Hi all, hope you're all doing well. I came across this site on a search on google in attempt to find some help or signs on a heroine addict.
I really need some advice today and help. I'm in love with a heroine addict. I met him when i was only 16. Fell madly in love with him and he was everything i ever dreamed of. But i was young and naive, i never had the urge to try out any drugs or illegal substances. I saw what he did but thought it to be innocent and just sniffing something.
As i was not clued up on any drugs what they look like how it was used nothing ! My parents soon started suspecting something and spoke to his parents. I was banned from seeing him for a couple of months. He soon came around apologizing and my parents accepted him back in the family. This circle went on for 6 years. On and off.
But i love him dearly and would do anything for him. The past year went better, went to rehab for the 3rd time and things were really going well. We got back together December 2003. He bought me an engagement ring and things were going REALLY well. Untill recently. He accepted a new job in the mining industry and as some of you know it's not an 8 to 5 job. They run 24 hours. So i don't see him alot.
Being used to someone being there every day doing everything together,now i only get to see him over weekends if i am lucky and it's killing me. A couple of weeks ago when i called him he sounded very strange, as if he was drunk, slurred speach etc, but i know he doesn't touch alcohol. So what else? He even asked me if he sounded strange to me and he just said that he's tired and really working hard.
I spoke to his mum the next day and she noticed it as well. We were all very worried but never accused him of anything. He then went missing for a couple of days after i borrowed him some money, everyone was looking for him, his boss even called me. When we finally got hold of him after 3 days he explained that he had a stomach bug and drank some tablets and just passed out.
Deep in my heart i didn't believe him and i knew something was wrong but i just couldn't get it over my heart to accuse him of using again.
A week later we spent some time together at a holiday resort and things were starting to look up and i thought of myself being really silly for even thinking that he would use again. He was ever so sweet and declared his undying love to me. But he was off to the bathroom quite often saying that it's all the coffee he's been drinking. But i mean really, you pee wash your hands and it's done not true? But he stays in there for oddly long periods. And he checked on the car in the parking lot way too often.
He didn't sleep at all that night ( he actually never sleeps come to think of it, stays up till 4 in the morning, sleeps for an hour and goes on ) And as embarrasing as this is i'm going to say it. His sex drive is totally ruined.
There for not even 5 mins and it's gone and i can stand on my head and do anything it just dissapears instantly. Please don't get me wrong sex is not everything in a relationship, there are other more important things. I never said anything to him about it i just let it be.
It's now 3 weeks later, i haven't seen him at all, and his excuse you ask, he's very busy at work and they're working long hours, but i know something is not right. I can't accuse him to his face that he is on something again i just can't, i hate fighting and bad vibes.He's a really wonderful person and i love him dearly, but i can't stay in this relationship any longer, i'm so sick of all his lies, going missing, him mentally abusing me. But yet i still hang on to his words " i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you" Thinking that maybe i'm just being silly and he does love me and things are going to work out. BUt i realise that it's not.
I'm depressed, lonely, sad and a whole mambo jambo of emotions. But i just cannot let go.
What the hell is going through his mind, does he really love me?
He says he does but i don't believe him, maybe he's just trying to spare my feelings i don't know. Is there someone else ?
Some of you might laugh at my story but i really don't know what to do and need help.
His parents are wonderful people and we get along like a house on fire, and they adore me! And respect and love them just as much. They are worried too. He's constantly short of money, and making stupid excuses for not wearing the expensive watch i gave him. First thought that went through my mind is that he sold it for drug money. Making excuses for not visiting me or his parents, It's always work work work work work...
Am i just being paranoid, am i wrong in what i am saying ? I don't have any background on heroine addict signs how to tell etc ...
HELP PLEASE !
Hi Talula,
It's sound to me that he is involved with someone else, and that some one is smack?? If he is using, then there really is nothing you can do, until he admits this problem and wants help, but the thing with helping people come off smack is that although you want to take his pain away, you cant it's down to him and him alone, no one can stop his addiction but himself, maybe you shouldconfront him and tell him that your not stupid you've got an idea about whats going on, and ultimately, leave him because it sounds like he's makeing you miserable and if you're rite and he is using then he will only drag you down with him, tough love is whats needed, maybe if you let him go then he will come back to you when he's clean?
I know this sounds pretty drastic but bottom line can you keep this up? I know I could'nt.
