Hello everyone...anyone...any one willing to listen and give suggestions or advices. I guess I would have to start in the beginning for a better uneed standing of our story. We are/were highschool sweethearts. We had goals and dreams. We were in our early 20s. We partied, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Then my partner was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I took this very seriously as my dad had it as well. We decided we would leave the party scene alone and focus on our goals for our future. He had a good job, making about $30 an hour at 23 years old and I was making half of that at 22 years old. But things started to unravel. He lost his job due to haVing a manic episode at work. He hasn't worked since then and gets assistance from the government. When he lost his job he took on meth smoking. Nobody noticed at first but his actions said something different about him. He confessed to using meth. Fast forward 7 years later...after a few rehab and jail stints, broken promises and a lot of one more chances, we are still in the same situation, but with a 2 year old child. I have had enough. I use to fear leaving him thinking that it would be so hard on him considering him to be a meth addict and having a mental illness at the same time. How would he function without my help? I've helped him for so long...to keep him out of trouble..to remind him to take his prescribed pills, to take care and make sure he knows he is loved. But what about our toddler??? How can I give her my full attention when I'm focused on him and his addiction and he's focused on the drugs?? I can't do that to her. She needs us, her parents. I know he's not capable of being the dad I know he can be. So for now, it has to be me. I have to protect her from this type of environment. She might not be able to grow up with a dad by her side until he sobers up, but at least she is in a safe and healthy environment, right???
I came from a broken family and I hate the thought of doing that to our child, but I feel that taking her away from her dad who smokes meth is the ideal, the right thing to do. He's very loving to her and she adores him, but that's exactly why I have to do this. Im hoping that by leaving, he will realize it's his family he needs, not meth. I don't want her to ever see her dad in this situation he is in now. She needs him sober..I need him to be sober. I'm hoping he seeks help so we can be a whole family that our child needs. Am I doing the right thing by leaving him all alone??? Am I being the mother I should be by taking my baby away from her dad for now until he sobers up???? Is this the only way??? Meth is such an awful drug. It has ruined the life we had planned for. Please help...
Good morning Butterfly.
I am a mother of a beautiful son awful is am addict.
He is 23. Drugs of choice are alcohol, meth, & others.
I really can't imagine how you must feel, other than my husband is an alcoholic, and bipolar. and sober 7 years. My son is in jail for drug court non compliance.
I had to leave my husband. (He said he I would never leave); for a year.
I tried to "save" my son from Himself. It didn't work, the covering up, hiding it, etc.
You and your daughter deserve peace. And a healthy relationship. You will really be happier when you let the responsibility of his meds, & sobriety up to him.
Do this for you and little one. I am here for support anytime.
I am a mother of a beautiful son awful is am addict.
He is 23. Drugs of choice are alcohol, meth, & others.
I really can't imagine how you must feel, other than my husband is an alcoholic, and bipolar. and sober 7 years. My son is in jail for drug court non compliance.
I had to leave my husband. (He said he I would never leave); for a year.
I tried to "save" my son from Himself. It didn't work, the covering up, hiding it, etc.
You and your daughter deserve peace. And a healthy relationship. You will really be happier when you let the responsibility of his meds, & sobriety up to him.
Do this for you and little one. I am here for support anytime.
HI ButterflyKisses,
You are definitely doing the right thing- addiction is a progresive disease- if he doesent ask for help, his situation will only get worse and more desperate- no child needs to grow up surrounded by an addict in active addiction - you should be proud of yourself for the action you are taking in order to protect your child - keep posting here for support- all the best
You are definitely doing the right thing- addiction is a progresive disease- if he doesent ask for help, his situation will only get worse and more desperate- no child needs to grow up surrounded by an addict in active addiction - you should be proud of yourself for the action you are taking in order to protect your child - keep posting here for support- all the best
Thank you both for replying and taking the time to reassure that I am making the right decision for my daughter and I. It's just the co-dependent in me that makes me second guess my decisions. I feel guilty to leave him homeless because if I let our apartment go, then he will have no place to live but the streets and occassionally maybe his dealers home. But I have to remember to put my well being and daughters well being first.
