Took my husband Tuesday to get his port put in, that way they will not have to stick him everytime he goes to chemo therapy, funny with each little thing that they do to him it becomes more real, I mean I know that he has lung cancer but we have been kinda walking around in our day to day routine and not really trying to think about all this, we have had so much to do and so much to think about so you kind just push it in the back of your mind and try not to think at all even though that is all you can think about.. He has so many health problems that it keeps us busy making sure that everything else is ok with him so he will be in the best possible health during this chemo.. From what I understand chemo is hard on your heart, his heart is good but now they will run stress tests on him on regular basis, they have to keep him on predinosone all the time right now because his lungs are so bad and he has emphysemia, but this is not a good thing since it will make his sugar high so we really have to watch that also. It is kinda like everything he does to ensure he ok makes something else go whacky. Well, he starts his chemo Friday and he is so scared as well as I am, I can only imagine how he feels, I know so much is running thru my mind, I feel bad for him I do not want him to be sick and in pain, and I know the chemo is probably going to make him so sick, I know he is afraid of the same thing. They say they have some really good things now that help with nauseau, I am glad for this because I am sure he will need it, the pain doctor increased his pain meds and said if he needed them to be increased more let her know.. You know when he sees the dr.s I try to look for any good in what they tell me and keep my hopes up high so I can keep his hopes up and my childrens hopes up but I see the look on thier faces and I hear what they say and I just do not see any hope in the way they talk to us or look at us. This scares me. How do you think positivelly when you see this on thier faces. I know I should not think this way but I do. I wish all this would just go away, yes that sounds like a childs way of thinking but hey that is what I think sometimes.. I know it is not going away, it is real and it has to be dealt with.. You know it really makes you see things different. You think you will never have to hear a Dr say those words, you hear how it happens to other people but you really do not think that you will hear a dr. etc. tell you this so when it does happen you are in shock, Me I am still in shock but as I have said with each day it becomes more real to me and hits me alittle more... Thanks for reading I just need a place to put my thoughts...
Hi Gemz~
Just wanted to let you know I was out here reading and feeling for you...nothing much to offer, just that I'm here sending out good thoughts and hopes for you and your husband.
Peace and Healing~MomNMore
Just wanted to let you know I was out here reading and feeling for you...nothing much to offer, just that I'm here sending out good thoughts and hopes for you and your husband.
Peace and Healing~MomNMore
Dear Gemz:
I just now read your post. I understand how afraid and stressed you and your husband must be. Five months ago my younger brother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Surgery was not an option because the tumor was located near a brochial airway that was too close to the heart. So...he had the port put in and commenced with the chemo and the radiation. The latest is while the tumor shrunk somewhat it is still there but they are taking a break from the chemo and radiation therapy for a while. He can go back to work as a corrections officer on light duty. He never lost all his hair(he has a ton of it) and drove himself back and forth to therapy. The only bad effects I saw were 2-3dys after treatment he was very very tired. They also gave him pain meds but he didn't need them that much.
The worse thing I did was get on him about his smoking. S**T he had enough on his mind with lung cancer and didn't need a lecture from me! How do I know what I would do if I was standing in his shoes looking at all the options and probabilities. His wife is a breast cancer survivor and understood exactly how he was feeling. I wish I had been more supportive and loving, but I was scared for him too.
Long story short he is doing well if not totally healed and we pray to God that it will be eradicated in the next round. Pray for strength and patience and make sure YOU get all the rest you need too Gemz as this will take it's toll on you too. Try to place your worries in the Lord's hands and the Doctor's hands and be a soft place for your husband to land. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers Gemz. I hope you and he have family and friends for support. My brother just wanted to talk and laugh and not focus or even talk about the cancer. He made up his mind I'm just going to follow whatever the doctors tell me and he put his faith there. And his wife kept track of all his appts. and schedule. But she worked and he took himself even tho I offered. Everyone handles serious illness differently Gemz, I know, but I just wanted to let you know how it worked for my brother and my family. Oh there was anger from him and his sibs about the smoking, but I wish he understood that it had come from love. On the other hand I wish I had just shut my big mouth LOL.
