Much needed advice. Much to my disbelief, I met a man who is a recovering addict. When I met him he was so pleasant and respectful, he asked me for my name & number. Usually, I'm very reserved, but it was the way he asked me, that I gave the information. We talked a few times over the telephone, before we scheduled a date. Before we went on that date, he said "Let me be honest with you", I'm a recovering addict. Of course, all the flags went off, but I still decided to give him a chance. We had a good time. We are still dating, I was just confused, thinking what would everyone think about my new found friend. Other men i've dated had good jobs, educated, but did not know how to really treat a lady. I don't smoke, do drugs or drink, never been married nor have any children, so as you may know this is all new to me. I don't consider myself a Codependent. He's working, and has a great personality. I wonder if this could really grow to be true love, and after all the addict reply's re: relapse sort of put a scare into me.
So far I trust him, but I don't want to be foolish, what advice do you have to offer?
my advice is see how it goes. he was honest about addiction, that is a good start. If he is working his recovery then that is fantastic.
I suggest that if you are thinking about an ongoing relationship with hm that you join the Al Anon and/or Nar Anon groups and learn about addiction and how you can live successfully with an addict :)
good luck to you
I suggest that if you are thinking about an ongoing relationship with hm that you join the Al Anon and/or Nar Anon groups and learn about addiction and how you can live successfully with an addict :)
good luck to you
How long has he been in recovery? HOw old is he and how long was he using? Does he know why he started using? I have been with someone on this stuff for years. It has a high relapse rate. Give him a chance if you want to. addicts are people too. They deserve to be loved. but be aware of the signs of the drug he was using and make sure you dont see them.
I am leary because if he relapses it will cause great stress on your life especially if you live with or marry him. Get all the answers.
Good luck and keep yourself happy and safe.
Jennifer
I am leary because if he relapses it will cause great stress on your life especially if you live with or marry him. Get all the answers.
Good luck and keep yourself happy and safe.
Jennifer
Jennifer1811
He has been in recovery for only six months after years of use. He said "He smoked everything", but never used needles. Although he has completed the six months program, he is still in the facility He wants me to move to a 2BR, so he can live with me. He's talking marriage, the whole nine yards. What I've noticed this weekend, is a control issue. For instance, he said "He'll control the money, got jealous when someone looked at me, and said something to me, He was ready to fight. No to mention, i've seen a huge outburst. This all happened this weekend, now i'm worried, that I may be making a huge mistake. I've notice he acts one way with me, and another around everyone else.
He has been in recovery for only six months after years of use. He said "He smoked everything", but never used needles. Although he has completed the six months program, he is still in the facility He wants me to move to a 2BR, so he can live with me. He's talking marriage, the whole nine yards. What I've noticed this weekend, is a control issue. For instance, he said "He'll control the money, got jealous when someone looked at me, and said something to me, He was ready to fight. No to mention, i've seen a huge outburst. This all happened this weekend, now i'm worried, that I may be making a huge mistake. I've notice he acts one way with me, and another around everyone else.
Just remember, its not always about the addiction. Controling men are something to watch out for, whether they are addicts or not. If a friend asked me for advice regarding a relationship of this kind, I would tell them to stay 10 miles away and get on with their life.
If you just starting seeing him and this sort of behaviour is already coming to light - the controlling, outbursts, etc., I think you better get away and fast. That behaviour only escalates and if you are seeing it right away now and it's giving you a bad feeling which it obviously is because it sounds like you are posting it because you are wary of it, then listen to your gut instincts and lose him.
I've been in a relationship that started like that - not pretty.
Good luck!
Mickey
I've been in a relationship that started like that - not pretty.
Good luck!
Mickey
HI,
I was in a 6 month housing facility....already 13 yrs clean from alcohol and pot addiction and met a heroin addict who was new to recovery having shot smack for over 20 yrs prior to entering this sober facility. He was charming and full of resolve to never shoot dope again and we formed a relationship while we stayed in the sober housing facility for over 6 months. Some of the other residents there would observe that he was rather controlling with me and that he had a short temper but i myself was rather oblivious to it as i was in 'love' with him at the time
At first we decided that when we left the facility that we would share an apt. together...and then for some reason he dragged his heels at the last minute but when i said that i could get a place by myself and it was in the same complex that another male friend of mine lived my ex bf suddenly changed his mind.
Well we weren't in our apt for less than 2 weeks when he went out and shot dope.....now i know why he was so reluctant to move in with me at the last minute as he knew he was probably going to shoot heroin again. I didn't know too much about heroin then but after being with him for almost 5 yrs and witnessing his constant relapsing and brief incarcerations associated with his using and dealing....i probably know more about heroin than the average addict and i never and will never touch the stuff.
The real point of my writing all of this to you is that towards the end of the relationship he became extremely abusive both physically and emotionally....well intentioned neighbors had called the police during some of our more severe brawls but i was always too scared to press charges. I also made a point of educating myself about domestic abuse and it has been oft times cited that an abuser is very charming and persuasive in the beginning and will rush the relationship to a serious level too soon in the making.
I am getting a bad feeling about your current boyfriend and i see a lot of similarities between your story and mine
Please be careful
MARY
I was in a 6 month housing facility....already 13 yrs clean from alcohol and pot addiction and met a heroin addict who was new to recovery having shot smack for over 20 yrs prior to entering this sober facility. He was charming and full of resolve to never shoot dope again and we formed a relationship while we stayed in the sober housing facility for over 6 months. Some of the other residents there would observe that he was rather controlling with me and that he had a short temper but i myself was rather oblivious to it as i was in 'love' with him at the time
At first we decided that when we left the facility that we would share an apt. together...and then for some reason he dragged his heels at the last minute but when i said that i could get a place by myself and it was in the same complex that another male friend of mine lived my ex bf suddenly changed his mind.
