I need some advise.I have two weeks before I start a new job and have been putting off getting clean.I am based in the uk and my habit (smoking)costs me 60-80 quid a day.This is the biggest habit I've had and has been building for the last 10 months.The nature of the job means that im desperate to not be using.I already feel like the most worthless specimin on the planet,spineless and completly isolated.I live alone and although i have a good set of freinds and family I have kept my using secret(I think).I had been clean a year (after a ten year on-off habit)when i lapsed.A huge problem has been that I was left some money through the death of a relative which has meant that for the time being cash isnt a problem.I know it sounds pathetic complaining about having money but i feel so guilty and weak.I have 300 mls of methadone in the fridge which I was planning to detox with over the next 2 weeks.I really want to be clean when i start work.Am I expecting too much?
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| I already feel like the most worthless specimin on the planet,spineless and completly isolated |
Tsteel,
WELCOME! Take it easy on yourself.....you are no different than the next person that has made a poor choice....beating yourself up only keeps you trapped. In my opinion you are asking alot to clean yourself up in 2 weeks with 300mls....there is ALOT to consider. It is great that you want to get clean for a job(and great motivation as well) but a far better reason is YOU! Unisolate yourself and seek out a strong support network(using this site is a great start....there are a host of wonderful people here at the ready to offer up sound advice), alot of addicts have no one to lean on and you have both family and friends....some of which I bet would go far and beyond to support you. You dont have to tell the world...just free yourself from the guilt and pinned un frustration. Also it would be a wise idea if you have someone trustworthy to sit on(hold) your money until you are sorted out. All the best to you!
D.
GYAC,
Thanks for the reply.I think there is some warped sense of pride that stops me from asking for help,which is strange because I know I have nothing to be proud about.I did try to tell a friend but because I am a so-called 'functioning'junkie he just didn't get it and seemed embarrased so I gave up.My addiction has been 'my problem' for many years [i dont have any user friends].Writing to this forum is even a big new thing for me.I know deep down that its up to me to beat this but everything seems like a huge scary step.Blah,blah,me,me,me,are all junkies this self-obssessed?
Thanks for the reply.I think there is some warped sense of pride that stops me from asking for help,which is strange because I know I have nothing to be proud about.I did try to tell a friend but because I am a so-called 'functioning'junkie he just didn't get it and seemed embarrased so I gave up.My addiction has been 'my problem' for many years [i dont have any user friends].Writing to this forum is even a big new thing for me.I know deep down that its up to me to beat this but everything seems like a huge scary step.Blah,blah,me,me,me,are all junkies this self-obssessed?
I agree that 2 weeks is very optimistic, but give it a go, everyones different. However I do know that Meth is a ball ache to get off and usually takes 4-6 weeks. Have you tried Subutex? With Subutex, you could still go to work without anyone knowing your on anything and therefore give yourself more chance to clean up. You do need to go and see a good counciller thoe and ask your doctor, because I am not sure how or if you can switch from meth to Subutex, but it is a lot easier than Meth. Unfortunatley it is a slow and painful process, even with Subbies, but once your clean the Worlds your oyster!
T,
That very same "pride" will be one of the very things that will keep you stuck.....LET IT GO! In the midst of this struggle you still have YOU to be proud of. Underneath the pain and struggle NEVER forget that you are a human being. Lift your foot off your heart. You were not born this way...we just made some poor choices along the way.....CHOICES....thats what its about so chose to take back your life! Your addiction is not your problem alone....somewhere near you or far from you is suffering just as you so believe when i say you are not alone! If close friends wont work then have you sought out treatment and or support groups in your local area? You are making a big step here and you can "one up" that step by seeking out treatment in your local area THEN follow that up with some kind of theraputic intervention group or NA or a support group. Building some kind of support network is a BIG key to your struggle but it all starts with you and how much work you put in......how bad do you want it!?! It will seem scary at first but if you look closly behind that fear you will see that you never have to live this way EVER again! All the best!
PS.....
LOL.......YES they are that and a host of other "self-" things but when the dope in gone you get that feeling of SELF PRIDE.....those to go hand in hand dont you think!?!
That very same "pride" will be one of the very things that will keep you stuck.....LET IT GO! In the midst of this struggle you still have YOU to be proud of. Underneath the pain and struggle NEVER forget that you are a human being. Lift your foot off your heart. You were not born this way...we just made some poor choices along the way.....CHOICES....thats what its about so chose to take back your life! Your addiction is not your problem alone....somewhere near you or far from you is suffering just as you so believe when i say you are not alone! If close friends wont work then have you sought out treatment and or support groups in your local area? You are making a big step here and you can "one up" that step by seeking out treatment in your local area THEN follow that up with some kind of theraputic intervention group or NA or a support group. Building some kind of support network is a BIG key to your struggle but it all starts with you and how much work you put in......how bad do you want it!?! It will seem scary at first but if you look closly behind that fear you will see that you never have to live this way EVER again! All the best!
PS.....
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| Blah,blah,me,me,me,are all junkies this self-obssessed? |
LOL.......YES they are that and a host of other "self-" things but when the dope in gone you get that feeling of SELF PRIDE.....those to go hand in hand dont you think!?!
Hello ..Tsteel..i would echo all GYAC(darin)has said..as you said ya got 300ml.of meth.all i can suggest is in the next wk.try&cut down how much gear yer smoking then start on the meth.for the 2nd.wk say 40/50ml.for the 1st.day..that should cover any withdrawls..then knock off 10ml.a day..when yer on say 20ml.cut down 5ml.every day or second day coz meth.has a halflife of 24hrs.this should give you enough meth.to last into yer 1st.wk at work..so you dont feel to ropey&you can cut down bit by bit however your feeling..its a crash course..but its more or less what i would do if in a similar situation,which i have been.All the best&again dont be so hard on yourself...tell us how yer gettin on .............Davey
