May I?

may i ask for some simple words of support please. ive gotten this far keeping my feelings to myself, and now i have found my mind just starting to wonder a little....ive finished with the pills and as majority of u know came out of hospital as my pa was sick. i guess ive been so pre-occupied with him i havent thought about not taking pills, but he was supposed to come home tomorrow, and now it looks as though he may not be...not yet anyway and no i dont have any pills and i have not thought about going to get them (doctors)..u know, not planned to, but that thought of "god if i had some stilnox or xanax to help me not stress" has crossed my mind.......it had crossed my mind not to come back here but i did have some support here amongst other things, so i guess i just thought id give it a try...
Hi Elvis,

I'm sorry about your Pa. I hope he recovers quickly. As for support, I think it's obvious this board just isn't enough. I know how those thoughts can take over. If you had some face to fave support right now, I think it would be invaluable. I wish you would just try some of the suggestions given here. I know they would help.

God Bless, Beck
Elvis I will ditto what Beck said, you need face to face support, be it a support group, AA or NA. This board can only take us but so far.

Information, real life stories, people including myself have cared enough to share with you, yet you show no signs of even reading the majority of what has been given to you for free.

You only comment on the ones that are not so nice responses, and those that blow smoke up your butt. Never have I seen you thank or even make a hint of what has been said to you, excluding the two comments above, was read and/or absorbed.

If you are clean of one week, then congratulations. Now you have to ask yourself, what is different this time. What is going to keep you clean? What plans are in place in your life to enable you to keep going. You can't do this on your own Elvis. Period. You get this right?

What type of WD did you experience coming off xanax? and how you got through the xanax WD, this information could help others in the same situation.



elvis honey.................

you don't ever have to ask................"may i?"...........
ever again honey......

you are apart of this board and this family of addicts that come here to recieve love and support.......

you have been apart of this board for a long time...............
go and read what sammy wrote to sabrina.......
in the thread that mj started..........
please read what sammy wrote...........
it took sammy going to rehab many times and look at her now...........

i love you elvis and i pray for you.....................

post how you are and what your struggles are..........
were not here to judge you.............

thumper

and a big big big big huggie poo !
Elvis:

You have my support - you are so young. I want you better - there is so much you want and need to do besides taking pills.

If you want to email me and just ramble, do it. Just put down the pills - I think you're smart enough to know the ones that you can stop w/or w/o a doctor.

Love, Becky
becky_link2001@yahoo.com

thankyou guys so much. all of u! my pa came home today and this is going to take alot out of me, so yes i realise i cant do this on my own. im going to look up "beyond blue" a website that i was told by an over the ph councellor can help me find someone to talk to about staying off the pills. i am also going back to my gp today to come totally clean with him about whats been going on as he rang and left a message and sounded like he had a few questions for me. i guess he got "the" letter. i cant do this on my own, i cant stay off the pills and get my life back together on my own. thankyou all for helping me realise this and for being here for me.
(i will get into xanax withdrawals next time if thats ok as my mind feels like its about to explode). thanks.
p.s i was just reading through mj's thread thanks thumper, i am sad she sounds so down. and becky thankyou for ur email, i will give u a shout soon.
very dissapointing.....i went to my gp and told him that i need some help and would like a referral....he said, quote "this is really something u just need to get through urself". i said cant u refer me to someone to talk things through? he said "well do u know of anyone"?!!? im like?!?!? u should know someone to refer me to.....and he just kept on and on that not taking pills is just something i have to get over myself. i even took my mum with me as i thought he would take me more seriously if i had someone their to agree that it would be a good idea for me to have some extra help with it, u know just to talk over and all he suggested was that i go back to my old psych...well i cant cuz i left the hospital early and he said that he wouldnt see me again because of this. i understand this but i thought my gp could refer me to someone else....like an addiction specialist or something. now ill just have to refer myself to some councellor or something which at the moment im not that confident in doing myself..i dont want to go back to a rehab right now as i have my pa to help look after and im not on anything for them to get me off anyway, its just a matter of staying off and away from doctors. :(
keep trying and seeking help..............

dont give up........
look up another doc in the phone book or ask around ...
ask some of your friends how they like their doctor.........

can you google an addiction specialist in your area?

or can your obtain a book from your insurance company and it will list each provider under their catagory of speciality..................

love u

ah thats a great idea thumper! yeh they must list them somewhere for the general public too, not just doctors! i will look into it thankyou!!!!! xoxooxoxo

p.s my pa isnt my pa anymore....he is yelling at everyone....its like he is a different person all of a sudden :(
im signing off for the night. thanks again xoxo
Elvis, Not sure how things work where you live but if you do find a counsolor or an addiction specialist on your own, check with them to see if you need a referral from your gp to see them. Alot of insurance companies require this for the sessions to be covered. If thats the case and your gp won't give you a referral you need to find another gp that will. In my opinion you should have found another gp along time ago. Until you find an addiction specialist or counsolor to talk to maybe you could try another meeting. You have only been off pills for what about 2 weeks. I know for me at that point in my recovery I would have never made it any farther if it wasn't for f2f support. Get the phone book out and start calling now. Shantel
Elvis
There is a simple way to do al of this and it's free!!! You will find a room full of people just like you and perhaps one that will sponsor you . It's called NA/AA. many here have echoed the same to you. Look in the phone book, there is a number to call. This is all up to you!!! Not a doc! You need others just like you face to face you can call in a pinch. Someone who perhaps knows you well and can help you begin recoery. had I not gone I would be in a world of hurt now.

