Hello I'm new to this group but need to talk to someone about what I've been dealing with, I feel like I'm slowly dieing from dealing with a daughter who is addicted to heroin. She has been in & out of rehabs from checking herself out and saying she can get better on her own , to stealing & lieng to get what she needs to support her habit. She almost killed herself once and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks because of an abscess in her arm from a dirty needle, you would think that would scare her straight but she only did even more. I know it is a disease but do the addicts have any idea what they are doing to the families who love them and want the best for them, my daughter is slowly killing me :( I'm a wreck and can't take much more. She is now incarcerated and has been for the last 2 weeks and will be for 2 more weeks,at least I know she's not using in jail,my question is can you put a number on how long recovery should take ? My daughter seems to think she could go to a rehab for 30 days and she will be better,well I say no way, I think she needs way more time several months in a rehab before she has any chance of a good life, am I far off in thinking she needs longer? I feel she's back stepping because she really isn't ready to get the help she needs. I'm feeling alone in the battle :(
Unfortunately there is no "timeline" for this disease. Everyone's journey is unique and everyone has different timelines in reaching their personal bottom to begin their journey of recovery. If I have learned one thing though, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to achieve sobriety on their own. The drug addiction is too strong for them to fight alone. I do think when they say they want to stop the cycle they mean it but it is one of the most difficult fights they will ever encounter in their lives. I have come to know Heroin as "the devil". They made a deal with the devil and pulling away from it by yourself is close to impossible. Attending meetings and educating yourself on how to help your daughter without enabling would be good for you, because just like your daughter, you are affected by this devil and you need support to fight also. I also think that the longer they can stay in sober living or treatment, the better. It allows the brain to begin healing and shows them another way of life besides living for their next dance with the devil.
Thank you for replying it really means a lot, I stand by my daughter no matter what, I will help her as much as I can but I will not enable her in any way and I never give her money because I know exactly what she will do with it. She says she wants to get better but says she's not going to a rehab for more then 30 days, I don't understand how she thinks she will be better in 30 days, her habit is so bad she needs months of rehab and for her to put a time limit on recovery I just don't think she's really ready for the fight to get better. I know I also need help because I hold it all in and then have a really bad break down, I also have younger children who always see me crying and it's not fair to them,this addiction is hurting my whole family.
Dear Mom,My son has been addicted to herion for the last ten years....The post above was not kidding you....calling the drug the devil....This devil has done such destruction...Your daughter cannot put a time on recovery. ..it took time for her to use get hooked get addicted to begin patterns of lying....she got deeper and deeper into her addiction...She will need strength a dam good support system...she needs to change her so called friends....by putting a time limit on it I doubt she is serious about changing. ..My son was in numerous rehabs...halfway houses jail...where he currently resides. ...Chris has lied stolen committed fraud. .his younger brother wants nothing to do with him....the list could continue...Chris told me he was.never serious about quitting..basically the rehabs and all the money invested in them....was to pacify me...A rational person who was admitted into a hospital for 2 weeks,is capable of causing such turmoil in her home is now incarated doesn't sound like she is even capable of making a rational decision how long she needs a rehab...Be point on with her...tell her this addiction isn't all about her ...it has effected you her father her brothers her sisters. ..You can't make her better ...You can support her if she is serious about recovery But She must do it and be commited to her recovery.Also your right as the diease has effected her it also effects the family...You need to educate yourself on this drug and addiction. You must understand the meaning of enabling...and learn that your daughter now don't take her word on anything....the devil is a wonderful ventriloquist. ...
Christopher's mom, thank you for reaching out :) it really helps talking to someone who understands what I'm going threw, it's been hell and I don't know how much more I can take. I don't believe a word that comes out of my daughters mouth ,the whole time she's been in jail (21/2weeks)she's been saying she's done,but once I talk about her going straight to a rehab from jail she says she will only do a 30 day rehab and I know she needs way more then 30 days. That's why I don't believe she is ready to get clean , I think she's just saying it to try to calm me down. I was admitted to the hospital because of the stress I've been under and was told I can not be under stress(lol yeah sure) I have unstable angina along with other heart problems and she is aware of this but yet only cares about herself.i swear this will be the death of me and it scares me very much, if she continues this life style I know it will end up killing her and it scares the crap out of me.She has stole from her 12 &10 yr old brother & sister and stole from me also, and has used in my home with her siblings just outside the door. I don't understand how she doesn't care about the people around her, I know it's a disease but I hate it , I hate how my life is ruined because the way she chooses to live hers :(
It sounds like she is telling you what she is willing to do. Are you letting her come back to your home? She's not ready to quit and a 30 day stay isn't the answer. Probably willing to do it to get you off her back. She is sitting in jail thinking of how to manipulate you into doing what she wants. I would suggest you get to some Alanon meetings in the next few weeks. Take your life back. Your younger kids need you now. See if the courts can help and get her into a sober living or rehab and let decide how long.
Please, please, please take care of yourself. The pain of your younger children losing you will be catastrophic to them. I know as a mom it is hard to put ourselves first, but in this case you have to not just for you but for your younger two. You would be wise to not allow her back into your house because she will just bring that much more pain into your life. She does lie, as Christopher's mom said, heroin is a great ventriloquist. She would step over your dead body to get to her next fix, try to see your daughter as two individuals, the one you remember as your daughter pre-drug world and the new one that is controlled by the drug. When she is in active addiction she is the new one and only the new one with no sense of morals, compassion or love. Her only love is the drug. I am sorry to say this but this is the truth. This is why you must let her find her own path but tell her that when she is truly ready to get clean you will be there to help her but only on your terms, not hers. You need to call the shots. I had a talk with my daughter and I gave her two choices, 1) I would drive her and her loser boyfriend at the time anywhere they wanted to go and drop them off. They were welcome to be homeless, without a car and without jobs or 2) I would drop the guy off at a homeless shelter and we would help her get into the rehab we chose and that was our final offer, call it our "Hail Mary Pass". Luckily she chose #2 and she entered rehab the next day. I am hoping if she picked #1 that I would have been able to follow through but I was angry at the time I am pretty sure I would have done that. She had gotten me to the point that she disgusted me and even though I loved her I knew I couldn't live like that anymore.
I would take advantage of the fact she's in jail. This is a time for you to regroup, take a deep relaxing breath and get to a support group. I have a son at home with me now who is an addict, I know it sounds horrible, but I wish he'd go to jail for awhile. He would at least be safe and straight for a little while. Use these 2 weeks to focus on you and the younger kids, but also get help to have a plan for when she gets out. I don't think coming home should be an option.
Dear GSMOM I'm so sorry for your pain You're not alone~however we as parents feel very very alone. as if we are the ones who have the sickness. My son is a heroin addict he is 32 years old ~ full of anger & rage so much so we had to distance ourself from him. I'm grateful we are able to communicate w/his doctors, they have help us tremendously not to feel guilty & not to walk in guilt because at the end of an addicts day they have to make the decision themselves to want to get help. Most addicts blame shift~they don't take responsibility~they re-write history. We have taken the approach love when we can. again I truly am sorry for your pain many many moms hearts are broken because it is a natural thing to want to rescue your babies however their all grown up. Personally this tragic part of my life has caused me reach out to the Lord in a greater way~I can't fix this one~just maybe He can.
