I want off of this merry go round, my life's become how many do I have? How long will they last? How can I get more? What if I run out before then (and I always do)? Constant scheming, planning, plotting, figuring. I already have 40 mgs in my system and it's not yet 6:00 am. Oh, and I'm new to this site, to any site actually - this is my 1st (virgin) ANY advice, comments, anything would be so appreciated. I've had a problem with these for years, but nothing like this. Then 2 years ago I fell and broke my leg, was hospitilized for 5 months and have had 12 operations so far. So, now i'm really, really hooked. the sick thing is when I broke my leg one of my thoughts was actually "oh, now I'll get all sorts of pain meds. That's sick, right? I almost feel like I'm on the outside looking in, like I see and know how bad it is, but it's almost like I'm looking at someone else - I feel so detached. I've also noticed that not only do I feel no pain, I really don't feel anything,. I've heard of this suboxone, has anyone tried that? I've been to 12 step programs in the past - when things were nowhere near this bad. I see myself heading for major disaster, but I don't seen able to stop it, or to even care. I feel so numb, when I'm not feeling really depressed and the crazy thing is - the lortabs don't even seem to affect me like they used to - sometimes they don't faze me at all, and then I'll take more and more chasing that high until sometimes I throw up. This is my life? What an I doing?
Hi Lola,
First let me welcome you to the board, You will meet people amd hear stories of other addicts that were worse off then you are. Everyone here is suportive of each other and really cares. You will also find a great deal of knowlege on Suboxone. I personally can only do QT, At times a can eat 25-40 10mg viks a night. Tell us a little bit more about your story. If a you have any specific questions ask them, youll be amazed how much this board can help you.
all my best
Emanuel
First let me welcome you to the board, You will meet people amd hear stories of other addicts that were worse off then you are. Everyone here is suportive of each other and really cares. You will also find a great deal of knowlege on Suboxone. I personally can only do QT, At times a can eat 25-40 10mg viks a night. Tell us a little bit more about your story. If a you have any specific questions ask them, youll be amazed how much this board can help you.
all my best
Emanuel
hey vmany!
Thank you for responding so quickly. I've been known to go thru a script of 140 10 mg lors in a few days. It's disgusting. Then I have to scramble around because I'm terrified of withdrawals because I've been on them so long. Since I broke my leg now I really do have pain issues but, nowhere near the degree of the amount of meds I take. I'm sick of it, but I don't know what to do, I don't know how to just live anymore.
Thank you for responding so quickly. I've been known to go thru a script of 140 10 mg lors in a few days. It's disgusting. Then I have to scramble around because I'm terrified of withdrawals because I've been on them so long. Since I broke my leg now I really do have pain issues but, nowhere near the degree of the amount of meds I take. I'm sick of it, but I don't know what to do, I don't know how to just live anymore.
Lola:
Welcome to this site! I think you will meet some people here that can help you.
I wanted to share with you that your dose amount is not necessarily so high...there are people here with a lot of clean time that were taking that amount. Just tuck that under your pillow!
You sound pretty scared about withdrawals. They aren't too fun, but...it is doable. Have you thought about checking yourself into a detox center, rehabilitation center, getting some professional help???
It can get a lot better Lola, all of it, it is a much better life clean than it was using...and I am not exagerrating even a little bit.
In your post you mention that you started taking pills due to legitimate pain...a lot of us did. It just gets out of control before you know it. That is what separates us from others....addiction. I am very sorry you have struggled with your leg...12 is a lot of surgeries, I know.
Hang in there Lola. Keep posting.
Peace.
Sarah
Welcome to this site! I think you will meet some people here that can help you.
I wanted to share with you that your dose amount is not necessarily so high...there are people here with a lot of clean time that were taking that amount. Just tuck that under your pillow!
You sound pretty scared about withdrawals. They aren't too fun, but...it is doable. Have you thought about checking yourself into a detox center, rehabilitation center, getting some professional help???
It can get a lot better Lola, all of it, it is a much better life clean than it was using...and I am not exagerrating even a little bit.
In your post you mention that you started taking pills due to legitimate pain...a lot of us did. It just gets out of control before you know it. That is what separates us from others....addiction. I am very sorry you have struggled with your leg...12 is a lot of surgeries, I know.