Please just do this simple thing. It will take a second of your day. No referral necessary!!!

Like NIke says" Just do it"
Kafo AA does not prescribe Pills Doctors do. This "addict has has not hit her bottom or she never would have left a rehab/Detox Hospital i have no o clue what to believe But you certainly said it all. JUST DO IT

AA prescribes Love education and recovery. A doctor is going to prescribe pills..

I am a bit fuzzy on her father but if he abuses her Why the ^%%& he is not in Jail or is she not have left the situation.

The whole story ? Makes me sad as some people just do not get it.

Jeff
jeffery not every father that abuses their family goes to jail........

npt everyone has a wonderful father like you...a kind one a loving one......

my father aboused me... mentally especially and he is not in jail...........
he takes care of my mom and is about to retire in 4 months..........

if you have not experienced.. as a daughter... the hurt from a father...
both physical and mental.......
you'll never quite understand..............
i know elvis has and i KNOW jewwls has........

and i have as well............

to this day my father hates it when i come over to see my mom.............
so today my husband is working and i am home alone........
if i want to go to my moms, cause my dad is home ...i have to wait until he eats and then he will go in his bedroom when i walk in the door...
he does not want to see me and he NEVER TALKS TO ME....

if you have not experienced it............YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMICS ...........that come with that abuse.......................


from a father.............

so when i read your post about you and your daughters and also HAWK...
it makes my eyes fill up for a sec..............

its been a while jeffery.................take care

HUGS
thumper
Thumper I cannot imagine walking an anybodies shoes who suffers from abuse from a parent

I was abused as a kid and well I used drugs to run from the pain. I eventualyy Well I got better.

No matter what we all have our deamons but drugs-pillsalcohol is only goingto kill us or make the pain worse.

Thumper your right all abusers do not go to jail. But nobody has to stay in an abusive relationship. I have no idea what it would be like to be abused by my parents. My Ex was. I

Its sick waht some parents do and they all should be shot or hung but it does not work that way.

Have a good night thumper.

Jeff

Hey Thumper,

when i was abused i had nowhere i could go. I was 13. I was a smart mouth. I ended up getting punched by my dad one time, closed fist in my stomach. He cried like a baby. Said he'd never hit me again. I was such a little b**** when I was younger. Half the time I don't blame him. ... i back talked like I breathed. and countless times got slapped hard across the face. like... every day.

I went to school in 9th grade , got off the bus to my 2 best friends waiting for me... had a black eye, busted lip, and the side of my face next to my eye had broken blood vessels. That was the time I got head butted... I wasn't old enough. i was stuck.

Elvis is a grown woman and taking abuse from her father. She can go. I cannot feel sorry for someone that stays in an environment that I can leave. I just can't.

You know what though. I don't hold resentment against my dad . I'm not going to make excuses for him, but we've sat down and talked about it many times and i constantly tell him I love him, I have no animosity. If i didn't do that I don't know where i would be.



I do know that kafo is right and she needs to quit just hearing the words 'na' and 'aa' and actually try it. Someone is really desperate and really ready will do whatever in their power to do ANYTHING to get things to change...

yes... even the horrible torture of walking into a meeting. that's a joke. Why are people so scared of meetings?


Thumper, what's going on with you lately? You haven't posted much, and when you do you just uplift others as always. What's been going on in your life? It's been a while since we've talked. I miss you and Stephy. I messaged her today and saw you haven't been on in a month. slacker. ;-)

Have a good night.
Stacey
Hello Elvis,

I just wanted to share with you that yesterday my son (who is just a few years younger than you) came to me and could barely put one foot in front of the other. He told me he is severely depressed and has been using copious amounts of alcohol to deal with his pain.

As the story unfolded, I asked him if he wanted help - not needed it, but wanted it. He said yes and off to the ER we went. He has been admitted to a detox/rehab facility and today, I went to visit him. The visiting hours are very limited. They told me on the phone since it was a holiday I could come at 2:00 p.m. or from 7:00 p.m to 8:30 p.m. I opted for 2:00 p.m.

As I arrived, and a little earlier, mind you, I was content to wait until the nurse came to let me in at 2. I had to check my purse in a locker (which they did give me a key for) as they have rules about not bringing any contraband into the unit. Yeah right, a bunch of grocery receipts, drivers license and insurance card...but I'm a player and respect and will abide by the rules. Another nurse greeted me and I told her my name and was there to see my son. She looked at me and said: "Well your son is now attending an AA meeting." I looked back and said: "That's cool, I qualify for AA meetings, is it ok with your staff protocol if I attend?

