Maybe Job....

i got a great job offer, looking after a 16 month old little girl in house. babysitting, prob part time to start but id love to do it. her mum is gonna ring me soon! yay kaz :)

p.s this will be the first thing ive done since coming off the xanax!! so im a bit nervous but im great with kids and have some experience!
Dear elvis. I totally understand where you are coming from and after me being clean for a year and almost 4 months. I got a job and it feels so great to be a productive member of society. I cannot believe a little over a year ago I was bed ridden and thought I was actually dying and I was stuck like this forever but to think today I am actually a responible adult and lving life again and that is all I have ever wanted. Yeah the drugs were great in the beganing but after we get so far out there and you cant seem to get high anymore and are using to not just get sick. It becomes no fun but more like a prison. I am so happy you are off the xanax and be lucky you did not get on them as heavy as I did because the more we take the more we need and they are so addictive. I was taking30 of the 2 milligram a day just to feel not sick and never could even feel them anymore. I am so happy I am off of them today along with the methadone. It is truly a god deal for me and I thank him every morning when I wake up and hit my knees before I go to bed at night and thank him for helping me through the day without picking up. I am so happy you are starting to live again and it is a wonderful feeling and I am so proud of you. Sincerely,
April
thankyou so much april. im still waiting for the mum to call me!! i did miss a call this morning i hope it wasnt her!! cuz i really think i could do well with this, im good with kids. and getting up to do a job u like is so much easier!!!
i just hope i hear now!!! fingers crossed! she did sound pretty determined so heres hoping!!! thanks for sharing ur experience too esp with the xanax!!

p.s she didnt ask for references which i thought was a bit weird though?!?
Hey girl, you sound so good. I am so proud of you and all you have done to get off the drugs. I could never imagine getting off of something that still got me high. I had to hit a very low bottom before I started to realize it was get clean or die and I am nowhere near wanting to die. I have so much to live for. Where before the only thing that kept me living was using. It consumed my every thought and my every waking moment. Oh girl, it is so nice not to be in the bonds of addiction. I am so greatful today and have god to thank for that. So I hope you get the job. you deserve it. Just think when you were using nobody would have wanted you to watch there kids. Now look that you are clean and learning how to live again it is just so amazing. We can go from being hard core addicts to responsible adults and a productive member of society. So you keep up the good work and you will get back so much in your life and even more. I love being clean today and would not give this feeling up even if I was told I could use one more time and not get addicted and it would get me high.

The high I feel today is better than high I have ever felt. My heart and prayers are with you. Sincerely,
April
you mean i as the only functionally drug addict productive member of society on this board?? lol
Yep I would agree there!! LOL!!
sorry gladiator, i didnt really understand what u meant?
Elvis,

Good for you! If you don't get that one, post in the newspaper. You're right that if you have a job you like things will fall into place for you. Hope you get it.
You go girl! I'm so proud of you, you've come a really long way. I remember the tapering, etc. and the ups and downs. Hows your nan doing?
I really think you'll get this job. It sounds really good.
I'm just wondering about myself with xanax. The amounts you and April were taking would have put me in a coma.
I am prescribed xanax, been on it for about three years. Started at 0.5mg 3x a day as needed and have never increased the dose. Sometimes I refill a week or so before i could.
Why is that? I mean opiates are a different story for me. Those I have a problem with, but why, being an addict, am I able to take the xanax as prescribed, but have trouble with the oxy's? Isn't that weird? I even tried a couple of times to get high on xanax, took like six of them, 3mg that would be, and just fell asleep.
I can take one 0.5 and not worry about panic attacks, (I get them alot when i drive), but not two because then I get drowsy.
I mean an addict is an addict and a drug is a drug, so why am I able to take the xanax like I'm suppose to?
Anyways, congratulations, E, you deserve this!
Love,
Roe
thanks petsmom and roe, im really hoping to hear from her next week!!!!

i think roe that we are addicted to some drugs as they give us a certain feeling compared to others. eg when i used to take my mums xanax i was doing it cuz it was 2mg and it felt great at first like i didnt have a prob in the world. but my mum also takes her tofranil and she says that makes her sleepy, but ive never touched it. she even leaves it on the kitchen bench cuz she knows i wont touch it. i have no reason to.
i guess we are just more prone to some than others! thers also the point that well, if i take everything ill die, so therefore i will take my favourite. u know?! bit like being in a lolly shop.

