It has been a stressful couple of days. Our AS has called/texted us several times wanting "to borrow" money. Of course, we didn't give him any. Now, as of yesterday, he's saying that he has an abscess in his arm and he's hungry. I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't go to the ER but then it came to light that he is not in possession of his food card, his state id or his insurance card. He wouldn't give me any information other than, "I told you I was going to end up doing something stupid". Well, I'm not dumb. I can guess what he did with them. I told him there was nothing I can do for him (which is true) and that he needs to get his stuff back from wherever it is. He said he's been trying. He then asked me to buy him food and again I told him the truth,that I can't afford to do that. He told me I don't know what broke is.
This path that heroin takes a person on is one that I could have never fathomed. So, I'm torn... He obviously needs some medical care but I don't want any part of his illegal activities. Am I cruel in just letting him figure this out on his own as well? Because I have no idea what he should do. He's begging to come live with us also but that will never happen. I might as well jump off a cliff if I let that happen.
As always, thanks for letting me vent.
Michelle
Hi Michelle, I am just shocked that your going through this now with your son. I don't think he will need ID or anything for the ER as I'm sure the rules are they can't refuse to treat someone. I might be wrong though. When this happened to my daughter I gave her the option to come home. I think that's all she wanted was just the option because she stayed with her boyfriend. I was kind of glad too. It's like the story of "The boy who cried wolf". We listen to them lying and complaining all the time that when they are sick we don't know if it's a story their telling to get us to feel sorry for them. Do you think he knows the seriousness of this? It will have to be seen by a doctor and he will need antibiotics. Depending how bad it is he may need a drain put in it too. The misery continues doesn't it Michelle? I don't mean to sound selfish there but it just goes on and on one thing after another for us.I thought my daughter was well on her way to getting better as she even started a job. Now she's quit it! So it's back to square one again? It's hard to watch hope dwindle away when we desperately try hold on to it. I'm at a loss with my daughter and what to do to help anymore. I hope your son gets better. I don't have the answers to help you but I am hear to listen as you are for me. Sometimes that's all we need is to know someone else understands the pain we feel and it gets us through another day. Thinking of you and wishing you well. God Bless. Mary.
Thanks Mary.
Our son definitely knows how serious it is. He won't go to the ER without ID because he won't want to risk the police getting called. He has two warrants and he'll avoid police at all costs. Unfortunately, this is like every other thing...I have no control over it. I completely understand the selfishness of wanting this to be over. I'm so tired of his calls. I'm so tired of him not doing anything to get better. I'm tired of him blaming us. The list goes on and on.
I'm sorry your daughter quit her job. Ugh! That sounds typical too. The longest our son has ever held a job was 6 months.
It was good to hear from you again Mary.
Michelle
Our son definitely knows how serious it is. He won't go to the ER without ID because he won't want to risk the police getting called. He has two warrants and he'll avoid police at all costs. Unfortunately, this is like every other thing...I have no control over it. I completely understand the selfishness of wanting this to be over. I'm so tired of his calls. I'm so tired of him not doing anything to get better. I'm tired of him blaming us. The list goes on and on.
I'm sorry your daughter quit her job. Ugh! That sounds typical too. The longest our son has ever held a job was 6 months.
It was good to hear from you again Mary.
Michelle
Hi Shell,
New day another chapter in the addicts storybook. Remember when my son almost lost his arm. I went to the hospital because I didn't believe the bug bite nonsense. Really who gets a bite right at the vein. It was 9 surgeries cost the tax payer thousands of dollars. And where is my son in jail. Still sponging off the tax payer. Honestly I don't know what to say or do any more. I check each day to make sure he is still in jail. And I sleep that night. No phone calls no nothing. He will be 35 on the 19, and it saddens me. We had made a deal I refused to see him since last June until he had a place/job and got his stuff together. Well it didn't happen. The best thing for your son is getting arrested he will get the medical help he needs/detoxed and hopefully for a few days peace for you.
