I haven't posted for myself in a long time. Haven't given much advice cuz I haven't been able to take my own. I've only seriously tried to quit taking pills (vics and percs) once, in November of 05...tried tapering and it was going well until I 'rewarded' myself with a splurge that I never recovered from. The past year+ has been a mixture of mostly maintenance and some splurging. At worse I'd take 7 vicodin ES at a time...other times I just took a couple early in the day to be able to work and then at night to sleep.
I haven't taken a pain pill since Friday Jan. 5th @ 10am. That's a good 4.5 days. I wouldn't consider it cold turkey because I get one 8mg Suboxone from a source that gets a re-fill every 2 weeks. I've been breaking off about as small a piece as my nails can get...and the one Sub will last me 2 weeks. So I've had a small percentage of a pill twice per day...which has helped. I have the chills constantly and cold sweats, why didn't I try this in the summer? I remember in Nov 05 thinking the same thing.
I feel better, I don't feel like I need a nap everyday. I'm waking up easier although the past 2 days I've woken up before my alarm and haven't been able to finish my rest...but I still have considerably more energy than I did being zombie'd on pills. My motivation hasn't improved. I realize that first off...I'm not clean... and second...I'm still using a substitute, no matter how small. The worst has yet to come...I understand addiction pretty well. Aside from the reading up on it I've done for the past year, I have 121 days until I graduate with a masters in social work...my focus being on mental health and addictions. Very hypocritical, but the education is invaluable. Somehow I've maintained my job (actually getting my promotion early...I'll be transitioned before I graduate) and despite a B+ last semester, I've done dam well in school. (I never use to get good grades in high school or undergrad...but now I understand why the smart kids were upset with B's...had a chance to sweep the program with A's) My job is extremely stressful...I'm on-call 24/7...work 50+ hours a week...yet I'm sooo behind on paperwork...it'd take a lot of long days to catch up. I can't wait for a fresh start in the new position...but I have to get a good chunk caught up before then. It's not just me though, everyone at each of our offices is behind..it's an agency flaw that our executive director refuses to acknowledge. We have to do a lot more paperwork than the state requires. I've been at this position for not even 3 years and I'm the longest tenured in the agency...which says a lot about the turnover in my job. I have never taken a vacation day...but I'm no workaholic...I put in the laziest 50+ hours a week. I could get more done and I'm hoping the motivation increases soon.
Didn't mean to write a novel, just had a lot to vent. I have more, but I know that long posts often get passed by. Just be ready when I need that support...I don't plan on asking for another Suboxone when this one is gone.
God Bless you all. Oh..please say a prayer for my friend/ex-girlfriend's father who had a stroke and brain hemorrage...he has been unresponsive and kept on a machine since it happened 5 or 6 days ago.
Thank You!
Chris
Chris-It sounds like you need the support now.I knew a lot about addiction and recovery but it didn't stop me from using.Our intellect can become our worst nightmare.To get off the roller-coaster is a very simplistic process.We are the ones who complicate it.I could always come up with a plethora of logical reasons why I knew more than anyone else and needed to do it my way.
You know what you need to do.Since you are self medicating with sub and not doing it through the proper channels,I would just stop that and get the w/d's over.It might not be as bad now.
There are lots of people on here that will give you a push.I am always around if you want to e-mail me.I will try and keep this thread alive today so others can chime in and give you their experience.
Rememeber.....I can't,we can.
Let's get through detox first and then talk about recovery.
Keep in Touch
timlincoln@aol.com
You know what you need to do.Since you are self medicating with sub and not doing it through the proper channels,I would just stop that and get the w/d's over.It might not be as bad now.
There are lots of people on here that will give you a push.I am always around if you want to e-mail me.I will try and keep this thread alive today so others can chime in and give you their experience.
Rememeber.....I can't,we can.
Let's get through detox first and then talk about recovery.
Keep in Touch
timlincoln@aol.com
bump for Chris
bump again....
I don't have control issues,eh?
I don't have control issues,eh?
