Mom Of 16yr Old Girl Heroin User

I am the mom of a 16 yr. old girl who has used heroin every day for about 1 1/2 months. After I found out she stopped and went through a drug rehab program. She stayed sober about 6 weeks and then used again. I found out and she is trying to stay clean again. All of her friends (who are not using) are keeping an eye on her and keep me informed if they think she is acting "suspicious". She is seeing a counseler and a psych - she is on anti-depressants. She did not go to NA meetings before, but she says she will now. I am a single parent and my family is supporting me through this. Her father died 7 yrs. ago and 2 yrs. ago I had breast cancer. I know this may all be a part of why she tried in the first place, but now I think her biggest problem is the heroin. She has sister who just left for college and a 13yr. old sister, both who are very upset by this. Her friends are great and our family is great, but I don't know if this is enough. Should I sent her away to a residential treatment program. I want to keep her at home if possible.

WHAT ELSE SHOULD I BE DOING?

a worried mom
hi mom,
A treatment program in my opinion would be the best thing for her.I am the addict in my family but i will tell you this~if this was my kid i would deliver him inpatient ASAP.I know you want to help her but sometimes you have to let others help.I know how us moms feel about our kids.We want to be the ones to fix their probs.This addiction stuff is like dealing directly with the damn devil.you need experts and people trained to deal with it.Getting clean is the easiest part for us addicts (and it's not easy at all)
Staying clean is what is the absolute hardest.
I wish you both well.
love,
Ladybug
I should of also said why i think treatment is a good idea.
She will learn the tools necessary to stay clean.she is so young.She will learn how to reach out before she picks up.A lot of treatment facilities are based on NA,AA etc and make meetings mandatory while in detox.it gives a good start to a new way of life.
Hi

iam also the addict in my family and though i do agree with sum of the advice that has been posted to you i think that you have other options that you can look into.

I dont know whether shes has been smoking or mainlining or wot kind of help is avaiable in ur area but iam getting get support from loads of different sources from my local drug support agenies.

Friends that i know who ave gone 2 rehab often find while they are there its working for them but cuming back into the real world has been difficult for sum of them, they describe it as a "camp mentally" and they have not always been sent out with the necessary tools to cope with the cravings that come back to you whenever a situation arises that you feel your losing control.

Iam not saying that rehab isn't the best best option if u believe it to be then do ur research get in contact with people who run these kind of sites iam sure they can recomend good rehab places that would suit both you and your daugther.

i wish you and your daughter all the best in the world ,

ria xxx
Dear Missy3,

Are you involved in seeing her counsellor as well, or the psych? Have they given you anyfeedback or suggested any further treatment plan?
I am involved with the counseler and the psychiatrist, and I am trying to do what I think is the best for my daughter, I'm just not sure what it is. I don't know if anyone does. People have told me to switch schools, keep her in all the time, etc. I look through her room and read her diary, and I even fould out who she's buying the H from and called her and told the girl to leave my daughter alone. I know that my daughter must make the decision to stop, I just want to help her, she's so young.
Is it possible to be addicted after 1 month of use?
Her friends have told me that she cries sometimes and tells them that she just can't "get over it" (using heroin). what is it that is so powerful that she is willing to risk her life, her family and her future?