Hang in there Lola. Keep posting.
Peace.
Sarah
Hi,
So much of what you wrote was exactly like I felt and thought back in May 2004. After a 6-month spree of Internet pharms, I was taking 20-30 Norcos a day, 8 at a time just to feel anything -- and yes, I know exactly what you mean when you say they really aren't working for you anymore. That realization, however, became kind of a blessing for me; it ended up convincing me -- finally -- that I could never again really feel satisfied, or feel real pleasure, using pain pills again.
The old saying, "One is too much, and a thousand is never enough" finally had real meaning for me -- I came to truly believe it based on my personal experience. I knew I would always want, and need, more of them once I started, and that triggering that insatiable craving by using again just wasn't worth the short-term buzz.
And the thing is, your tolerance will never really go down -- if you quit for two years and started using again, your tolerance would be right back where it is today within a matter of hours or days.
So what to do? I can only offer my experience. I tapered down to 6/day over the course of 2 weeks, then flushed the remaining pills and went cold turkey. I had to make sure that I'd cut off my sources before I did the taper, because otherwise my addictive mind would have somehow rationalized that just ONE more 'script wouldn't really hurt. I had almost 14 years' experience with AA so I did return to the rooms for a while, but I also applied cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT) to help re-wire my addictive thinking; sought out weekly counseling; and committed to morning meditation.
So far, it's worked very well. I am very happy with my life, and I am a far better husband, father, and friend now that I'm no longer chasing the pills, counting what's remaining, planning how to get more, tracking FedX shipments, etc. You know the deal. I felt a positive change almost immediately. Hope and optimism returned. I am certain that you will experience much the same, and you so deserve it. A sober/clean life is so much more meaningful and enjoyable once you've experienced the hell you're going through now. And in my experience, the withdrawals were nearly as bad as I'd built them up to be in my mind. My fear far exceeded the reality. Welcome, good luck, and please keep posting! None
So much of what you wrote was exactly like I felt and thought back in May 2004. After a 6-month spree of Internet pharms, I was taking 20-30 Norcos a day, 8 at a time just to feel anything -- and yes, I know exactly what you mean when you say they really aren't working for you anymore. That realization, however, became kind of a blessing for me; it ended up convincing me -- finally -- that I could never again really feel satisfied, or feel real pleasure, using pain pills again.
The old saying, "One is too much, and a thousand is never enough" finally had real meaning for me -- I came to truly believe it based on my personal experience. I knew I would always want, and need, more of them once I started, and that triggering that insatiable craving by using again just wasn't worth the short-term buzz.
And the thing is, your tolerance will never really go down -- if you quit for two years and started using again, your tolerance would be right back where it is today within a matter of hours or days.
So what to do? I can only offer my experience. I tapered down to 6/day over the course of 2 weeks, then flushed the remaining pills and went cold turkey. I had to make sure that I'd cut off my sources before I did the taper, because otherwise my addictive mind would have somehow rationalized that just ONE more 'script wouldn't really hurt. I had almost 14 years' experience with AA so I did return to the rooms for a while, but I also applied cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT) to help re-wire my addictive thinking; sought out weekly counseling; and committed to morning meditation.
So far, it's worked very well. I am very happy with my life, and I am a far better husband, father, and friend now that I'm no longer chasing the pills, counting what's remaining, planning how to get more, tracking FedX shipments, etc. You know the deal. I felt a positive change almost immediately. Hope and optimism returned. I am certain that you will experience much the same, and you so deserve it. A sober/clean life is so much more meaningful and enjoyable once you've experienced the hell you're going through now. And in my experience, the withdrawals were nearly as bad as I'd built them up to be in my mind. My fear far exceeded the reality. Welcome, good luck, and please keep posting! None
Lola
One thing you'll find very easy on this board is your ability to be honest. The reason being we have all been in your shoes one way or another. What somepeople like to so, in the first couple of days witout pill(Withdrawls) they liek to keeep a daily or semi-daily post on how they are feeeing, what is bothering them, all the emotion that come with detoxing, and all that jazz. It defiently helps, expecially if you getting weak and need people who have walked in your shoes and surivived. Like one of the other posters said "our tolerence never really goes down" that is so true... you would think after a year or two it would.... but it never does. Iwould always take all my pills in one shot.....so down the hatch would go 25-30 stomach killing posion pills... All for a high that never came back.. Im here for you......Its about time that I give back to someone new,,,, like so many have given back to me when i was new.... I know you can do it......QT sucks but it was always the best option for me, but there r many out there.
