well dear friends..
I guess it truely is the holiday season or maybe just me or I dont know what ... maybe I am just tired likef some here but it has been dawning on me for some time now that I have lost something that some might feel that I needed to lose (lol)but I dont know .... and that something is my ability to tell it straight... I now have a apprehension in me at least on here that has been growing like a fungus for a while and I dont know... While I much enjoy this board and I truely do love as only addicts can each and every one of you... I have watched over the last several days as, esp today... as someone (used only as an example of my point because there has been other example and issues) has posted about how they are in complete control of this 'drug thing' and how it is only about physical things now and how they can do alone ... and it is about will power and all.. now most of us on here just know that that is total bu**shi* as if it was about will power and about how strong a person you are then most of us would not be in this boat... Is that to say that the rest of us are weak?... that we have absolutely no self control?,.. that there is not chemical reason ...no other reason for this compulsive need, this drive to use ..?.... we are all just weak and unable to control ourselves... right... well of course not...
But instead of characteristly posting that this is a disease speech and that you need a program and that you need support and you cant do it alone... ect... I am afraid .. of what..?... well of the backlash... being the reason for more drama... being well... lets just say misunderstood as being tooo harsh or promoting one thing over another....
This whole feeling is just unaceptable to me... I feel like I am back in the deep end of the pool again and I really dont know what to do about it... I almost feel like I am trying, on one hand to build a new protective wall that I am constantly telling others not to do.. and on the other, I am fighting not to do that very thing...
I also dont know why I am dumping this here now... I might be opening myself up for the very drama that I am trying to avoid but maybe a little objective critizism is just what the doctor ordered...
so if anyone has any thoughts....
Teresa
Teresa I cannot speak for anyone but myself but I accept all.Who you are what you do I am the type that will do what I can to help.And really most of the people here are very understanding.They don't think any less of you.You have no reason for this feeling you have.As for drama its gonna happen and if you feel your the cause of it so be it.But you also need to remember you came here for a reason.To be honest with yourself is first and formost.That is the only way to try and get better.I myself if I found out your still usen I would not think any less of you and I would do anything in my power to help.hope my message to you makes sense I get babbling at times....mj
Well, several of us have tried to give the message if you read back through earlier threads and posts -- some more recent posters are just confused about what's going on, I think. But regardless, post away, have at it . . . can't hurt. But you know as well as anybody that the great teacher and equalizer is our own experience, and some people just have to try it their way. And if it works, my hats off to them....and if it doesn't, there should never be an "I told you so" -- we've all been there. Glad to see you back T. M.
Good Morning None hope your doing well....mj
Oh Teresa...where the hell have you been....and why didn't you say something, cause I know exactly who you are talking about...lol
You know what I think you are wonderful...a truely amazing person. People would have to be blind to not see how much you care, and also to all you have been through and what you lost......and in much respect what you have gained by it all! You are a straight shooter....you don't lie, and always speak from your heart..........don't think anyone should expect you to be anything but yourself!
I hope that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas.....filled with miracles to boot.
Take care,
Tina
You know what I think you are wonderful...a truely amazing person. People would have to be blind to not see how much you care, and also to all you have been through and what you lost......and in much respect what you have gained by it all! You are a straight shooter....you don't lie, and always speak from your heart..........don't think anyone should expect you to be anything but yourself!
I hope that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas.....filled with miracles to boot.
Take care,
Tina
dear teresa -
when i walked into the 12 step rooms of recovery, one of the things i heard said was "let us love you until you learn to love yourself."
i thought wow - what does that mean?
when people (who had walked this path before me) allowed me to share where was i was on this journey (because this is where i am - this is where i am suppose to be) and were able to share where they are, without judging me or my motives, they were loving me. they were free to let me be me.
they didn't have to judge me on my misperceptions. yet they could see themselves in what i was relating. i can't tell you how many times (too numerous to count) i thought, well - i've got this addiction licked and by golly i can do this on my own. and that's cool teresa because that is where i needed to be in order to learn the lesson at hand.
the recovery program that you and i embrace is not for everyone. bill w. talks about this in the big book. however, for those of us who have embraced 12 steps, we learn that the people who walked before us can only share their own experience, strength, and hope and maybe in something they shared we might see/feel a shift in our perception.
love to me is nurturing myself and others to a higher spiritual plateau. nurturing with love, whether i'm nurturing self or someone else, is a process for me - it doesn't happen overnight. to be aware of a single shortcoming in my own life is more useful that to be aware of a thousand in someone else. when i become aware of my "character defects" i can pass this experience on to others. i can love them, for in them i see me.