Well we weren't in our apt for less than 2 weeks when he went out and shot dope.....now i know why he was so reluctant to move in with me at the last minute as he knew he was probably going to shoot heroin again. I didn't know too much about heroin then but after being with him for almost 5 yrs and witnessing his constant relapsing and brief incarcerations associated with his using and dealing....i probably know more about heroin than the average addict and i never and will never touch the stuff.
The real point of my writing all of this to you is that towards the end of the relationship he became extremely abusive both physically and emotionally....well intentioned neighbors had called the police during some of our more severe brawls but i was always too scared to press charges. I also made a point of educating myself about domestic abuse and it has been oft times cited that an abuser is very charming and persuasive in the beginning and will rush the relationship to a serious level too soon in the making.
I am getting a bad feeling about your current boyfriend and i see a lot of similarities between your story and mine
Please be careful
MARY
I wish to thank all who shared their experience/insight with me. You may have saved my life, well being, pain & misery.
As of today, me and my recovering addict, are no more. He lied in so many ways. He's been seeing another woman as well as me, she had so many intimate details she couldn't possibly be lying. He was using her as well as me, trying to find an easy ride/place to live. The only difference she didn't ask questions, and I did. I had a bad toothache, and he wanted to know what type of pain pills I was taking. He asked me for some. The woman has been giving him money, purchased a Cell Phone for him, not to mention got an Apartment for him. She was hoping to move in with him, he just wanted the apartment for himself only. She found out about me, and cancelled the apartment.
Of course he denied everything. Like I said "The woman gave to many intimate details". I'm glad that I didn't buy anything for him nor move into an apartment together as planned. He's still using, and the Rehab Center, has placed him on restriction. He's been using the facility to make calls to both of us, not to mention the store, to meet his next victim. Very disappointed/upset, guess I fell for the part "I love you, and want to marry you". I feel bad for as the next Addict, if ever, I wlll not give him a moment of my time. I will make sure to get all the necessary tests, that the Health Departmemt offers. Hopefully, I will live.
Once again! I thank all who responded.....Happy Holidays!!!!!!
As of today, me and my recovering addict, are no more. He lied in so many ways. He's been seeing another woman as well as me, she had so many intimate details she couldn't possibly be lying. He was using her as well as me, trying to find an easy ride/place to live. The only difference she didn't ask questions, and I did. I had a bad toothache, and he wanted to know what type of pain pills I was taking. He asked me for some. The woman has been giving him money, purchased a Cell Phone for him, not to mention got an Apartment for him. She was hoping to move in with him, he just wanted the apartment for himself only. She found out about me, and cancelled the apartment.
Of course he denied everything. Like I said "The woman gave to many intimate details". I'm glad that I didn't buy anything for him nor move into an apartment together as planned. He's still using, and the Rehab Center, has placed him on restriction. He's been using the facility to make calls to both of us, not to mention the store, to meet his next victim. Very disappointed/upset, guess I fell for the part "I love you, and want to marry you". I feel bad for as the next Addict, if ever, I wlll not give him a moment of my time. I will make sure to get all the necessary tests, that the Health Departmemt offers. Hopefully, I will live.
Once again! I thank all who responded.....Happy Holidays!!!!!!
Hi,
So sorry that your bubble has been burst but thank God that you found out about his deception and lies early on in your relationship with him...i was involved with a heroin addict...who promised me the moon in the beginning but after almost 5 yrs with him all i received from him was both emotional and physical scarring not to mention a broken heart. In the end he manipulated me out of precious time better spent with someone else and he had depleted me financially as well. I am so glad that you have been saved from a prolonged agonizing relationship with him and can now walk away with your dignity and self respect still intact.
You are one of the lucky ones,
Sincerely MARY
So sorry that your bubble has been burst but thank God that you found out about his deception and lies early on in your relationship with him...i was involved with a heroin addict...who promised me the moon in the beginning but after almost 5 yrs with him all i received from him was both emotional and physical scarring not to mention a broken heart. In the end he manipulated me out of precious time better spent with someone else and he had depleted me financially as well. I am so glad that you have been saved from a prolonged agonizing relationship with him and can now walk away with your dignity and self respect still intact.
You are one of the lucky ones,
Sincerely MARY
I suppose an ex-addict is something to be aware of, but it is a label. 'Controlling' is also a label. THey both have bad reputations and with good reasons. But an 'addict' label covers a lot of ground. Don't pass a person just because they were an addict once. This man is six months out - or so he said.
There are many out there who have been off longer and have proved they can stay off it. This shows strength. As Jennifer1811 (I think that's the name) said, "How long has he been off it and does he know why he took it in the first place." Many people who have recovered well have done a lot of soul searching and healing. So it is part of a past that makes them who they are, but may not dominate them, as it did this man.
Be wary of the signs of things that may hurt you in a relationship. But not all ex-addicts are bad people.
I just had to say that.
Good thing you are out of that by the way. He sounds like a a******!!!!!
There are many out there who have been off longer and have proved they can stay off it. This shows strength. As Jennifer1811 (I think that's the name) said, "How long has he been off it and does he know why he took it in the first place." Many people who have recovered well have done a lot of soul searching and healing. So it is part of a past that makes them who they are, but may not dominate them, as it did this man.
Be wary of the signs of things that may hurt you in a relationship. But not all ex-addicts are bad people.
I just had to say that.
Good thing you are out of that by the way. He sounds like a a******!!!!!