Take care of yourself Gemz
God Bless your husband and you and your family,
Jan
I just now read your post. I understand how afraid and stressed you and your husband must be. Five months ago my younger brother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Surgery was not an option because the tumor was located near a brochial airway that was too close to the heart. So...he had the port put in and commenced with the chemo and the radiation. The latest is while the tumor shrunk somewhat it is still there but they are taking a break from the chemo and radiation therapy for a while. He can go back to work as a corrections officer on light duty. He never lost all his hair(he has a ton of it) and drove himself back and forth to therapy. The only bad effects I saw were 2-3dys after treatment he was very very tired. They also gave him pain meds but he didn't need them that much.
The worse thing I did was get on him about his smoking. S**T he had enough on his mind with lung cancer and didn't need a lecture from me! How do I know what I would do if I was standing in his shoes looking at all the options and probabilities. His wife is a breast cancer survivor and understood exactly how he was feeling. I wish I had been more supportive and loving, but I was scared for him too.
Long story short he is doing well if not totally healed and we pray to God that it will be eradicated in the next round. Pray for strength and patience and make sure YOU get all the rest you need too Gemz as this will take it's toll on you too. Try to place your worries in the Lord's hands and the Doctor's hands and be a soft place for your husband to land. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers Gemz. I hope you and he have family and friends for support. My brother just wanted to talk and laugh and not focus or even talk about the cancer. He made up his mind I'm just going to follow whatever the doctors tell me and he put his faith there. And his wife kept track of all his appts. and schedule. But she worked and he took himself even tho I offered. Everyone handles serious illness differently Gemz, I know, but I just wanted to let you know how it worked for my brother and my family. Oh there was anger from him and his sibs about the smoking, but I wish he understood that it had come from love. On the other hand I wish I had just shut my big mouth LOL.
Take care of yourself Gemz
God Bless your husband and you and your family,
Jan
Paula
I don't have much to say but wanted to say something. I know what you mean about wanting it all to go away. That's normal. We all feel like that sometimes. Just wanted to let you know you're in my prayers.
I don't have much to say but wanted to say something. I know what you mean about wanting it all to go away. That's normal. We all feel like that sometimes. Just wanted to let you know you're in my prayers.
Dang Paula, I just hate this for you guys. I am so sorry that life keeps putting these obstacles in your way. I know you and your husband have already been through so much, and you will get through this, too, I pray.
Keep venting and getting it out, that's good for you.
Hold on, Sweetie. You're in my prayers.
love you! Carol
Thank all of you for your kind thoughts and words, they help more than you know. You know to some this may sounds funny but sometimes you really do not have to say much at all, just knowing that someone is listening or in this case reading means so much. My husband went to his first chemo treatment yesterday we were there around 6 hours or more, first he had to see the dr. then he had to go to the hospital for the treatment, the actual treatment, well he was there over 5 hours, they said it would be around 3 1/2 to 4 hours but it took way longer than that, not sure if it was because it was the first time or if it will take that long everytime.. I am wondering if he will have to see the dr. each time before the treatment or not, probably will I guess he has to keep track of how he is feeling etc.. He is doing really good today, he has been up doing laundry they gave him something for nauseau and for his nerves if he needs it but so far he has not needed.. I am so glad they gave him something for his nerves since he is not sleeping good at all and this will help him sleep, but it concerns me about the xanax because he has to sleep with oxygen already and he has emphysema so his breathing is not very good anyway I just want him to understand that he has to be careful with these pills, he says he understands and I do not want to keep harping on it with him I am just afraid for him.. I also realize that just because this time he did not get real sick does not mean that it will be this good everytime, he is tired from the treatment, but if this is the only symptom then he is lucky.. Right now he will just stick with the chemo, radiation may come later, I am not sure about that, but I do know there will be no surgery. Sometimes I feel hopeful and think it will be fine and sometimes I get really scared for him. I know he has cancer and like I have said before I am not so much worry that the cancer will kill him as I am worried that the treatment will take its toll on his body and it will just give out.. He has so many other health issues. I took on more hours at work so now I am working 40 hours a week there and then I work on my two days off cleaning houses.. I hope this will help financially it will be hard since most of the time I am trying to juggle work with taking him to the doctors and the medical prodcedures and etc etc. that he will have to have done, so I try to sleep a few hours during the day and schedule most of his appt. in the morning early as possible then I can go home and sleep some before I have to get ready for work, or schedule them in late afternoon so I can sleep in the morning .. It is not easy but I am giving my body time to adjust to this schedule and eventually it will be ok. When I get tired I just try to think about what he is going thru and that helps me alot, because I know he is going thru alot more than I am, and I have to be there to help him and my children get thru this right now. I just wish there was more I could do to make him and them feel better. Right now I am trying to look at all this as it will be ok, the drs. have made diaganoses before and that they are only guessing at how long he has and they have been wrong before, they have no way of knowing for sure, we had a friend that has had cancer 3 times and now he has been cancer free for 5 years, and he is doing good, the only difference is that he did not have lung cancer and he was in alot better health and they were able to do surgery and that was succesful. Ok now I am rambling LOL.. so I am going to stop for now, thanks for reading and caring and thanks for giving me a place to come to get this all out..
