complaining about it and I am sure my complaining added another problem but i don't get how a man who loved sex could actually just let it go. Sometimes i wonder if it is me. other times I wonder if it just went too long. Sometimes I think he must be with someone else at least sometimes.
Other times I think he is is just too high to want it. I have no idea and it is not the most important thing to me when someone is sick. Quite frankly I dont want to have sex with someone who is half asleep or has no desire. I just don't get this extreme thing. Has this happened to anyone else? It can just go so long that you dont ever do it again. I have loved this man and I used to be so affectionate toward him. Now I just don't even bother. It hurts to much. I can't worry about it every day but every day it does cross my mind...I am not on that drug and it makes me less attracted to him that he has no interest.
It is very sad.
yes. this is common. only having heroin in your hair ain't. guess he nodded right in the lines. that's a rare one. it's not you. the sex i mean. do not take that personal. his heroin is his life. his wife. his everything. maybe you could keep coming here and ask here more about it because that is a long time to live the way you have been. i know that.
oh sweetie--my heart goes out to you--you are in too much pain--find yourself--love yourself--its too hard to love soeone who only has the ability to love a substance-you sound like a mart woman--you know your answers--i can tell you as a woman i lost all desire to make love and the ability to orgasm, also you feel so bad about yourself it hard to love another or to indulge into something so deep as making love--you just dont want to feel anymore--thats why you keep shoving the drugs into your body. ITS NOT YOU!!! i also know that men have a hard time orgasm much less staying ahem--how should i say this--able to perform, so im sure they would rather not even attempt it because of embarrassment or inability to finish-excuse the terms im using please find your love for you and do whatever you need to do to get healthy again--you are a beautiful loving woman who only deserves the best--take care
yeah it's common!!! my brother who's trying to quit H ask me how long after getting clean can it take to get the sex drive back. I just kinda looked at him i'm 2 years clean "sex" sure ain't what it use to be. Yes I enjoy it FOR SURE but, It's not a big deal to go without. Heroin messes up your brain to the extent that pleasureable things are not as nice anymore. H depleats brain hormones that relate to pleasure. HERE'S A KNOWN MEDICAL FACT: Heroin also decreases sexual performance. This happens because heroin affect the release of many hormones and neurotransmitters, including those associated with regulating sexual behavior. Ability to reach orgasm is often impaired. . Heroin takes advantage of our need for pleasant experiences. Also when used h, creates a huge "rush" of artificial pleasant sensations. The rush is so intense that a user begins to need and crave it, in the same way that we crave pleasant experiences. H IS a whole TON more pleasurable then sex. Weird as it is when you first get on H sex is even more pleasent then it gets to be a chore you start to not want it at all after a while!. The H is that much better then sex and your ablity to enjoy it at all gets very low. My ex boyfriend could never keep "i'll be blunt" a erection from about 7 years of active use. Even now in recovery I rarely enjoy sex but, that may not be true for every recovering addict. Well i mean i do enjoy it but, it's just not a intense experience at all.
Ok well that explains why when we were in a physical relationship, he pretty much always fell asleep during sex. I never took it personally and it kinda helps explain why he craves my company yet doesn't want anything physical. I don't know why I don't take it personally because my previous guy destroyed my self-confidence when it comes to sex. But somehow I knew that this was his problem not mine. So it's good to hear that this is normal.
I think I'd be falling apart if it weren't for this site!
I think I'd be falling apart if it weren't for this site!
Since ZG was blunt well I can be as well........yeah it's coomon like everyone said Believer...........the guy I used with........he was alrightie alrightie.......pre-heroin and the beginning............then we both were well into our heroin.
As a female though.........put it this way........on heroin you can pull some stunts..........I was always a crazy nut that way anyway.........but on heroin your numb so stuff you do then.........clean it ain't happening and your partner expects ya clean to do some of that stuff.......YO, it hurts........and I ain't no acrobat..........they don't get it though..........too bad........I say scram then.
It's not you at all..........and that ex.........don't let some dude take away your sexuality, Believer.........heck no........pay no mind to that......seriously!
I know it is tough..........but you have lots to offer.