After a few ummms and errrrrs from the nurse, I was permitted to enter the meetings. And what an awesome meeting it was. It's been a while since I've attended a meeting in a rehab facility. There were young people, as well as middle aged, and seniors who were there.

My son just called me and his heart was filled with gratitude with what I shared today and what I did for him yesterday. All anonymously too, as no one in there with exception of him and me knew we were related. And I reciprocated that gratitude with the awesome, good, Power within him that enabled with the courage to share. He also had a visit from another fellow recovery friend of ours this evening who brought him his one year medallion. My son had to laugh and said to William, I think I should get that white chip first, shouldn't I? William told him, yeah, don't worry about it, because if it's a white chip you want, I'll take you to a meeting to get it when you are discharged. I just wanted you to have my one year medallion because it has the serenity prayer egraved on it. My son told me he wants that white chip and when he gets out, he already has meetings lined up to attend.

The one thing I can tell you Elvis, is there is nothing quite like the experience of one addict sitting eyeball to eyeball with another carrying the message of recovery. For me and my son, it boiled down to what lengths we were willing to go to get it.

My dear, there is a positive solution to living life on life's terms without having to blot ourselves with pills. And it works, it really does. A little willingness goes a long way.

If anyone hasn't told you they love you today, I do.

Hugs and tons of encouragement to you.

Sammy

The one thing I can tell you Elvis, is there is nothing quite like the experience of one addict sitting eyeball to eyeball with another carrying the message of recovery. For me and my son, it boiled down to what lengths we were willing to go to get it.



Very well said, Sammy, as usual. Thank you for sharing that story. What a lucky son you have there.

Elvis, I have enormous faith in you. I do know the road you are about to embark on is hard; slippery and bumpy, and you will need some hands. Please find AA and NA in your area, and go as much as you can.

Doctors don't get addiction and how to learn to live sober like fellow members of AA and NA do.

Give it a shot! I know you have it in you.
Hiya Elvis ~

Just wanted to touch base with you to see how you are doing. So how are you doing?

My son got out of detox this morning at 10:30 and called me when he got home. Said he was going to make arrangements to go to the beginner's meeting at my old home group, which is way across town. It starts at 5:30 and I asked how he was going to get there (since he wrecked his car in a drunken stupor and it is not drivable - and Mom isn't paying to get it fixed!) I don't get off from work until 5:30 and would have been more than willing to take him, but he said, nah Mom, I'll go with you Friday night, if there's a will, there's a way and I will get there.

I just found out that he called an AA friend of mine who came by and collected him and off to REBOS (that's the AA clubhouse - it's SOBER spelled backward) they went to. This makes the second meeting he has hit today (one at the detox center before he left and now this one.)

The excitement in his voice this morning when he was talking, the passion to grasp recovery with the support of those who have walked before him, lifted this old gal's spirit to a new dimension. I love seeing newcomers who realize that they can empower their spirits over addiction. I'm willing to bet there's some old gal "down under" who would get just as much a bang out of seeing you at a meeting as I am of my son (and all newcomers for that much.)

I hope to hear from you soon.

Namaste' ~

Sammy
Holy Smokes ~

The "prodigal son" just called and is on his way to yet another meeting. He picked up a white chip at the 5:30 meeting and found a sponsor. They have already started on Step One! He said he feels a little fear but is willing to step up to the challenge.

For years, the only expectation I have had is to expect a miracle. This young man is a miracle, as any addict who makes the decision to change a negative to a positive. Despite his trepidations, he is being CARED for the most miraculous Power of Love in the universe! Throughout our conversation, I could hear that the bubbling, excitement and enthusiasm in his voice far outweighed any fear that was trying to present itself.

Isn't it amazing that a little willingness goes a long way?

Can you tell, I'm number his one cheerleader? Yet this is his journey and I so respect the individual he is and the way he chooses to live his life. I'm so gosh darn proud of the efforts he is taking to see his beautiful spirit awake.

Hugs all around ~

Sammy


Aw Sammy...bless his little flat head. He is so lucky to have a mom like you. Can you feel those loving warm thoughts? That's me.

Elvis. I'm so dissapointed to hear that you left rehab. Your pa could have gotten along without you and I'm bummed that your family felt it necessary to burden you with all of that while you were trying to get well. It could have waited until you were out of treatment.
So, When are you going back?
Did they talk about the 12 steps while you were in there? Did you go to any meetings? I know that even in your small neck of the woods that there are meeting available to you, have you gone?
You don't have enough tools to get through this E. What are you going to do when life gets in your way (or you get in your own way) and you want to reach for a pill? I'm really proud of you that you haven't up to now, but what kind of support do you have to not let that happen again? You need other addicts, not a shrink, ok, well, maybe you need a shrink too, but it's not enough. And quit going to the god damn dr! You're still drug seeking, still looking for him to prescribe you something to make the pain go away. Even if you don't ask, it's still in your subconscience, hoping that he will. Been there.
You know I love ya girl, but enough is enough. Get your butt back to treatment and finish what you started so that you can move on with your life. Stop being stuck.
Cowgirl