love always
Emanuel
One thing you'll find very easy on this board is your ability to be honest. The reason being we have all been in your shoes one way or another. What somepeople like to so, in the first couple of days witout pill(Withdrawls) they liek to keeep a daily or semi-daily post on how they are feeeing, what is bothering them, all the emotion that come with detoxing, and all that jazz. It defiently helps, expecially if you getting weak and need people who have walked in your shoes and surivived. Like one of the other posters said "our tolerence never really goes down" that is so true... you would think after a year or two it would.... but it never does. Iwould always take all my pills in one shot.....so down the hatch would go 25-30 stomach killing posion pills... All for a high that never came back.. Im here for you......Its about time that I give back to someone new,,,, like so many have given back to me when i was new.... I know you can do it......QT sucks but it was always the best option for me, but there r many out there.
love always
Emanuel
welcome................
so glad you found this site........
i hope you get the tools you need to find your life in recovery !
God Bless you
thumper
so glad you found this site........
i hope you get the tools you need to find your life in recovery !
God Bless you
thumper
Me again! I can't tell you how encouraging these responses are. Questions: what is QT? And none4me, how can I find out more about the cognative behavior you mentioned? How do I go from 20-30 a day down to 6? That whole tolerence thing ya'll mentioned is so true! My tolerence level is so high that after all those surgeries on my leg they had a hard time getting my pain under control. I do still have pain issues but I don't know how I could have Lortab around and not abuse it. What's this sub drug I hear about? Again, thanks to everyone who's responded - it's nice to know I'm not alone, and I'm not being judged, I'm starting to feel a little optimistic (don't want to jinx it though!)
lola, I think Vinny is referring to cold turkey when he writes QT. By the way welcome to the board. There is a Sub message board go to that and see if you can get any info. Shantel
Welcome to the board Iola...there is another person here by the name of Karen that posts under Iola as well and I thought this was her...lol, anyway, glad you're here.
I don't have much more advice for you other than, stick around. Get involved in the conversations and listen. Have you thought about a 12 step recovery program? Counseling?
Honesty at this point becomes your best friend.
Cowgirl
I don't have much more advice for you other than, stick around. Get involved in the conversations and listen. Have you thought about a 12 step recovery program? Counseling?
Honesty at this point becomes your best friend.
Cowgirl
lola- you've been asking about subs and no one has answered you yet so I thought I'd take a stab at it. I was addicted to codeine for over 4 years - taking 25 - 30 pills a day. I tried cold turkey, ended up in hospital and after two days out I started up again. I finally had enough and went to my doctor that got me hooked in the first place and told her I needed help. She had no idea what to do and referred me to a Behavioral Health Center. The counselor suggested I try suboxone and that was the beginning of the end of my addiction. I've been on suboxone since September and I'm on my was down the mgs. Starting on 2mgs tomorrow (I started at 12mgs in Sept). I would have never been able to get off these pain pills if it weren't for the help of sub. If you wanna talk or have any questions, please contact me. I will give you my email if you'd like. Keep posting because a lot of information is needed to keep yourself heading towards the path of 'cleanliness'!!
Dawn
Dawn
Lola10,
Oh the counting and scheming, I remember that. There will be a time that you will forget all that. There will be a time you will go long periods of time without thinking about pills at all. It takes time and work though. I suggest not even tapering and just quit, it prolongs the inevitable (thats coming from someone who tapered)
Regards,
Tom
Oh the counting and scheming, I remember that. There will be a time that you will forget all that. There will be a time you will go long periods of time without thinking about pills at all. It takes time and work though. I suggest not even tapering and just quit, it prolongs the inevitable (thats coming from someone who tapered)
Regards,
Tom
