Hey Mickey,
I sent you an email yesterday. Was wondering if you got it......Let me know.
I hope that things are well and that you taking it day by day.......No obsessing, and driving yourself insane.
I am just doing my thing and enjoying life.....which I must say is the way to go.....
You take care,
Tina
Hi Tina:
I haven't even looked at my e-mail since I've been back to work - thanks for reminding me!
I'll go look now!
By the way, I'm not obsessing too much. I feel much better actually. I ordered the Co-Dependency book for myself. I should get it today or tomorrow in the mail. I can't wait to read it.
The boyfriend and I have been doing great. I've put the test in the back of my mind for now. I was told that liver problems due to the amount of use he has behind him could definitely be a factor giving him a positive result. He was a really heavy user for almost 10 years and this was to only feel normal, not high so I'm sure his liver has taken a beating. Plus, I still have seen no signs whatsoever and until I do, I'm surrending my obsessing and need to control. It's his gig.
Also, we were together all day Saturday and Saturday night. We didn't go out. We went to the store together. He never shut the bathroom door and our apartment is quite small. There is no way he could have used and with him, he would have to use everyday if he was using or else he would be suffering some withdrawals and there were absolutely none.
So I really don't think he is using. That suspicious feeling has even gone away.
If it ends up that he is using, well, I'll find out about it eventually. He will not be able to hide it because I know all too well what his symptoms are.
I hope things are well on your front!
I'm going to go check your e-mail now!
Thanks,
Mickey
I haven't even looked at my e-mail since I've been back to work - thanks for reminding me!
I'll go look now!
By the way, I'm not obsessing too much. I feel much better actually. I ordered the Co-Dependency book for myself. I should get it today or tomorrow in the mail. I can't wait to read it.
The boyfriend and I have been doing great. I've put the test in the back of my mind for now. I was told that liver problems due to the amount of use he has behind him could definitely be a factor giving him a positive result. He was a really heavy user for almost 10 years and this was to only feel normal, not high so I'm sure his liver has taken a beating. Plus, I still have seen no signs whatsoever and until I do, I'm surrending my obsessing and need to control. It's his gig.
Also, we were together all day Saturday and Saturday night. We didn't go out. We went to the store together. He never shut the bathroom door and our apartment is quite small. There is no way he could have used and with him, he would have to use everyday if he was using or else he would be suffering some withdrawals and there were absolutely none.
So I really don't think he is using. That suspicious feeling has even gone away.
If it ends up that he is using, well, I'll find out about it eventually. He will not be able to hide it because I know all too well what his symptoms are.
I hope things are well on your front!
I'm going to go check your e-mail now!
Thanks,
Mickey
Mickey I totally forgot about this, but when a person abuses drugs, the metabolics from the drug stay in the fatty tissues and gets released into their body even long after they've quit using. This could very well be what is happening with him.
Thanks Kittycat!
That's very helpful.
I guess there really are a number of reasons for it to come back positive especially with the length and amount of his habit.
Anyway, I'm considering him clean as his behaviours and symptoms show me nothing but right now and until they do, I'm giving up the obsession!!
Thanks for the info!
That's very helpful.
I guess there really are a number of reasons for it to come back positive especially with the length and amount of his habit.
Anyway, I'm considering him clean as his behaviours and symptoms show me nothing but right now and until they do, I'm giving up the obsession!!
Thanks for the info!
Oh, I really hate to say this but.....the hubby was drug tested 10 days after he went cold turkey and passed. He has been tested 2 more times since then while on sub and has still passed.....Now these all have been real test from testing sites not the packaged ones from the store...
But I will say this, if there is a medical problem somewhere, that could throw the test off and store brought ones can be tripped by the weirdest things......
Mickey, I got your email and will be sening on back soon. I gotta go start dinner!
But I will say this, if there is a medical problem somewhere, that could throw the test off and store brought ones can be tripped by the weirdest things......
Mickey, I got your email and will be sening on back soon. I gotta go start dinner!
It's OK Tina!
I'm glad he passed for your peace of mind!
I'm over it anyway. It's not like I even tested it right - it would have been mixed with water, etc.
And who knows what else could make the results come out wrong. I'm just going to go with my gut and symptoms and clear evidence that I can question him about from now on and there hasn't been any of that.
So, as far as I can see, he's clean.
