Majorproblemo, An Explanation

Morning.......
Well I hope that you had a smooth night and got some sleep. Wanted to tell you why I said some of the things I did to you last night.....Your story and the words that you wrote and your faith in yourself that you could contol this sounded just like my husband.....He went into all this thinking with all his might that he was strong enough to do this all alone......Turned out that wasn't the case....he needed all the help he could get. He tried to control what he took a day, I held them and doled out the prescribed dose.....guess what didn't work.....he would go to work on the bad days and get himself some herion to make up the difference......They he went ct( I found this site right before), didn't work either, but he tried so hard and I felt bad and he was positive throughout......So now the sub, don't know what will happen with that, only time will tell.....
I am not putting this out there to discourage you, only to give you some realistic expectations. I do believe with all my heart that we can do whatever we put our minds to no matter what it is.....but remember I am not an addict (Lie smoking my vice) I haven't had a drug completely take over my life.....None4me was right with what he told you in the first thread you put up:

This is part of what he wrote:
Your first post seemed to be asking for ways to control your opiate use. Well, if you've been addicted in the past to crank, alcohol, or whatever, I think you probably know the answer. Not possible. Tolerance builds, mental obsession builds, you know the deal.

Never would I take away the faith that a person has in themselves.....my faith is the only reason I get through the day to day....without it I would be a lost soul. Get all the info you can on drug addiction, chronic pain, and everything that will help the 2.....Flood you brain with it all and them figure out the best course of action for yourself. Know that you are not alone, and that here you will get so much support, love, and acceptance for who you really are!
Good Luck to you, and take care.....
Tina






Tina you are a very very beautiful caring person and I for one am glad you post.Your words like sammys touch me I hope you have a nice hoiliday....mj
Molly.....thank you but I must say.......
SAMMY You de bomb baby......lol
Tina,
I havent the words to thank you enough. You are a truly wonderful person. For not being an addict you are quite wise in all this. I am glad you never had to go thru it yourself. I know you have been thru it with your hubby, I meant glad you didn't ever have to feel what he and I can only describe to you as pure hell. The pain and misery, sleepless nights laying in a pool of sweat while having the chills at the same time(like last night). I came on here because I could be annonymous and yet totally honest and speak freely. It is helpful to have people who understand that one can talk to. I know exactly what and who I am and no matter how hard you look you will not find a bad person in me. I am just one of many, I have a problem that needs dealt with. Once again I am glad you, and all the rest are here, you are all very special people. I am so glad you are taking your time to talk to me, I am truly greatful. You are correct in saying that I seem to be taking the path of your husband.......trying to overpower it alone. I read the words you wrote and I take them very seriously, yet I will still try and ride this out until I know that I cannot overpower it. It is just the way it has to be for me. I hope you understand and will be here for me to yak at. I know all the truth in what everyone here has said to me. I know what I am up against. I am neither naive or pretending it's not what it is......I am just trying to be stronger than this evil that hurts so many undeserving good people. Wish me luck Love you all
Me
Hey,
I wish you much luck on your journey. Hoping that you get the answers to all your questions and that you listen to those answers when they come......this is like a from the heart kind of thing, so pay attention so you don't miss anything.
Sorry I can't talk now just wanted to send you a quick note......and alittle comic relief:
Right now I am the maid, the dishwasher and the boxing referee....I need more than the 2 hands I have, 6 might work. I have been surrounded today by much love.....kissed a bunch of boo boo's, changed some nasty diapers......and even got many kisses back usually they were boogie kisses....Mine and the little one I babysit are possessed by demons today....has something to do with Christmas coming I know it.....But I wouldn't have it any other way.....so if I keep telling myself over and over......they won't make you crazy, they won't make you crazy.....I just might have my sanity intact at the end of the day.....
Now I need to go listen to some music to clear my head some.......been watching Barney and Frosty alternately all morning, that is making me insane!
You have a great day and take care....
Tina
Tina, barney wasn't so bad...lol...
Major, if you had the disease of addiction, like she said, then I think that you will find that it is impossible to take thsoe meds as prescribed. You have already shown that you can't....just like me....I have a medical condition (I screwed up my back) but found that I just can't take narcotics..not in a prescribed manner...
I get that buzz, and I get instant dyslexia..instead of taking on every four hours, I read it as four every hour.
It will be a tough road, but if you are an addict like I am, you will find that there is no safe way to take narcotics.
I will say the freedom I had after getting clean was enough to keep me around...
I know those sweaty nights all too well...try some comtrex and a hot hot shower. My heart goes out to you, I wouldn't wish that on anyone..
Kerry
Kerry,
I guess then I am beginning an attempt of doing the impossible. I have always learned things the hard way my whole life, so it is only my nature to take this path. I always want to be a better person each day I am here. I feel it necessary in order to face myself without shame that I take on my own problems and be strong enough to get thru them. Knowing that I try always to do right and have good intentions is far more important to me than what false images others may have of me. I don't have to live with them, yet I do have to live with myself every single day no matter what.
My attempt at the impossible has begun. I went to the doc today, and got reloaded with my meds. I don't have to tell anyone what the first thing i did was, you all know how bad I was suffering. Wrong as you all must think I am, I am trying. And thus far I healed myself from my suffering, and then went about my business instead of sitting there making a pig of myself. So I feel I have taken one positive step. now we must see if I can continue in that direction, and see if it is physically possible to make my body accept lower doses..... This oxy is not by any means my drug of choice. I don't get much from it in terms of "high", I get relief from it. So , if I take only what I absolutely need to function.......is it possible to bring down a tolerance level.......we shall see......but knowing that it will not get me high I feel is an advantage in my favor. All forgive me if this seems to contradict things I have previously said, I feel with all this "talking" about this it makes me think, learn, and see things more clearly or differently than I previously had, so yes as i go through this some of my thoughts are changing, hopefully for the good.
Misty- I think I posted on another thread, my girls watched Frostey 6 times the other day. Then I hear it this morning. I almost jumped out the window. I mean, how much can someone take. If they put Barney on, I'll be swinging by a rope from the basement beams, I'm telling ya ;-)
Danny in all seriousness I swear after watching the same Barney and Frosty tape over and over....I know why people are driven to drugs....Even Godsmack couldn't drive the Barney demons away....
So how are you.....you hanging in there, hope everything is fine.....Same questions to you Major.....
Be back later....going to read the my little angel a book and tuck her into bed.....Ahhh bedtime, then mommy can clock out for the day....LOL
Misty, if they play Barney, just call 911. Actualy dont. It will be quick and painless for me that way..haha
You know I wonder why those tapes drive us so insane.....I still have those stupid songs stuck in my head.....and worse yet I know all the words. Whoever created Barney was a mean and vicious person with no regard to the sanity of parents....
Hey, we had Barney at a carnival in out town about 4 years ago. He really scared me. I kept the kids away too, though they were upset. I'd rather meet a real T-Rex than that dude....
hey Misty and Danny, I live less than five miles from Big Bird. I tell you that dude is rich, hes got quite the spread.
LMAO..........I have tears in my eyes I need that tonight thanks John.....
John- Not anymore, I had him for Thanksgiving..hehehe...we still have some...
OMG you ate BIG BIRD.........