Hi everyone
Well I had a major crash on the weekend, friday night and most of saturday drunk. However, I have been picked up and set on my feet again by my sponsor and her sponsor. I spent a long time with them on sunday looking at what is happening and not happening in my recovery.
I can honestly say that I am glad now that this happened. I couldn't say that over the weekend. But this crash has broken me down in so many ways and brought my alcoholism into such sharp relief that it has actually ended up being a good thing (I think).
My sponsor's sponsor I'll call him J. certainly believes this. J felt that I had not really hit bottom and needed to be brought to my knees like that to see the light. I feel he is right based on what we discussed and how I felt/feel.
I have admitted to them and myself things about my drinking I have not before been able to face. It was a horrible few days to go through but with a little miracle at the end of it.
For any of you who read this who don't think that AA is for you can I just say this. I have never been in so much despair as I was this weekend. I have never felt such longing to die and never wake up, such hatred of self and such misery of my condition (especially after stringing together so much sober time). Somehow I managed to reach out on Sunday and 2 people who owe me nothing at all spent their whole sunday afternoon with me putting me back together. I was offered nothing but love, compassion and caring. And they asked for nothing in return - nothing. Without those 2 AA members I don't know if I could have got through yesterday or today - I certainly wouldn't have got through sober and I certainly wouldn't have the hope I have today that I can't but with God's help I can.
If anyone can show me something better than was offered to me yesterday well I'd like to see it, because what was offered to me, given to me was a miracle.
I'm thankful from the bottom of my heart to be sober again today.
Idgie
hi Idgie
Good to hear you survived your crash and are back in the rooms .While where breathing there is always hope.
God bless Lionel
Good to hear you survived your crash and are back in the rooms .While where breathing there is always hope.
God bless Lionel
thanks lionel - I like you handle :) I gotta head off to a meeting now.
take care
Idgie
take care
Idgie
Idgie, I'm sorry you had a bad slip... but as you said maybe it was a blessing in disguise, that happened so you could take a closer look at your alcoholism. I'm SO happy that you had a sponsor (or two) to help you pick yourself up again. I've been dry but getting frustrated with circumstances, still trying though. You can always email me if you want to, I'll try to send you one as well. Hope you are doing better today & had a good meeting, sending hugs and positive thoughts your way...
Idgie:
Thank you for sharing that powerful message of recovery. We are blessed to have you on this Board. I'm with you, AA has saved my life. Some of my friends in AA are the same friends I met 21 years ago when I first stepped into the rooms...It never gets better out there. I have never gone out and used and thought, "Wow, my life sure is better when I'm loaded."
Rachel
Thank you for sharing that powerful message of recovery. We are blessed to have you on this Board. I'm with you, AA has saved my life. Some of my friends in AA are the same friends I met 21 years ago when I first stepped into the rooms...It never gets better out there. I have never gone out and used and thought, "Wow, my life sure is better when I'm loaded."
Rachel
Hey Idgie! Sorry you had to fall...but you made a few extra steps before you did. KEEP THEM! Don't fall back any farther than you have to. You've got the hang of it...now keep going;) Email me when you can....Have a great day;)
Hi Idige,
Sorry about your stumble! It happens to the best of us. We are all human and we are not perfect. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just start over. That's all you can do. I am so happy that you reached out and found two God sends! You may have felt like really going off the deep-end and going on a serious bender, but you didn't. That is something to be proud of. You were and are still a great inspiration to me. You put yourself out there all the time and I respect your courage! Keep posting because I for one look forward to what you have to say.
Peace and Sobriety
Valarie
Sorry about your stumble! It happens to the best of us. We are all human and we are not perfect. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just start over. That's all you can do. I am so happy that you reached out and found two God sends! You may have felt like really going off the deep-end and going on a serious bender, but you didn't. That is something to be proud of. You were and are still a great inspiration to me. You put yourself out there all the time and I respect your courage! Keep posting because I for one look forward to what you have to say.
Peace and Sobriety
Valarie
Idgie, so sorry that you had to walk through that pain...but like I've heard before "pain is the touchstone for growth and humility"...what a testimony your post served to the 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Your Sponsor and Grand-Sponsor performed a 12 Step call on you and by reaching out and helping you it helped them to stay sober one more day too. One drunk talking to another ~ that's how it works, along with a Program of action. I broke down in an early morning meeting last October (my Sister even got called by someone to make sure I was still sober) ~ so many unpleasant things were happening to me all at once, especially one horrible thing in regard to my finances & my ex-Husband...and I just lost it in the meeting, felt like I had a nervous breakdown right there. However, several people came up to me to rally around me and support me...an oldtimer regular at the meeting gave me rides wherever I needed to go that day since I was so shaky. My phone rang off the hook with the fellowship calling to make sure I was okay...our Alano club is up the street from me and I was able to hang out there off and on during the day, use the fax and the repro machine...for legal stuff I needed to take care. Everyone was unbelievably helpful to me and just like in your case wanted absolutely nothing in return. I know that I will never be alone while I am a member of AA and I never have to do this thing alone (sobriety) as long as I am on the Program. Thank God, AA has saved my life too ~ I would be six feet under without a doubt by now if I didn't stop drinking. I'm so glad you are so aware and so willing (or in need). I think you've been blessed with the gift of desperation!