I don't think jail is the answer because he will my son come out with more problems then going in. Not only will he go back to using he will be better at stealing, learning tricks of the trade sort of speak. Tomorrow is arraignment here is hoping for a few years.
You will have to stay strong, keep him at arm lengths, don't let him near you. I always felt threaten when he was near when he was high.
He will have to get help or the infection will kill him not the drugs.
Keep us updated and vent anytime. Gosh knows I need you guys to vent my spleen, open my heart with my fears and get mad at the life our children dealt themselves.
I really wish I knew why they would do the drugs knowing they could die from it.
Keep strong!! don't bend your life and sanity depend on it.
X
Sue
New day another chapter in the addicts storybook. Remember when my son almost lost his arm. I went to the hospital because I didn't believe the bug bite nonsense. Really who gets a bite right at the vein. It was 9 surgeries cost the tax payer thousands of dollars. And where is my son in jail. Still sponging off the tax payer. Honestly I don't know what to say or do any more. I check each day to make sure he is still in jail. And I sleep that night. No phone calls no nothing. He will be 35 on the 19, and it saddens me. We had made a deal I refused to see him since last June until he had a place/job and got his stuff together. Well it didn't happen. The best thing for your son is getting arrested he will get the medical help he needs/detoxed and hopefully for a few days peace for you.
I don't think jail is the answer because he will my son come out with more problems then going in. Not only will he go back to using he will be better at stealing, learning tricks of the trade sort of speak. Tomorrow is arraignment here is hoping for a few years.
You will have to stay strong, keep him at arm lengths, don't let him near you. I always felt threaten when he was near when he was high.
He will have to get help or the infection will kill him not the drugs.
Keep us updated and vent anytime. Gosh knows I need you guys to vent my spleen, open my heart with my fears and get mad at the life our children dealt themselves.
I really wish I knew why they would do the drugs knowing they could die from it.
Keep strong!! don't bend your life and sanity depend on it.
X
Sue
Thanks Sue.
Yes, I remember the story of your son and his many surgeries to save his arm. My son knows that it's serious. He flat out told me he could lose his arm or die. I don't know if he'll go to the hospital or not. If he doesn't get clean, it's pointless anyway. He keeps trying to bargain with us. He says he wants to go to detox, as long as he can come to our house afterwards and figure out his plans, etc... That isn't going to happen. We've let him come back several times before. He's going to have to find his own way this time. I told him, he needs to figure out how to crawl out of this hole he's dug for himself and he tells me he'll probably just die. I pretty much feel like he's right. Time will tell.
God bless,
Michelle
Yes, I remember the story of your son and his many surgeries to save his arm. My son knows that it's serious. He flat out told me he could lose his arm or die. I don't know if he'll go to the hospital or not. If he doesn't get clean, it's pointless anyway. He keeps trying to bargain with us. He says he wants to go to detox, as long as he can come to our house afterwards and figure out his plans, etc... That isn't going to happen. We've let him come back several times before. He's going to have to find his own way this time. I told him, he needs to figure out how to crawl out of this hole he's dug for himself and he tells me he'll probably just die. I pretty much feel like he's right. Time will tell.
God bless,
Michelle
Hi Michelle, Thinking of you today and hoping your doing okay! Did your son go and get himself taken care of? I hope so! I never had a chance to ask you how little Teddy is coming along? You must see a difference in him now. Is he getting big and have you managed to see him again? Its amazing how your little grandson and my grand daughter bring such happiness into our lives. It's a God send I think. Well just wanted to send you a "hello hug" to let you know your in my thoughts. Be well. Mary.
I will pray for you and your son. My daughter had an abcess that ended up being mrsa. I hope something will click and he will get tired of the life he is living/not living. I wish there was a magical potion to help our children & to help us, but there isn't. We just have to keep on learning & living and surrounding ourselves with people that understand & can help.
My son still hasn't went to the hospital. He hasn't mentioned the abscess any more. I know that he still hasn't gotten his ID or medical card back from whoever has it. I'm just letting him deal with it since I can't do anything to help even if I wanted to. He's staying just a mile from the hospital so I think if he's doing bad, he'll probably just go in.
