I am so lost and feeling alone...my boyfriend of almost two years I believe is using again.. He was clean and sober for five months when we started dating.. I saw him get his one year chip and everything was fine....until the end of April this year.. Some of his contacts from before when he was using and in prison started contacting him.. And I believe he started using.. Money came up missing...a lot of money.. My grandmother's jewelry and the majority of the electronics in our house are gone.. I have found three needles with what looked like dried blood...I threw them away.. And then I have found a lot of oil that has burn marks on it.. He borrowed my phone and the Google searches were all about getting what little might be on the foil off.. I have seen twice what I think is him smoking meth...but I have been around it ever to know.. Then I made the mistake of blogging into.his Facebook because he left it on my phone and all the messages from people who I didn't know where l about drugs and how they were making them and doing them.. I saw where the jewelry went and my iPhone and all the rest of the electronics.. I have asked multiple times and the answer is always no that he isn't using.. He should.have had two years clean and sober in September and he didn't even acknowledge it.. I have two kids from a previous marriage and they love him,but he only seems happy after he uses.. When he doesn't have any be is angry and so tired....but right after he uses everything is fine and we get along.. There are so many weekends he is gone for the whole weekend without contact.. He is hanging out with know users and manufacturers but always has a million excuses as to why and what happened.. He is the only man I have ever loved but I am beyond lost and don't know what to do.. I feel like I can't live without him but I don't know how much longer I can live like this..
You are a victim walking on egg shells and I'm sorry for that.
You know he is using...its not that you "think" he is...and your afraid to let go of him.
You didn't mention if he lived with you guys...its great if he doesn't because your son does not have to watch the madness. And it would be easier to stop contact with him.
Which is what I really think you need to do. Its hard I know...I haven't been able to do it in the past. I'm just saying to be strong for yourself and your son...I wish you could just tell him not to contact you until he is clean again for at least a month. Let him know that you know that he stole the money and the jewelry. Take YOUR power back. He is draining you....and when he drains you...he drains the energy you have for your child/children/family. Its not fair, you are not addicted...he is sick...it is the addiction and not him. Tell him when he finds a way to beat this addiction...you will be there for him, but until then you tell him you need to be there for YOU so that you can be there for the people that are healthy and need you. Because all of this is making you and the people around you just as sick as he is. :(
You know he is using...its not that you "think" he is...and your afraid to let go of him.
You didn't mention if he lived with you guys...its great if he doesn't because your son does not have to watch the madness. And it would be easier to stop contact with him.
Which is what I really think you need to do. Its hard I know...I haven't been able to do it in the past. I'm just saying to be strong for yourself and your son...I wish you could just tell him not to contact you until he is clean again for at least a month. Let him know that you know that he stole the money and the jewelry. Take YOUR power back. He is draining you....and when he drains you...he drains the energy you have for your child/children/family. Its not fair, you are not addicted...he is sick...it is the addiction and not him. Tell him when he finds a way to beat this addiction...you will be there for him, but until then you tell him you need to be there for YOU so that you can be there for the people that are healthy and need you. Because all of this is making you and the people around you just as sick as he is. :(
Thank you.. And he does live with us and the apartment is in his name.. He has the power to kick me and my kids out and there is nothing I could do.. I have spoken with the landlord and eight now because of a big new business there is absolutely nothing to rent and I would have no where to go.. My kids love him and so do I but goodness I hate his addiction and I want to help him with everything I am.. But you are right I am drained.. I don't sleep...I don't eat.. I barely function.. And my kids see almost all of it.. I want him to get help so bad but anytime I say anything about the missing stuff or.him being gone or him using he gets so mad.. The worst part right now is knowing he is lying over and over again to my face.. He says he still loves me and cares for me more than anyone else but how can I believe that when he keeps using and lying and stealing... I know if I turned him in He would go back to prison but I do.t think I am strong enough to make that call.....he would never forgive me....
Oh no...you are in a tough spot. Believe that he loves you....if he says it..he does. Addiction is just very powerful. The only way out I DO see for you is in your last sentence...turn in him...somehow without him knowing it was you. I would waste my energy on figuring out how to do that...like the next time he goes out to get some....Tell the police how scared you are that he will find out it was you...they won't tell him. It could save his life and it would definetly give you a break. My son went to prison and it did save his life for a little while...he got clean...You can't make him stop, he has to run out of money or get sick of being sick himself. Maybe he will get caught stealing something of someone elses and he will get arrested...its sad...to pray for someone to get arrested...but it really does help them when they are addicted.