I think I've been almost trying to find him not clean so that my obsessing would be worth something, but when I tried to think of anything to back up that test, I couldn't think of or find anything.
Who knows - it could be God having a sense of humour and making me squirm for doing something I shouldn't have done anyway!
I do believe he has one!
Look forward to your e-mail!
Take care,
Mickey
I'm glad he passed for your peace of mind!
I'm over it anyway. It's not like I even tested it right - it would have been mixed with water, etc.
And who knows what else could make the results come out wrong. I'm just going to go with my gut and symptoms and clear evidence that I can question him about from now on and there hasn't been any of that.
So, as far as I can see, he's clean.
I think I've been almost trying to find him not clean so that my obsessing would be worth something, but when I tried to think of anything to back up that test, I couldn't think of or find anything.
Who knows - it could be God having a sense of humour and making me squirm for doing something I shouldn't have done anyway!
I do believe he has one!
Look forward to your e-mail!
Take care,
Mickey
Where do you get a testing kit? I have no idea. Can I get it in a drug store or do I have to purchase this some place special. Thanks for lettting me know. I would really like to get one. My bf says he will take the test if that will ease my mind so I would like to know where I get it. I also haven't completely made up my mind having him stay with me any more. I just hate the stress and knowing that this will probably happen again. I'm trying so hard to be optimistic but I think it's too far gone for that feeling again.
maggied, rather than the home kind, there a services and labs in just about every town that perform drug screening services. it's pretty cheap. they can be found in the yellow pages. employers use them for employee screening.they'll screen for anything you want them to, and at any sensitivity. just gotta go give a sample. for some substances, i think hair samples work best. urine or blood for others, i think. they'll produce a written report and its done. no more guessing, worrying and fretting about that.
there's probably ways of getting around some testing, i suppose. but same thing holds true for the home kits.
addict goes once a week and drops a sample. cheaper than paying for drugs.
there's probably ways of getting around some testing, i suppose. but same thing holds true for the home kits.
addict goes once a week and drops a sample. cheaper than paying for drugs.
my son lives in a halfway house. if a resident is suspected of using, he is offered the opportunity to give a sample. it's his choice. if he refuses, he leaves on the spot. if he gives the sample and its positive, he leaves on the spot.
it's a condition of living there.
it's a condition of living there.
Hey Mickey,
Well lets talk of us girls.....So I am doing good except I am sick...yuck.
I still have alittle of that who am I, kinda lost feeling.......But I am going in the right direction, especially now. It is hard to plan and go places and do things when they first start out and aren't using...but I see myself more and more planning activities with friends, and looking for new things we can all do as a family to keep that closeness going and stuff for him and I to do because even though are friends are all straight so to speak, we can't very well go to the local bar and play pool, which is something we both enjoy.....The winter makes it more difficult because of the weather...but we are enjoying more things at home. Things we always did but now they seem new and nicer in some way. Even getting the ice out of the gutters was a fun time......although I really didn't need ice down my back.....but it didn't have that chore feeling.....it was fun. So I guess onward we go, and the pain fades away...but it won't ever leave...we may never think about it obsess over it but relaspe taught me how fast it all comes rushing back....Thats the only bad I can find now.....and I think thats good....But it is nice not to have his drug use the focus of the day and even nicer to have days go by and not have it cross my mind.....and I don't think I am ignoring, just living in the now.......
So are finding things different and enjoying things more....the mundane stuff. Finding fun in most anything and enjoying the good stuff more than you have before......I hope so....and hope everyone gets to this point whether they stay or leave....A peace in us that allows us to enjoy our lives no matter what we have been through.....
Take care,
Tina
Well lets talk of us girls.....So I am doing good except I am sick...yuck.
I still have alittle of that who am I, kinda lost feeling.......But I am going in the right direction, especially now. It is hard to plan and go places and do things when they first start out and aren't using...but I see myself more and more planning activities with friends, and looking for new things we can all do as a family to keep that closeness going and stuff for him and I to do because even though are friends are all straight so to speak, we can't very well go to the local bar and play pool, which is something we both enjoy.....The winter makes it more difficult because of the weather...but we are enjoying more things at home. Things we always did but now they seem new and nicer in some way. Even getting the ice out of the gutters was a fun time......although I really didn't need ice down my back.....but it didn't have that chore feeling.....it was fun. So I guess onward we go, and the pain fades away...but it won't ever leave...we may never think about it obsess over it but relaspe taught me how fast it all comes rushing back....Thats the only bad I can find now.....and I think thats good....But it is nice not to have his drug use the focus of the day and even nicer to have days go by and not have it cross my mind.....and I don't think I am ignoring, just living in the now.......
