Hello, like a lot of you I am new to this site, but I need help and only others that have been in the same situation could understand what I am going through. I am engaged to a meth addict. It all started 7 years ago when I decided to come out of the closet and I met this wonderful person who was kind and happy and who had a great career. Fast forward a year later and we broke things off because we felt that the connection was not there anymore. During our time together he didn't use any drugs except for pot, but once we broke things off he started to use meth one time because he was very heart broken that we were not together anymore. Eventually we started talking and we decided to get back together after 9 months of being apart, and to get an apartment together. after two years, tiny fights about petty things became the norm to the point that we could barely talk to each other, but we still loved each other so it was a very weird situation. I walked in at least three times on him having sex with somebody else in my own home, and I just listened to his explanations on why he did it. He told me he was a sex addict and I tried to find help for him. However, in the process, I stop caring about myself, I gained weight, I stopped cleaning the house (what was the point of having a clean house so that other people can walk in and use have sex with my fiance and use my things?), I wore dirty clothes to work and I stopped going to college. In the mean time, he started to gain weight, and to lose care of his appereance because he felt bad that his behavior made me care less about myself and in the process I started to feel bad for making him feel bad. I don't know if that makes any sense.
We decided after a year to go through therapy. During therapy I found out that he used Meth once again in the last 2 years and that he was trying really hard not to use again. The therapist tried to help, but he was a marriage counselor and not a counselor for drug addiction, so he pretty much told us to look online for help.
Fast forward to now this year. after a struggle of on and off from meth last year we decided to get engaged. I know-how stupid can I be right? But I am in love and I know he loves me too in his own way so I thought that it was the right move. He has been using meth almost every weekend now for the last two months. His doesn't use much but is enough that he gets very ugly downs from the drug. He has tried to ask his family that live on the other side of the country for help but they are not that helpful, also, what can they do since he is no where near them. He says he doesn't want to go back to his parents because his mom is sick and he doesn't want to be a burden to anybody. I am back in college full time and working full time. I am also trying to lose weight and take care of a few medical things that I have been neglecting. In addition I am taking my mom to chemo every three weeks. My schedule is full of things that I need to accomplish as I am 32 years old and time is running out. He is in his late 30's btw. I go from 5AM to 11:00 pm tuesday, wednesday and thursday and on the weekends I spend all weekend doing homework. He tells me how proud he feels about me for trying to better myself but then he says things like: you are doing good and I am just ruining everything. He has been short on the rent which either I have to pay the remaining or his sister has to paid for him.
Part of me says that I should leave him. That enough is enough but my fears are that if we break up 1) he will overdose 2)he will start experimenting with other drugs (which he has done in the past after we broke up) 3) He will have no where to go 4) he will lose his career 5) this is the most frightening of all-he will kill himself as he also suffers from depression.
After this weekend he said that he was going to go to NA meetings since we tried the AA meetings and he felt that they were not for him. But today he told me that he is not going to go the NA meetings and that he thinks that we should break up even though it is breaking his heart to think of that decision. I told him that if he doesn't go to the meetings we will break up for sure, but I don't know if I want to do that because of the reasons mentioned above. I am really at a loss. I feel that I am his only support and I feel guilty for having a full schedule with room for little else. I wish I could be there for him more, but I literally cannot unless I sacrifice my school or my well being. In addition we have a cat together, and even though the cat is just an animal I love the little critter and I cannot take him with me or bare to never see him again. I don't know what to do. Should I break up with him? What if he does something and I feel even worse knowing that I was partly the reason why he did it?
I'm sorry for all you are going through. I think you will get more responses if you post this in the methamphetamine section. This is a section for methaDONE and I think you are talking about crystal meth? Am I correct?
There is nothing you can do to help your partner. Nothing you do, or don't do, will make him get well..or sick. I recommend you find a CODA meeting (co dependents anonymous) or an alanon or naranon meeeting so you can learn to take care of yourself and stop care taking your fiance'.
Not only is he most likely a drug addict, but he has cheated on you multiple times, I do not know if he is a sex addict or not, but either way that is no excuse for the behavior. Remember, we teach people how to treat us and so far, by staying, you are teaching him that it is ok to sleep around and do drugs because not only will you not leave, you will marry him!
PLEASE<PLEASE<PLEASE try to get help for yourself. You deserve a beautiful, healthy life!!!
There is nothing you can do to help your partner. Nothing you do, or don't do, will make him get well..or sick. I recommend you find a CODA meeting (co dependents anonymous) or an alanon or naranon meeeting so you can learn to take care of yourself and stop care taking your fiance'.
Not only is he most likely a drug addict, but he has cheated on you multiple times, I do not know if he is a sex addict or not, but either way that is no excuse for the behavior. Remember, we teach people how to treat us and so far, by staying, you are teaching him that it is ok to sleep around and do drugs because not only will you not leave, you will marry him!
PLEASE<PLEASE<PLEASE try to get help for yourself. You deserve a beautiful, healthy life!!!