WOW! VW, that touched my heart big time! Thanks for sharing;) You sure do give me hope to hold on;) Thank you so much!
Hi everyone
thanks for all the heartfelt support it means a great deal to me.
Well I had no desire to drink monday. But late monday night I came down with a horrible gastro bug so I've been sick as a dog since then. Right now my brain and body are so exhausted I can't think about much except getting through the day. the good news is that this means drinking is the last thing on my mind right now.
So I don't have any words of wisdom or unwisdom today as I'm pretty out of it, but just wanted to say - thanks!! Truly. Its wonderful to have the support system here as I stumble my way to a better life.
Idgie
thanks for all the heartfelt support it means a great deal to me.
Well I had no desire to drink monday. But late monday night I came down with a horrible gastro bug so I've been sick as a dog since then. Right now my brain and body are so exhausted I can't think about much except getting through the day. the good news is that this means drinking is the last thing on my mind right now.
So I don't have any words of wisdom or unwisdom today as I'm pretty out of it, but just wanted to say - thanks!! Truly. Its wonderful to have the support system here as I stumble my way to a better life.
Idgie
Idgie, As my Sponsor would say to me when I got ill in early sobriety: "God is doing for you what you could not do for yourself". Meaning by being sick, just like you, drinking was the furthest thing from my mind. Get well soon! Be good to yourself!
Mysterious ways eh VWGirl? could be - I rarely get sick (except self-inflicted) so that could be the case.
Hi Idgie, I got a terrible cold that turned into pneumonia early in my sobriety. My Sponsor has a theory about getting sick too...but I know my body was purging itself of all the toxins...I ended up in the ER. My Sponsor believes that I was still stuffing emotional stuff (which is pretty right on in early recovery) and that those emotions came out thru physical illness, until I was ready to deal with them...she said I just bottled the emotions (feelings) up for so long that they were being purged as well, physically. Don't know if this makes sense...I'm kinda tired tonight.
Well I too believe that emotional/psychological stuff can show as physical illness so her theory makes sense to me.
Well I've certainly purged over the lasted 48 hours LOL I"ll spare you the gross details LOL.
Glad you're around and sober for us VWGirl.
love
Idgie
Well I've certainly purged over the lasted 48 hours LOL I"ll spare you the gross details LOL.
Glad you're around and sober for us VWGirl.
love
Idgie
Hey Idgie thinking of you and i'll send you some energy as i type, again don't be to hard on yourself as you are moving forwards.
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
Idgie, Hope you are feeling better!
Hi Idgie, Sorry to hear of your crash, and now you are sick, maybe it was alcohol poisoning? I think I have had that before, just make sure you drink lots of water and even some sport drinks might help. Do you take any vitamins? I find the B vitamins are excellent for stress, they work with your nervous system. Hope and pray you feel better really soon.
Big Hugs
lovedove
Big Hugs
lovedove
Hi guys
well I'm heaps better but not 100%. I'm worried now that I've done myself some longterm damage - hope not.
anyway I have energy today and that's good, feel pretty good about life at the moment.
its so great to have the support of all here it truly is. Hugs to all.
Idgie
well I'm heaps better but not 100%. I'm worried now that I've done myself some longterm damage - hope not.
anyway I have energy today and that's good, feel pretty good about life at the moment.
its so great to have the support of all here it truly is. Hugs to all.
Idgie
Idgie, while I was actively drinking I had a lot of gastro problems...and it took a little while into my sobriety for things to calm down...I hope you feel better each and every day and that you heal all the way around very soon. You're such an inspiration to "how it works"...you are an inspiration to me!
thanks VWGirl - YOU are an inspiration too.
OK - well I'll do my best to be patient on the gastro thing - you know being the alco I am I want it all fixed NOW!!!! LOL.
I'm starting to realise how bad I've been abusing my poor old body - no wonder it doesn't recuperate like it used to.
Well the good news is work day's almost over and its nearly home to rest time.
Yep I think I will try a multi-vitamin whoever mentioned that, I'm sure it can only help. Boy am I glad I'm not in the same frame of mind I was last friday night!!! Phew!
OK - well I'll do my best to be patient on the gastro thing - you know being the alco I am I want it all fixed NOW!!!! LOL.
I'm starting to realise how bad I've been abusing my poor old body - no wonder it doesn't recuperate like it used to.
Well the good news is work day's almost over and its nearly home to rest time.
Yep I think I will try a multi-vitamin whoever mentioned that, I'm sure it can only help. Boy am I glad I'm not in the same frame of mind I was last friday night!!! Phew!