thanks to all for all your help,
worried mom
Get your daughter into a long term treatment ASAP. I've been dealing with my son for 2 yrs. to get clean and stay clean. He's in his early 20's and has a hard time with staying clean. He's been through hell and back. Only problem is he just loves the high of heroin.....it makes me sick. He now has felony charges, can't get a job, lost his liscence and insurance and is almost homeless if he doesn't get a "grip" real soon. My daughter and I can't stand seeing this anymore. He gets so wasted he doesn't remember what happens. I hide my jewelry and money. This is no way to live for the addict or family members! I pray for ALL addicts in their recovery because it is very sad to see the people we love destry themselves. I don't know what else to do for him except "let him go"......Get to Al-anon mtgs. too. They help.
I have come to realize that I don't think many heroin addicts ever get clean and stay that way!! After all we have been through I believe and have accepted this may be his way of life until he overdoses like he has before.....only there will be a time that no one will be around to call 911......I have to concentrate on raising my 16 yrs. old and get her through college. If he doesn't want help then he will have to leave. He is having so many excuses and told me last night (while high) that he just doesn't have the willpower to stop and wants to die. I believe him too. I picture in my head planning his funeral. How sad. Good luck to everyone out there, "J"
My best advice is residential treatment, the temptation is too much. My baby sister now 19 is now and has been addicted for over a 2 years now. She was an honor roll student, intelligent, and beautful. The mistake of our families was not doing as much as we could before she turnt 18. Now considered an adult we have no say. When she was under age we did the counseling, the outpatient thing, anti depressants, but to get high was easier than to not get high. She has been in an inpatient once since she was 18, but left 2 weeks into the program, and it has been down hill since. In the end it is up to her, but the temptation is too much this early in her recovery.
Hi there Missy3,
I am the addict in my family and in answer to your question about wether your daughter can be addicted after 1 month then the answer is yes. I'm 23 and I started using 'H' when I was 18 although I did not actually start using it regularly until I was 19. In that time I have lost numerous jobs through my addiction, lost contact with friends and family cause I was to ashamed and embarressed to go and see them and just recently I could of easily lost my life. It had gotten that bad that I was injecting into the femeral vein in my groin and because I was doing it that often I ended up with DVT (deep vein thrombosis) and also had to get an abcess drained. Although I am now fine that was enough to scare me into stopping using.You say there has been some heartache in your family with your daughters dad dying and your cancer. Yes this could of been a trigger for her to start using but you now need to find out what why it is she feels she cannot stop. The physical side of things can be made easier by getting her on some sort of detox programme wether it is Subutex or Methodone and then you can concentrate on the mental anguish with her counsellor and psychiatrist. It is good that she still has friends that are not users then she can see what her life could be like if she was to stop using.I will just say one more thing and you've probably heard this from many people but unless your daughter wants help for herself and not because you want her to or because she feels she is letting people down then it is going to be a long battle for you.If that is the case all you can do is let her know that no matter what you will always be there for her.I hope I have been of some help to you and that I am thinking of you and your daughter.Good luck and take care.
Love Kelly XXX
Hi there Missy, and everyone else......
As I was getting ready for work this morning my addict (son) was walking around the house. I saw him peek into my room and I got suspicious.......a long story short, I pulled into a store for coffee and my wallet was gone!! Gee, I thought I had my purse in sight good enough, but apparently not. This disease only gets worse if we don't stop enabling them. I turned my car around to head home to tell him he now has to leave. He wasn't there. Gee, suppose he was copping dope, I'm sure.
I can't live like this any longer or expect my daughter to either. Too much mind games for me. So now I have to tell him he needs to leave. I hope your daughter will get a grip on her addiction. She is so young. Get yourself a book called.
CODEPENDENT NO MORE, by Melody Beattie. Remember too, that addicts are all about THEMSELVES.......they become very selfish individuals. Get involved with al-anon meetings for YOU and good luck.
Hi
Ihave been dealing with my daughters addition to Herion for 3-4 years. She is know 23 and been in and out of jail and rehab programs. you have an advanage I didn't your daughter is under 18 please get her in a in house rehab. I could not do this for mine. She is presently living with a guy she saies she loves that steals her money and perscription durgs. He has started using herion again and I'm afraid she is too. I live with the fear that when the phone rings my daughter will be dead.Your daughter may be upset at going to rehab but it will improve the quality of her life and possible save her.
Missy,
Does SHE want to be clean? or do YOU want her to be clean? forcing her into rehab if she doesn't want it could only make things worse. I know that when this happen to me i became very angry and bitter. i didn't want to be clean at the time so i started using the first chance i had. i was so angry and hurt. i felt very betrayed. i was about the same age as she is when my mom decided to step in. now looking back i se she was trying to save me. she didn't want me to end up like this. or like my father {who used H for 40yrs before he OD and died}
I'm sure there are many things deep down that she is struggling with. a death of a parent is very hard and the fear that she might loose you is overwhelming. 16 is so young and such a scary time. Heroin may seem so safe for her. It takes all the fear and all your problems and pushes them away. It becomes your best friend and is always there to make you feel better. forcing her right now may not be the right time. {don't get me wrong, i'm not saying to approve of her using} I would try to help her deal with her fears and heartache and in time she will be ready to get clean. please talk to her and you may find the answers you seek.
good luck and many prayers
raerae
Dear Raerae and everyone else who posted replies,

Thanks so much for your input. It's so great to be able to "talk" with people who have actually gone through what our family is now experiencing.

I don't know if my daughter truly wants to stop or not. She says she does, but I don't know if she thinks that is what I want to hear and she may also be afraid that I will send her into a residential treatment program to live. I know she does not want that nor do I.

But I also have a 13yr. old daughter and I am afraid she will also start using, she is not now and is hurt by what her sister is doing. We are seeing counselers and a psychiatrist to try and work out the other problems.

She was clean for 6 weeks, then used 1 night and is now clean for about 2 weeks. She asked me to give her drug tests everyday, which I do, and she has started going to NA meeting 1-2 times a week.

If she starts useing again, what do I do? I lost my husband (heart attack) and I just can't do nothing and possibly loose my daughter. She is so young in so many ways, it just tears at my heart. If she doesn't want to go into a residential treatment do I force her?

thanks for all your help, and I hope for better times for all

Missy3