Goodluck, Gabbi
If you look at his pupils, are they very small almost like pin pricks? if so this is a sign, also does his head nod, as if he's falling asleep? And his voice, if he's using, then his voice would go kind of crocky, and his complection, is it a kind of grey colour? those are a few give aways, of course needle marks on his body-if he's injecting?
It's sound to me that he is involved with someone else, and that some one is smack?? If he is using, then there really is nothing you can do, until he admits this problem and wants help, but the thing with helping people come off smack is that although you want to take his pain away, you cant it's down to him and him alone, no one can stop his addiction but himself, maybe you shouldconfront him and tell him that your not stupid you've got an idea about whats going on, and ultimately, leave him because it sounds like he's makeing you miserable and if you're rite and he is using then he will only drag you down with him, tough love is whats needed, maybe if you let him go then he will come back to you when he's clean?
I know this sounds pretty drastic but bottom line can you keep this up? I know I could'nt.
Goodluck, Gabbi
If you look at his pupils, are they very small almost like pin pricks? if so this is a sign, also does his head nod, as if he's falling asleep? And his voice, if he's using, then his voice would go kind of crocky, and his complection, is it a kind of grey colour? those are a few give aways, of course needle marks on his body-if he's injecting?
Hey girl,
Just reading your story, really refreshed my memory on what i went through. I too, fell in love with an addict and if i knew it was going to turn out this way, i probably would of choosen to stay away from the beginning.. well, i guess it's too late for that now. I know how angry, frustrated and paranoid you are and you have every right to feel this way. By the sounds of it, deep inside.. you already know that most likely he is using again... you just don't want to admit it cause it hurts to much.
You've been in this hell for too long isn't it time to confront him? Put your foot down! Who gives a s*** if he's going to be angry with you for accusing him.. i mean who wouldn't after seeing all the signs of him snooping around, disappearing, lying, always needing money.. of course anyone would suspect that. He would probably keep denying that he isn't using but remember that addicts always lie, don't be naive and although you probably don't think theres a point in asking him, just do it so you can at least hear what they have to say and so they can eknowledge that you know that somethings up. By all that you said, theses are definately all signs of a addictive personality. There's no such thing as being too busy to see his own girlfriend, i understand that people can be really busy and committed to their work but they also have to be comitted to at least making time to see their girlfriend / boyfriend sometime, if they really meant that much to a person. You can accept that he is too busy sometimes but it seems to me that he's always using the same excuse, i dont know about you but to me that unacceptable...
You said that when you called him he sounded very strange like he was drunk, slurred speech.. hate to say it but this is another sign. He went missing for a couple of days after you borrowed him some money and his excuses was that he had a stomach bug and passed out after drinking some pills??? It's funny what addicts would pull out of their @sses to cover up. And how he's always in the bathroom for long periods? There's no doubt about it and i hate to say it but i think he's definately using. Addicts will always make excuses to go somewhere then disappear for long periods, like you said... wouldn't it be just using the bathroom then a matter of washing your hands? What else could you possibily do in there alone for such a long time? And why the hell would you check on the car in the parking lot so many times? Usually your first instints are right.. so learn to use them.. don't get blinded by his mushy words... they won't mean as much to you anyways if you have this problem at the back of your mind all the time.
What the hell is going through his mind? Does he really love you? I can not answer this... i'm just as confused, frustrated and depressed as you are, i don't have any idea what's going through their mind either but i do know that addicts can not really love while they are using... love is not selflish. If you really want to be sure, i suggest you snoop around. It's wrong, but it's the only way you'll know for sure. What kind of people is he hanging around with? Is it a different crowd? Does he go out at odd hours? Try getting a hold of his bank statements and see where all his money's going since he says he's always working.. he should be fairly financially stabled right? When he returns after long periods of hours, does he act differently? Are his pupils pin eyed? What about his appetite.. is he eating much? Usually.. addicts loose their appetite. There are many signs you can tell. Snoop around if you have too, it's wrong but that was the only way i found out and the advantage to this is when you do have proof... they can't deny anything, so it's worth it.
I hope you will get through this, becareful not to lose yourself.
If you need someone to talk too, i am always here...
xox violet.
Just reading your story, really refreshed my memory on what i went through. I too, fell in love with an addict and if i knew it was going to turn out this way, i probably would of choosen to stay away from the beginning.. well, i guess it's too late for that now. I know how angry, frustrated and paranoid you are and you have every right to feel this way. By the sounds of it, deep inside.. you already know that most likely he is using again... you just don't want to admit it cause it hurts to much.