i hope i helped a bit, take care all

p.s roe ive also heard it called, ur doc....drug of choice on the board. and it seems ur oxy's (which i know nothing about lol) are ur drug of choice. simple as that perhaps.
Yea E,
I agree, its the doc, I am really fortunate to be able to use the xanax normally tho, because those, I need. How are you handling your anxiety and panic attacks without them?
I'll have my fingers crossed for ya for the job, but I'll bet you'll get it. You seem like you'd be great with kids. You don't have any, I think your single?
Love,
Roe
nah i dont have any kids yet. i am single at the moment. but i would love a little girl!!! i am really good with kids! :)

having one of those bad days today. i call it a craving day. everyones out so here i am looking round the house?!?!?? knowing im sure i wont find anything but i have to look. someone told me to come on the page when this happens so i have.

lucky u dont live next door cuz id prob be over at ur place right now begging for a couple of x's.......stupid i know, somedays im ok other days are like this.
hon, I'm just getting ready to log off, promised my son the computer a long time ago so he can play his game for an hour, but just wanted to tell ya, hang in there. One day you'll have a little girl and you'll love every minute of it (well, maybe not every minute), but you'll be a great mom. Hang in there, you've come so far. Have a good night, I'll look for ya tomorrow.
Love ya,
Roe

Don't forget ALL that you've accomplished, think about that ok?
thanks so much roe!
i have an interview for that job at 10.30am tomorrow morn. i am nervous but i think i will enjoy it, and she sounds quite keen so yeh.
Elvis,

Get out of the house and DO something. Anything to change your mind. It really he.ps. How's the weather there? It's been beautiful here in upstate New York....much above average temps and sunshine. It's such a treat.

How far away is the job from you? Best of luck on the interview!
E,
I don't know the time difference, but let us know how it goes. Did you say she was 16 months? Cute age, (especially if they're not yours), you'll have alot of fun with her. The only thing you have to remember with a kid that age is NEVER take your eyes off them. They eat everything they see, they climb, but they're also alot of fun. You'll come to appreciate her naps too!
Love ya,
Roe
i didnt end up taking that babysitting job, and im so dissapointed for the way it turned out actually! i loved the kid she was great but welll first the house was like a junk tip, which im sure she couldnt help, she was down and out so i certainly dont hold that against her. but they were inisistant i put a baby seat in the back of my car after i had told them about 10 times that i was not comfortable driving the little girl around, and that was never part of the deal anyway. then im told i can never, never, never answer the phone or pick it up, use my mobile if i have to!!! and then they said (her and the grandmother) that some other guy lived out the back of the house and i was never to go out there.
u think thats enough yeh, well shes also in the middle of a huge custody battle for the child with her ex who sounds like an absolute nut case. and she said when shes not home and if he comes to pick up the child "oh he should be ok with u, but if he is angry or rude just ignore him" wtf!!!!!
then she went on to talk about her friend who uses a pendelem and can see her dead dogs!!!!!!
oh and asked me if i wanted butter in my cup of tea?!?!?!?!
and that the child must of liked me so well cuz she knew me in another life!

well that was if for me, i left went straight to my nans, had a panick attack lol. my father ended up ringing her last night and just saying he was going away and i had to be here to look after my ill mother so i couldnt take the job. i know i should of rung but i couldnt say....im not taking the job because i think ur all nuts. suppose im a bit gutless really. the whole setup was really weird!! i really like the kid, its a shame i feel so sorry for that child with the custody situation and all. my father keeps saying the child is not ur problem, and i know this is true, but i still feel for her.
i just couldnt cope with all this!

sorry for the long email, but i wanted to get everything out!!
take care

and for $8 an hr i dont know if all this was really worth it. i did not want to drive the child around!! i was not comfortable!!

p.s ive done other babysitting jobs before and they were nothing like this!
and now i feel like i have failed for some reason.
Oh Elvis YOU have not failed.

On the contrary you have just made a smart decision - you should feel proud.

No one in their right mind would want to go into a messed up situation like that - which just proves you are in your right mind - LOL.

You did the right thing, if you're instinct is telling you something is really "off" then it probably is "off."

Set it behind you, another better job will come along. And don't worry about how you handled it, I think you did fine. One step at a time.

BTW I didn't know you were in Oz. Do you mind sharing where? I am in Newcastle. If you're not comfortable with giving out your location I understand.
Thankyou very much idgie. I have always gone with my gut instincts so i guess thats what i did. Thankyou for trying to make me feel better.
Im in Melbourne, Australia which is sorta down the bottom above tasmania.

And oh great...Not just found out my nan has to have her other eye done on the 9th of may, just after my birthday. Sorry just feeling abit stressed today as you can imagine.

Take carexo
Elvis
I'm sure your Nan will be OK and will be glad to have your support when she goes to get her eye fixed up.

I know where Melbourne is elvis !!! LOL - I'm up in the Hunter Valley, 2 hours north of Sydney.

so have you got rid of all those crazy athletes out of your city yet? boy those track and field drama queens seem to be on the front page every day. LOL.