I did find out today that he scammed me back in September on his birthday. Today I was at the apartment he's staying at and his friends girlfriend came out and got in a car and left. I immediately recognized her as the person I bought a used bike from for my son for his birthday. I'm guessing they split the money. I did let him know that I was aware of the scam. He said, "sorry". Wow! The things that you just would never think of being an issue.
Mary, thanks for asking about Teddy. He'll be 2 months old on the 16th, the same day I'll be flying down for a few days. I'm so excited to see my handsome little guy. We Skype every week and he is growing like a weed. My daughter is a great mom! For someone who never even babysat, let alone changed a diaper, she's doing absolutely excellent! They are the light in my life! I will not let the darkness overcome the light!
God bless.
Michelle
I did find out today that he scammed me back in September on his birthday. Today I was at the apartment he's staying at and his friends girlfriend came out and got in a car and left. I immediately recognized her as the person I bought a used bike from for my son for his birthday. I'm guessing they split the money. I did let him know that I was aware of the scam. He said, "sorry". Wow! The things that you just would never think of being an issue.
Mary, thanks for asking about Teddy. He'll be 2 months old on the 16th, the same day I'll be flying down for a few days. I'm so excited to see my handsome little guy. We Skype every week and he is growing like a weed. My daughter is a great mom! For someone who never even babysat, let alone changed a diaper, she's doing absolutely excellent! They are the light in my life! I will not let the darkness overcome the light!
God bless.
Michelle
Hi Michelle, Sorry to hear your AS still hasn't went yet. I hope he sees sense soon and goes. It's an neverending struggle trying to get them to see sense. Glad to hear your going to see Teddy soon. It's good to have something to look forward to. It's such a cute name your daughter called him. I know it's been shortened but how cute! When I write his name I automatically think of a teddy bear. Grandchildren are such joy to have in our lives no matter how big or small they are. Hard to believe he is 2 months already, time flies! I understood what you meant when you said keeping the darkness away from that side of your life. I feel the same. Tell me Michelle do you ever feel like your losing the link that joins us to our A's is slipping away? Lately I've been feeling that. Well enough from me! So here's wishing you well and hoping your visit is just great with your little guy Teddy. Just his name makes me smile:) God Bless. Mary.
Sounds like you're both doing the hard work of taking care of yourselves, ladies...it's tough being the mother of an addict...keep fighting the good fight.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Peace ~ MomNMore
Hi shell
Just checking on you and see how are you mentally.
My son has arraignment tomorrow . He will be 35 on Friday sad that his life is such a mess. I sure wish I could shut my brain off and not dwell on what if ,what did I miss.
I'm trying not to blame myself but I still keep thinking . Then I get made at myself ,I did not make you a addict .I didn't love you any less than your brothers.
I've got to keep repeating this to myself.
One day I can sleep all night
X
Sue
Just checking on you and see how are you mentally.
My son has arraignment tomorrow . He will be 35 on Friday sad that his life is such a mess. I sure wish I could shut my brain off and not dwell on what if ,what did I miss.
I'm trying not to blame myself but I still keep thinking . Then I get made at myself ,I did not make you a addict .I didn't love you any less than your brothers.
I've got to keep repeating this to myself.
One day I can sleep all night
X
Sue
Hi Sue, I'm so sorry you are going through this torture. Because that's what it is, torture! You didn't cause your son to be an addict anymore than the rest of us on here caused it for our sons or daughters. It's only natural that we blame ourselves because we've been responsible for their safety since the minute they were born. I've read a couple of your posts and God help you the worry you've had. My heart goes out to you. Don't blame yourself anymore Sue, you didn't cause him to be an addict. It was his choice like it was my daughters choice. I hope your son gets kept in jail if that's what gives you peace. God Bless. Mary.