You've been in this hell for too long isn't it time to confront him? Put your foot down! Who gives a s*** if he's going to be angry with you for accusing him.. i mean who wouldn't after seeing all the signs of him snooping around, disappearing, lying, always needing money.. of course anyone would suspect that. He would probably keep denying that he isn't using but remember that addicts always lie, don't be naive and although you probably don't think theres a point in asking him, just do it so you can at least hear what they have to say and so they can eknowledge that you know that somethings up. By all that you said, theses are definately all signs of a addictive personality. There's no such thing as being too busy to see his own girlfriend, i understand that people can be really busy and committed to their work but they also have to be comitted to at least making time to see their girlfriend / boyfriend sometime, if they really meant that much to a person. You can accept that he is too busy sometimes but it seems to me that he's always using the same excuse, i dont know about you but to me that unacceptable...
You said that when you called him he sounded very strange like he was drunk, slurred speech.. hate to say it but this is another sign. He went missing for a couple of days after you borrowed him some money and his excuses was that he had a stomach bug and passed out after drinking some pills??? It's funny what addicts would pull out of their @sses to cover up. And how he's always in the bathroom for long periods? There's no doubt about it and i hate to say it but i think he's definately using. Addicts will always make excuses to go somewhere then disappear for long periods, like you said... wouldn't it be just using the bathroom then a matter of washing your hands? What else could you possibily do in there alone for such a long time? And why the hell would you check on the car in the parking lot so many times? Usually your first instints are right.. so learn to use them.. don't get blinded by his mushy words... they won't mean as much to you anyways if you have this problem at the back of your mind all the time.
What the hell is going through his mind? Does he really love you? I can not answer this... i'm just as confused, frustrated and depressed as you are, i don't have any idea what's going through their mind either but i do know that addicts can not really love while they are using... love is not selflish. If you really want to be sure, i suggest you snoop around. It's wrong, but it's the only way you'll know for sure. What kind of people is he hanging around with? Is it a different crowd? Does he go out at odd hours? Try getting a hold of his bank statements and see where all his money's going since he says he's always working.. he should be fairly financially stabled right? When he returns after long periods of hours, does he act differently? Are his pupils pin eyed? What about his appetite.. is he eating much? Usually.. addicts loose their appetite. There are many signs you can tell. Snoop around if you have too, it's wrong but that was the only way i found out and the advantage to this is when you do have proof... they can't deny anything, so it's worth it.
I hope you will get through this, becareful not to lose yourself.
If you need someone to talk too, i am always here...
xox violet.
hello there,no one here would laugh at your story, what your going through is just awful i myself am going through it with my husband. hes been on and off of heroin since he was 18 and he is know 28 although i have been married to him for 5 years he denies constantly that he is back on it and i have to find the evidence that he is.the things you describe sound like he is im afraid the sex drive is hardly there at all, up all night,long periods in the bathroom but most of all is your gut instinct mines never let me down yet. there pupils are very tiny and do not react with light changes i.e he walks into a dark room and they dont get bigger.loss of appetite, my husband never eats much when hes on it ,and uses the exuse that hes eaten lots at work.also there face becomes very grey like, but really red just under the eye.also they itch alot ,again my husbang constantly rubbing hes nose wait for the exuse of hay fever ,i get that one quite often. i would listen behind the bathroom door when hes in there . look for bits of foil that have burn marks in or bits (do you know how he takes it) and the all time ,well known give away is the gouching ( them sitting there and not being able to keep there eyes open or they go on a cleaning spree or try to keep them selves busy but its not there usual behavior which makes you notice )hope these tips help you but can i just say that i dont know how old you are but if hes on it , then hes been lying to you and by the sounds of youre post its not the first time. heroin makes them lie ,it makes them selfish and no matter how much you love hes family and them you are you prepared to spend the rest of youre life second to heroin because to him youre second to heroin . im sorry to sound so blunt but im going through the same thing so i know what im talking about and so do other people on this site .good luck and welcome to this night mare xxxxx
Hi guys, thank you so much for your replies.
I'm sure you all know the saying "it's easier said than done" And i'm sure you guys know exactly what i am talking about
It's hard letting go cos i really want to help him but i can't help him unless he wants to help himself. I've loved him for 7 years and i will always love him.
I'm 23 now have a fantastic job in south africa.....Strange thing is we ALWAYS seem to find our way back to each other in the 7 years that we've been dating on and off.
He's not spiking but snorting (or that is what i think they call it) He sniffs it. His mom gave me a couple of tips/signs to look for as well and it boils down to exactly the same as you said, slurred speach, pupils are very small, itching etc.