thanks for letting me share.
i love you, teresa.
sammy
when i walked into the 12 step rooms of recovery, one of the things i heard said was "let us love you until you learn to love yourself."
i thought wow - what does that mean?
when people (who had walked this path before me) allowed me to share where was i was on this journey (because this is where i am - this is where i am suppose to be) and were able to share where they are, without judging me or my motives, they were loving me. they were free to let me be me.
they didn't have to judge me on my misperceptions. yet they could see themselves in what i was relating. i can't tell you how many times (too numerous to count) i thought, well - i've got this addiction licked and by golly i can do this on my own. and that's cool teresa because that is where i needed to be in order to learn the lesson at hand.
the recovery program that you and i embrace is not for everyone. bill w. talks about this in the big book. however, for those of us who have embraced 12 steps, we learn that the people who walked before us can only share their own experience, strength, and hope and maybe in something they shared we might see/feel a shift in our perception.
love to me is nurturing myself and others to a higher spiritual plateau. nurturing with love, whether i'm nurturing self or someone else, is a process for me - it doesn't happen overnight. to be aware of a single shortcoming in my own life is more useful that to be aware of a thousand in someone else. when i become aware of my "character defects" i can pass this experience on to others. i can love them, for in them i see me.
thanks for letting me share.
i love you, teresa.
sammy
I say post what you want--it is up to each one of us to take what we need. I have read many of posts on here, that do nothign for me--but they might help someone else. This board is about sharing, and you just never know who you might be able to help. Staying clean is a personal thing, and it takes alot of work-but it also takes alot of tools---and words are tools in my book---so post away...
That was a great way of putting it.Maybe thats what I was trying to say but it came out like verbal vomit....mj
verbal vomit! roflmao - that's a good one and i will have to remember that mj.
your message was concise and clear and my heart thanks you for it.
i wish you much love on this day.
namaste'
sammy
your message was concise and clear and my heart thanks you for it.
i wish you much love on this day.
namaste'
sammy
Thank You sweet sammy I hope your day is filled with lots of love you are one of the best people I've ever met....mj
sammy... I am not quite sure if I understand your message... or maybe I do... Let me clarify what I think you might be saying in the most critical sense... ok?>.. in the example that I used.. am I to interpret you as thinking that I was going to be judgemental to this person by pointing out the disease concept or maybe if they had already heard it, just reiterating it.. or beating a dead horse by talking about going to meetings and it really being about more than physical but mental and not about a person personal strength or weakness that is a guage of recovery .. ect... and in that sharing (posting) would be judging a misconception?... If that is the line of reasoning .. in the line of a f2f concept that is ok to let someone be there until they get their shift in perception.. but on an online forum.. they may not get it or come back.. I just feel like i am not being true to myself if I dont speak up ... hense my battle with the fear if I do...
As for charecter defects... maybe my "nurturing with love" online at least is at a minium a shortcoming...lol...
but seriously... maybe you could elaborate for me as I dont what to miss your message to me.. as your messages are so powerful...
Misty.. thank you for your kink words... now you know where I was.. But I did see that you were trying to get that message across .. as a matter of fact I dont think that this individual is going to get it just yet anyway.. it just brought to a head a change in my feelings of late...
Teresa
As for charecter defects... maybe my "nurturing with love" online at least is at a minium a shortcoming...lol...
but seriously... maybe you could elaborate for me as I dont what to miss your message to me.. as your messages are so powerful...
Misty.. thank you for your kink words... now you know where I was.. But I did see that you were trying to get that message across .. as a matter of fact I dont think that this individual is going to get it just yet anyway.. it just brought to a head a change in my feelings of late...
Teresa
teresa
i pray that you don't let people like me, you know, the ones with big mouths(well in this case fingers) and no brains ever keep you from being what you are , yourself. i went back and read some of your other post and you are nothing but truthful and courageous keep up the good work, as i know you will do.
in Christ's love
johnny
i pray that you don't let people like me, you know, the ones with big mouths(well in this case fingers) and no brains ever keep you from being what you are , yourself. i went back and read some of your other post and you are nothing but truthful and courageous keep up the good work, as i know you will do.
in Christ's love
johnny
Hi Terresa,
Just walking out the door for a follow up at the doc's office. Liver check, sternum xray, etc. had that done on Monday and we're going over it today, plus he's taking my stitches out.
