How do i let go? More overdoses..this time spice. In the past its been meth, pcp, Gabapentin, Ambien, Roxys,....you name it, shes done it. And most of the time it ended up in an overdose situation. She has overdosed approximately 11 times. I know i need to let go, but i keep thinking that there is something else i can do, something im missing. Believe it or not, her and i have always had a great relationship. She has found a new boyfriend now and i havent heard from her since Feb 7 of this year. She had another OD about a week ago. Ive tried and tried to get in touch with her. She had texted me a couple of times, but its always about negative things. I dont know how to let go.....
One more thing, if she...my daughter, is taken away from me totally and completely...theres no chance of me to continue to live. The pain im having down to my soul is like no other pain ive experienced. Im numb and empty. I just dont understand why she has turned her back on me. Im just lost, and dont know which direction to go or what to do.
I just wanted to reach out and respond, so you know that there are people here for you! I'm sorry for your struggles with your daughter's addiction. Addiction rips apart not only the addict, but those who love them. How old is your daughter? Until I know her age, I do not feel I can give you the correct advice. While most of it is the same, there are some differences when the addict is a minor and still under our legal control.
Until then, and until other reply, I suggest you read the posts "What not to do", "Let me fall all by myself" and "letter from an addict". Trust me, they will open your eyes to this demon we are all fighting here!
Until then, and until other reply, I suggest you read the posts "What not to do", "Let me fall all by myself" and "letter from an addict". Trust me, they will open your eyes to this demon we are all fighting here!
Welcome Terrified . . .you found the right place to safely unburden your heart and entrust your soul. All of us have been where you are . . .We understand. Sending hugs!!!
You didn't say how old your daughter is . . .but In one sense that doesn't matter.. . assuming she is over 18. She is an addict. The dope has scrambled her brain (as well as her morals & values). . . to the point that she has bonded with it. I learned that there was nothing that I could do to stop my daughter when she was using. . .I couldn't stop her use or cure her. I posted on this board "Will you learn to say No . . .A letter from an Addict" bc it was terrifyingly accurate as to the demon we are fighting. Please read it . . .and then look at your girl's situation.
I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news . . .but the news is that the dope has probably taken complete & total control of her . . .her days are probably consumed with getting high or finding ways to get high again . . .you have lost your pre-addict baby even tho she continues to live & breathe. There are some moms on this board who haven't heard from their addict kids for months . . .no calls . . .no texts . . .no contact at all. There are other moms who only hear from their babies when s/he needs something . . .and if we say, "No" have to endure manipulation, the guilts, threats, lies and duress. (I remember when my daughter called to say she was on the bus & on her way to go beg for money. She expected me to say, "Don't go. I'll send money." It took all my religion to say, "Is your boyfriend with you? Next time take him. Today . . .Be careful out there. Good luck!") It is nothing personal . . .nor a sign of bad parenting . . .nor disrespect. It is part of this horrible horrible disease.
What can you do to help her . . .to show her the error of her ways . . .to save her? Here again . . .I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news . . .but the answer is nothing to all of these questions. I know that even Stevie Wonder led by Ray Charles can see that she is making bad choices . . .I knew that at times I just wanted to shake (or if I was particularly frustrated, slap) my girl, in the hopes I could shake the drugs out and bring back some common sense. I didn't . . .rather I reasoned with her . . .used logic . . .showed her reality (i.e., how she went from a beautiful, light and happy college student with an A- average to an unkept, dark and secretive college drop out). She kept telling me that 2 + 2= 22 . . .that's addict logic.
When hubby & I were new to Addiction, we tried to follow . . .or at least understand . . .addict logic. We tried to battle addiction with and for her. We showed her love . . .unconditional love . . .and support. Paying her IOP co-payments, paying rent, buying food & clothes, providing bus cards, sending an allowance, paying her cell phone bill. In addition, if she said she had an interview and needed X, we'd send it or a gift card. Little did we know that we weren't helping her beat her addiction . . .we were helping her feed her addiction. We were enabling.
I hear the desperation . . .the panic . . .the fear . . .in your post. I understand, dear Mama. Breathe. Take a deep breath . . .hold it for a few . . .exhale SLOWLY. I wish I had THE answer . . .the way to beat Addiction forever. . .or at least cripple it for a while. I don't. For me, it finally came down to my sanity or continuing to live with the drama and trauma of my 21 yo's addiction. I realized (to steal from 2 great contributors on this board) that while all of this (ie the gerbil/roller coaster of Addiction) was my daughter's monkey and this was her show . . .I did one of 2 things . . .either I got front row seats & popcorn and watched the show . . .OR, I jumped in the ring and participated with her & the monkey in the show.