Hi,
How is everyone. Well my son got out of jail, the peace was short lived. He got three years probation. HA! what a laugh he won't report to probation, take the drug test or pay the probation fine. He will get a warrant on his head, but he doesn't care. He thinks he is above the law. Everyone owes him for the fault in his life.
I don't know where he is, or with whom. Probably his drug addict g/f. I worry about my youngest son. My addict son always shows up at his house. The younger brother is trying to move , buy a house to disappear from his brother. How sad is that!!.
But it's life. So he gets out of jail, no help and probably denied he had problems. So here I go again. I have to find a way to get him out of my mind, and bury my baby boy deep in my heart. He is gone, now I have a drug addict adult son, who turned 35 yesterday.
Thanks again for letting me rant. It feels better for me.
XX
Sue
How is everyone. Well my son got out of jail, the peace was short lived. He got three years probation. HA! what a laugh he won't report to probation, take the drug test or pay the probation fine. He will get a warrant on his head, but he doesn't care. He thinks he is above the law. Everyone owes him for the fault in his life.
I don't know where he is, or with whom. Probably his drug addict g/f. I worry about my youngest son. My addict son always shows up at his house. The younger brother is trying to move , buy a house to disappear from his brother. How sad is that!!.
But it's life. So he gets out of jail, no help and probably denied he had problems. So here I go again. I have to find a way to get him out of my mind, and bury my baby boy deep in my heart. He is gone, now I have a drug addict adult son, who turned 35 yesterday.
Thanks again for letting me rant. It feels better for me.
XX
Sue
Oh I'm so sorry Sue. It's a pity you couldn't sell up and move yourself too. I understand how you feel so well. I thought about moving many a time. Only thing that stopped me when times were bad is that I have my grand daughter who is 9 almost 10 and in school. She has nice little friends too plus I don't want to take her from her mom as she loves her and I've managed to hide her mothers drug life from her so far. Her father is an alcoholic/ drug addict and she doesn't know about that either. God help her if she ever finds out. I may have to tell her one day as she is getting where she can tell living with us isn't the norm. I wish we could all get peace of mind. It's a hellava world we all live in nowadays. Stay strong Sue it's all we can do.God Bless Mary.
Hi Mary,
Feels like a roller coaster that we never seem to get off. If we are not enabling our addicts then we are still trying to protect others from our addict children. My husband works in another country and he didn't want to leave me alone facing my son. So the conditions of moving back to the state where my two children are is we are not on the same coast and I live in a gated community. How scary is it that I am afraid of my son.
But I could easily drive and pick him up if I wanted. He hasn't been at my home in over a year. He would steal things if he could. I hope my youngest son finds a place soon, so I may not worry about him.
My eldest son lives in another state and cut his brother off years ago. For some reason it's easier with siblings than it is for our parents. My addicts father hasn't seen his addict son in years. Talks to him on the phone but refuses to have anything to do with him. I should of took a page from his book. Maybe he would of step up to the plate and sort himself out. I doubt it though.
Thank you for helping me keep focus.
My son's life is now in god's hands . xx
Sue
Feels like a roller coaster that we never seem to get off. If we are not enabling our addicts then we are still trying to protect others from our addict children. My husband works in another country and he didn't want to leave me alone facing my son. So the conditions of moving back to the state where my two children are is we are not on the same coast and I live in a gated community. How scary is it that I am afraid of my son.
But I could easily drive and pick him up if I wanted. He hasn't been at my home in over a year. He would steal things if he could. I hope my youngest son finds a place soon, so I may not worry about him.
My eldest son lives in another state and cut his brother off years ago. For some reason it's easier with siblings than it is for our parents. My addicts father hasn't seen his addict son in years. Talks to him on the phone but refuses to have anything to do with him. I should of took a page from his book. Maybe he would of step up to the plate and sort himself out. I doubt it though.
Thank you for helping me keep focus.
