Hope someone can offer me a little advice....I started dating a man 4 months ago and we seemed to hit off right away with lots of common interests, etc. For a couple weeks everything was fine--he was very attentive, kind, giving, romantic, wanted to do things with me all the time, cooked for me, took me out to dinner, etc. I knew he smoked pot, (which I didn't care for because I don't do drugs) but I figured he was so wonderful in other ways I would try to deal with the pot issue the best I could.
Early on I had wondered if maybe he wasn't bipolar due to some of his behavior (staying up late, making lots of grand plans, mentioning mental illness in the family). I got a book on bipolar and it seemed to fit him like a glove. But then discrepancies in his stories started to appear and I began to ask questions
I found out he had recently been fired from his previous job for having an accident and failing a drug test. He could have kept his job had he gone to rehab--which he refused. When I met him he had just started a new job working with a relative of mine that I knew did crack and crank among other drugs. They became best buddies. Suddenly my friend's behavior changed for the worst.
I noticed a lot of "sniffing" going on, secretive behavior, secret phone calls, late for work every day (my relative saved him from being fired by calling and making sure he was up every morning). He got very depressed, paranoid, irritable, angry, insulting, uncommunicative, didn't want affection or sex (problems there anyway), phone calls became less frequent and then nil. His house became filthy, no food in it, he often looked dirty. Stopped taking me places. Had no money. He'd talk about bizarre and scary stuff. Then he'd apologize for his bad behavior.
He blamed it on stress and not sleeping because of his job. He'd admit he'd be up for 3 days at a time. After awhile of this, since he seemed to have written me off, I asked what had I done to get treated badly? He said we were incompatible and he had no feelings for me, but he still considered me a friend. He said it wasn't anything I had done, that it was his problem and his past had come back to haunt him. He and his buddy seem to spend most of their time buying/selling/using drugs these days.
The last time I saw him I told him he was a good person ("I don't feel like a good person." he said) and I knew he was fighting a battle inside himself with a bad person and I encouraged him to fight very hard so that the good one would win.
Recently he stopped answering his phone and stopped putting the answering machine on. He said "I got tired of people trying to sell me stuff I didn't want." It would be nice to interpret that in a positive way but that's probably just wishful thinking on my part.
If I call him he sees my # on his caller ID and he will eventually return my call but unless I need help with something, he doesn't want to see me. I have to give him credit that as bad off as he has gotten, one night he dropped everything he was doing and rushed over to help me. He appeared to be totally out of his mind at the time, but at least he came. When he comes, he tries to avoid looking at me. Why? He will hug me and give me a peck on the lips.
I know there's nothing I can do for him, but in order for me to put my mind at ease, I need to know something, no matter how painful it might be to hear--was I just a drug-induced fling from the start or did this person really like me before everything changed? I would like to think that his intentions and affection were sincere rather than just conning me. No matter what the answer is, it will be sad but I think the truth will help me deal with my confused feelings better.
There are times when I think he's struggling to get himself free so I have remained available as a friend. I try to just listen to him, offer support and be inspirational. And this is no easy thing to do considering the drug abuse issue has never been discussed. I don't need to nag, plead, ridicule or anything--he already realizes I know something is terribly wrong. He has already said to me "You know too much about my business".
Thanks in advance for your help.
i read what you wrote like a week ago and saw that no buddy replyed to you
so here is a little insight for you speed in the reason you thought he might be bi-polur When you first started seeing this guy he was most likley on what i call a break,this is when a user does not use for along period of time like five or six months then oneday they get high and that is enough for the break it's time to start useing again it starts slow you get high on the weekend monday and tuesday you stay up almost all night sleeping only a few hours then off to work where you are picked for a random drug test or have an accident and have to take a drug test knowing you will fail you quit or test and fail and get fired opting not to seek help you sart getting high more often to numb the pain of lossing your job . you said you dont know much about drugs and dont do them if this is true you whould have no clue as to when he is high and when he is not high except for thinking he might be bi-polur now he goes to work with somebuddy you know to do crank whatever else he does is not important people who do speed tipicaly don't do other drugs except for pot some times now is when the real useing starts getting high all the time means you become unreliable self centered irritable and all the other things you mentioned not to mention that if there is someone you care about in your life someone you don't want to hurt you push them away so they dont find out how pathecitic you really are or will soon become once the using becomes 24/7 probaly 16 to 18 hours of each 24 is spent in persuite of speed so you dont pay much attention to showering cleaning house eating having sex all the things you do when you dont do speed i'am sure that at one point in time this guy had and probaly still has feelings for you but his desire for drugs is all that matters push you away be mean to you whatever it takes to keep you away and still get high today.. from what you said i'am sure he cares about you... mabe this will help you clear up a few more questions when you get high on speed each time is differant but the same differant in that it makes you feel differant act differant might make you happy or kinda sick in a way where i'am going with this is the time you called for help and he droped everything to come help you he probaly just got high and was on one of the easy going feel good highs that alow you to interact with others you said he appeared out of his mind i'am sure he was at least for a couple of hours until he came down the reason he avoids eye conntact is simple make eye conntact with people and they want to talk and what whould the two of you talk about mabe how f***ed up he is not much else to talk about at this point the hug and peck on the lips is like saying sorry i f***ed things up without opening his mouth as far as a drug induced fling if thats all it was the sex probaly whould have been real good and thats it i hope i've been some help if you truely haven't done speed before then dont it is an evil drug that can consume the life of the strongest person in no time. the things i shared come from my years of expereance as a speed user i have been using speed for 18 years i'am 36 now if i can help more e-mail @yahoo.com
