Me

I am sorry if I am letting anyone down but I am not being as strong as I was yesterday... I am now regretting the fact that I didn't answer my phone and I deleted the #. He calls me collect when he has been in jail or if he has no money and he has pawned his cellphone....

My b/f has gotten worse since he has been using drugs more frequently. His personality is totally different. What will happen if he contunes using drugs daily? What about his bipolar and depression will ut get worse???I know I must let go but how do you just watch someone destroying themselves???

How does his bipolar effect his addiction????

It is my understanding that a lot of addicts with bipolar and depression use drugs to subside these conditions and make themselves feel better for that short period of time. The drugs take the place of their medications.
If he continues to use drugs, he will continue on a downward spiral risking his life everytime and losing everything that he owns and ruining relationships (which I think he has already succeeded in doing).
He is the only one who can turn this around.
You not answering your phone may just bring him closer to realizing how much he is losing by continuing this behaviour.
If you had of answered, you may have given in to him and helped him out for the time being so that could enable him to go out again and use drugs yet again.
Because you didn't answer, he may hit his "rock bottom" that much faster and that in the end may save his life.
You have to realize that he is not your responsibility. He is his own responsibility and he has to make the choice to make himself better.
What you do has nothing to do with it.
Good morning Marie,
You won't get it perfect every day. Yes, you were stronger yesterday. Do you know why? You had been to a meeting about addiction and had come to some realizations about your b/f, and yourself. It takes time to learn a new way of thinking and behaving and you will continue to question yourself for awhile until you see yourself making some progress taking care of YOU.If you can attend more of these meetings that would be very helpful to you right now.

Things are just the way they are supposed to be today. If you can accept that you will feel much better.
If you get a chance read the posting by Melody Beattie on Acceptance.
I think it will be helpful.
Please, keep coming back and posting. You're making progress and as they say in recovery... One day at a time, sometimes one hour or one minute.

Judy
Marie, I totally understand how hard it is to watch someone you love do this to themselves, I'm watching mine do the same thing but he's making his own decisions and nothing I do or anyone else can help. My bf has ADHD and I believe he too is self medicating. Its very common for people with bi polar and ADHD to use drugs but its not an excuse. I hate what my boyfriend is doing to himself too, and I worry he will die from this because they will end up dead, in jail or in an institution. Talked to a friend last night who left her addict boyfriend and she found out he's now in an institution because of it.

Of course you're going to have your strong moments and your weak moments, thats the way it goes dealing with these guys. Lately I've been having a lot of weak moments it seems but I haven't been giving in to him either so I guess in a way I've been strong as hard as it has been.
Kittyc: It seems I have more morments when I am weaker than those moments when I am strong. Now I am wondering if I should have picked up the phone yesterday, I don't know if it was him for sure but no one else calls me collect and if it was a wrong # they would'nt have called 22 times.

Kittyc I see that we go thriugh the same highs and lows....one thing I do know and that is that my b/f loves his drugs and his drug addict friends and I am last on his list.


Marie:
What do you think would have happened if you had picked up the phone?
Just humour me here!
Thanks,
Mickey
Mickey if I would have picked up the phone and would have known that he was locked up then would would be relieved. Whether we are togeher or not I worry about him, he is hanging out with the wrong crowd.

In the past when he would disappear he would call anf ask me to pick him up I never did for I wouldn't put my safety in jeopardy by driving through those bad neighborhoods.



Hi Marie;
Could you maybe phone the police station and see if he is being held or was picked up for anything?
Just tell them that you heard a rumour that he was picked up for something and you were trying to find out if he was there.
Mickey I don't want to call the police station... I will just leave it alone I know when things get really bad he will call.....
You know what's funny I don't even feel bad about hitting him on Sunday he deserved that and alot more for all these years of hell he has put me through.

But yes I am worried but that has been a way of life for me for such a long time....

How are things with you?
Marie I'm glad you have decided not to feel bad about hitting him. After all, you did that one bad thing to his countless? Thats how I feel now, I was feeling guilty for cheating on him but now I don't care..he deserved it. I just feel so depressed today and I can't snap out of it. How can I when things are continually bad with no break in between lately? I'm just upset because he called to say he's going to bed at 9 last night and its noon and he's STILL sleeping! I kinda freaked and accused him of doing crack and thats why he didn't call. OR he sneaked out or something I don't know, my mind is going through all these stupid scenarios. His excuse? He's bored and doesn't feel like getting out of bed so he's just laying there. I may be blonde but I'm not stupid! I think when he calls and asks to come over I'll just say oh I'm tired, I only have 3 hours of sleep. Make him wonder too...I hate being depressed, I'm so snappy at everyone at work today.
Marie how are you feeling today?
Hi Kittyc: I'm okay, have my ups and downs but you guys are making me stronger even though my love for him is there.
So your b/f doesn't work either, mine works maybe once a week and here we are working and taking care of ourselves.

We can only take it one day at a time
Marie, one day at a time is all we can do. My bf goes through jobs like underwear. Most times he loses his jobs because he's too busy doing crack to go in. One morning he got ready for work when his brother got his check and called the dealer. My bf decided that was a better option than going to work. I mean if I got up and my sister got a check and said she's going shopping, damn rights I'd rather go but I have responsibilities! He's apparently starting another job on monday. We'll see how long that one lasts. I don't think he's ever had a job for more than 3 months.
You know, I keep thinking when I finally do break up with him and I know that time will come, whats he got? How is going to even find another girl? He has no car, no job, no home except his moms but who'd want to bring a girl back there, the place is a massive pigsty and his brothers a crack addicted pyschopath. At least I have my own place and a job I can hold down, no car yet...but still..
Hi Marie:
Things are going great with me and my boyfriend. He is a recovering heroin/morphine addict. He was addicted to snorting heroin for approximately 10 years and then for the last eight months of his active addiction, he switched to pure morphine because it was cheaper where he was getting it from than heroin. Isn't that nice.
Anyway, he has been clean from heroin and morphine since November 12, 2004.
He is still getting used to having to handle all his emotions and stress, etc., but he's definitely getting better at doing that.
I'm just starting to get over the constantly worrying about him and what he's doing when he's not with me (which is not often) and where he's going, etc. and that ever-present fear of relapse. But I can tell you right now, I'm hardly ever doing that anymore.
I'm just doing my own thing and we are enjoying each other immensely and have a great time. I found that me stopping my obsessing and worrying has really helped make that happen.
And anyways, if he does relapse, it won't be long before I'll find out anyway. There are too many obvious signs and he won't be able to hide it. And it's not like I will be able to stop it if he does either so there is no sense in me beating myself up trying to monitor his every move. I can't control it plain and simple. It is all up to him.
I still worry from time to time about him, but I don't obsess. There's a fine line there!
Hope your day gets better for you! Try to stop worrying so much!! He's a big boy and will just do what he wants anyway!
Take care,
Mickey