Carol, I will try to call you soon, it is just I have been so busy I have your home phone number I think, but not your cell number.. I will call you soon.
Hello everyone, today was not such a bad day I got some sleep which was good, seems like I have to get my sleep when I can, I wake up several times a day but hey at least I get some sleep, it just seems like all I do is sleep and work LOL... Guess that is just life huh???? My husband seems to be doing ok today, he has been complaining of chest pain but I think it is because of where they put the port in and of course that will be really sore for awhile, but I am not real concerned about that since he has been complaining of chest pain for many years and they never find any thing wrong when they do all those test on his heart, his nerves are really bad right now which I suspect is normal, I know I would be on edge all the time if I was going thru this also, and he has his meds. for his nerves. His sugar has been good today and that is good, funny all these little things that most people take for granted, us included at one time, are not such little things anymore, we are thankful each time we test something and it is in the range it is suppose to be. I guess what I am saying I thank God that his health is doing good right now. He is really weak today but we expected that, they told us the chemo would make him tired, and if that is the only effect he has at this point we are thankful. I am so thankful that I have a place to go to that I can write and say what is on my mind, whether it be bad or good or mean or nice, no matter what I am feeling it does not matter and I can come here and get it out instead of holiding it inside, I hope that every one is having a great weekend... P.S. Sorry about all the puncuation errors but sorta in a hurry since I am in a rush to get ready for work, any way I figure anyone that would sit around and make fun of someones bad puncuation or spelling is really not reading this for the right reason anyway, so it does not really matter...LOL....Thanks for reading and caring.
LOL Paula, at least you still have your sense of humor. Keep it!
Glad to hear he's doing OK with the chemo. As you said, that could change, but I sure hope it doesn't.
Sounds like you are really running yourself ragged. Try to get as much rest as you can, Paula. You're going to need it.
Call whenever you can. I would love to talk.
love, Carol
Gemz,
Just thinking of you and your husband and how well you are handling the storm even though you are so weary.
In my prayers,
Jan
Just thinking of you and your husband and how well you are handling the storm even though you are so weary.
In my prayers,
Jan
Not much has change, my husband is still going to chemo and is doing pretty well with it so far. It has been hard getting his sugar under control but it has gotten better when I found out he was sneaking ice cream and other sugary junk food at night, I told him I was doing all I could to help him live and he was not trying, I know it is hard to give up things that you are use to eating but he just cannot do it, I was so mad because when I checked his sugar it was 674 and that was dangerous, I may have been hard on him but damn he is not a child and he has to take some responsibility here, he cannot sneak ice cream and cokes and etc at night when I am not here and think oh well it will be ok, it will not be ok, we are all trying to help him, I try to keep things he can eat that he likes that will be safe for him to eat, and just cannot do anymore, I am working 7 days a week taking him to drs. to his treatment helping him with his sugar he cannot give himself the shots he shakes to bad, and he is not doing his part well basically I told him I am not going to be his baby sitter and if he cannot do his part and eat right then I give up.. I know that sounds mean but he is an adult. I will help him only if he helps himself...