My son's life is now in god's hands . xx
Sue
Hi Sue, Good to see you :-) I hope things are quiet at your end! I'm going through a quieter phase just now strangely enough. But it won't last for long. It never does because theres always drama and chaos that comes along sooner or later. It's strange how all us mothers go through the same things with our addict kids (34yr old) it's like a pattern. Drugs, hospitals, courts, jail, no cars, no money, no jobs. What a life eh? I certainly never bargained for this kind of worry. There's been times when I've been afraid of my daughter too but I never let her see it. Thank goodness we have this website as it really does help us get through the bad days. Remember Sue, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! ..I hope! Take care! Mary :-)
Hi Mary,
It's so nice that you keep me focus. My son just turn 35 on Friday. He was let out on the 2/18 and not a peep. I check the so called g/f facebook, she is not the brightest star in the sky.
Just posted that she is married. And it's the date that they originally stated. I doubt this is true because I think she was married to someone earlier last year but it didn't work out. Shocker!! So he is with her. So in one instant I am glad he isn't alone. But they will be on the streets.
I wish just one night I could go to sleep and not think of him. I wish I could finally put it to rest. But I can't turn it off. How do we do this? I want to grow old gracefully. I don't want any more strife in my life. Honestly I don't know what I feel, anger at him for ruining his life, anger at myself for still caring. Sad because I have to hide my feelings from the rest of the world . I can't talk to anyone about it, they just don't care. What's worse I know how they feel. I understand they don't want to hear the stories/lies. My other sons have a life and want me to acknowledge their success ,which I try constantly. They don't want to hear about their brother, understandable. I don't want to hear myself make excuses anymore for him. One day I hope to find the answer how to block him from my night . I can bury the pain he cause in the daytime. But it's eating me alive and I refuse to tell anyone about it.
thanks as always for listening.
How do you keep focus with your daughter. At least you have someone of her. My son never had children, he aborted the three that he did have and now he can't have children. which is a blessing.
xx
Sue
It's so nice that you keep me focus. My son just turn 35 on Friday. He was let out on the 2/18 and not a peep. I check the so called g/f facebook, she is not the brightest star in the sky.
Just posted that she is married. And it's the date that they originally stated. I doubt this is true because I think she was married to someone earlier last year but it didn't work out. Shocker!! So he is with her. So in one instant I am glad he isn't alone. But they will be on the streets.
I wish just one night I could go to sleep and not think of him. I wish I could finally put it to rest. But I can't turn it off. How do we do this? I want to grow old gracefully. I don't want any more strife in my life. Honestly I don't know what I feel, anger at him for ruining his life, anger at myself for still caring. Sad because I have to hide my feelings from the rest of the world . I can't talk to anyone about it, they just don't care. What's worse I know how they feel. I understand they don't want to hear the stories/lies. My other sons have a life and want me to acknowledge their success ,which I try constantly. They don't want to hear about their brother, understandable. I don't want to hear myself make excuses anymore for him. One day I hope to find the answer how to block him from my night . I can bury the pain he cause in the daytime. But it's eating me alive and I refuse to tell anyone about it.
thanks as always for listening.
How do you keep focus with your daughter. At least you have someone of her. My son never had children, he aborted the three that he did have and now he can't have children. which is a blessing.
xx
Sue
My daughter has been addict since she eas 12 startef with methadone i had her in treatment two yesrs didnt help. At 16 my daughter was using needle for first time i got a call from her girlfriend my daughter was in hospital. She had pnemonia hep c liver failer she was pregnant and had such bad staff infection she couldnt walk she recovered after 7 weeks and. Started using again.the hep c is so bad she needs 42 weeks cemo and the tissue around heart damaged from staff infection.she is now 22 years old and running on 4 warrents and staying with a drug addict.i have no idea where sheis only talk to her on line and two days ago she sent picture of arm it has big infection in
it from needle and shes afraid to go to hospital cause shes wanted by cops. She will die if she doesnt get medicsl help i live everyday scared ill get phone call shes gone.
it from needle and shes afraid to go to hospital cause shes wanted by cops. She will die if she doesnt get medicsl help i live everyday scared ill get phone call shes gone.
