Lost

Can anyone help me. My boyfriend had been a heroin addict for 10years when i met him. We got together , had some fun and i decided that he was the one for me. Basically we fell in love. After about 6 months he got sacked from his job as he'd stolen a lot of money. I said i'd stick by him and that he had to get clean. He did. Then after an amazing 4 years together i found out on xmas day at my parents home that he was back using. This is now the hardest thing i have ever had to do. My parents think that i should just leave him. I don't know what to do? I'm so confused, angry, hurt, let down. He says it was just a lapse and that he doesn't want that life anymore, but i don't know what to believe. My whole view of him has changed. I still love him so much and want to be with the real him - but who is that? How do i know. I can only imagine how hard it is for him everyday but why couldn't he speak to me and why did he choose to do it when and where he did. I was so ashamed.

Please help, i don't know what to do.
Well you have two choices here..stay with him and watch him relapse and get hurt and frustrated like you are now or leave him. I've chosen to stay by my bf so many times with hope that he'll quit doing crack and its totally hopeless and useless. I've been hurt so many times and now my health is starting to suffer. Its true what everyone says, they will bring you down with them and make you sick. Is this how you want to live? I know right now you're thinking 'but I love him' and thats what I always thought too. But its not worth the pain anymore. I broke up with my bf a few days ago and its hell..! I miss him, but i don't know who I miss exactly because he hasn't been clean long enough for me to get to know who he really is.
An addicts chance of recovering really is about 10% and if he's trying to quit on his own, basically 0% from the statistics I've read. Its really your choice but in your current situation theres really not a lot of hope. Good luck and let us know what you decide. Oh and remember one thing, you CAN'T help him!
I know what you're saying, but he was clean for such a long time and i know he wants to stay that way. He starts subutex on Monday but i guess he has to be left to do it on his own - or shouldn't i support him? I don't know what to do. He says he wants a family and a nice life but how will i ever know that he is being honest with me. Doesn't he deserve one last chance?
How many chances have you given him? I've given mine so many as have many of us on this board. Mine says he wants a family and all that nice stuff too, but apparently not too bad if he isn't getting help. You can support him just make sure you don't enable him. That is the worst thing you can do for him. An addict can be clean for a year, or five years, and relapse again..the thing is, they are addicts for life, its a struggle to stay clean for the rest of their lives. They can never be cured, the addiction can only be "arrested". It's an extremely long and painful road to recovery.
Gbird,
This is a hard road.......Deciding whether you should stay or go has got to be your decision alone. I have lived this for many years, and it at took all the good in me I am finding now that the trip ended and a new chapter in my life has begun. But together we are working through things and finally getting on with life and enjoying to the fullest....
My husband is a wonderufl man with the disease of drug addiction.....add into the mix that he needs something have a somewhat normal quality of life and it all becomes insane. He got to the point where pills weren't enough and found himself dancing with herion again. Which was something he picked up and put down over 25 years ago. Those nasty pills brought it all back.....He got clean and then relapsed.....I was an emotional wreck at one point.
If you stay you must take yourself out of the drug aspect of things.....You love and support but you can't clean up his mistakes and you should never tolerate bad behavior......There is so much you need to know about how you should live in the face of it all......I an going to bring to the top some posts on detachment that may help you understand things. And you must also know the 3 C's...you didn't cause this, you can't cure him and you have no control.....
Now you said you bf will be starting sub. Well my husband takes that now and has been for 3 months.....It is a great tool if used right. It gives the addict time to relearn coping skills and get thier lives in order.....It shouldn't though be considered a quick fix, and should be used with counseling and or AA/NA...If he has taken some steps to help himself I see that as a positive.......
Good Luck to you and remember no matter what you decide that you have to be first in your decision.....and that you must let go of anything negative with it and get on living your life.....
Love,
Tina
Dear Tina..... Although my situation from many of these posts has changed drastically I found comfort in reading the 3 C's..... Thanks, Dora