Anyway, just skimmed thru the post, as I'm not even quite ready to go and will be late if I don't move my a**, but try not to be discouraged hon. Your so important to me; I don't know what post your talking about because I have't read or caught up, because of the computer (surprised its letting me on now) but screw 'em, let them find their own way, you know the way. I hope to know the way too. I'm probably a prime example of what happens when you try to do it yourself; do try, fail, try, fail, try, fail, try, fail, you get the picture. And when all is said and done, and our lives are over, we'll have battled for our entire lives without any peace and either be in the try or fail mode, but not ever reach the peace and serenety road. Plus its Christmas week, a stressful time, I'll be glad when its over. Ok sweetie, gotta run, I'll get back on when I get back and fill ya in. He thinks my sternum is cracked, but won't know till I get there, I doubt there's anything I can do for that anyway, so I didn't see paying for the xray, but did anyway.
Chin up girl, I love you............Roe
Just walking out the door for a follow up at the doc's office. Liver check, sternum xray, etc. had that done on Monday and we're going over it today, plus he's taking my stitches out.
Anyway, just skimmed thru the post, as I'm not even quite ready to go and will be late if I don't move my a**, but try not to be discouraged hon. Your so important to me; I don't know what post your talking about because I have't read or caught up, because of the computer (surprised its letting me on now) but screw 'em, let them find their own way, you know the way. I hope to know the way too. I'm probably a prime example of what happens when you try to do it yourself; do try, fail, try, fail, try, fail, try, fail, you get the picture. And when all is said and done, and our lives are over, we'll have battled for our entire lives without any peace and either be in the try or fail mode, but not ever reach the peace and serenety road. Plus its Christmas week, a stressful time, I'll be glad when its over. Ok sweetie, gotta run, I'll get back on when I get back and fill ya in. He thinks my sternum is cracked, but won't know till I get there, I doubt there's anything I can do for that anyway, so I didn't see paying for the xray, but did anyway.
Chin up girl, I love you............Roe
lol... atoz... big fingers... you truely have a wonderful sense of humour....no I dont think that is what this is really about.. it is a culmentation (sp.. I cant spell either...lol) of things..
But thanks for you words... and you are ok... stop giving that 'other thing ' any other thoughts.. i told you....lol..
Hope you and yours are doing well...
Teresa
But thanks for you words... and you are ok... stop giving that 'other thing ' any other thoughts.. i told you....lol..
Hope you and yours are doing well...
Teresa
sweet teresa -
first off, and i may be way off base here but don't think so, since i went back to the home page of this site and refreshed my memory of the message boards policy. it appears to me that this site is a place for all to discuss any avenue of recovery they choose. there are links here not only 12 step recovery but life ring secular, smart recovery, mmt, and a host of others that you can find listed here.
with that said...i can respect that not everyone who happens upon this site believes that addiction is a disease. i can respect the fact that quite a few people have been able to put their drink or drug down and not pick up again - and they can do this alone, going on to live a productive and happy life. however, for the hopeless addict like me, my experience was different. and honey, what i am trying to say to you is that for years i tried to do it alone and for years, i was unable to maintain my sobriety when doing so. this has been my experience and if there is something in relating my experience that someone wants - then grab my hand and join me. all i can relate is my experience and look for the similarities i see in others instead of the differences.
when working with others, i follow the plan that is laid out in the big book. here is a link to that chapter for your reference if you so desire:
http://www.healingresource.org/book.cgi?Page_89
and teresa - it doesn't matter to me if it is online, f2f in a 12 step room or hospital, in a letter i receive from the still suffering and reply too - heck, there was a time when i walked out of f2f meetings vowing never to return. my point being is we have no control over what others choose to do.
perhaps, i misunderstood your original message. i interpretted what you posted as being frustrated for telling your truth, because someone chooses to do something different? if that is not the case, i apologize for my confusion in what i read. if that is the case, i would hope you do not feel frustration when speaking your truth. why should you? i was able to address my character defects when i did my 4th step and release them in my 5th. we are human teresa and thank God bill w. had the foresight to throw in the 10th step - another avenue to deal with our shortcomings.
i don't need or want to force this program of recovery on anyone. i didn't want it forced on me. and i didn't what this program was about until i wanted it. i wanted it when the pain of living life on life's terms became too severe to live with. i wanted it when i saw people in the rooms and on online forums share their experiences, their strength, their hopes, their joy, their freedom, and serenity. i wanted what they had and became willing to go to any length for it. this is the message i want to carry today...the message of my spirit awakening. and i try with all my heart to carry this message as i have learned, through working the steps and with the code of AA, which is love and tolerance.