Took my husband to the hosp. the other night he was so sick, turns out the symptoms he was having was due to the chemo. I was scared and decided it was time to talk more to the Dr. plus my husband said he did not want chemo if he was going to feel this bad.. I guess I put off not wanting to talk to dr. because of being afraid of what he would tell us, but at that time it seemed like it was the right time, at least we know more what to expect and will not be running to the hosp. all the time... I asked him what were his chances if he does not do chemo and he told us none... I wanted my husband to hear this, I already knew this but he needed to hear this in order to make an informed decision.. I also wanted to know if he had a chance of surviving more than 2 years, he said he had seen patients survive 5 years in some cases... I am not sure how I feel about hearing that, am I suppose to be happy, because when I heard that all I could think is that no matter what he was going to die whether it be 2 yrs or 5 yrs, I wanted to hear yes some never die and live long happy lives forever.. I know not really very realistic am I ... He said he has probably had this 6 months to a year and that the reason it was not really found before since he has had at least 5 to 6 chest xrays a year, is because it usually will not show on a reagular chest xray and they look for other signs, like on the skin etc.. He did say that in his opinion he did not think it had spread but that he will know more when he has the pet and bone scan.. He has not been throwing up which is great but he has alot more pain and his headaches are really bad now and he is so tired all the time he sleeps alot and feels sick to his stomach, all in all I think he is doing pretty well with the chemo he just feels so bad all the time but it could be worse... Well I have to go to work so hope all have a great day and please, be kind to yourself... Thanks for all of your support I really need it...
Today has been a really bad day for my husband, he has been so nervous and tired and his headaches are really bad, he hurts all over and has really noticed the swelling from the chemo.. He has had alot of nauseau but no throwing up thank God... He has been snapping everyones head off and I tell you I really have to bite my tongue to not snap back and a couple of time I did not bite my tongue... I was suppose to get his drivers liscense renewed online the 12th and did not do it.. He is really upset about this... I did forget but then again I really did not, by that I mean it slipped my mind but I really do not want him driving he is dangerous he scares the hell out of me when he drives he cannot judge distances very good and he, has blurred vision alot now and some times he gets really dizzy and confused.. I worry about him driving I do not want him to kill hisself because he passes out or something or kill anyone else I tried to tell him all this but he just gets mad.. He says I dont have to go anyplace I just want my liscense, but then he said if I have them I can drive my self to the dr... I told him I do not mind but he worries that I dont get much sleep when I have to take him to the dr. since I work nights .. I just do not think he needs to drive... I cannot make him understand all this... Any feed back would be great... I just worry..
Paula...I have been reading your posts...God bless you...stay strong..I will pray for you and your husband......Sharonn
Thank you Sharonn... Today seem to be a pretty good day for him. Tommorow he has another round of chemo.. but we try to live for the day and when he has a good day that is great for him and the rest of us..
Precious Paula ~
Forgive me for not getting back with you after our last email exchange. I'm leaving tomorrow for a Pills Anonymous conference and will return the early part of next week. I hope we can talk by phone next week when you have a time convenient for you.
Something that was passed on to me about cancer; I would like to pass on to you...goes like this:
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot erode faith
It cannot eat away peace
It cannot destroy confidence
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot reduce eternal life
It cannot quench the spirit
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection
If an incurable disease has invade your life, refuse to let it touch your spirit. Your body can be severely afflicted and you may have a great struggle. But if you keep trusting God's love, your spirit will remain strong. Why must I bear this pain? I cannot tell, I only know my Lord does all things well, and so I trust in God my all in all. For He will bring me through what ever befalls. Our greatest enemy is not disease but despair.
I love you, Paula ~
Sammy
Forgive me for not getting back with you after our last email exchange. I'm leaving tomorrow for a Pills Anonymous conference and will return the early part of next week. I hope we can talk by phone next week when you have a time convenient for you.
Something that was passed on to me about cancer; I would like to pass on to you...goes like this:
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot erode faith
It cannot eat away peace
It cannot destroy confidence
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot reduce eternal life
It cannot quench the spirit
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection
If an incurable disease has invade your life, refuse to let it touch your spirit. Your body can be severely afflicted and you may have a great struggle. But if you keep trusting God's love, your spirit will remain strong. Why must I bear this pain? I cannot tell, I only know my Lord does all things well, and so I trust in God my all in all. For He will bring me through what ever befalls. Our greatest enemy is not disease but despair.