So are finding things different and enjoying things more....the mundane stuff. Finding fun in most anything and enjoying the good stuff more than you have before......I hope so....and hope everyone gets to this point whether they stay or leave....A peace in us that allows us to enjoy our lives no matter what we have been through.....
Take care,
Tina
Hi Tina
That's a great post to hear from you.
I especially know what you mean about living in the now. That's exactly what I keep reminding myself to do in order to avoid thinking about the "what if's" in life, especially the "what if he relapses". I try to remind myself of a different "what if" - "What if he doesn't". If he doesn't (which I obviously hope is the case), I will have wasted all this time and energy worrying for nothing and not enjoying life as much as I could have. What a waste that would be!!
So you've got it right there!
I also understand you're questioning of yourself. That's a good thing because that means you are turning the focus back to yourself and nothing but good can come of that. We all need to look at ourselves in that sense from time to time. That's how we change and grow (for the better of course).
We have the power to make this a healthy time for us by doing these things and seeing what we have learned from them. And I mean what we have learned about ourselves.
I got the Co-Dependency book delivered yesterday. I just started to read it and it looks like it will be very interesting and helpful. I am very excited to get right into it, but it's a little hard at work!
I will relay any good parts in the posts when I come across them.
I too have been going out with friends and not worrying about what he's doing when I'm out. It's a nice relief.
Otherwise, we have been having a great time doing the things that we like to do together (play games, rent movies, we've been reading and discussing the "Conversations with God" book). It is very interesting - I highly recommend it. We've even got his mom and sister involved in reading it and they want to get together and talk about it too and their interpretations of certain things in it.
We haven't been out "partying" or anything - just enjoying each other's time and it has been great.
It made me also think that main part of his addiction that bothered me was how it affected me in the end. His moods, his laziness, his sleeping away our time together, lack of intimacy (if you know what I mean), his always being short on money, his frequent "necessary" trips to the dealer interrupting our time and plans. Those were the main ones and I realize that none of that exists anymore so what am I obsessing about???!! If I am not being affected anymore right now, why am I still obsessing about it and thinking about what if it happens again. I'm missing out on the fact that it's not happening right now!!
Anyway, I'm doing so much better.
I think I'm pretty much in line with where you are (if not just a little behind!).
I feel like I'm getting myself and my life back bit by bit!
I hope everyone has a great day!!
Take care,
Mickey
That's a great post to hear from you.
I especially know what you mean about living in the now. That's exactly what I keep reminding myself to do in order to avoid thinking about the "what if's" in life, especially the "what if he relapses". I try to remind myself of a different "what if" - "What if he doesn't". If he doesn't (which I obviously hope is the case), I will have wasted all this time and energy worrying for nothing and not enjoying life as much as I could have. What a waste that would be!!
So you've got it right there!
I also understand you're questioning of yourself. That's a good thing because that means you are turning the focus back to yourself and nothing but good can come of that. We all need to look at ourselves in that sense from time to time. That's how we change and grow (for the better of course).
We have the power to make this a healthy time for us by doing these things and seeing what we have learned from them. And I mean what we have learned about ourselves.
I got the Co-Dependency book delivered yesterday. I just started to read it and it looks like it will be very interesting and helpful. I am very excited to get right into it, but it's a little hard at work!
I will relay any good parts in the posts when I come across them.
I too have been going out with friends and not worrying about what he's doing when I'm out. It's a nice relief.
Otherwise, we have been having a great time doing the things that we like to do together (play games, rent movies, we've been reading and discussing the "Conversations with God" book). It is very interesting - I highly recommend it. We've even got his mom and sister involved in reading it and they want to get together and talk about it too and their interpretations of certain things in it.
We haven't been out "partying" or anything - just enjoying each other's time and it has been great.
