Loving An Addict

Families / Partners of Addicts
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Here is something I wrote recently. I may not be with him anymore, but what happened still means a lot to me. Feel free to comment what you think.

Loving an Addict

Nobody knows or understands the feeling and intensity to love someone suffering from addiction. You would not know unless you experience it yourself. I might not be a drug addict, but I did have an addiction. My addiction just happened to be to someone addicted to drugs. My addiction was an addict. My addiction is an addict. I was addicted to helping him. I was addicted to trying to fix him. I was addicted to loving him, and that is why I did not leave him for those who ask. Try loving an addict yourself, and see how you feel then. I want you to be able to look me in the eye and tell me that it is easy. It is far from easy. I was addicted to normal. I was addicted to giving him feelings again. I was addicted to recovery. For him and myself. It is very sad to say not every addict will reach recovery. So, consider yourself lucky if they do. You will even be lucky if you reach that stage too. Watching the love of your life lose touch with reality and feeling is one of the hardest things to go through. Especially when you have no clue why these things are happening. Why? will be a question you ask yourself a lot.

Loving an addict will become your main priority. It will devour your thoughts, your mindset, your feelings, and change the way you do things like an addiction. Watching them become emotionally detached and lose interest in the world will consume your every thought. It will make you feel like the most exhausting human being in the world, but you will not give up no matter what.

My addiction is an addict.

Farther and farther and farther away I felt from him. I was running to him, but it was like his soul was fading from my presence. I was addicted to reach him, and I did not give up.
I will not give up

People who are not directly experiencing this will never understand the hard work and determination you put into your loved ones well-being. They might get upset with you for being so interested and invested, but do not get mad at them. They do not understand. Sometimes I wish I did not have to understand either.

Run for the hills. Never turn back. Be free.

But its not that simple

Run for the hills, they said. Never turn back, they said. Be free

Drug addiction.

Heroin.

They do not care.

But I do. You do.

Do not give in.

I am begging you, do not give in

If anything, drug addiction has taught me a lot.

The one thing drug addiction has taught me is that it does not care. It will attack anyone when it has the chance to. It does not care who you are. You could be rich or poor. Male or female. Smart. Homeless. Depressed. Happy. Black. White. I think you get the point. Drug addiction does not discriminate.

You will hate the drug, but not the addict.

You will eventually, over time, start to realize that it was not the person who was putting you and themselves through this. It was the addict. You will start to see in order to move on, you have to realize that the addict and the person are two different people. You need to accept what was and what will be. Unfortunately some people will not know what will be. But for those who have the chance to, you need to find your way back before it is too late.

An addict is not what defines a person, but what a person does to define themselves.
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Hi,

This is exactly how i feel like, i mean EXACTLY. I would love to talk more or hear about your experiences. I was also addicted to loving an addict, meth user, somewhat enabled him because I was so naive, babying him, making excuses for myself to stay..6 years of my life was literally blood, sweat, and tears trying to hold it down, now its come to a point in my life where I want to see better and my bf (ex now) did nothing but hurt us. When I looked at him for the last time, it was like I was staring at an ALIEN. someone so foreign, lost, gone and hallucinating, talking gibberish, then lashing out on me. Nobody and i mean NOBODY understands the feeling or struggle of loving an addict until they experience it themselves. I dropped friends and family and became so introvert because I felt like no one understood me, they would look down on me and also talk behind my back because of the choices to stick with my guy.

Now I've found this site and I'm looking for meetings to attend with other individuals with the same background and experiences. We can't lose hope, the main thing he should focus on is that we made it out of an abusive relationship and we should never blame ourselves for making that decision to leave.

xoxo
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*we
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trying2cope,

I would love to stay in touch. I'm glad to hear that you're staying strong through this. You have to do what's best for you. Always. This is something that's very difficult to go through, and not too many people fully understand it. I'm glad you found resources to help you. This website has helped me a lot and will for you too. I actually started a blog recently and I'm basing it on partners of addicts and addiction in general. You're more than welcome to follow and share it. I'm just trying to get my experience and thoughts out there to help those going through this too. I look forward to hearing from you!

www.myaddictionisanaddict.tumblr.com

staystrong19
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Staystrong19,

Thank you so much, I will look into that. I've never discussed these issues with family or friends (no longer have any) and I'm so appreciative that there are people out here just like you spreading support and stories that touch my heart. I know it's hard but we all deserve happiness too..glad you started a blog <3

Update me!
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If you attend your local Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings you will find a room full of folks just like you who are working at getting their lives back.

They will be in your telephone book or on-line.

All the best.

Bob R