Hi
Well, I just found out a pretty tremendous lie. I talked about giving him some money in order for him to get some stuff out of pawn and my suspicions that he didn't use it for that before. You see, his stuff in pawn is on the other side of the country and he had to send the money to a friend there in order to have them get it out for him. He told me he sent this money to his friend last Friday. Well, I just could not get rid of this bad feeling I had about it and took it upon myself and find this friend's number and give them a call. I talked to them this morning and lo and behold, no money was ever sent to them.
I feel betrayed, used, manipulated and so very hurt. Especially after our huge big talk about honesty and his response of how he has been completely truthful with me because he can't bring himself to lie to me because he cares so much about me anyway.
Well, I guess I've been suckered.
This of course puts everything he has said into question, including his recovery. Why else would he need to take that money and lie about it????
I just can't get over the fact that there are no signs of using and I haven't been able to find any evidence of it anywhere. And I've played super detective. I've checked pockets, truck, hiding spots in the house. Everywhere I could think of.
He's also having some pretty quick mood swings. I thought this was a part of his recovery and his brain getting used to being clean and him not used to dealing with his emotions because he wasn't like that when he was using.
I'm sooo pissed and hurt.
Help!
Mickey
Hi mickey, I am so sorry for your pain. I wish I could give some advice. But I will pray. I know the feeling of betrayal.
Mickey,
I have some questions.......The stuff in hock, is it all his stuff only, nothing yours......and is everything things that aren't that important.......and where did he get the money to go shopping for you......Do you see where I might be going with this. Now I know he lied about where the money went.....it may have went to something you never knew about......lots of reason beside using. Yeah addicts with no drugs are moody. When mine relapsed he was on top of the world, a happy camper.....Now you can ignore or ask.....what happened to that money. Do you really want to know.....If you can't find any good reason to think he is using.......do you think you should ask. You said he is one to fess up, that he can't stand feeling guilty.
Ok so all these question and no advice yet......what do you want to do, and what are you willing to live with if it turns out he is using again. Are you strong enough to fight with him, or do you think it is time to go. Only you know what you can take day in and day out. How far did you plan to go with him. Was this his last chance to clean up his act......Is he worth all of this.
All these questions....go home and think about what you want from your life.....for you. Give it overnight before you do anything. You have to know what you want before deciding anything about him.....do you understand.
Sending you love sweetie.....hope I helped some....
Tina
I have some questions.......The stuff in hock, is it all his stuff only, nothing yours......and is everything things that aren't that important.......and where did he get the money to go shopping for you......Do you see where I might be going with this. Now I know he lied about where the money went.....it may have went to something you never knew about......lots of reason beside using. Yeah addicts with no drugs are moody. When mine relapsed he was on top of the world, a happy camper.....Now you can ignore or ask.....what happened to that money. Do you really want to know.....If you can't find any good reason to think he is using.......do you think you should ask. You said he is one to fess up, that he can't stand feeling guilty.
Ok so all these question and no advice yet......what do you want to do, and what are you willing to live with if it turns out he is using again. Are you strong enough to fight with him, or do you think it is time to go. Only you know what you can take day in and day out. How far did you plan to go with him. Was this his last chance to clean up his act......Is he worth all of this.
All these questions....go home and think about what you want from your life.....for you. Give it overnight before you do anything. You have to know what you want before deciding anything about him.....do you understand.
Sending you love sweetie.....hope I helped some....
Tina
Mickey,
Where are you? Haven't heard from you and how you are. I know that you can't get on weekends so I hoping that you get to see this today.
You take care,
Tina
Where are you? Haven't heard from you and how you are. I know that you can't get on weekends so I hoping that you get to see this today.
You take care,
Tina
Hi Tina
Sorry I took so long to reply. I don't work Friday's either so I'm gone for 3 day weekends. I left early on Thursday too due to a headache and I wasn't on much that day because I was just too upset.
