Don't even know where to start. My step daughter was arrested and was released into our care she is going to outpatient drug counciling parenting classes and AA meetings but my grand son has to stay with is other grandma and can be in my house. It's now effecting my ability to see my other grand kids, my marriage, and my job I've been so upset that I almost walked off my job I don't know what to do anymore I am secretly thinking about leaving and not telling anyone
Sending hugs, Angry! Breathe. Breathe. Addiction has a way of not only touching the addict . . . but infecting everyone who loves her. Not sure that I can say anything helpful re your step-daughter. She has made her choices and has to live with those consequences. This is her monkey . . . and her show.
My concern is you . . . and your sense of peace . . . your level of anxiety . . . your sanity. You only have control over you. Is it worth it to lose your other grandkids . . . your life . . . your marriage . . . your job . . . your sanity . . . to "help" someONE over whom you have no control? Over someTHING that you can not cure or control? Are you helping your step-daughter or enabling her by allowing her to live with you all? By having her released to your custody? By taking on the responsibility of her rehab? In her heart of hearts and soul of souls, does she want to get clean? Does she want to change? Or, is she just doing/saying whatever is necessary to avoid jail? I don't know the answers to these questions . . . I wouldn't even begin to venture a guess as to an answer . . . but I hope you are asking yourself.
At one point in time, I, too, felt that I was losing it. I seriously thought I was going to go insane with my daughter, Jill, and her addiction. During my sane moments . . . which were getting few and far between . . . I was looking at psychiatric hospitals. But then I realized (with the help and love from folks on this board) that I could not be more concerned about my daughter's basic needs . . . addiction . . .life . . . bad behavior . . . than she. I realized that I would go crazy . . . or to the funny farm . . . or die from worry or stress . . . if I continued on the path I was on. For my own sake . . . for the sake of my high blood pressure . . .for the sake of the bags under my eyes & the deep, dark, raccoon-like circles around them . . . I had to relax & release all of the stress and worry . . . all of the guilt and shame . . . I had to realize that THIS was bigger than me. I realized that my daughter's addition was killing me . . . and I wasn't even getting high. And that I had to take care of me . . . for me to survive my Jill's addiction. I had no choice but to detach with love.
I'm not saying that this was an easy decision. Up until this point in time, if anyone gave me an option of my life or Jill's, I would have quickly and unequivocally said, "Take Me." Addiction was asking me a similar question . . . I had an option . . . was I going to allow addiction to claim one life or two? (Of course, my preference is no one. But . . .) At first, I felt so selfish when I focused on me. But I am so glad that I did. 'Nough said . . .
Hope something in here is helpful. If nothing else . . . sending big bear hugs because you aren't losing it. This is the hell of loving an addict in active use.
Lynn
xoxo
My concern is you . . . and your sense of peace . . . your level of anxiety . . . your sanity. You only have control over you. Is it worth it to lose your other grandkids . . . your life . . . your marriage . . . your job . . . your sanity . . . to "help" someONE over whom you have no control? Over someTHING that you can not cure or control? Are you helping your step-daughter or enabling her by allowing her to live with you all? By having her released to your custody? By taking on the responsibility of her rehab? In her heart of hearts and soul of souls, does she want to get clean? Does she want to change? Or, is she just doing/saying whatever is necessary to avoid jail? I don't know the answers to these questions . . . I wouldn't even begin to venture a guess as to an answer . . . but I hope you are asking yourself.
At one point in time, I, too, felt that I was losing it. I seriously thought I was going to go insane with my daughter, Jill, and her addiction. During my sane moments . . . which were getting few and far between . . . I was looking at psychiatric hospitals. But then I realized (with the help and love from folks on this board) that I could not be more concerned about my daughter's basic needs . . . addiction . . .life . . . bad behavior . . . than she. I realized that I would go crazy . . . or to the funny farm . . . or die from worry or stress . . . if I continued on the path I was on. For my own sake . . . for the sake of my high blood pressure . . .for the sake of the bags under my eyes & the deep, dark, raccoon-like circles around them . . . I had to relax & release all of the stress and worry . . . all of the guilt and shame . . . I had to realize that THIS was bigger than me. I realized that my daughter's addition was killing me . . . and I wasn't even getting high. And that I had to take care of me . . . for me to survive my Jill's addiction. I had no choice but to detach with love.
I'm not saying that this was an easy decision. Up until this point in time, if anyone gave me an option of my life or Jill's, I would have quickly and unequivocally said, "Take Me." Addiction was asking me a similar question . . . I had an option . . . was I going to allow addiction to claim one life or two? (Of course, my preference is no one. But . . .) At first, I felt so selfish when I focused on me. But I am so glad that I did. 'Nough said . . .
Hope something in here is helpful. If nothing else . . . sending big bear hugs because you aren't losing it. This is the hell of loving an addict in active use.
Lynn
xoxo
Hi Angry, I honestly can't blame you for feeling the way you do. Why can't she go stay with her biological mom? Why do you have to be the one to put up with this? Granted your married to her dad. But dads usually take a backseat and leave the mothers to it all. In my house anyway. If I was your step daughter I would rather be with my own mom than my stepmom too. I think it's a bit much for you to be expected to take on this kind of worry. This is no easy task. It's not right your other grandkids can't come around either. That doesn't seem right at all. Who made these arrangements with the children? I hope things get better for you. It's a shame your being punished when you've done nothing. I would seek out advice from someone in the know. Good luck!
hi - this is a little bit old post. I had to giggle at "secretly thinking of leaving" That has been MY number one thought lately. where can I go to get a break from this. and the holidays, so I cant leave! I am thinking of a place and just may go on dec 26.
The situation w your grand kids is temporary. Start going to local meetings, find a recovery organization that also treats family. get yourself in a good place to you will be able to weather the next few months. Look to the tabs at the top of this page: find treatment, programs, resources, beyond recovery... look for government community organizations.
The situation w your grand kids is temporary. Start going to local meetings, find a recovery organization that also treats family. get yourself in a good place to you will be able to weather the next few months. Look to the tabs at the top of this page: find treatment, programs, resources, beyond recovery... look for government community organizations.