I love you, Paula ~
Sammy
Sammy, Thank you so much for those kind words I am going to copy it with your permission so I can print it out... I try to keep positive thoughts in all this but it is hard, but I still try. I do know that this has brought us closer because in the last year or so, I have had alot of angry where he is concerned, and I really mean angry, I was holding on to so many things that should have been let go... and just could not.. Funny but both times when I was at that point, he got sick, the first with his stroke and now this.. I thought at first that God was punishing me for all the anger I was holding on to, I am not saying that my anger was not justified, but I should have gotten help in letting it go, or whatever... I prayed alot before this diagnoses that God would help me let go of all this anger and help me forgive, because I knew it was eating me alive... Maybe this was his way in a way.. I dont know.. all I do know is that even though I still have some anger issues they are different ones and I am letting them go, or trying to and as far as my husband is concerned, none of what has gone on does not seem important anymore... I stop and think now before I speak and I try harder to bite my tongue... None of what happened even seem important now, all that is important is letting it go.. I now know I am where I am suppose to be for whatever reason that is.. Enjoy your trip and hopefully we can talk soon. What is the time diffrence between us?... I live in Georgia.. Love Paula
Took my husband to his regular chemo appointment yesterday and dropped him off, it usually takes around 5 hours, so I go run errands or go and work if I have a job that day... I got a call about 2 hours later telling me he was in the emergency room... He had stopped breathing during his treatment and they had called a code blue, but do not worry, he seemed ok now and was asking for me and oh yeah dont worry just wanted to let you know... I was paniced, I mean tell someone that your husband quit breathing and they called a code blue but hey dont worry... How could you not worry.... My husband is hard to wake up and we believe he has sleep apena, anyway he usually takes a xanax before chemo and then they give him benadryl <sp> with his chemo, I guess it is to relax him but we did not know this and of course they have been doing this and he has been taking the xanax each time so not sure why it effected him that way this time.... Like I said, when he sleeps sometimes he is hard to wake up you can yell and push on him shake him etc... and he just has a hard time waking up.. They said when they came by there he was slumped over and his color looked grayish and they could not wake him up so they called the code blue by the time the emerg. team got there he was awake.. I dont know what happened but the dr. thinks the nurse paniced, who knows but it scared us all.. He was also really confused, in fact when we got there he did not even remember how he got in the ememrgency room.. They ran all the test and everything looked good so they are just chalking it down to sleep apnea and told him to just take a half of xanax when he came for chemo....They are talking about keeping him another night because his sugar is high today but then again he did not get all his meds yesterday either.. This whole thing scares me.
Paula, I took care of my mother when she was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I just want you to know I feel for the both of you because it seems like things like this go on and on and on. We just pray for a day reprieve at times.
That the patient will not be sick or have any pain, and that the family will have some peace for just a little while.
It is a tough road, but one you will get through, so will your husband. He is fortunate to have you. Trust me there will be times you will want to scream and cry and yes even wish it was all over. I did, it is a natural feeling, one I felt guilty for even thinking, but being a caregiver takes its toll.
I would quickly think about my Mom and what she was going through, then my selfish thinking would go away.
All you can do is the best you can, make sure you have a ton of support to help you through this. You and your husband may want to go to support groups, that may help.
That the patient will not be sick or have any pain, and that the family will have some peace for just a little while.
It is a tough road, but one you will get through, so will your husband. He is fortunate to have you. Trust me there will be times you will want to scream and cry and yes even wish it was all over. I did, it is a natural feeling, one I felt guilty for even thinking, but being a caregiver takes its toll.
I would quickly think about my Mom and what she was going through, then my selfish thinking would go away.
All you can do is the best you can, make sure you have a ton of support to help you through this. You and your husband may want to go to support groups, that may help.
Been awhile since I have posted, been so much going on here and I am either sleeping, working or at the Dr.'s, or the hospital.. The pet scan and bone scan came back alright. Thank God for that, he starts radition next week they say that it will not make him sick but it will cause him some irratation in his throat, and maybe some blistering of his skin where the treatment is.. I talk to the Dr. every week because we have to see him before the chemo treatment every week, I seem to want to ask him the same questions in a different way.. I don't really know what I expect him to say, well I guess I do I want him to tell me that my husband will live a long long life and all he will tell us is that he has seen patients with this type of cancer live 5 years, but to remember he has alot of other health issues... I do not know why I keep torturing myself, I know what he is saying, and I know he is not God and cannot tell me anything for sure. I guess I just hope the answer will change... He was back at the er last night his sugar when we tested said warning 600 and he had not felt good at all so his Dr wanted him checked out.. Still do not know what caused the jump but they did rule out infection which can make your sugar jump and they gave him fluids and his sugar started dropping so they sent him home.. It is alot better today... Any little things scares me. Well time to get ready for work I hope you all have a good weekend and keep us in your prayers...