Krazi Traci,
Thanks for the laugh thought I would share it with the rest of the board!!LOL
WHY AM I MARRIED?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
------------
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
------------
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-------------
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
--------------
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
-------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
------------
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
------------
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
--------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
---------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
---------------
Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
--------------
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
-----------------
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
----------------
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
lmao....some good ones there Rae!
Hi Rachel
LMFAO
Have a good night ---Jeff
LMFAO
Have a good night ---Jeff
LMAO
thats is sooooooooo funny !!!!! LMAO
LMAO
I love it Rae. Whats for dinner..LOL
michelle
michelle
thank god for humor...good post, thanks for sharing
Ali
Ali
Hi rae....LMAO..too funny!!
gi
gi
I am glad everyone got a laugh out of it. I thought is was pretty funny! Oh and Michelle I had chicken, stuffing and Fettuccini Alfredo. It was so mmm mmm GOOD. I think I am going to exercise my way over to the freezer and eat a big bowl of ice cream now and go to bed! LOL You guys have a good night.
Vinny this is for you. Tina sent it to me a long time ago and I was going through some old mail and don't remember if I sent it to yo or not. I thought you might enjoy it. LOL Rae
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in
our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we
try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those
who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump
at work.
CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for
other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop
in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you
did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This
can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks
in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does
not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see
an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes
off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect
visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force
the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that
can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are
in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can
poop in peace.
WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH
PS. Anyone else have any funny jokes to share????
Vinny this is for you. Tina sent it to me a long time ago and I was going through some old mail and don't remember if I sent it to yo or not. I thought you might enjoy it. LOL Rae
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in
our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we
try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those
who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump
at work.
CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for
other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop
in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you
did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This
can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks
in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does
not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see
an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes
off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect
visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force
the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that
can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are
in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can
poop in peace.
WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH
PS. Anyone else have any funny jokes to share????
WTH, you think Im gonna read all that?
wendy,
hey girl you got a poop phobia, i personally like the silent but deadly's hehehe and a lil trick carry a small refillable bottle of febreeze but the tide version when i go hahaha. nothing like the smell of fresh tide and turds. its a handy dandy lil trick i came up with, dont be scared. your not human if you dont poop and holding it in is dang painfull! come on you guys, no on poops at work? constipation sucks. let the sh!t fly.there is the only one commen relief that we all can relate too and thats the satisfaction of relieving ourselves of our daily duties. dont deny how satisfied you feel afterwards. come on vinny where are you pooping?
terrianne
hey girl you got a poop phobia, i personally like the silent but deadly's hehehe and a lil trick carry a small refillable bottle of febreeze but the tide version when i go hahaha. nothing like the smell of fresh tide and turds. its a handy dandy lil trick i came up with, dont be scared. your not human if you dont poop and holding it in is dang painfull! come on you guys, no on poops at work? constipation sucks. let the sh!t fly.there is the only one commen relief that we all can relate too and thats the satisfaction of relieving ourselves of our daily duties. dont deny how satisfied you feel afterwards. come on vinny where are you pooping?
terrianne
Terrianne, LMAO
Good morning Rae...
Good morning Rae...
Too funny Rae! My son is 8 years old, so just about everything right now inevitably has a ring of "potty humor" around the house. We have one of those fart machines with a timer on it. My in-laws are staying with us - Brendan loves to sneak behind Mum or Pop-Pop and then wait for the explosion! Cracks me up!
Jim
PS - Check this out: My Webpage
Jim
PS - Check this out: My Webpage
LMAO. Jim.
Now that is funny (the website)
Now that is funny (the website)
LOL Terrianne,
You crack me up! I guess we both have that sick and twisted mentality going on, huh? I think there are more closet poopers around here then what we thought! LOL
Vinny sh*t or get off the pot-LOL Where are you?
Jim, too funny. I have a son that just turned 7 when he gets home I will show him this and he will crack up! Glad to see you posting.. How have you been?
Wendy, Good morning. What's up girlfriend? How have you been?
Rae
You crack me up! I guess we both have that sick and twisted mentality going on, huh? I think there are more closet poopers around here then what we thought! LOL
Vinny sh*t or get off the pot-LOL Where are you?
Jim, too funny. I have a son that just turned 7 when he gets home I will show him this and he will crack up! Glad to see you posting.. How have you been?
Wendy, Good morning. What's up girlfriend? How have you been?
Rae
Hey Ray and Jim....that was funny and am saving it for my 10 year old....she would love it.
Rae, I will try to call ya later...Im scrambling here.
Rae, I will try to call ya later...Im scrambling here.
Hi Rae;
I've been really good lately, considering where I've been. Seems like every time I visit your state I end up in trouble. Well, as the saying goes "you reap what you sow".
We stayed at a different house this year - Indian Shores instead of Indian Rocks. Right on the beach, so it was nice. For a few days at least.
Now I have my in-laws staying with us for almost 4 weeks - my wife got a new job and has to be away for 3 weeks of training. This was one of the conditions for me - trust is hard to get back once it's broken. My wife feels better with her folks around since I had a tendency to use when she was away. I can accept that. It really makes life easier for me with the kids. Plus my fil loves to bake all sorts of sweets! Rocky road bars, caramel praline cake, fresh bread every day...not a bad deal after all!
Hey, being from Safety Harbor they're Bucs fans too! I'm a Colts fan so I just tell them the rest of the league can play for 2nd place. Peyton's gonna keep his Superman good luck thong on for the rest of the year.
So what's this I hear you've been eating like a ....lol, I won't go there!
Take care;
Jim
I've been really good lately, considering where I've been. Seems like every time I visit your state I end up in trouble. Well, as the saying goes "you reap what you sow".
We stayed at a different house this year - Indian Shores instead of Indian Rocks. Right on the beach, so it was nice. For a few days at least.
Now I have my in-laws staying with us for almost 4 weeks - my wife got a new job and has to be away for 3 weeks of training. This was one of the conditions for me - trust is hard to get back once it's broken. My wife feels better with her folks around since I had a tendency to use when she was away. I can accept that. It really makes life easier for me with the kids. Plus my fil loves to bake all sorts of sweets! Rocky road bars, caramel praline cake, fresh bread every day...not a bad deal after all!
Hey, being from Safety Harbor they're Bucs fans too! I'm a Colts fan so I just tell them the rest of the league can play for 2nd place. Peyton's gonna keep his Superman good luck thong on for the rest of the year.
So what's this I hear you've been eating like a ....lol, I won't go there!
Take care;
Jim
I can't stop laughing..............Rea that was a good one...............why is it alot of us get a good laugh off of sh**..
I am copying that one and emailing it to my hun at work.( he works for united airlines , and let me tellya those guys will think they have something in common with that one.LMAO ) to to funny
Krazi Traci
and yes I thought the marriage one was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good
I am copying that one and emailing it to my hun at work.( he works for united airlines , and let me tellya those guys will think they have something in common with that one.LMAO ) to to funny
Krazi Traci
and yes I thought the marriage one was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good
sorry i didn't get to your post earlier rae,i just got done takin a 12hr poop,aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh much better now....................vinny.