Anyway, when I got home on Wednesday, I couldn't hold it in at all. I was just way too upset and hurt and pissed. He was already home when I got home. Anyway, I gave him a chance to tell me his lie straight out and he didn't. I told him I knew he was lying about something and I wanted him to tell me what. He said he hadn't lied about anything. I told him I talked to his friend that day and that his friend never got the money that he sent to him the week before. He said he knew. And I said "ok so you lied!". I asked him where the money went and he never gave me a straight answer at first. I got too pissed off with him and left to go to the store and to cool off a bit.
He must have realized when I was gone that he had taken it way too far and he had to be honest with me. (I don't that mad very often so I think it shocks him when I do).
Anyway, he ended up telling me that he f***ed up, but not with his drug of choice (which is heroin or morphine), but with coke. He said he ended up getting some with a guy from work (his work could be a pharmacy with the amount of drugs that float through there) and then he went on the weekend with his "friend" and got some as well. He felt soooo bad about how and why he did it and he knew he screwed up big time, but he was so scared to tell me because he didn't want to hurt me. I hate it when they use that excuse. I tried to get it through his head that he ended up hurting me more by lying about it and I would have more respect and trust in him if he had just told me he screwed up in the first place. I told him it really hurt too considering our big "honesty" talk the couple of days beforehand and how he could have come clean then. He figured that he was going to tell me the truth from then on and still keep this one buried.
Anyway, I hope I don't have to worry about this now. I know he's never favoured the coke before. He doesn't like the high enough to do it all the time (yeah - then why do it at all??).
But now I need to figure out what signs to look for to see if this is what he is doing now.
I spoke to him about it becoming his substitute drug and he said no way - it was just a screw up and that as soon as he did it, he knew it was wrong and he felt guilty and bad about it. He said that he just thought he would treat himself because he had been doing so well with staying off the other that he deserved a treat.
He knows how much he ended up hurting me and he actually told me that he was supposed to meet his "friend" that night too and his friend was going to pay him back for paying for it on the weekend and give him some that night, but he didn't end up going and he hasn't seen him since. I know this because he's been with me practically 24/7 since then.
I feel a lot better now and he seems to finally get the whole honesty thing a little better. We had about a 4 hour talk about it that night so I think he finally got it through his thick skull.
I'm still going to keep an eye out and now look out for signs of coke use. Do you have any idea what the signs for that is?
Anyone?
Thanks for listening and caring.
Mickey
Sorry I took so long to reply. I don't work Friday's either so I'm gone for 3 day weekends. I left early on Thursday too due to a headache and I wasn't on much that day because I was just too upset.
Anyway, when I got home on Wednesday, I couldn't hold it in at all. I was just way too upset and hurt and pissed. He was already home when I got home. Anyway, I gave him a chance to tell me his lie straight out and he didn't. I told him I knew he was lying about something and I wanted him to tell me what. He said he hadn't lied about anything. I told him I talked to his friend that day and that his friend never got the money that he sent to him the week before. He said he knew. And I said "ok so you lied!". I asked him where the money went and he never gave me a straight answer at first. I got too pissed off with him and left to go to the store and to cool off a bit.
He must have realized when I was gone that he had taken it way too far and he had to be honest with me. (I don't that mad very often so I think it shocks him when I do).
Anyway, he ended up telling me that he f***ed up, but not with his drug of choice (which is heroin or morphine), but with coke. He said he ended up getting some with a guy from work (his work could be a pharmacy with the amount of drugs that float through there) and then he went on the weekend with his "friend" and got some as well. He felt soooo bad about how and why he did it and he knew he screwed up big time, but he was so scared to tell me because he didn't want to hurt me. I hate it when they use that excuse. I tried to get it through his head that he ended up hurting me more by lying about it and I would have more respect and trust in him if he had just told me he screwed up in the first place. I told him it really hurt too considering our big "honesty" talk the couple of days beforehand and how he could have come clean then. He figured that he was going to tell me the truth from then on and still keep this one buried.
