12/24/05
I posted this earlier today. am not familiar with signing in and out. should have entered this under ellen1.so here goes again and thank you fatherofone for responding.
I am missing my husband!! but I know I have to be strong. My dad underwent lung surgery yesterday morning, he is out of intensive care as of this morning. My husband came to the waiting area yesterday with a plant and balloon for my dad, but the surgery and recovery took so long he could not wait to see my dad. I made the mistake of text messaging him after he left. I really am trying not to, but for some reason I could help myself. I have the divorce papers but not have filed them yet. I do not know what I am waiting for, since not too much progress has been made in 3 years. please respond. everyone - Merry Christmas.
It is never easy letting go of the person we remember knowing , loving and caring for. We lose ourselves at times trying to make that person rememebr the way it was . This time of year does not help!
I have to keep the three C's of Alanon in front of my mind as much as possible.
I, too have had a holiday week and holiday filled with the sheriff, multuple deputies, social workers and the like. How do I keep perspective when my daughter is 18 a meth addict that is NOT in recovery after 112 sober days and lives with a man for one week that is 38 yrs old and is in jail for beating up his younger sister and then my daughter says. " oh, I think I am pregnant but it is not my the one I would want it to be". Of course her meth casued her miscarriage in Aug/Spet of this yr.
I miss many things too at Christmas. I look forward though now, I can't dwell on the past/memories etc as that can eat me alive. try to find a balance in your emotions , Ellen. POrayers to you and your father and the addict you love.
I have to keep the three C's of Alanon in front of my mind as much as possible.
I, too have had a holiday week and holiday filled with the sheriff, multuple deputies, social workers and the like. How do I keep perspective when my daughter is 18 a meth addict that is NOT in recovery after 112 sober days and lives with a man for one week that is 38 yrs old and is in jail for beating up his younger sister and then my daughter says. " oh, I think I am pregnant but it is not my the one I would want it to be". Of course her meth casued her miscarriage in Aug/Spet of this yr.
I miss many things too at Christmas. I look forward though now, I can't dwell on the past/memories etc as that can eat me alive. try to find a balance in your emotions , Ellen. POrayers to you and your father and the addict you love.
1/8/06
haven't written in a while. I had a date with my husband (we are still separated) on new year's eve. it went well. went to the movies. he still calls me going back and forth from nice to very ugly. he is going to court now on a new charge and vop. his officer knows he is not living here and also violated him for not letting her know where he was. his problem, not mine. he was hiding out when he left ( i changed the locks on 12/10/05) i didn't know any other way to make him leave. He says he has changed and is not doing drugs, i sorta believe him, but told him today (he met me at church) that he is not dealing with his mental issues. he continues to blame me and says i just want to see someone else??? I am trying to still be nice to him because I love him, but sometimes it is hard. i am going to alanon meetings, church and seeing my psychologist. I said in the beginning i was giving up, but I haven't yet. I am stronger, believe me!! I just hope one day, we might have a future. am i dreaming?? i have no intentions AT ALL of becoming involved with anyone, even if i do file the divorce papers. that is all for now. thanks.
haven't written in a while. I had a date with my husband (we are still separated) on new year's eve. it went well. went to the movies. he still calls me going back and forth from nice to very ugly. he is going to court now on a new charge and vop. his officer knows he is not living here and also violated him for not letting her know where he was. his problem, not mine. he was hiding out when he left ( i changed the locks on 12/10/05) i didn't know any other way to make him leave. He says he has changed and is not doing drugs, i sorta believe him, but told him today (he met me at church) that he is not dealing with his mental issues. he continues to blame me and says i just want to see someone else??? I am trying to still be nice to him because I love him, but sometimes it is hard. i am going to alanon meetings, church and seeing my psychologist. I said in the beginning i was giving up, but I haven't yet. I am stronger, believe me!! I just hope one day, we might have a future. am i dreaming?? i have no intentions AT ALL of becoming involved with anyone, even if i do file the divorce papers. that is all for now. thanks.