After a while, I thought I was losing my mind. (Wrong . . .I know I lost it . . .I'm still looking for it.) I knew there was nothing I could do to prevent an OD . . .or to cure her . . or do anything else for my one and only child. I knew that I'd kill ME if I continued trying. So . . .I had to love her in spite of herself but . . . love her with a long-handled spoon. I gave her boundaries . . .even though she was a plane ride away. . .no more money . . .no matter what! I told her that she was more than 7 times 3 . . .a grown up. (She also made her own declaration of independence, saying that this was HER journey and her life!!) Not to say I gave up on her. I didn't. . .I couldn't . . .I wouldn't. Rather, I let go. I placed her in God's arms.
I also started to love me as much as I loved her . . .and I started to take better care of me. I went to Naranon meetings . . .I found a therapist whose speciality was families of addicts . . . I read and read and learned as much as I could about Addiction . . .I posted here. . .prayed. I dayum near memorized, "Ways Family Members Can Help" and "What Not to Do" which are both on this site. . . .I chanted the 3 C's: I didn't cause it, I cant control it and I can't cure it.
'Nough said. This post is long enough.
Praying for you & your baby,
Lynn
xoxo
You didn't say how old your daughter is . . .but In one sense that doesn't matter.. . assuming she is over 18. She is an addict. The dope has scrambled her brain (as well as her morals & values). . . to the point that she has bonded with it. I learned that there was nothing that I could do to stop my daughter when she was using. . .I couldn't stop her use or cure her. I posted on this board "Will you learn to say No . . .A letter from an Addict" bc it was terrifyingly accurate as to the demon we are fighting. Please read it . . .and then look at your girl's situation.
I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news . . .but the news is that the dope has probably taken complete & total control of her . . .her days are probably consumed with getting high or finding ways to get high again . . .you have lost your pre-addict baby even tho she continues to live & breathe. There are some moms on this board who haven't heard from their addict kids for months . . .no calls . . .no texts . . .no contact at all. There are other moms who only hear from their babies when s/he needs something . . .and if we say, "No" have to endure manipulation, the guilts, threats, lies and duress. (I remember when my daughter called to say she was on the bus & on her way to go beg for money. She expected me to say, "Don't go. I'll send money." It took all my religion to say, "Is your boyfriend with you? Next time take him. Today . . .Be careful out there. Good luck!") It is nothing personal . . .nor a sign of bad parenting . . .nor disrespect. It is part of this horrible horrible disease.
What can you do to help her . . .to show her the error of her ways . . .to save her? Here again . . .I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news . . .but the answer is nothing to all of these questions. I know that even Stevie Wonder led by Ray Charles can see that she is making bad choices . . .I knew that at times I just wanted to shake (or if I was particularly frustrated, slap) my girl, in the hopes I could shake the drugs out and bring back some common sense. I didn't . . .rather I reasoned with her . . .used logic . . .showed her reality (i.e., how she went from a beautiful, light and happy college student with an A- average to an unkept, dark and secretive college drop out). She kept telling me that 2 + 2= 22 . . .that's addict logic.
When hubby & I were new to Addiction, we tried to follow . . .or at least understand . . .addict logic. We tried to battle addiction with and for her. We showed her love . . .unconditional love . . .and support. Paying her IOP co-payments, paying rent, buying food & clothes, providing bus cards, sending an allowance, paying her cell phone bill. In addition, if she said she had an interview and needed X, we'd send it or a gift card. Little did we know that we weren't helping her beat her addiction . . .we were helping her feed her addiction. We were enabling.
I hear the desperation . . .the panic . . .the fear . . .in your post. I understand, dear Mama. Breathe. Take a deep breath . . .hold it for a few . . .exhale SLOWLY. I wish I had THE answer . . .the way to beat Addiction forever. . .or at least cripple it for a while. I don't. For me, it finally came down to my sanity or continuing to live with the drama and trauma of my 21 yo's addiction. I realized (to steal from 2 great contributors on this board) that while all of this (ie the gerbil/roller coaster of Addiction) was my daughter's monkey and this was her show . . .I did one of 2 things . . .either I got front row seats & popcorn and watched the show . . .OR, I jumped in the ring and participated with her & the monkey in the show.