As a female though.........put it this way........on heroin you can pull some stunts..........I was always a crazy nut that way anyway.........but on heroin your numb so stuff you do then.........clean it ain't happening and your partner expects ya clean to do some of that stuff.......YO, it hurts........and I ain't no acrobat..........they don't get it though..........too bad........I say scram then.
It's not you at all..........and that ex.........don't let some dude take away your sexuality, Believer.........heck no........pay no mind to that......seriously!
I know it is tough..........but you have lots to offer.
Thanks for your replies. I don't really know what to say. I guess I just have become seperate from him and yeah, falling asleep during sex or close to it wasn't a turn on for me. I don't want to push him into it because that isn't good for me either. I just don't get it. Heroin feels better than sex? Even if you do it every single day without shooting it? That means he is doing it and having great sex (not literally) every day and night.
This whole thing shows me how it is easy to become addicted. It also freaks me out. I am not so into having the patience to see how he does. He is going to a methadone clinic daily and no meetings. He is not up to a high enough dose to keep him from using but that is another scary story.
I don't really know where to go from here. I will just keep living my life and try to get through the sadness. Thanks, I was pretty sure it was not me but after a while you become so seperate. I do not ever want to be a chore.
This whole thing shows me how it is easy to become addicted. It also freaks me out. I am not so into having the patience to see how he does. He is going to a methadone clinic daily and no meetings. He is not up to a high enough dose to keep him from using but that is another scary story.
I don't really know where to go from here. I will just keep living my life and try to get through the sadness. Thanks, I was pretty sure it was not me but after a while you become so seperate. I do not ever want to be a chore.
You are not a chore.........more like he's the chore.
Heroin is your sex, best friend, lover, mistress, mother, job, hobby, art.
It's your essence, and your soul........it's your breath, your food, your water.
Naw, man he ain't having it great every single day.......you chase that hugh......then it's all about staying well........not getting sick.
Just my thoughts on it and how I felt.........it's a crave, a need.
Just me here saying this and others may think different.........you're not competing sexually with heroin.........they ain't the same........your living like ya said like two ships passing in the night because heroin is all consuming......he thinks about it when he wakes, when he needs to score, wonders if the dope will be good........it's a lifestyle.
Please, please take care of you.........please.
Heroin is your sex, best friend, lover, mistress, mother, job, hobby, art.
It's your essence, and your soul........it's your breath, your food, your water.
Naw, man he ain't having it great every single day.......you chase that hugh......then it's all about staying well........not getting sick.
Just my thoughts on it and how I felt.........it's a crave, a need.
Just me here saying this and others may think different.........you're not competing sexually with heroin.........they ain't the same........your living like ya said like two ships passing in the night because heroin is all consuming......he thinks about it when he wakes, when he needs to score, wonders if the dope will be good........it's a lifestyle.
Please, please take care of you.........please.
Still no sex and still no sex and still no sex. The funny thing is that I can't remember the last time we even had sex. When I say something he says, " I'm dying to have sex" Than I say really with who? He says, with you and I say well I can't tell.
He goes out for hours and constantly talks about getting clean but never does. He is miserable and nasty when he runs out of money. He goes out for hours "running errands" sometimes I wonder if he is cheating with someone other than the drug because wouldn't a guy want sex after over a year? I think it has been like a year and a half. Honestly, what are the odds he could be doing it somewhere? I am not dying to have sex with him anymore because to be honest an a-sexual man is not a turn on and it has been so long I don't know if it could ever come back. When I think about it though it really makes me sad. I have a sex drive and am young. I am starting to think I would not feel guilty if I went out and got it somewhere else. Of course I would be picky but this is too depressing sometimes. Thanks for your replies before. I thought this would be a good topic to bring up again. Especially for me!!!LOL. I do find myself feeling like crying as I type.
