Looking For Answers

My boyfriend of 4 months (although I've known him for about a year) is addicted to crack. He was clean when I decided to see him but has since relapsed. He has been on and off of drugs for 6 years. He is 38 years old, has his own business which is very successful, has a wonderful family, and is the kindest,sweetest person I have ever met. He has been missing for a week which is his normal routine I am told. He pawns his jewlery, charges up his credit cards, lies, doesn't contact anyone... He told me he usually used about $500 a day. I love him so much. What do I do? He has been in and out of rehab so many times. Do I help him, do I leave him? Will he ever get clean? Why does he disappear and not call anyone? I'm worried sick. Any suggestions?
a sincere reply to your need-prayer-that is what i intend to do for myself-give this desire for this high that each time ends up in some one either using my vehicle-stealing from me-or such as your boyfriend-i SPEND too much money-i am determined to not lose my home,land, vehichles ,career,etc--- over this high that is not worth it-i intend to get back into church and give the good lord above and the church what i have been spending on this high-show your boyfriend what all he has-business,family,his self worth-that he does not need to get high -he must get away from the crowd-most of all pray with him-show him what power is in prayer,church,friends that do not use-set goals with him -show him how to set goals for himself-that he will not use for 2 weeks or 1 month save that money-go too church often, ask the minister to pray with both of you-ask god to give him strength-then he will see the actual benefits of not using-he needs someone to guide him-god and you if you care deeply enough for him -then i know in my heart that he will overcome his addiction.sincerely a former user.
Lara,
I lost my money, self-esteem, marriage, home and just last week my job because of my love of a crack addict. From my experience, I would run so fast and so far. But only you can make that choice.
If he's been to rehab this many times and still relapses, chances are he will continue to do so. I personally would leave him, but then again, easier said than done because I've been dealing with it now for almost 2 years.
You are 4 months into it now, do you want to spend another two years like I have going through this misery?
Trust me, at this time LAST YEAR I was going through this misery and with his promises to get clean and stay clean I stuck it out with him. But it wasn't worth it, he's gotten worse and its been a miserable year. He's also pulled the disappearing acts, a lot more in the past month, doesn't contact ANYONE but his dealer. Usually I see him in the early afternoon, then not again till about 5 am.
It's neverending and this is how your life will be if you stay with him. Crack addicts have a high relapse rate and his problems will turn into your problems. I never thought one year later I'd still be in the same situation but I am.
Something to think about.
Hi,

RUN! Don't look back until a few years have gone by... Take some time out of your day and read the stories on the board. Look at the recent ones, look at the old ones. They are the same stories with different characters. Some have happy endings, but not usually for the one who plays the part of "Addict's Girlfriend" when the script calls for them to stay together...

You have the choice and I can only hope that you make the right one...

Good luck & God Bless,
JC
Hey Lara-

Unfortuantely I think the only thing you can do for your sanity is to end the relationship. My soon to be ex has polysubstance dependence issues that I wasn't aware of through our 7 year marriage. He lied and cheated. He hit rock bottom 44 days ago and went to rehab and has been doing extremly well. He goes to NA every night and is involved in group therapy. Now I feel guilty because I am still going through with the divorce. We are better friends now than we ever were and it makes me really sad. I want to save him, but I know there is only one person who can do that-HIM. We have 2 beautiful children who didn't ask for any of this and neither did I. I wish I could sweep this all under the bed and say let's try to make this work but for me I know I can't. We can't save them, only ourselves. If he wants help, I think you should help him, but only if he is truly serious!!!!! Good luck to you during this extremly difficult time. They say there is light at the end of the tunnel so I hang onto that. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. I think I found out about him cheating on me and left him and in turn it finally had him hit rock bottom. Now with his dedication to recovery he can only go up. i am just sad it happened at the expense of me and my beautiful children. I wish I could give you more advice, but I have no answers yet-only stories!

Hugs

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