Chris,
I haven't been online as much. I sent you an email yesterday. Better late than never? LOL
Anyway, I caught this just as I have to log off for a few hours, and maybe the rest of the day. My email is always open to you if you want to vent, talk whatever.
I'll say a prayer for your friend's father.
We'll talk soon.
I haven't been online as much. I sent you an email yesterday. Better late than never? LOL
Anyway, I caught this just as I have to log off for a few hours, and maybe the rest of the day. My email is always open to you if you want to vent, talk whatever.
I'll say a prayer for your friend's father.
We'll talk soon.
Thanks Tim! I hope my post didn't come off as sounding like I know more than others...I don't know more than anyone who has stopped using. I just know the cycle because I've been on it. I know when I'm making excuses too.
I actually might have Saturday and Sunday off. Averaging 3 days off per month, the thought of work and school and w/d's all at once has been one of my biggest obstacles. If some chills and sweats is all I'll be getting, I know I'll be lucky.
You are right tho Tim, I need the encouragement/support now. I'd hate to blow it when things are going so well. There's nobody aside from the buddy I get the pills from that knows I take them...so my source of support is here.
Thanks again!
(Please keep my friend's father in all your prayers)
Chris
I actually might have Saturday and Sunday off. Averaging 3 days off per month, the thought of work and school and w/d's all at once has been one of my biggest obstacles. If some chills and sweats is all I'll be getting, I know I'll be lucky.
You are right tho Tim, I need the encouragement/support now. I'd hate to blow it when things are going so well. There's nobody aside from the buddy I get the pills from that knows I take them...so my source of support is here.
Thanks again!
(Please keep my friend's father in all your prayers)
Chris
Chris-You need to talk to Justin[Reddog].He just went through almost the exact same thing.He is in school,working full time and just went through w/d's.He has been clean over 2 months now.Yall would click big time.I'm going to e-mail him to get on here and talk to you.It might be latter today but he will respond.
If you got a long weekend coming up....I would get the w'd's over with.I bet you would ace your studies with a clear head.
Talk to you soon brother.
Good luck to your friends dad.
.
If you got a long weekend coming up....I would get the w'd's over with.I bet you would ace your studies with a clear head.
Talk to you soon brother.
Good luck to your friends dad.
.
Chris-I just talked with Justin and he is at work and can't get on the board.he said he would love to talk with you so here is his e-mail.Later
jj441787@verizon.net
jj441787@verizon.net
Chris\
So nice to hear from you but sorry you havent been doing well..
You are still in Canada arent you.? Is sub available in your province now>>?
You are so close to getting your degree honey...keep that mission in front of you at all times..
When it happens youll know not to "reward' yourself in the same way..
When you know better you do better..
Sending a prayer up for your friends father..
Hugs
Ali
So nice to hear from you but sorry you havent been doing well..
You are still in Canada arent you.? Is sub available in your province now>>?
You are so close to getting your degree honey...keep that mission in front of you at all times..
When it happens youll know not to "reward' yourself in the same way..
When you know better you do better..
Sending a prayer up for your friends father..
Hugs
Ali
Chris
How are you doing? You never emailed me today? Thats ok. Well if you want someone to talk to im here. I did go through a similiar situation. I took my last pill Nov 10th at midnight So i have over two months clean.
I was taking 20 yes 20 vics a day. I went ct. Now i had off of work for the better part of two weeks but I am also in Graduate School and its for Business which is very hard. Not to say your subject is not! I never missed a class. I came close but I could not. I dont care what anyone says, missing a class that meets once a week is education suicide! I knew I would never be able to make up the work. I managed to get a B+ and an A- this semester. Not my best but im very ready for Jan 23rd
So it can be done, stay away from the sub, to me it is switching from one thing to another . Not to take away from those on it. Some people do well on it. I just wanted off opiates.
So if you need me im there, email me
But basically i went to work after 2 weeks, school, meetings, homework, Church
Everything, i kept very busy
Clonodine helps if you have some
Email me!@
How are you doing? You never emailed me today? Thats ok. Well if you want someone to talk to im here. I did go through a similiar situation. I took my last pill Nov 10th at midnight So i have over two months clean.
