Hi. It's been a long time since I posted anything. Iused to post on pain pills because I knew 'Heroin' would trigger me way too much. I'm not going to bore u with my story cause it's the same as everyone elses, though I may have been around the block a little more then some of u since I am older and have somehow made it this far (most of my friends I started with are dead or have quit long ago.
Anyway I have either been using or been on methadone or suboxone (and then messing with other crap to catch a buzz) for quite a while. Either is better than the risky life of copping on the street and continuing to let your life disintegrate. If your in the position where you kinda would like to stop using, but u still want to get the opiate high I would choose methadone. There are many drawbacks (including the fact that it blocks other opiates- and as time goes on u don't always recognize the high and the WD or detox goes on &on) but at least u can live a life that is not to bad & keep out of jail.
Suboxone or subutex is probably a better way to go. You get a little buzz maybe for a few days (like vikes) and u get instant relief from withdrawals, which is a high in itself. If u have no insurance subutex is hte way to go cause it's cheap and suboxone is ridiculously high. I haven't researched this, but I think suboxone is just a way for pharmaceutical companies to make extra money by adding naxoline (an anti opiate or whatever - the thing they might shoot u up with if u OD).
Bupenorphine is the semi-narcotic or something like that in subutex and suboxone. Bupe fills up the receptors and blocks other opiates from working. Just as important to people like us, it completely ends the craving for opiates and u feel like a normal person (which feels very wierd at first).
The thing they dont seem to tell u is it is a MF to get off of. Maybe there is some secret I missed, but in my case it seemed worse than getting off of methadone. I have heard the same from others.
Anyway this is how I finally did it. I will be honest and say my intentions were not 100% pure. I went to a detox/rehab in Pt. St Lucie. They have what they call a protocal. I had been on 24 mg for at least 2 or maybe 3 years, (maybe longer-who theF knows). Tha really didn't come into play, cause no matter what they follow the same procedure. They do 8 mg and every other day they drop u 2 mg till u r down to 0 after about a week. The only problem is WD's don't start for about 4 days, and following their "protocal' is almost guaranteed to end u up in full withdrawel and them scratching their heads not knowing what to do other then putting u back on sub.
There was another girl in there with me who had been on a lower dose for a shorter time and she was sick up until the time she left (about a month). She walked out of their sorta OK.
Anyway, I was able to use a couple of old street tricks which I am sure some of u know. This would never have worked at all at home as I would have ended up taking all of what I am going to tell u about in less then a week.
I have adhd and when I went in there I told them I was prescribed adderal ( which was sorta true), and with them controlling the distribution of it two me itate up the withdrawles. I will admit that the first week or so, between detox and masked withdrawels I was in a state of mania, couldn't shut up, and almost got in several fights.
BUt things gradually calmed down. It has been close to 3 weeks, maybe 4. Now I am just extremely wake, and every now and then or most of the time I have a little bit of the inside of my skin trying to tear itself apart, but I am OK.
On a final note, something changed in me in their. I was too out of it too do much journaleng or NA steps or whatever, but I would listen to others read theirs. Somehow, through this whole process , being with others like me etc, I think I changed. I have gone as far as step 3 and it seems to work, for today. At this point I really never want to do narcotics again- today. Today is all I can deal with. NEXT MONTH and next year don't exist, neither does tomorrow, but today does.
I hope for the best for y'all.
Harry
Harry, I have no doubts that your post will help someone.
That was thoughtful that you shared in thinking of others.
Today is a new day and another not to use.
Very proud of you, and your honesty. We need that here. Keep your head up. You've been through it that's for sure.
BTW I almost get into fights daily and I'm clean and don't have ADD or ADHD. This human race can be bothersome or it can be like the good folks here..............stellar. We have to pick and choose, and hold our tongues and fists. It's essential, right?
Good going, Harry. You have my positive vibes sent your way.
That was thoughtful that you shared in thinking of others.
Today is a new day and another not to use.
Very proud of you, and your honesty. We need that here. Keep your head up. You've been through it that's for sure.
BTW I almost get into fights daily and I'm clean and don't have ADD or ADHD. This human race can be bothersome or it can be like the good folks here..............stellar. We have to pick and choose, and hold our tongues and fists. It's essential, right?
Good going, Harry. You have my positive vibes sent your way.
Thank you for your kind words. Something one of the nurses said to everyone after an "incident" I was involved in, somehow got thru to me. Basically it was that all the people in there had serious internal issues that we weren't aware of. Everything we did, negative or positive, effected (affected?) the whole group.
That kind of cut to my heart. I realized a couple of things. I wasn't the only one who was f-ucked up. I wasn't seeing beyond myself. When I was in a state of complete anger my words were poisonous. I WAS THE PERSON I HAD NEVER WANTED TO BE.
sOMETHING CHANGED IN ME. fROM THAT POINT ON i STARTED LOOKING AT PEOPLE DIFFERNTLY. OF course there are still times when it is necessary to stand, but so far I have been able to do it differently. I think fighting is like war, the second worse choice. (the worse is appeasement or simply letting yourself be trampled.
God Bless,
Harry
That kind of cut to my heart. I realized a couple of things. I wasn't the only one who was f-ucked up. I wasn't seeing beyond myself. When I was in a state of complete anger my words were poisonous. I WAS THE PERSON I HAD NEVER WANTED TO BE.
sOMETHING CHANGED IN ME. fROM THAT POINT ON i STARTED LOOKING AT PEOPLE DIFFERNTLY. OF course there are still times when it is necessary to stand, but so far I have been able to do it differently. I think fighting is like war, the second worse choice. (the worse is appeasement or simply letting yourself be trampled.
God Bless,
Harry
Thank you so much for sharing! I can totally relate. (((HUGS!)))
Jessica
Jessica
harry,
Hang in there. I lost my son last year to a suicide by herion injection. He was a user and wanted to get off and could not. Many times in rehab and jail, but for some reason could not kick the habit. I miss him every day and feel I failed him because I did not understand what he was really going through to try and detox himself. He was tired of being an addict and the last words he said to me were 'Mom, I will love you forever" and I replay that day and words every day of my life. I wish every day I could be with him wherever he is even though I have two other children, he was the love of my live, only son. Please, for your loved ones, be patient and get all the help you can, he IS worth it to be free of this horrible drug. I will pray for you.
dianna
Hang in there. I lost my son last year to a suicide by herion injection. He was a user and wanted to get off and could not. Many times in rehab and jail, but for some reason could not kick the habit. I miss him every day and feel I failed him because I did not understand what he was really going through to try and detox himself. He was tired of being an addict and the last words he said to me were 'Mom, I will love you forever" and I replay that day and words every day of my life. I wish every day I could be with him wherever he is even though I have two other children, he was the love of my live, only son. Please, for your loved ones, be patient and get all the help you can, he IS worth it to be free of this horrible drug. I will pray for you.
dianna