Anyway, I hope I don't have to worry about this now. I know he's never favoured the coke before. He doesn't like the high enough to do it all the time (yeah - then why do it at all??).
But now I need to figure out what signs to look for to see if this is what he is doing now.
I spoke to him about it becoming his substitute drug and he said no way - it was just a screw up and that as soon as he did it, he knew it was wrong and he felt guilty and bad about it. He said that he just thought he would treat himself because he had been doing so well with staying off the other that he deserved a treat.
He knows how much he ended up hurting me and he actually told me that he was supposed to meet his "friend" that night too and his friend was going to pay him back for paying for it on the weekend and give him some that night, but he didn't end up going and he hasn't seen him since. I know this because he's been with me practically 24/7 since then.
I feel a lot better now and he seems to finally get the whole honesty thing a little better. We had about a 4 hour talk about it that night so I think he finally got it through his thick skull.
I'm still going to keep an eye out and now look out for signs of coke use. Do you have any idea what the signs for that is?
Anyone?
Thanks for listening and caring.
Mickey
Hey Mickey....I have a house full of people right now and the kids are crazy...I will get you some info and post tonight for you tomorrow.....Hope you can hold out that long.
Sending out the prayers.......
Hugs,
Tina
Sending out the prayers.......
Hugs,
Tina
Hi Tina
Thanks a lot for your help!
Don't worry - I've waited this long and I'm feeling okay right now. I look forward to post-talking to you tomorrow.
Have a great night.
Mickey
Thanks a lot for your help!
Don't worry - I've waited this long and I'm feeling okay right now. I look forward to post-talking to you tomorrow.
Have a great night.
Mickey
Hey Mickey,
Well I have no idea what to say.......I know this hurts so bad. The dishonesty just kills the heart. It is by far the worst thing I experienced....and I watched the hubby wd more than once. It is almost like you know them so well you can hear it in there voice. You are right to worry about him changing his DOC because it does happen a lot. They figure well it is not what I usually take so I will be fine.
I am going to post on the cocaine board with a link to this thread and see if I can bring in some help on this. My hubby has done coke too a long time ago but it made him sick so I don't have to worry about him running to that drug.....
I will keep a look out for you tomorrow....I hope that I can get some people to respond to you tonight.....
You take care,
Hugs,
Tina
Well I have no idea what to say.......I know this hurts so bad. The dishonesty just kills the heart. It is by far the worst thing I experienced....and I watched the hubby wd more than once. It is almost like you know them so well you can hear it in there voice. You are right to worry about him changing his DOC because it does happen a lot. They figure well it is not what I usually take so I will be fine.
I am going to post on the cocaine board with a link to this thread and see if I can bring in some help on this. My hubby has done coke too a long time ago but it made him sick so I don't have to worry about him running to that drug.....
I will keep a look out for you tomorrow....I hope that I can get some people to respond to you tonight.....
You take care,
Hugs,
Tina
Hey Mickey,
No responses yet but I am holding out hope.....I copied this from the net.....
Hope it helps! Here are some signs a person is using......
Anger/violence/agitation
Anxiety/tension
Changes in blood pressure
Changes in heart rate and heart function
Changes in mood and personality
Confusion
Difficulty breathing
Enlarged pupils
Euphoria (temporary feelings of elation, energy and limitless power)
Fatigue
Feeling jumpy or restlessness
Grandiosity (acting in a pompous or boastful manner)
Hallucinations and "coke bugs" sensation that imaginary insects are crawling over the skin
Headaches
Hypervigilance (suspiciously watchful or alert)
Impaired judgement which may lead to inappropriate or bizarre behavior (e.g., feeling no pain, feeling indestructible or poor decision making)
Muscle weakness
Nausea or vomiting
Rambling speech
Repeating the same actions over and over
Sadness/withdrawal
Seizures
Severe intoxication may lead to coma
Sweating or chills
Talkativeness
Tinnitus (ringing sound in the ears)
Weight loss
I hope that you have a good day,
Tina
No responses yet but I am holding out hope.....I copied this from the net.....