I was taking 20 yes 20 vics a day. I went ct. Now i had off of work for the better part of two weeks but I am also in Graduate School and its for Business which is very hard. Not to say your subject is not! I never missed a class. I came close but I could not. I dont care what anyone says, missing a class that meets once a week is education suicide! I knew I would never be able to make up the work. I managed to get a B+ and an A- this semester. Not my best but im very ready for Jan 23rd
So it can be done, stay away from the sub, to me it is switching from one thing to another . Not to take away from those on it. Some people do well on it. I just wanted off opiates.
So if you need me im there, email me
But basically i went to work after 2 weeks, school, meetings, homework, Church
Everything, i kept very busy
Clonodine helps if you have some
Email me!@
Thanks Justin.
Hey thank you all! It's nice to come home to see support. I had a good day for the most part, but got word that my ex's father passed away last night. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers still. His death sombered my day..if that's a word. I'm fortunate enough to still have both of my parents...I can't imagine losing one of them...but that day will come unless somehow mine comes first.
Today was great as far as the quitting or tapering or whatever I'm doing. I took just a chip of sub...might be placebo at this point. More importantly, I went to my buddy's house that I get the pills (vics and percs) from and didn't get any. He's pretty much my best friend so I can't stop talking to him...he's never even taken them himself. I can't remember the last time I went there and didn't get any pills. (Pat self on back) I just couldn't give up this roll, I'm feeling a lot better.
Good to hear from ya Ali. I'm in the Chicago area. School hasn't been a problem for me...just an inconvenience. One semester left...two classes...I don't know if I could screw it up if I tried after getting this far...well ok I could. ;)
Thanks Tim for referring Justin. I will e-mail if I need to. 20 pills a day and went cold-turkey? How long did w/d's last? Maybe I WILL e-mail you. lol I'm not getting Saturday off like I thought...should've known. I still have Sunday.
Ya finally wrote back Atlas? I usually just get spam so sorry I haven't checked my e-mail. I'll get on it..
Thanks for the support.
Chris
Today was great as far as the quitting or tapering or whatever I'm doing. I took just a chip of sub...might be placebo at this point. More importantly, I went to my buddy's house that I get the pills (vics and percs) from and didn't get any. He's pretty much my best friend so I can't stop talking to him...he's never even taken them himself. I can't remember the last time I went there and didn't get any pills. (Pat self on back) I just couldn't give up this roll, I'm feeling a lot better.
Good to hear from ya Ali. I'm in the Chicago area. School hasn't been a problem for me...just an inconvenience. One semester left...two classes...I don't know if I could screw it up if I tried after getting this far...well ok I could. ;)
Thanks Tim for referring Justin. I will e-mail if I need to. 20 pills a day and went cold-turkey? How long did w/d's last? Maybe I WILL e-mail you. lol I'm not getting Saturday off like I thought...should've known. I still have Sunday.
Ya finally wrote back Atlas? I usually just get spam so sorry I haven't checked my e-mail. I'll get on it..
Thanks for the support.
Chris
No way man is the suboxone a "placebo" effect. Just try not taking it and see how you feel 1 or 2 days later. Its a very powerful drug/
Yea man 20 pills a day. Wd lasted weeks. It does lessen up but it took a long time. If you want to email do so. I was trying to do you a favor. So ",maybe" if you are serious about getting help you will email me. Its no skin off my back either way. You are the one that has to come off the opiates
Night
Yea man 20 pills a day. Wd lasted weeks. It does lessen up but it took a long time. If you want to email do so. I was trying to do you a favor. So ",maybe" if you are serious about getting help you will email me. Its no skin off my back either way. You are the one that has to come off the opiates
Night
((((((((((((((((chris)))))))))))))))))))
i really pray for healing for you.........
losing someone is a very difficult matter of the heart.............
stay strong in school and keep studying............
i really pray for you , addiction can be beat......
i really feel that you are gonna be free from this madness.........
i know you have been here a while now and i have read your post and you seem to be a very kind and caring man.............