It made me also think that main part of his addiction that bothered me was how it affected me in the end. His moods, his laziness, his sleeping away our time together, lack of intimacy (if you know what I mean), his always being short on money, his frequent "necessary" trips to the dealer interrupting our time and plans. Those were the main ones and I realize that none of that exists anymore so what am I obsessing about???!! If I am not being affected anymore right now, why am I still obsessing about it and thinking about what if it happens again. I'm missing out on the fact that it's not happening right now!!
Anyway, I'm doing so much better.
I think I'm pretty much in line with where you are (if not just a little behind!).
I feel like I'm getting myself and my life back bit by bit!
I hope everyone has a great day!!
Take care,
Mickey
Hi Mistyeyes and Mickey - don't mean to butt in on your conversation, just wanted to say thank you - you have answered something I have been wanting to know - how do I handle the possibility of a relapse? Thanks for saying that I shouldn't really worry about the future - who knows what will happen anyway. Just to live for the here and now - and now my bf is not using. He is going to out-patient right now and I am going tomorrow nite with him. I went Monday nite and it was family nite. Tomrrow nite the family goes into another room to discuss things. It should be interesting. I haven't been having a good day because I was brooding over if I would ever be able to trust him again - whether or not I should just break it off and try to start over. The possibility of a relapse is what bothers me so much. But, I should really be happy that he is not using right now. It is just so hard for me to plan things - I want to move to the gulf of Mexico as soon as I get my house fixed up and sold. Just don't know if I want him going with me. Don't want a life of wondering about him relapsing. But, I am wasting a lot of time being depressed about that and thanks for saying it. I am going to try to finish Step 4 now. Thanks again! Seems like prayers are answered even when you don't expect them to be sometimes.
Hi Mickey,
Yeah it is time now...the focus must shift. I have got so much out of the other board....They gave me a great understanding of how he feels. I never wanted to be jugdemental of him, and in everything that I got..... I will be going book shopping this weekend and I will get the Covnversations with God....There is another one, I have to look up the name about all kinds of addictions that was recommended to me. I want that one 2 because I hope to also be able to use it to quit smoking, my last vice....lol Oh thats a lie....food, oh I love to eat...cakes and cookies, you know all the good stuff! Just keep enjoying all the good times....and live in the now.
Wanted to let you know that if you don't see me I hurt my back coughing today. I have no idea how I will be tomorrow...tonight is bad and I have been moving around so I don't stiffen up.....Tomorrow I imagine will be worse from sleeping......
Take care,
Tina
Cagungirl,
Well the trust, is a big thing for everyone.....I have to just trust, the past is the past now. If you are gonna commit to stay around then you can't obsess or worry about things that haven't happened yet. Actually you can't do that if they are clean or still using.....You have to let it all go. Live in the now....and not worry about tomorrow. The re-lapse part was worse I think then him getting clean in the first place....I watched it all and how he struggled, and it wasn't pretty and then I have to live that all over again. I can't think of that....it is to much. I have let that go too, because you know we have no control anyway.
I wish both of you luck on your journey. Take it day by day and keep living and enjoying it all.
Tina
Yeah it is time now...the focus must shift. I have got so much out of the other board....They gave me a great understanding of how he feels. I never wanted to be jugdemental of him, and in everything that I got..... I will be going book shopping this weekend and I will get the Covnversations with God....There is another one, I have to look up the name about all kinds of addictions that was recommended to me. I want that one 2 because I hope to also be able to use it to quit smoking, my last vice....lol Oh thats a lie....food, oh I love to eat...cakes and cookies, you know all the good stuff! Just keep enjoying all the good times....and live in the now.
Wanted to let you know that if you don't see me I hurt my back coughing today. I have no idea how I will be tomorrow...tonight is bad and I have been moving around so I don't stiffen up.....Tomorrow I imagine will be worse from sleeping......
Take care,
Tina
Cagungirl,
Well the trust, is a big thing for everyone.....I have to just trust, the past is the past now. If you are gonna commit to stay around then you can't obsess or worry about things that haven't happened yet. Actually you can't do that if they are clean or still using.....You have to let it all go. Live in the now....and not worry about tomorrow. The re-lapse part was worse I think then him getting clean in the first place....I watched it all and how he struggled, and it wasn't pretty and then I have to live that all over again. I can't think of that....it is to much. I have let that go too, because you know we have no control anyway.
I wish both of you luck on your journey. Take it day by day and keep living and enjoying it all.
Tina