Hope it helps! Here are some signs a person is using......
Anger/violence/agitation
Anxiety/tension
Changes in blood pressure
Changes in heart rate and heart function
Changes in mood and personality
Confusion
Difficulty breathing
Enlarged pupils
Euphoria (temporary feelings of elation, energy and limitless power)
Fatigue
Feeling jumpy or restlessness
Grandiosity (acting in a pompous or boastful manner)
Hallucinations and "coke bugs" sensation that imaginary insects are crawling over the skin
Headaches
Hypervigilance (suspiciously watchful or alert)
Impaired judgement which may lead to inappropriate or bizarre behavior (e.g., feeling no pain, feeling indestructible or poor decision making)
Muscle weakness
Nausea or vomiting
Rambling speech
Repeating the same actions over and over
Sadness/withdrawal
Seizures
Severe intoxication may lead to coma
Sweating or chills
Talkativeness
Tinnitus (ringing sound in the ears)
Weight loss
I hope that you have a good day,
Tina
Hi Tina:
I just got in to work. Thank you so much for all your help and resourcefulness. I can't believe all the work you did.
You're an absolute angel.
The key thing that I watch is his pupils. They seem to be quite normal nowadays considering that they used to be always pinpointed and now they seem to fluctuate all the time depending on the light. I think that's a good sign.
Thanks for that list. It will be very helpful (hopefully to rule anything out!).
You are such a great support.
I'll keep an eye out on the other boards as well.
I am feeling better!
Mickey
I just got in to work. Thank you so much for all your help and resourcefulness. I can't believe all the work you did.
You're an absolute angel.
The key thing that I watch is his pupils. They seem to be quite normal nowadays considering that they used to be always pinpointed and now they seem to fluctuate all the time depending on the light. I think that's a good sign.
Thanks for that list. It will be very helpful (hopefully to rule anything out!).
You are such a great support.
I'll keep an eye out on the other boards as well.
I am feeling better!
Mickey
Mickey,
I hope that some of this stuff helps......you still need to step back some and remember that you need to take care of yourself too. Not sure what your schedule is this week so I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year of new beginnings.........before I forgot......I hope that you both have a wonderful holiday and that you are free from worry and doubt.
You take care,
Hugs,
Tina
I hope that some of this stuff helps......you still need to step back some and remember that you need to take care of yourself too. Not sure what your schedule is this week so I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year of new beginnings.........before I forgot......I hope that you both have a wonderful holiday and that you are free from worry and doubt.
You take care,
Hugs,
Tina
Tina
I keep trying to remind myself of that. That this is his recovery to take care of. I just don't want to be lied to. He told me again last night that if he does anything at all, he will tell me, although he says he definitely isn't planning on it.
Sammy wrote a post on co-dependency on the Pain Pills board and it really hit home. It was a great post so I try to take that into consideration. I definitely have been getting too focused on this and letting it control everything I do. I'm working on it though!! As long as he stays honest too, things will go very well.
Thursday is my last day until the January 3 so I will be off the boards until then.
Thanks again for all your help and support! You have really helped me.
If we don't post 'til the New Year, I hope you have a fantastic holiday and I hope your husband is feeling good in his recovery and that your whole family have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!
Take care!
Mickey
I keep trying to remind myself of that. That this is his recovery to take care of. I just don't want to be lied to. He told me again last night that if he does anything at all, he will tell me, although he says he definitely isn't planning on it.
Sammy wrote a post on co-dependency on the Pain Pills board and it really hit home. It was a great post so I try to take that into consideration. I definitely have been getting too focused on this and letting it control everything I do. I'm working on it though!! As long as he stays honest too, things will go very well.
Thursday is my last day until the January 3 so I will be off the boards until then.
Thanks again for all your help and support! You have really helped me.
If we don't post 'til the New Year, I hope you have a fantastic holiday and I hope your husband is feeling good in his recovery and that your whole family have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!
Take care!
Mickey