Something i always check is his eyes, but his pupils are never that small? Is it possible that he is taking it in small dosages and not the full shot?
His appetite has never been good but sometimes he goes on eating sprees if you know what i mean, can't stop eating for days on end and then it stops again. i'm not the only one who hasn't seen him in 3 weeks, his parents as well.
The other thing is that i can't really snoop around cos we don't stay together. The only way i can snoop is with the help of his parents. They are able to check his bank statements etc. But he hides it so well.Oh and the lies he comes up with, Sheeesh it's amazing, it goes beyond my intelligence. He's a sales rep so he travels quite a lot or so he says, but i don't always believe him nor does his parents. I had a huge shock the other day when his parents let me in on how much money they've spent on him for rehab, the anti-drug drugs that he has to take, the cars he's written off in accidents etc. And now that he's not living with them anymore it's difficult to say whether he does take the medication they prescribed after he got out of rehab.
I'm really too scared to just leave him, he's the type of person that would commit suicide if i should dump him, he said so himself, and what scares me most is that he WILL do it, and then it's on my concience?
I'm really in a dead end. Hopefully i will be seeing him this weekend and i'll let you guys know what happenend. But i am going to have a long hard talk with him. And i'm not going to crumble this time when he comes with his sweet talk, i can't i have to be strong. I pray to God every day to give me a sign in a dream or something to show me what i should do etc but it feels like my prayers are hitting the roof !
I really feel so stupid and lost. Cos i can't talk to my parents about this, they'll freak !
I'm sure you all know the saying "it's easier said than done" And i'm sure you guys know exactly what i am talking about
It's hard letting go cos i really want to help him but i can't help him unless he wants to help himself. I've loved him for 7 years and i will always love him.
I'm 23 now have a fantastic job in south africa.....Strange thing is we ALWAYS seem to find our way back to each other in the 7 years that we've been dating on and off.
He's not spiking but snorting (or that is what i think they call it) He sniffs it. His mom gave me a couple of tips/signs to look for as well and it boils down to exactly the same as you said, slurred speach, pupils are very small, itching etc.
Something i always check is his eyes, but his pupils are never that small? Is it possible that he is taking it in small dosages and not the full shot?
His appetite has never been good but sometimes he goes on eating sprees if you know what i mean, can't stop eating for days on end and then it stops again. i'm not the only one who hasn't seen him in 3 weeks, his parents as well.
The other thing is that i can't really snoop around cos we don't stay together. The only way i can snoop is with the help of his parents. They are able to check his bank statements etc. But he hides it so well.Oh and the lies he comes up with, Sheeesh it's amazing, it goes beyond my intelligence. He's a sales rep so he travels quite a lot or so he says, but i don't always believe him nor does his parents. I had a huge shock the other day when his parents let me in on how much money they've spent on him for rehab, the anti-drug drugs that he has to take, the cars he's written off in accidents etc. And now that he's not living with them anymore it's difficult to say whether he does take the medication they prescribed after he got out of rehab.
I'm really too scared to just leave him, he's the type of person that would commit suicide if i should dump him, he said so himself, and what scares me most is that he WILL do it, and then it's on my concience?
I'm really in a dead end. Hopefully i will be seeing him this weekend and i'll let you guys know what happenend. But i am going to have a long hard talk with him. And i'm not going to crumble this time when he comes with his sweet talk, i can't i have to be strong. I pray to God every day to give me a sign in a dream or something to show me what i should do etc but it feels like my prayers are hitting the roof !
I really feel so stupid and lost. Cos i can't talk to my parents about this, they'll freak !
Hi, Talula
I know what you're going through right now is horrible and makes you feel so alone. I can relate to about everything you said cause it is all the typical addict behavior and it's surprising how similar they all are. I know how hard this is, but it will ruin your life if you let it so please don't lose yourself in this battle. Be there for him if he is TRULY ready to quit but don't put up with his lies and excuses if he's not ready to quit. When you confront him, don't let him convince you that you're wrong. Addicts are very good at making up lies and excuses and they can be very convincing. You will find the truth if you listen to your gut feeling. If you think someone's an addict, they usually are. My bf had used H on and off for 2 years but this past time he did it every day and he actually fooled me into believing him for awhile. I knew in my heart something was wrong but I was not ready to accept that he was back on it cause I wanted so bad for him to stay clean. I know how hard it is to love an addict. But please be careful. You can't make someone quit and in trying many people (including myself) destroy their own lives in an attempt to save another. I also used to pray that God would show me the way in a dream or something too, but the answer was always there I just didn't want to accept it. Be strong and you will be in my prayers.
