Looking For Some Insight To Living W/ Addicted Spo

hi have posted earlier, no responses, that makes me feel even better. just want to share what i'm going thru and maybe get some similar people going thru the same to share what thier feelings and thoughts are and how they cope, don't mean to sound so negative
im new to this site but you can "talk" ill listen.
hi stronger now , thanks for responding, i'm feling like crap, well maybe isolated,lonely, like a fool and ashamed, cause we have a good life, except when he chooses these stupid choices, and at this point in this whole thing . i think he knows what, what he is doing is going to cause, but what really is his consequence? he just wants to keep on acting like every thing is o.k As long asi do not mention it or want to talk about it and that where the conflict starts.
it is so disrespectful to my family and to himself, what's it going to take to grow up and make some life changes bf it's too late.
laura,
i have addressed a post to you telling you some of what i went through and am still. please read it and respond. i understand what your feeling and what your going through. i didnt have any one to talk to until i left. thats when i found this site. it sounds strang but knowing theres someone somewhere that is dealing with the same issues is a comfort. if talking is of any help to you in coping i am more than happy to be here for you.
hello stronger, again still wondering where he is and how much he spent, he is a lone user, rides aroundby his self and gets high, thanks for responding do you have to work in the morning? don't want to intrude on what you have to do. kids are in bed pretty quiet here, to much time to think, i just keep having that hope that he'll have a "light bulb" moment and realize what the heck he' putting at risk, i feel i'm as sick as him for puting up w/ it, but the money is a big factor, as ignorant as that sounds. i admire any single mother, my sister is one and i know the sacrifices and hard work it takes, just to get up and go to work, nevermind all the emotional crap you have to fake thru the day accting like everything is o.k.
laura
hey! no i dont have to go back to work till friday! should be enjoying my lil vacation but its driving me nuts!!! i hate to sit around doing nothing. the kids are asleep:) :) the bad thing is i cant sleep. ill be so sleepy through the day but come bed time im wide awake. so honestly do you feel any better? hope so. things get better. if not after a while you get used to it.HA HA
hi gs, our situations are a little different but the waiting , the dread the anxiety are all the same. whats so wierd is that i never use the comp, but have really been going on naranon and other self helf groups about this thing, it does feel better sharing and knowing i'm not the only one. i'm sick and tired of telling my family andfriends about his latest mess up, i get sick up, i feel like it's easy for others to have a clear plan for you but, everything has so many factors.my problem is the anger and resenment i feel toward him like how dare he. what gives him the right to spend our money....if i was a man i would like to kick his tail and let him see this from the other side thanks for letting me vent, it means alot .
hey. im glad you feel better even if its just a little. im glad to to have some one to talk to that really knows how i really feel. everyone used to tell me what i needed to do and i thought, you have no idea what i go through everyday. you couldnt imagine. how can anyone begin to tell me "the easy way to fix the problem" if none of them have ever been through it? i got to where i resented the people who gave me their advise because getting through is not as easy as they make it sound. this problem didnt just spring up out of no where, it was years in the making. it wasnt planned and the end result was never thought about. i didnt make the choice to become an addicts wife...but it happened. i dont want pity and i dont want someones idea of a quick fix. i dont belive that anyone can give me their advise if they have absolutly no idea what this is like. so in other words , i understand how you feel about otheras"opinions" also i dont think you should worry about him. take care of you. i used to wait up till all hours and finally i realized i slept better when he wasnt there. it was quiet and calm and i could think. i undrestand the worry. believe me i felt it too. i soon realized that i am not able to stop anything that is out of my control(does that make any sense??)
gs, makes perfect sense, but don't make the hours go by any faster, if he wants to use whatever, but don't have the gall to take my suv, get in trouble and get it confiscated, missed son's baseball practice, dropped his bat bag off at his moms cause he knew shae's be gone to get him from school, what a chichen ----. i am really disapointed in his lack of whats right and wrong, grow up for god's sake, i think in my true thoughts he thinks i will never leave him and thats the pisser of the whole thing, just good old me, just keep on taking the crap and god forbid he wondersewhy there's no intamacy, hard to fel loving toward asneak ,liar and sometimes plain jerk, but what kind of fool lovws someone like that and keeps on, i do have some options but they all involve all kinds of changes for the kids.i've cleaned just about everything in sight, might go work out, we have a home gym, i feel like i'm going to have to release some of this anger and hostility i'm feelind.
cant say i know the feeling enough! youll have to be the one to decide when youve had enough. he my have started the prob but you can be the one to decide when it ends and its you choice weather he takes you down the hole with him. im not trying to tell you to leave him. you know deep down if it will or wont get better. you have to be the rock because your not dealing with him, your dealing with the drug, and drugs dont think. not only are you in control of what you let it do to you but your in control of what it does to your kids. Are they old enough to understand whats going on? if so do they know?