please chris reach out to the people here that may be able to help you out and just to have someone to talk to while your not feeling well is a real blessing.....
i pray that you will be lead out very smoothly with the Lords divine intervention in your life...........an his gentle love and healing............will be felt inside your heart
sending you encouragement and a big hug.
thumper
i really pray for healing for you.........
losing someone is a very difficult matter of the heart.............
stay strong in school and keep studying............
i really pray for you , addiction can be beat......
i really feel that you are gonna be free from this madness.........
i know you have been here a while now and i have read your post and you seem to be a very kind and caring man.............
please chris reach out to the people here that may be able to help you out and just to have someone to talk to while your not feeling well is a real blessing.....
i pray that you will be lead out very smoothly with the Lords divine intervention in your life...........an his gentle love and healing............will be felt inside your heart
sending you encouragement and a big hug.
thumper
Chris states
Yeah Chris but he's also you're supplier[pusher].In order for this to work you have to cur off your supply.I'm not saying the dude is a bad guy but I would definitely let him know you are trying to get clean and maybe until you detox,stay away from there.If you have to talk to him about something else...use the phone.I assume he is selling them to you if he doesn't take them?
What other things do you and him share besides drugs?
Once you get further along with w/d's,that little seed of temptation starts growing from a supposedly little innocuous detail to a major obsession.
Just a thought
| QUOTE |
| More importantly, I went to my buddy's house that I get the pills (vics and percs) from and didn't get any. He's pretty much my best friend so I can't stop talking to him...he's never even taken them himself. I can't remember the last time I went there and didn't get any pills. |
Yeah Chris but he's also you're supplier[pusher].In order for this to work you have to cur off your supply.I'm not saying the dude is a bad guy but I would definitely let him know you are trying to get clean and maybe until you detox,stay away from there.If you have to talk to him about something else...use the phone.I assume he is selling them to you if he doesn't take them?
What other things do you and him share besides drugs?
Once you get further along with w/d's,that little seed of temptation starts growing from a supposedly little innocuous detail to a major obsession.
Just a thought
Chris:
For what it is worth...one of my close friends was also a supplier to me. It was hard at first, because I had to stay away from her. She is a user also, and would bring it up when I would see her...little comments, like: You don't have to feel this way...I am holding, or, Do you want any?
I know she wasn't doing it to hurt me...I know she cares for me, she is just an addict, and we addicts do what we do. I didn't take it personally, I just had to get some distance.
Now I am able to see her, see her children, whom I adore...and it doesn't come up anymore. I had to get my distance for her to see that I was serious about this.
Also, my purchases helped supply her habit, as I am sure she made money off of me. I know she didn't do it to make money...but by marking up her supply, she could pay for her stash as well. There is a dynamic there that is bigger than friendship. Money is money. Supply is supply.
Please think more of yourself during this time...than you think of anyone else. Everyone you love, and everyone who loves you will be glad you did...in a very short time!
Good Luck,
Sarah
For what it is worth...one of my close friends was also a supplier to me. It was hard at first, because I had to stay away from her. She is a user also, and would bring it up when I would see her...little comments, like: You don't have to feel this way...I am holding, or, Do you want any?
I know she wasn't doing it to hurt me...I know she cares for me, she is just an addict, and we addicts do what we do. I didn't take it personally, I just had to get some distance.
Now I am able to see her, see her children, whom I adore...and it doesn't come up anymore. I had to get my distance for her to see that I was serious about this.
Also, my purchases helped supply her habit, as I am sure she made money off of me. I know she didn't do it to make money...but by marking up her supply, she could pay for her stash as well. There is a dynamic there that is bigger than friendship. Money is money. Supply is supply.
Please think more of yourself during this time...than you think of anyone else. Everyone you love, and everyone who loves you will be glad you did...in a very short time!
Good Luck,
Sarah
Good morning. Waking up is much more tolerable now...it use to take me a couple hours to get my eyes open...now I'm getting up before my alarm...kinda wish I could sleep longer but I haven't felt tired during the day. Today my pager woke me up tho, nothing like having an emergency 911 page at 7am...