Keep in touch.
I know what you're going through right now is horrible and makes you feel so alone. I can relate to about everything you said cause it is all the typical addict behavior and it's surprising how similar they all are. I know how hard this is, but it will ruin your life if you let it so please don't lose yourself in this battle. Be there for him if he is TRULY ready to quit but don't put up with his lies and excuses if he's not ready to quit. When you confront him, don't let him convince you that you're wrong. Addicts are very good at making up lies and excuses and they can be very convincing. You will find the truth if you listen to your gut feeling. If you think someone's an addict, they usually are. My bf had used H on and off for 2 years but this past time he did it every day and he actually fooled me into believing him for awhile. I knew in my heart something was wrong but I was not ready to accept that he was back on it cause I wanted so bad for him to stay clean. I know how hard it is to love an addict. But please be careful. You can't make someone quit and in trying many people (including myself) destroy their own lives in an attempt to save another. I also used to pray that God would show me the way in a dream or something too, but the answer was always there I just didn't want to accept it. Be strong and you will be in my prayers.
Keep in touch.
Hi there,
I have beeen reading your story. You say that his eyes aren't like pin pricks have a look at them in dim light, if they are bigger than normal that means he isn't on the smack but on the speed. I am going through the same but my partner is honest and tells me (i can tell so he can't lie) cause he wants to help himself, and it is a long hard process. People on smack also tend to vomit a fair bit. on the other hand if he was doing speed his eyes would be the opposite to people on smack a decrease to no appitiate and a sudden bursts of energy and no desire to sleep.
If he lies to you that means he has no desire to stop what so ever.
If you leave him you mentioned that he would go and kill himself, DO NOT PUT THAT UPON YOUR SELF. If he kills him self it is his own doing and that he is to blind to see a beautiful person wanting to shear this fantastic world with him. what ever you do you are better off out of there. i know love can hurt something shocking. Best of luck with your decision and what ever you do nothing is your fault.
Tash
I have beeen reading your story. You say that his eyes aren't like pin pricks have a look at them in dim light, if they are bigger than normal that means he isn't on the smack but on the speed. I am going through the same but my partner is honest and tells me (i can tell so he can't lie) cause he wants to help himself, and it is a long hard process. People on smack also tend to vomit a fair bit. on the other hand if he was doing speed his eyes would be the opposite to people on smack a decrease to no appitiate and a sudden bursts of energy and no desire to sleep.
If he lies to you that means he has no desire to stop what so ever.
If you leave him you mentioned that he would go and kill himself, DO NOT PUT THAT UPON YOUR SELF. If he kills him self it is his own doing and that he is to blind to see a beautiful person wanting to shear this fantastic world with him. what ever you do you are better off out of there. i know love can hurt something shocking. Best of luck with your decision and what ever you do nothing is your fault.
Tash
hello Tulalu....
what a story....you are the one who needs real help and not that
pitied fantasy beau
Haven't you ever wondered why most women don't seem to have
similar experiences such as yours?
its because of something within you seeks this particular type
of misery. i hate to say it, but you could be the intermittent cause
of his multiple relapses. again, i hate to say it, but you might
be the one who is the real addict here....only you dont actually take
any physical substances.....you let others do that while you enjoy
the safer, mental euphorias involved.
im almost sure you are only posting here in order to gain information
so that you can keep this poor hapless individual going longer.
i like you so dont get me wrong... it is you with the more serious
addicition...however, since its mental and not physical you might not
be aware of such or think its of lesser consequence.
keep posting if you wish....very, very interesting and i luf u . I also luf
the other 6billions hapless souls (including i) on this planet called Earth
good luck and if i am completely in the wrong, i stand corrected and apoligize
profoundly. (im almost ready now to kiss your feet
and i dont even know/met YOU)....
.i can only imagine the fate which befalls your S.O..
P.S. by the way, the last thing a man who has impotent problems needs
is to be with a woman who is willing and able to stand on her head.
This , i can only imagine (wink) would be very traumatizing to someone so vulnerable
and in such a weakened condition.
No wonder he disappeared and relapsed...hahha...(im jokin....its just my warped sense of humor...sorry)
i suggest you find another boyfriend, but one who understands your vulnerabilities in more equal proportions, methinks...