He goes out for hours and constantly talks about getting clean but never does. He is miserable and nasty when he runs out of money. He goes out for hours "running errands" sometimes I wonder if he is cheating with someone other than the drug because wouldn't a guy want sex after over a year? I think it has been like a year and a half. Honestly, what are the odds he could be doing it somewhere? I am not dying to have sex with him anymore because to be honest an a-sexual man is not a turn on and it has been so long I don't know if it could ever come back. When I think about it though it really makes me sad. I have a sex drive and am young. I am starting to think I would not feel guilty if I went out and got it somewhere else. Of course I would be picky but this is too depressing sometimes. Thanks for your replies before. I thought this would be a good topic to bring up again. Especially for me!!!LOL. I do find myself feeling like crying as I type.
Hey Real,
Ya know I think the sex thing isn't the biggest problem on your plate........maybe I am wrong because it is way important, but..........
Talking about getting clean, running errands for hours, nasty when he ain't got money.........that's a definition of a heroin addict.
Who amongst us can truly say if he is getting sommtin, sommtin, but what would change even if he was? Like if you could prove that? What would you do?
Basically that's no way to live........not for him and not for you........you can't fix him or change him........just yourself.
Ya know I think the sex thing isn't the biggest problem on your plate........maybe I am wrong because it is way important, but..........
Talking about getting clean, running errands for hours, nasty when he ain't got money.........that's a definition of a heroin addict.
Who amongst us can truly say if he is getting sommtin, sommtin, but what would change even if he was? Like if you could prove that? What would you do?
Basically that's no way to live........not for him and not for you........you can't fix him or change him........just yourself.
What Bryn said is right. You need to make yourself happy. You sound so low in your posts. Almost like you've resigned yourself to the fact that your life is gonna be this way forever. Well you know what? You can change things. You have the ability to change what you don't like about your life. It won't be easy and can sometimes feel heart-breaking...but you've got us in here for support...and the end product? A happy you!
You deserve better. Believe that.
Maddy x
You deserve better. Believe that.
Maddy x
..Whatisreal..
..From my personal experience with heroin/sex..it washed away all sexual desire with me..i was'nt interested in having sex,just my gear was my lover..i would delibriately stay up when my g/f wenna bed to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of knowing she wanted sex..if she asked me to come to bed i would say "yeh i'll be there in a min" but i just stayed up until she fell alseep..many times we argued over it but i did'nt give a monkeys at the end of the day if she got the hump (no pun intended) and moody or not..but the odd occasion we did have sex(just to keep her quiet) it was litrally over in seconds..heroin took away the feelings to have sex..i did love her and was in love with her but sex was not on my " things to do" list..Robbie..
..From my personal experience with heroin/sex..it washed away all sexual desire with me..i was'nt interested in having sex,just my gear was my lover..i would delibriately stay up when my g/f wenna bed to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of knowing she wanted sex..if she asked me to come to bed i would say "yeh i'll be there in a min" but i just stayed up until she fell alseep..many times we argued over it but i did'nt give a monkeys at the end of the day if she got the hump (no pun intended) and moody or not..but the odd occasion we did have sex(just to keep her quiet) it was litrally over in seconds..heroin took away the feelings to have sex..i did love her and was in love with her but sex was not on my " things to do" list..Robbie..
I had a g/f years ago and i was relativly a smack virgin...seeing we talkin bout nookie!!!!...she wasnt...had a small habit...but for the first couple of months heroin brought us together and we were very intimate sexually....all good ..having my cake and all.As the months blended..the smack became the only lover...same as Robbie..did not wanna know....and would get up early just so i didnt have to face the truth...i was addicted..completly.Now im on a l/t methd.script and have on a leval of 1 to 10 ive got about a 3...as far as my sex drive is concerned...not that bothered...and its one of the things i hate about being tied to methd....but im a coward i suppose and know MsH is out there for me so i need some protection!!!
Im in a relationship but its very looosly based at the moment...early days..but i know the question of sex will arise...she knows im on a script..but how long before that becomes an issue i dunno....good thread by the way.
Take care....Davey
Im in a relationship but its very looosly based at the moment...early days..but i know the question of sex will arise...she knows im on a script..but how long before that becomes an issue i dunno....good thread by the way.
Take care....Davey
So...can anyone answer this...or maybe it's a case of how long is a piece of string...how long before the sex drive comes back? Ever? Never? Also...subbies...they kill it too?
