i can't believe I am posting on a website about addiction. I think I have lived in the land of Denial so long it felt safe there. But no where is safe now. I am losing my first born son. My light, my joy my pride and my hero. I already see this sounds like it is all about me! But I have no one to really talk to so here I am. Heart breaking into a million pieces again. Even though it has been going on for the last 8 or 9 years..maybe longer...it has only been the last two that I finally recognized it for what it is...my son is an addict. Three months ago I would have said..manic/depressive alcoholic. But things have spiraled so quickly out of control that I cannot even tell you what all he takes now.
Due to a recent divorce under the worst of circumstances..he quit his job in ND and followed his ex and children to Florida..closer to me but I work out of town a lot and had actually scheduled all my jobs around the ND area just to be close to him and try to get him help. My life consist of waking up worried about JR and trying to close my eyes worried about JR.
I am completely out of hope. I have called the police to do a well check on him 3 times in 3 weeks..the second time they Baker Acted him..he was out in two days...but they did give him some pills..sonI flew down and begged them to not let him go..but they released him with 15 Trasadone pills...that was last Monday and his next appointment is not for another week. He has not been sober since he got home. On Wed. He drove his new car off a 15 Ft deep ditch ..totaled the car and the same police who took him a few days before ..by force..said there was nothing she could do because he got out of the car before she got there.
Last night he fell and I found him lying in a pool of blood..he was cursing me and would not let me check him out. When I finally found his pill bottle .it was empty..I did not know how many he had taken on top of drinking.so once again I called 911 (they probably think by now I should be committed) I just knew they would take him back to the hospital so I could go to the courthouse and try to Baker Act him myself...but they said he refused treatment and there was nothing they could do. I knew I was not safe to stay with him..so the cops gave me a ride to a seedy motel for the night.
Since I flew in and his car is totaled I had no choice but get a cab back over to check on him...he didn't remember a thing. Didn't even know I was gone I guess. He is getting more pills from somewhere but I can't prove it or find them but he hasn't slept in days and still walks a couple of blocks and gets beer
He left again 45 minutes ago and as far as I know could be run over in the street. I have already hunted him down twice tonight...at the end of my rope and need to give up...but don't know how. Someone please help me help my son..he is 36 years old with two beautiful children. Once the smartest most respected kid in our town, there has to be something somewhere???
Hi sadmoma, i am sorry you find yourself in this situation, unfortunately there is nothing you can do, until your son decides he wants help - you cannot make an addict stop, unless they want to, really want to, it is hard to quit, alcohol/drugs and requires real motivation- you gotta really want to quit to make it- so no matter how much you or anyone else wants him to quit- he wont, until he is ready, sorry but that is the truth. you need to take care of yourself, there is an organisation called alanon, it is for relatives of alcoholics/addicts there you will meet people in a similar situation - you will get help, advice and support there - sorry i cannot tell you something more hopefull - but there is no point in trying to sugar coat it, it's a really tough place to be in - i hope you check out Alanon and find some help and support there - all the best -