hi gs, i know i'm putting up w/ alot of stress and everything that goes along w/ it. i am really working on a plan to take better care of myself, one of the things that keeps me going is i know that i did not cause this, can't control it and SURE can't cure it, i would like to kep corrsponding if that would work for you. we have been thru four rehabs w/ mr. wonderful, therapy as a couple,counseling , but and this is the part that makes me feel like a i don't know what kind of person, i don't want to give upall the benefits that he provides, like i said i go about my buisness with the kids, and we talk and communicate , but when he f's up, it;s just like two weeks of me just basicly not talking to him unless it's about the kid's.i do not want to have to be poor aND HAVE TO STRUGLE, and this is the thought that makes me have self loathing for even saying that, what kind of women am I ? i feel like all this deception has made me not only a spy a detective, his second mama, hiding things, stashing money, etc. but what happened to me in the process? am i that way....i'm so scared of struggling.
okay, may i just say you are a strong woman. thats what kind of woman you are. anyone that goes through anything like this can only be and keep getting stronger. i never thought of myself as strong but i look now and think how many 22 year olds can get through all this by themselves? now to the part of struggling... like ive said when youve had enough youll know. i felt the same(even though he didnt work) but i think mine was more that i didnt want to be alone. now honestly can you say that you are not still struggling with him around? theres emotional struggle im sure. its a struggle everyday. to me the emotional is harder than the physical. my family is fed, we are warm, we have what we need and even a little of what we want. im happier now than i have been in years. i love my kids and i know that it cant be any worse than it was living with crack. you say you dont want to have to go with out, well neither do i, so i dont. WILL! thats the answer. you can make or break yourself. you have to have the WILL to make a better life. you dont have to reley on him when you can better yourself. leaving is the hardest part. if you make that decision and you want better than you will do everything to insure that you get it and youll do it on your own. i can honestly say im better off now. and i know its all because of me. i work hard and what i have im proud of because i earned it and i know that i will never feel dependant on anyone. dont fool your self into thinking that you cant have a good life without him. dont be dependant.
gs this is the longest i've been on this computer since we've had it, I sure hear you and agree w/ everthing you've said but 19 yrs of marriage is sure hard to just give up, i guess i always have hope that things will change, what it will take to bring resolution to this situation isn't going to be good, but things have a way of working out, no matter what you do i just hope his isn;t too bad, worse fear he'll be in jail or dead , either case no family to turn too, spoke to him few minutes ago, now he says he knows he needs help and can't do it alone again....at his mom's asked if he come hear but i won't be arond him when he been high, just alot of nerve, but on the other hand i do love him, it's like two diferent people, wish i could do more. may i ask what state you live in, and how old are your children and how do to talk to them about whats going on.
well i live in tenn. my kids are 4, 2, and 1. still too little to understand. okay i dont want to sound like im telling you leave. you know thats all on you. but i also dont want you to think that if you ever do want to leave that you wouldnt be able to . your strong you just have to see that for yourself. well im about ready to sleep. hope all is well. and im glad you got your call. maybe it will ease some anxiety. good night and look foward to "talking" with you some more. Maybe tomorrow.
Laura
How old are your children. I'm just asking because even though you feel you have the strength to deal with your husband, be aware that your children are seeing all of this and it does and will affect them in the future.
They aren't just seeing what their father is doing - they are seeing how unhappy it is making you.
If he is not getting any help and sticking to a recovery plan, I would seriously consider leaving, if not for your sake, your children's.
You don't want them growing up thinking this is normal behaviour and what a normal family life should be and that his behaviour should just be let go because he provides.
I understand what you are going through, but due the circumstances, and his denial of the seriousness of the situation and the fact that he has a problem, I would think that it could only get worse for you.
You are enabling him.
I'm not trying to give you crap here or make things harder for you. I just wanted to give you something else to think about.
Do your children know what is going on and what his problem is?
Take care of you and yours,
Mickey
hi mickey, i know that i'mstupid for not leaving, but there are many many financial reasons, not to mention my sons sports career, my daughetrs extrsa, i get by by doing the things my kids need, if he;s there ok if not his lose, the kids understand what a disease this is, and still love thier father, i not sure how the fourteen yr old boy deals the respect issue, i talk to them openly about this and we are just trying to survive, cause like any addiction , his is not every day just a doozie about once a month in a good month. he is the one in for a sad shock when in jail , no familty, i will leave when the time is right and have actually really been daydreaming about the options a family memeber has so generously offered to us, i'm starting to resent that i a m in my prime and ready to really know true happiness, take care hope totalk again soon thanks