i need not fear when speaking of love or from love, for it is the only thing that is real. you are love teresa - don't ever forget that and i'm grateful to be trudging with you.
namaste'
sammy
first off, and i may be way off base here but don't think so, since i went back to the home page of this site and refreshed my memory of the message boards policy. it appears to me that this site is a place for all to discuss any avenue of recovery they choose. there are links here not only 12 step recovery but life ring secular, smart recovery, mmt, and a host of others that you can find listed here.
with that said...i can respect that not everyone who happens upon this site believes that addiction is a disease. i can respect the fact that quite a few people have been able to put their drink or drug down and not pick up again - and they can do this alone, going on to live a productive and happy life. however, for the hopeless addict like me, my experience was different. and honey, what i am trying to say to you is that for years i tried to do it alone and for years, i was unable to maintain my sobriety when doing so. this has been my experience and if there is something in relating my experience that someone wants - then grab my hand and join me. all i can relate is my experience and look for the similarities i see in others instead of the differences.
when working with others, i follow the plan that is laid out in the big book. here is a link to that chapter for your reference if you so desire:
http://www.healingresource.org/book.cgi?Page_89
and teresa - it doesn't matter to me if it is online, f2f in a 12 step room or hospital, in a letter i receive from the still suffering and reply too - heck, there was a time when i walked out of f2f meetings vowing never to return. my point being is we have no control over what others choose to do.
perhaps, i misunderstood your original message. i interpretted what you posted as being frustrated for telling your truth, because someone chooses to do something different? if that is not the case, i apologize for my confusion in what i read. if that is the case, i would hope you do not feel frustration when speaking your truth. why should you? i was able to address my character defects when i did my 4th step and release them in my 5th. we are human teresa and thank God bill w. had the foresight to throw in the 10th step - another avenue to deal with our shortcomings.
i don't need or want to force this program of recovery on anyone. i didn't want it forced on me. and i didn't what this program was about until i wanted it. i wanted it when the pain of living life on life's terms became too severe to live with. i wanted it when i saw people in the rooms and on online forums share their experiences, their strength, their hopes, their joy, their freedom, and serenity. i wanted what they had and became willing to go to any length for it. this is the message i want to carry today...the message of my spirit awakening. and i try with all my heart to carry this message as i have learned, through working the steps and with the code of AA, which is love and tolerance.
i need not fear when speaking of love or from love, for it is the only thing that is real. you are love teresa - don't ever forget that and i'm grateful to be trudging with you.
namaste'
sammy
Well sammy actually my post was more about my insecurity in posting my views of a recovery program..I have begun to feel well.. just apprehensive is all I can say.. and that is just a new feeling for me... . it is not that I judge anyones elses 'program' as long as they have one... it is those that dont have one or they feel that they dont need one... I dont mean to judge and if I come off that way.. well then ...
At any rate... sammy you are truely a beautiful person and though we have slightly different communication styles I thing that we are somewhat on the same page..
I love reading what you have to say..
Love teresa
At any rate... sammy you are truely a beautiful person and though we have slightly different communication styles I thing that we are somewhat on the same page..
I love reading what you have to say..
Love teresa
Very nice Teresa,
I know not your reasoning but I can't look at that any other way than as a personal attack on me. I want badly to retaliate in self defense, yet I am not going to stoop to that level. You very obviously have plenty enough problems that I would be wrong in doing or saying anything that would cause you more hurt or anger. If it somehow helps you in some way to lash out like that, have at it. YOU, nor the others who are in agreement with you, are gonna bring me down. I came here to gain love, strength, and confidence from others. I was getting all that until you came along. I am sorry my way is unacceptable to you. I did not know there was a right and a wrong here. Seems to me if there was just one right answer to all of our problems then we would all know the answer and we would not be here. We are all unique and have to find our way to deal with this. What works for one, may not work for the next. I am trying to draw my strength from being positive and believing in myself. Every word I spoke to those on here was polite and encouraging. You have hurt my feelings, but it ends here. I hope in the future you THINK before you say something so stupid as to damage someones self confidence or belief in themselves and their ability to succeed. When someone is trying to do right, there is no wrong way.