so here is a little insight for you speed in the reason you thought he might be bi-polur When you first started seeing this guy he was most likley on what i call a break,this is when a user does not use for along period of time like five or six months then oneday they get high and that is enough for the break it's time to start useing again it starts slow you get high on the weekend monday and tuesday you stay up almost all night sleeping only a few hours then off to work where you are picked for a random drug test or have an accident and have to take a drug test knowing you will fail you quit or test and fail and get fired opting not to seek help you sart getting high more often to numb the pain of lossing your job . you said you dont know much about drugs and dont do them if this is true you whould have no clue as to when he is high and when he is not high except for thinking he might be bi-polur now he goes to work with somebuddy you know to do crank whatever else he does is not important people who do speed tipicaly don't do other drugs except for pot some times now is when the real useing starts getting high all the time means you become unreliable self centered irritable and all the other things you mentioned not to mention that if there is someone you care about in your life someone you don't want to hurt you push them away so they dont find out how pathecitic you really are or will soon become once the using becomes 24/7 probaly 16 to 18 hours of each 24 is spent in persuite of speed so you dont pay much attention to showering cleaning house eating having sex all the things you do when you dont do speed i'am sure that at one point in time this guy had and probaly still has feelings for you but his desire for drugs is all that matters push you away be mean to you whatever it takes to keep you away and still get high today.. from what you said i'am sure he cares about you... mabe this will help you clear up a few more questions when you get high on speed each time is differant but the same differant in that it makes you feel differant act differant might make you happy or kinda sick in a way where i'am going with this is the time you called for help and he droped everything to come help you he probaly just got high and was on one of the easy going feel good highs that alow you to interact with others you said he appeared out of his mind i'am sure he was at least for a couple of hours until he came down the reason he avoids eye conntact is simple make eye conntact with people and they want to talk and what whould the two of you talk about mabe how f***ed up he is not much else to talk about at this point the hug and peck on the lips is like saying sorry i f***ed things up without opening his mouth as far as a drug induced fling if thats all it was the sex probaly whould have been real good and thats it i hope i've been some help if you truely haven't done speed before then dont it is an evil drug that can consume the life of the strongest person in no time. the things i shared come from my years of expereance as a speed user i have been using speed for 18 years i'am 36 now if i can help more e-mail @yahoo.com
Well I don't have any experience in the " drug scenario' either, but like you I got involved with soemoen who was a drug addict, I too had many of the same questions. what lead me to this site was to better " Understand" the addict and the occurences in people when they use drugs. My addict was a meth user, he would shoot it. I never knew either, all though the signs were there ( continous sweating, Alot of energy, No sleeping, not really eating, staying up for hours on end....2 days or more at atime, always having to work with his hands..rather it be on his car or someone elses), I seen that man wash 3 cars in less then 2 hours, Everyone laughed at me cause I did not know. People would tell me the signs...But I could'nt really see it, Anyways...let me tell you, I got mixed up in a unhealthy relationship, He took me down even though I was'nt using and never had. I got depressed, Stoped eating, ALOT of cring, I would almost beg him and ask him why is he doing this to me. The truth is.....His love is the dope..
" Thats it", worring where the next fix was coming from and how he was gonna get it. He blew me off to sweetie, The only time he knew my name was when he was dried out some where or needed something, he knew I was dependable, he knew I loved him..And used that for himself. I used myself all up for him, I had no more to give. After 2 1/2 years of cring, begging, pleading, and EXSTREAMLY heart broken I had to pull back, And I had to let him fall. You see, Your clean...he has nothing in common with you ( Just like what happened to me)...And it hurts us, and we think what is it were doing wrong, Or whats wrong with us, But its not you and it was'nt me. When he is ready..WHEN...he's ready he will come to....and either you can confront him with the "I KNOW" and heed your feelings and offer to help him if he seeks help, OR you can tell him you know and its not what your looking for and you wish him the best. Either way..If you care about him it is going to hurt, Rather you stay for the fight or you let go. This is only my personal experience. If you really love him and you plan on staying in the back ground waiting with love and support..be prepared to shed alot of tears..Because you will be 2nd in his life , Dope is his first love, And until he WANTS to change that you won't be first. Its hard, it hurts...But it happens to the best of us, He had choices and for now he made them, Now its on what you can handle. Stay close to those that will give you emotional support on whatever you choose, I know whatever you do choose will be the right one for you. Take care and God Bless
Jen
" Thats it", worring where the next fix was coming from and how he was gonna get it. He blew me off to sweetie, The only time he knew my name was when he was dried out some where or needed something, he knew I was dependable, he knew I loved him..And used that for himself. I used myself all up for him, I had no more to give. After 2 1/2 years of cring, begging, pleading, and EXSTREAMLY heart broken I had to pull back, And I had to let him fall. You see, Your clean...he has nothing in common with you ( Just like what happened to me)...And it hurts us, and we think what is it were doing wrong, Or whats wrong with us, But its not you and it was'nt me. When he is ready..WHEN...he's ready he will come to....and either you can confront him with the "I KNOW" and heed your feelings and offer to help him if he seeks help, OR you can tell him you know and its not what your looking for and you wish him the best. Either way..If you care about him it is going to hurt, Rather you stay for the fight or you let go. This is only my personal experience. If you really love him and you plan on staying in the back ground waiting with love and support..be prepared to shed alot of tears..Because you will be 2nd in his life , Dope is his first love, And until he WANTS to change that you won't be first. Its hard, it hurts...But it happens to the best of us, He had choices and for now he made them, Now its on what you can handle. Stay close to those that will give you emotional support on whatever you choose, I know whatever you do choose will be the right one for you. Take care and God Bless
Jen