Sadmomma, you said you had to leave your husband for a year? Now he is 7 years sober? Wow I'm glad he is sober now. I am sorry about your son. I hope he finds his way back home.
Traveling Man, do you believe that for an addict to seek help seriously, they will really have to hit their rock bottom first? I feel like I've always tried to prevent that from happening because I am afraid that the outcome might be worst instead of it being successful as in him seeking help.
Sadmomma, you said you had to leave your husband for a year? Now he is 7 years sober? Wow I'm glad he is sober now. I am sorry about your son. I hope he finds his way back home.
Traveling Man, do you believe that for an addict to seek help seriously, they will really have to hit their rock bottom first? I feel like I've always tried to prevent that from happening because I am afraid that the outcome might be worst instead of it being successful as in him seeking help.
Hi ButterflyKiss
everybody's bottom is different, whether it means being on the streets or even the threat of that may make him seek help- then again he may well continue to use- he may not be done yet- only time will tell - but to be honest your priority has to be your well being and that of your daughter- you need to do what is right for both of you-
he needs to want to get clean- hopefully the thought of being on the streets may make him look at his life choices, either way he needs to make that decision, you cannot make him seek help or get clean- do not let him manipulate you or make false promises - talk is cheap - only when he shows by his actions that he is making an effort to get clean can you believe him-
you need to look after you, you owe it to yourself, your daughter and your future, he needs to learn that his actions have consequences - he is an adult he is not your responsibility, your daughter is - al the best - keep posting for any support you need -
everybody's bottom is different, whether it means being on the streets or even the threat of that may make him seek help- then again he may well continue to use- he may not be done yet- only time will tell - but to be honest your priority has to be your well being and that of your daughter- you need to do what is right for both of you-
he needs to want to get clean- hopefully the thought of being on the streets may make him look at his life choices, either way he needs to make that decision, you cannot make him seek help or get clean- do not let him manipulate you or make false promises - talk is cheap - only when he shows by his actions that he is making an effort to get clean can you believe him-
you need to look after you, you owe it to yourself, your daughter and your future, he needs to learn that his actions have consequences - he is an adult he is not your responsibility, your daughter is - al the best - keep posting for any support you need -
We're moving this weekend and breaking our lease. I'm feeling guilty that he has no place to go. But I really don't have any other choice. I can't choose to stay because he will never change if I do, we've tried that for years. I have to keep telling myself that this is what's best for everyone involved. I pray that he sees a better tomorrow and seeks help. I know he can be the best dad he can be once he gets a hold of his addiction. Kick the addiction and get a better knowledge on how it affects his mental health. Our society and government really need a better system with people wanting to get help. A few days ago I found out that he has been calling around for a residential treatment facility for dual diagnosis. The facility near our city costs about $6,000 a month!!!! That's absurd!! How can someone who is trying to rebuild their life and unemployed be able to afford that??? Letting go of someone and learning that they are seeking help, but unable to get it, makes it so much harder!!!!
Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are in literally every city and town in the country.
They are free programs and anyone who wants to recover is welcome at their meetings.
(AA's 3rd Tradition: "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.")
If someone wants to quit drinking/using the solution is right around the corner at AA/NA.
Neither Government nor society is necessary .... they would just screw it up.
For the family of addicts there is Al-Anon and Nar-Anon to help you get your life together.
When the SHTF it's easy to make a decision. (something has to be done !!)
It isn't easy to make the right/best decision in an emotional upheaval.
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon can help.
All the best.
Bob R
They are free programs and anyone who wants to recover is welcome at their meetings.
(AA's 3rd Tradition: "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.")
If someone wants to quit drinking/using the solution is right around the corner at AA/NA.
Neither Government nor society is necessary .... they would just screw it up.
For the family of addicts there is Al-Anon and Nar-Anon to help you get your life together.
When the SHTF it's easy to make a decision. (something has to be done !!)
It isn't easy to make the right/best decision in an emotional upheaval.
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon can help.
All the best.
Bob R
