August i want my live back and my wife.i dont no if it is possable.but i am willing to fight for it.have not smoked in 5 weeks,my emotions are running wild no sleep. work is so far all right.lots of energy their but other things are at play.wife found some one to talk to on a holliday and now has feelings for him hes in bermuda.shes going back in 3 wks.have told her father the truth about my addiction.what i dont understand is how to get on with my live and not let her feeling get in the way of mine.we talk like never before things are so much clearer but i dont no if im seeing things right .i no what hell i put her through and pushed her to do things that she wouldnt have done.i have these feelings of guilt,letting down my family ,missing out on our lifes and i no thats wear shes at.i cant type fast enough or spell , but im trying .moveing to new house this wk .my wife found a house with my help 4 blocks away. good for the kids.14 an15 yrs old.she needs my help ,but its getting harder all the time to help.because i think things will change.but inside i no that might not be possible, want to shut her out, but no that is not right.we split up after she got back so things have been comeing pretty fast.with her going back to visit her brother and new friend.its been difficult the moveing and my addiction. feels good to talk with her, but starting to feel just today that i should be talking to aa or something.i have nobody to talk to.have always been thier for my kids.just feel really f***ed up ,but deserve it.got to go MARK
i am sorry to hear of your situation, and due to only being half your age, can offer no real experience guidence. i am 23 and have been a daily skunk smoker since the age of 15. i am 17 days sober today. i found your post very upsetting and has gave me a greater support for what i am doing. i only hope you can keep it up, and dont lose faith in what you are doing. i understand that you have lost alot, but you could still lose what you have left. There is no point in getting yourself down regretting the past when you cant change it, but you can change your future. If you dont, in another 10 years you will be saying the exact same thing instead of Im glad I gave up the weed or I wudnt of..etc! I hope you dont take this as the student trying to teach the teacher as I am only trying to offer support in any way I can. Why not seek advice from professionals or support groups, when it seems to have worked for so many others. It also seems like a good way to meet people who are in the same boat and who can directly relate to what you are talking about(unlike non addicts ie: wife,parents etc) and this is a route that iam planning to take. Good luck and take care mate, and keep reporting your progress, it helps the rest of us aswell as yourself.