For some reason i've not read this post.. just read it there..some interesting posts. I loved sex when i was on the H, i didn't have a serious partner for the 5-6 i was on drugs but when i met a girl and we had sex, i loved it... smack never robbed me of my sex drive, far from it. I just had more important things on my mind like getting a bag, getting a bag and getting a bag.I was more, much more, confident, went for hours, was up for anything. The first time i had it when released from prison i was so nervous.. it was the first time since 99 that i did it without persian rugs in my system, but it was cool.
Hope everyone has a good weekend. Regards, respect, Kev
Hope everyone has a good weekend. Regards, respect, Kev
well-dee you are definately in the minority you luck b****ard. my X and i were hot and heavy at first then not so much then nothing at all--we would try and put in alot of effort but heroin is apainf\killer and numbs the senses so its kinda hard to orgasm when you cannot feel and im pretty sure most men arent gonna be too interested if theres such a minute chance of climax--also you are severely depressed alot when hooked so that doesnt help with feelings of intamacy. Also he probably has alot of feelings of guilt and self-loathing when it comes to your relationship so00all those things can really out a damper on things plus you dont sound happy by any means so you probably have a hard time warming up yourself--you have alot stacked up against you whats he thionking--does he want a better life--maybe you need to give him a little wake up call and an ultimatum is perfect for that--treatmen or ill leave--or something aloolng those lines you deserve to bee held and cherished and loved the man you fell in love with is no longer in existance and wont be till the dope is gone--sorry to be so harsh but trust me its true--and he may pick the dope over you and a good life but hey--his loss--you seem very intelligent and loving and like you said your young--get it together while you can--dont wanna be old lonely and full of anger and regret--good luck--and yes my ex chose the dope over me and my son and i am yhappy he did that because he was my biggst addiction i am better off for that--sure it hurt but with time all wouds heal
O.K.
Here's how it is.
You know him we love him.
Kev, has sex and can go to sleep, and stay asleep.
There's someone watching over you for sure, Kev........that's a Blessing.
Had to add that.......you know I did.
Here's how it is.
You know him we love him.
Kev, has sex and can go to sleep, and stay asleep.
There's someone watching over you for sure, Kev........that's a Blessing.
Had to add that.......you know I did.
I wasn't in a long term relationship whilst using so i don't know what it was like. Maybe my sex drive would have went down, i don't know. All i was saying was that when i did i thought it was great.
Bryn i need my beauty sleep...fell from the ugly tree, hitting more than one branch lol. Away to bed now up at half six. Au Revoir everyone , Kev
Bryn i need my beauty sleep...fell from the ugly tree, hitting more than one branch lol. Away to bed now up at half six. Au Revoir everyone , Kev
Maybe he got a little sometin sometin on the side.
Who the f*** knows.
Maybe he just sat and snorted dope and sat and watched tv.
how would i know?
I cant follow him around nor do i want to. But if i caught him getting something seomthing that would almost help.
And, it is a big problem because I gained like 10 pounds last winter.
Who the f*** knows.
Maybe he just sat and snorted dope and sat and watched tv.
how would i know?
I cant follow him around nor do i want to. But if i caught him getting something seomthing that would almost help.
And, it is a big problem because I gained like 10 pounds last winter.
he does have something else but its not another woman, its the gear. my bf is the same, there is just no interest at all. i say to him it feels like your having an affair ( i know he isnt) but it makes you feel so ugly, and when they do attempt sex you feel like they are just doing it for you and not because they want you. It happened the other night to me, we we're in bed and he could tell i was getting in the mood as such! and he said about sex and i actually said for the first time, no babe, you dont want to and i dont want to have sex with you knowing that you aint bothered.Its honestly not you, although trust me i know you cant help but feel that it is. i think they are so preoccupied with getting their next hit, sex is the last thing on their minds. My bf used to love sex a lot before drugs, and sometimes he has a night when he does, but i think they are embarrassed about their performance and stuff. You sometimes feel you are laying next to your brother or something, you want them to grab you and all they think about is drugs and it makes you feel so frustrated and like second best. Can i ask why you dont leave him? are you scared too??