I know not your reasoning but I can't look at that any other way than as a personal attack on me. I want badly to retaliate in self defense, yet I am not going to stoop to that level. You very obviously have plenty enough problems that I would be wrong in doing or saying anything that would cause you more hurt or anger. If it somehow helps you in some way to lash out like that, have at it. YOU, nor the others who are in agreement with you, are gonna bring me down. I came here to gain love, strength, and confidence from others. I was getting all that until you came along. I am sorry my way is unacceptable to you. I did not know there was a right and a wrong here. Seems to me if there was just one right answer to all of our problems then we would all know the answer and we would not be here. We are all unique and have to find our way to deal with this. What works for one, may not work for the next. I am trying to draw my strength from being positive and believing in myself. Every word I spoke to those on here was polite and encouraging. You have hurt my feelings, but it ends here. I hope in the future you THINK before you say something so stupid as to damage someones self confidence or belief in themselves and their ability to succeed. When someone is trying to do right, there is no wrong way.
major..
that is exactly what I was afraid of on both fronts... first and foremost any post against your train of thought at this point would be seen as an attack on you when it most certainly would not be... I applaud your self confidence and belief in your self.. God know how valuable that will be.. Many of us didnt have any of that early on.. we were self defeatist... many times I still am... but my message was going to simply be.. this is a disease not something most people can simply make up there mind to control... my and others message was meant to save heart ache and pain nothing more.. and by the way there is stagering statistics to support this... but that is neither here not there to you... I understand that now... again I am truely sorry that you see this thread and more importantly my sharing my feelings about my insecurities as an attack on you and in turn felt like you had to make likewise..
All I can say is good luck with whatever method of recovery you choose.. who knows you might be the 1% that can simply quit and not pick it up ... not have a program... if you are that 1% then great and accept my humble appologies..
let me reinterate.. before this gets out of hand .. this thread was my right to talk about my feelings and insecurities... not an attack on you .. if i had wanted to do that then i would have came to your thread or start one for that purpose...
As I clearly am having problems communicating without 'hurting peoples feelings' I know what I need to do...
Teresa
that is exactly what I was afraid of on both fronts... first and foremost any post against your train of thought at this point would be seen as an attack on you when it most certainly would not be... I applaud your self confidence and belief in your self.. God know how valuable that will be.. Many of us didnt have any of that early on.. we were self defeatist... many times I still am... but my message was going to simply be.. this is a disease not something most people can simply make up there mind to control... my and others message was meant to save heart ache and pain nothing more.. and by the way there is stagering statistics to support this... but that is neither here not there to you... I understand that now... again I am truely sorry that you see this thread and more importantly my sharing my feelings about my insecurities as an attack on you and in turn felt like you had to make likewise..
All I can say is good luck with whatever method of recovery you choose.. who knows you might be the 1% that can simply quit and not pick it up ... not have a program... if you are that 1% then great and accept my humble appologies..
let me reinterate.. before this gets out of hand .. this thread was my right to talk about my feelings and insecurities... not an attack on you .. if i had wanted to do that then i would have came to your thread or start one for that purpose...
As I clearly am having problems communicating without 'hurting peoples feelings' I know what I need to do...
Teresa
its OK TO SPEAK THE TRUTH I no who your talking I was kinda sad about the sitution to but that person will leran in time we HOPE your a nice person dear love poopie
please if i may,
mp if you go back and look at the post in ( ) it says used only as an example. i try to analyze everything so teresa if i may. i think what you are trying to say is that everytime you do give a truthful opinion that it has always been taken out of context and made to look as a personal attack on someone when in fact it was just truthful feelings about the subject and not the person. maybe i have this right i don't know , but i think alot of people on here owe you a big thanks for being truthful enough to tell them what they needed and not what they wanted. i know we as humans love to hear people agree and not object but afterall the truth is the truth no matter who it hurts, and i can guarantee the truth will hurt someone. so mp i think it was not a personal attack as it was letting all of us know we are ill and we can't really do it on our own. if we really could do it on our own we would not come searching for the board in the first place. i pray i am right and if not it AIN'T the first time.
with truthful love
johnny
mp if you go back and look at the post in ( ) it says used only as an example. i try to analyze everything so teresa if i may. i think what you are trying to say is that everytime you do give a truthful opinion that it has always been taken out of context and made to look as a personal attack on someone when in fact it was just truthful feelings about the subject and not the person. maybe i have this right i don't know , but i think alot of people on here owe you a big thanks for being truthful enough to tell them what they needed and not what they wanted. i know we as humans love to hear people agree and not object but afterall the truth is the truth no matter who it hurts, and i can guarantee the truth will hurt someone. so mp i think it was not a personal attack as it was letting all of us know we are ill and we can't really do it on our own. if we really could do it on our own we would not come searching for the board in the first place. i pray i am right and if not it AIN'T the first time.
with truthful love
johnny