After a while, I thought I was losing my mind. (Wrong . . .I know I lost it . . .I'm still looking for it.) I knew there was nothing I could do to prevent an OD . . .or to cure her . . or do anything else for my one and only child. I knew that I'd kill ME if I continued trying. So . . .I had to love her in spite of herself but . . . love her with a long-handled spoon. I gave her boundaries . . .even though she was a plane ride away. . .no more money . . .no matter what! I told her that she was more than 7 times 3 . . .a grown up. (She also made her own declaration of independence, saying that this was HER journey and her life!!) Not to say I gave up on her. I didn't. . .I couldn't . . .I wouldn't. Rather, I let go. I placed her in God's arms.
I also started to love me as much as I loved her . . .and I started to take better care of me. I went to Naranon meetings . . .I found a therapist whose speciality was families of addicts . . . I read and read and learned as much as I could about Addiction . . .I posted here. . .prayed. I dayum near memorized, "Ways Family Members Can Help" and "What Not to Do" which are both on this site. . . .I chanted the 3 C's: I didn't cause it, I cant control it and I can't cure it.
'Nough said. This post is long enough.
Praying for you & your baby,
Lynn
xoxo
Hi, I'm sorry your going through all this with your daughter. I understand as I too have a daughter who's an addict. I know you feel like she's turned her back on you but truth be told she hasn't! It's just she's too wrapped up in what she's doing just now to think of anyone but herself. She still loves you and that won't ever change. When she's high your not what is on her mind and when she isn't high all she probably is thinking of is getting high. It's a hellava thing but she's addicted to drugs and that's what is front and center of her universe right now. It doesn't mean she won't change and get better. She might decide to get help and change her way of living when you least expect it. But until then you need to find support for yourself. Take care of you until you can take care of her! There will be meetings in your area for support groups. It would be a good idea to join one and be with other moms like yourself. There, you will have people around you that are going through the exact same as you and they support each other and will support you too! We are all mothers on this board struggling with our addicts kids so you've found a good place coming on here. Try and read other posts from other people, they'll help you too. But remember these three things...1) You didn't cause this life for her. 2) You can't control it. 3) You can't cure it. Everything your daughter does is her choice. So don't torture yourself by blaming yourself. It's not your fault!! Others will come on and write to you. Your going to get through this even when you feel you won't. Take care and stay in touch. Mary.
Dear all of you. Thank you so much for the replies. I need them so much. My daughter is 30 years old. She has been in and out of rehabs. Just to get out and go straight to her dealer. She was in the hospital (ICU) everytime she overdosed. Twice she was on life support. I am getting to where nothing else matters but trying to think of a way to get through to her, to reach her. Shes still alive, but i miss her like if she wasnt. I text her every day and ask her why has she shut me out of her life. Its different this time, she has completely shut me out. I tell her how much i love her and miss her..... But i never get a reply. I beg her to talk to me and tell me why she is doing this....nothing. I hear she and her boyfriend is getting their own apartment, but she hasnt said anything to me about it. I am horrified that she will overdose again and i wont know where she is or if she will have someone there to call 911. I am completely beside myself. I try not to call or text her, but that never happens. I just want to know why she has pushed me out of her life, ... She had never done that before. What do i do....im lost, im confused, im numb and i dying inside. I dont know how much more i can take. I need my daughter back in my life.
*** Post deleted by moderators ***
Hold on Randor....I'm sorry....i beg your pardon. Please don't post inaccuracies or alternative facts. These posts DO mention God. In fact, we usually tell folks to surrender the problems of their addict & addiction to God. As I did in my reply. So I would suggest that you re-read what was said ....
Lynn dont get involved ,sometimes those Trolls pop in and try to undo all good work but they never succeed really ! I see this all the time on FB ...just scroll past
ps he posted the same comment on each post lol Godless is helping Godless!
its like he cant understand that what worked for him doesnt need to work for others, lucky plenty of cchoice if one is willing to try
ps he posted the same comment on each post lol Godless is helping Godless!
its like he cant understand that what worked for him doesnt need to work for others, lucky plenty of cchoice if one is willing to try
Hurting Mom....good for you...keep telling them about God...and I'm not a troll...good grief.
I was addicted to drugs....just sharing my story.
I was addicted to drugs....just sharing my story.
Hmmm...never been to any NA or AA meeting without doing God...it's what the 12 steps are based on...many ...most all here are working some program that involves a God....just saying. ..your concept of God is yours. ..we all know God differently. ..
Sorry Randor....you did not share your story. Rather, you read out our mentions of God. Shoot, from what you wrote you didn't even bother to read the posts to which you responded. You also berated us for not being as Christian .... as sanctified.... as saved...as you. I AM a Christian .... and this is NOT the way to encourage folks to turn their lives or problems over to God. I would suggest you find a new approach. Perhaps your testimony about God's goodness & mercy in your life would help...i for one hate being lectured or scolded. .. or hearing about fire & brimstone.