Does he work? While he is at work you could go to your local child services place and tell them your story and tell them that your afraid of having your kids taken away. They may start their own investigation....you can tell them you don't want him to know that YOU reported this...but they can start sending people to your house by saying they got a tip...and then they may stumble onto something to get him arrested and that way they know you are not involved and your kids can stay with you.
Actually the child services may even make you comfortable enough to bring you and your kids into a shelter...a comfy one where they have other children around and you are removed from this chaos...just quick thoughts I'm having.
He isn't working...and hasn't for over year.. I solely provide everything.. I work and work and it doesn't seem to matter.. He is trying to get on disability because on top of his addiction he is also a diagnosed with treatment resistant depression and Schizophrenia which have a lot of the same symptoms of the meth.. If it comes out he is using and using at our house then my ex husband will for sure take my kids away.. With no where to go I'm lost.. I pray and pray for guidance and help but I don't know how much longer my body can take this level is stress..
Heres the hard part. If you love your kids....which I know you do...you should give them to your X for a little while. At least until this pans out. I agree his symptoms are from the use of drugs vs. being a disability. He is setting himself up to only sit home and spend his money on his drugs. You work and work...you need to while your working do a plan for yourself on how to get out of there.....Now I know everything I'm saying you won't do because I understand its too hard to let go of your kids. But hard is usually right. Just thoughts to ponder..but to relieve some stress...at LEAST make a long term plan to get out of there...start squandering money or something...take a loan....something.
I don't think I could give up my kids....they are the only thing keeping me going.. But you are right I need to.figure out someway to get out of here... I want him to just go to a meeting and start talking to his old friends again from the program but he has shut them all out.... I know my kids are suffering....they suffer every time he runs away for days at time.. They aren't getting what they deserve with me..... This sucks....
I know you want HIM to do a lot of things...but HE won't. That is why its unfair...but YOU have to be the one to make the changes. Other than giving him the cold shoulder which will cause drama in the house for the kids...I don't know what else to say. I know YOU don't want to be without your kids...but your kids don't want to live in that environment. So the only option it seems you are willing to accept (and I don't blame you its hard)...is to make a real plan...with a timeline...on how your going to get a loan...look for apartments...keeping your kids in mind...and yourself...and leaving him behind with his disability and his drugs.
Maybe others will come along and have some other ideas :).
Just stay...and talk things out with people and maybe a solution will come.
Don't run away from here too...you need the support.
Just stay...and talk things out with people and maybe a solution will come.
Don't run away from here too...you need the support.
Thank you!!! I can't thank you enough for giving me someone to talk to and more important vent and even more important to have someone give me some ideas.... One positive already is I don't feel as lost anymore..
Just keep typing new posts..cause the loneliness comes back quickly. I used to be in an abusive relationship for over 20 years...and I know loneliness...Essentially you are in an abusive relationship and so are your kids. My kids were witness to things they never should have been...that is why I'm trying to help you. It took me a LONG time to finally break free..I was 41...I'm 50 now. I started dating him at 21 and had my son already when I met him then we had one together. I know what trapped feels like..that's why its not easy...everyone has answers...but no one is REALLY there to help you out. Only you can do it...don't let it take as long as it took me...cause when it finally happens...it liberating and you feel so good about yourself..unfortunately my children grew their whole lives in a violent atmosphere...I wish better for you and your children.
The one thing that stuck in my head that whole time that kept me making plans was...someone said to me "You don't want to be sitting in a rocking chair looking back on your life and wishing you had done things differently". I NEVER forgot that....like I said it took me probably 10 more years after that....but it was always in the back of my mind....may it stay in yours :(
The bad part is we still have our good moments but it always come back.. The loneliness comes back.....especially when the kids are at their dad's house and I'm all alone.. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk too.. I feel ashamed that I have let it get this bad and still continue to enable all of the horrible behavior...
Its learned behavior on your part...don't feel bad or horrible - you are a victim. But you have to start working out of the victim mode and into survivor...
Bringing you back to the top...hope your doing ok tonight.
I'm trying to not be on edge because my kids go to their dad's house and I fear he will leave and I will not know what is going on.....and the eating my soul loneliness will kick in...
Trying to.figure out how to not be ok with the good times knowing that they are because of the meth..... They aren't because of anything but the drugs.. I am trying to not.get sucked into the good times and the I love yous...be cause they I love you a might be real but the good times are only when he is high and.knows where and when be is getting the next high from....
Loneliness eats me alive..
I plan on going to an al-anon meeting this week because I really really think it will help.....we will see....
Loneliness eats me alive..
I plan on going to an al-anon meeting this week because I really really think it will help.....we will see....
It will help...GO...you will not only have us..but you will also have tangible friends. Getting out can never hurt. Especially to a self help meeting.