I didn't get the pills from my buddy, I got them from his dad's girlfriend. My buddy doesn't do any drugs. No one will be prompting me to take them. It's up to me. I told him last night that I haven't been taking any/won't be buying any...he's all for it.
I don't know if what I wrote last night about e-mailing Justin came off as rude...I know the context often gets lost on posts, e-mails, text messages...etc
I just started thinking of questions and tried to emphasize I may need to e-mail Justin. It's not like I don't need the support. I wasn't home all day...got home when I posted and then went to bed.
Thanks for the support Sarah and Thumper! My friend/ex won't be back in this area until the 19th (her fam lives in Nevada) so I'm just trying to support her via phone as much as possible...again I just can't imagine losing one of my parents...though they aren't helping themselves by smoking like chimneys.
Gotta get back to work...but I do want to say that I realize the toughest days and tougher temptations are yet to come..
Chris
I didn't get the pills from my buddy, I got them from his dad's girlfriend. My buddy doesn't do any drugs. No one will be prompting me to take them. It's up to me. I told him last night that I haven't been taking any/won't be buying any...he's all for it.
I don't know if what I wrote last night about e-mailing Justin came off as rude...I know the context often gets lost on posts, e-mails, text messages...etc
I just started thinking of questions and tried to emphasize I may need to e-mail Justin. It's not like I don't need the support. I wasn't home all day...got home when I posted and then went to bed.
Thanks for the support Sarah and Thumper! My friend/ex won't be back in this area until the 19th (her fam lives in Nevada) so I'm just trying to support her via phone as much as possible...again I just can't imagine losing one of my parents...though they aren't helping themselves by smoking like chimneys.
Gotta get back to work...but I do want to say that I realize the toughest days and tougher temptations are yet to come..
Chris
Hey Chris.Maybe I'm not understanding what you are saying but you did quote this.
Does that mean someone brings them over there?
That is a bit confusing.
| QUOTE |
| More importantly, I went to my buddy's house that I get the pills (vics and percs) from and didn't get any. |
Does that mean someone brings them over there?
That is a bit confusing.
Sorry bout that Tim. My buddy lives with his dad and dad's girlfriend...so I'd go over there and get the pills from her. I'd give my buddy the money and he'd go to her room and get me some pills from her...other times I'd get them straight from her if my friend was at work or was unavailable. My friend got annoyed with me always asking him to be the middle man...so he's more than happy that I've decided to stop.
I was thinking back and realized that I could've prevented getting into this position. An old friend of mine would occaisionally give me some Tylenol 4s...I sprained my ankle playing basketball and got a script of Vics...then thought to myself...if I ever had a steady connection, I'm going to be in trouble. Sure enough, this current buddy of mine told me one day that his dad's gf gets huge bottles of Vics, Percs, and Xanax every month....and it was downhill from there. I didn't really think I'd ever get addicted, but did any of us? I certaintly didn't know then what I know now...and I'll continue to learn through this process. I'd love to work in substance abuse someday...I did an internship at a facility and loved it...despite feeling like the biggest hypocrit on earth.
I've been so busy today, just stopped by my house to eat and now I'm off to work with another client until 9ish. Being busy has helped though. Gotta run, I'll check in l8r.
Chris
I was thinking back and realized that I could've prevented getting into this position. An old friend of mine would occaisionally give me some Tylenol 4s...I sprained my ankle playing basketball and got a script of Vics...then thought to myself...if I ever had a steady connection, I'm going to be in trouble. Sure enough, this current buddy of mine told me one day that his dad's gf gets huge bottles of Vics, Percs, and Xanax every month....and it was downhill from there. I didn't really think I'd ever get addicted, but did any of us? I certaintly didn't know then what I know now...and I'll continue to learn through this process. I'd love to work in substance abuse someday...I did an internship at a facility and loved it...despite feeling like the biggest hypocrit on earth.
I've been so busy today, just stopped by my house to eat and now I'm off to work with another client until 9ish. Being busy has helped though. Gotta run, I'll check in l8r.
Chris