I'm a card carrying Baptist....so if you need lessons on how to testify....
I'm a card carrying Baptist....so if you need lessons on how to testify....
Oh, trust me...i pray to GOD day in and day out. I pray for my daughter to realize what she is doing to herself and to others. As a matter of fact, i read on here somewhere to... Step out of GODS way .. Please correct me if i said that wrong....so the last text i sent her said just that, and i added...i will always love you. Of course, no reply. I have lost myself as well as i have my daughter. Ive also read on here and i believe it went something like... Im addicted to her addiction. I feel so empty and lost. I wanna pick up my phone and call her and we go shopping or out to eat or just anything...together. But its not like that any more. Its gonna take a whole lot to get used to this. Im just Totally lost.
If you google christawaits.com a plug for a book written by Rick Anderson pops up??????
Just sayin--Lori
Just sayin--Lori
What's the book about, Lori? How to turn folks away from God?
TM - I have had two children addicted. one has been clean for 3 yrs. one is clean 3 months and has been struggling thru recovery for the last two years, going on 3. even when things are going ok we are still holding our breath.
I do remember being where you are now. I felt I had reached MY Bottom - I was not going to let drugs run MY Life. my husband and I went to NarAnon meetings to learn how to put the responsibility of a life of drugs on my kid's shoulders, not mine. learned how to stop enabling. learned that MY life is important. my husband and I got on to the same plan of action. I cried daily - I knew I could loose them and had to come to terms with that. something you cant prepare for.
when i heard my daughter talking, and realized the talking was not her - it was the drugs - I realized I was not battling my daughter but the drugs inside her. This gave me more strength to do what was right and stop being pushed around by my daughter while under the influence of drugs.
All of the drugs are different and all people are different. some of the drugs are just too strong for us - mere mortals - to complete with.
It sounds like you are not enabling - your daughter has not had contact in a few weeks?
she may have broken or lost the phone, or changed number, or blocked you.... ?
Find NarAnon meetings and as much information about recovery in your community.
try addictsmom.com website to find more information
and the top tabs at this website.
Also see General Miscellaneous = Recovery - Government Organizations
I do remember being where you are now. I felt I had reached MY Bottom - I was not going to let drugs run MY Life. my husband and I went to NarAnon meetings to learn how to put the responsibility of a life of drugs on my kid's shoulders, not mine. learned how to stop enabling. learned that MY life is important. my husband and I got on to the same plan of action. I cried daily - I knew I could loose them and had to come to terms with that. something you cant prepare for.
when i heard my daughter talking, and realized the talking was not her - it was the drugs - I realized I was not battling my daughter but the drugs inside her. This gave me more strength to do what was right and stop being pushed around by my daughter while under the influence of drugs.
All of the drugs are different and all people are different. some of the drugs are just too strong for us - mere mortals - to complete with.
It sounds like you are not enabling - your daughter has not had contact in a few weeks?
she may have broken or lost the phone, or changed number, or blocked you.... ?
Find NarAnon meetings and as much information about recovery in your community.
try addictsmom.com website to find more information
and the top tabs at this website.
Also see General Miscellaneous = Recovery - Government Organizations
I am seriously needed some advice or strength or whatever you want to call it. It all comes down to what im searching for. Its that time again...that time that im feeling so extremely overwhelmed and kinda like im the one that is out of control. I want so bad to text het and repeatedly asked her why is she doing this to me? And tell her how much I love her. I texted her that probably 100 times since Feb 7th. I krep my phone fully charged and right nect to me at all times. I have begged her to let me in. How do i get over...get through this this? I know in my heart that i wont get a reply. I dont know why i keep setting myself up for a complete heartache. I know i keep on and on,...im really sorry about that. Im just down right terrified. Im going to look up what has been brought to my attention. Thank all of you so much. I have got to find s way to find myself again.
Lynn--
It is supposedly a true story about "You Don't Have to Die to Meet God". That was what it said the title is. It is also talking about anyone meeting the adversary called the"Hatman"????
Sounds like someone using this site to sell books???
Maybe moderators could check it out????
Lori
It is supposedly a true story about "You Don't Have to Die to Meet God". That was what it said the title is. It is also talking about anyone meeting the adversary called the"Hatman"????
Sounds like someone using this site to sell books???
Maybe moderators could check it out????
Lori
I love God and I have faith!!
Just saying
Hugs
Paula
Just saying
Hugs
Paula
Thank all of you for your replys and advice. I sure need all the advice i can get right now. I still havent heard anything at all from my daughter. My question is,.... Should i try to get in touch with her again? Or just let things be and pray for her.
