Hello..all,ive got 3wks. hols. coming up at the end of the week&a decent wage to boot&i would always treat myself to a binge of smack&benzos.Seeing ive got 2mnth. off both DOC,i know id really be setting myself up for a bad lapse.The nagging monkey is still here,espeicially with$$$ in my pocket &free time.Am goin away in August wid my daughter for a wk.to a really nice place in Ireland so do not want to f*** that up in any shape or form.Luckily i get my meth. on weds.&dont get paid till thurs,so that should be some deterrant...hopefully.Also being an iv user i would have to go to the needle x.which really puts me off.Anyway folks just a late night vent really...all the best ..Davey
u call it monkey , i cal it devil or temptress. it's funny that we've all got a different name for it but, don't we all know it's the same horrid 200 times ..no!!! but just that one time ..yes.. and for some it's stage 1 again. you don't want 2 start at the beginning again do you ??? like me for the umpteenth time. now you've set me off on a late rant L.O.L.
hey davey, will be thinking of you as can understand that money in your pocket and time on your hands will be difficult, keep thinking of your daughter and how well you have done so far.
keep posting and keep well x
keep posting and keep well x
Just have fun with your daughter, stay busy and spend your money on ridiculous, extravagant items that you always wanted but couldn't have 'cause you spent all your cake on dope. Wow! That was the longest sentence! Have a great vacation! I wish I was there. I live in the states and I'm from Irish descent. I've always wanted to go to Ireland! Someday!!!! PEACE, Shirley
Oh, Davey.......that was always a really big factor for me......even after I had been for say seven months.......felt good, and was healthy, but like you said it's always there.....it's engrained in our thought process, and to change that takes a long time.
Never fear though........ya just came on here, and told everyone......GREAT!
That was a good step.
Just a suggestion here is what I did.........if you have anyone in say your family that you can trust or even a friend that never used.....you could ask them to hold onto it for you......I'd get a card with moeny in it.......say for my B'day I automatically calculated.........that would get me a bundle or rack meaning 13.
I did not truist myself with money at all......if I went to the grocery store for my mom and she'd give me money I would come back, and also hand her the receipt....now she knows i didn't want to be policed.....lest I would flip out.....so when I came to her and told her I just couldn't have any money right then that was a huge step.
Your little girl will have a lovely time.........and you can enjoy as you won't worry if the train gets stuck, or the car breaks down or any of those thing we used to worry about and therefore our kids saw us in a near panic.
That's what I would do............hand over the money.......PLUS it will be some extra for your holiday.....you are doing so well, and a little girl needs her daddy........not the dad that had written all over his face......"HURRY UP"
so we could be sure we got back in time for the dope man.
Never fear though........ya just came on here, and told everyone......GREAT!
That was a good step.
Just a suggestion here is what I did.........if you have anyone in say your family that you can trust or even a friend that never used.....you could ask them to hold onto it for you......I'd get a card with moeny in it.......say for my B'day I automatically calculated.........that would get me a bundle or rack meaning 13.
I did not truist myself with money at all......if I went to the grocery store for my mom and she'd give me money I would come back, and also hand her the receipt....now she knows i didn't want to be policed.....lest I would flip out.....so when I came to her and told her I just couldn't have any money right then that was a huge step.
Your little girl will have a lovely time.........and you can enjoy as you won't worry if the train gets stuck, or the car breaks down or any of those thing we used to worry about and therefore our kids saw us in a near panic.
That's what I would do............hand over the money.......PLUS it will be some extra for your holiday.....you are doing so well, and a little girl needs her daddy........not the dad that had written all over his face......"HURRY UP"
so we could be sure we got back in time for the dope man.
Thanks all for your solid words,but im afraid the prize has to go to our Bryn,when you said at the end of yer post about having that HURRY UP expression on your face when thinking of the dope man,it hit me like a hammer,no i dont wanna go back there.cheers...all the best ...Davey
Davey
I know that feeling when you are clean and trying to stay that way and all of a sudden, you get paid. I used to battle the urges the most on days like that.
Now , I pay all my bills,and credit cards ..etc....I go to the supermarket and buy a weeks worth of groceries. Pay the dentist ,cause I always seem to need him and I dont want to owe him a big bill.
I cant even believe that I even have credit cards now. When I first got 1 or 2 ,I was still using ,so Im still paying all the cash advances from years ago.
Your tryin hard from what I see,and your conviction seems solid.Hang tough my friend. There are so many activities to get involved in now,that werent even a thought a little while ago..
lots of love & respect
jack
I know that feeling when you are clean and trying to stay that way and all of a sudden, you get paid. I used to battle the urges the most on days like that.
Now , I pay all my bills,and credit cards ..etc....I go to the supermarket and buy a weeks worth of groceries. Pay the dentist ,cause I always seem to need him and I dont want to owe him a big bill.
I cant even believe that I even have credit cards now. When I first got 1 or 2 ,I was still using ,so Im still paying all the cash advances from years ago.
Your tryin hard from what I see,and your conviction seems solid.Hang tough my friend. There are so many activities to get involved in now,that werent even a thought a little while ago..
lots of love & respect
jack
Credit cards? Wow!! I've never had credit cards that had my name on them! That's so cool!! Someday! Someday soon! I'll have some too. I can no longer bring myself to use other peoples. That's one of the good things about sobriety. (sometimes) You also gain a consience.Did I spell that right? Well, You know what I mean. I don't mean to make fun, Jack. I hope you don't take it that way. I wish I could get it together enough to straighten out my credit. It's not that bad. I just haven't really put any effort into it. Not enough anyway. PEACE, Shirley
Well folks my holidays are here,to tell the truth its been a bad mental battle.After a night of tossing&turning i got up at 5am,my daughter is away at her friends for 2 days.So instead of kicking back&relaxing ive been possesed with that f***er in my head..."will i wont i",like a dog chasing its own tail,staring at the ph.for minutes on end as if in a trance,i really thought this is it,was like watching someone else go slightly mad,hand in head rocking back&forth....so,so,soo bleedin close.Had to pool all my mental energy to eventually get myself out this mental rut of despair.Itook to taking it hr. by hr. its midday now &thank whoever&myself for not giving in,coz as i said its been the closest that ive come to a lapse,had to get off my sorry a**&get busy doin stuff to gradually move my mind from its drug filled stupor.So ive cleaned the house&ordered a trampoline for my lil girl with the money i would have spent on smack,so feel some better&have made the decision,of no gear,coz i know im the type of addict who cant just get a bag or two,have a nice turn on&leave it,nooo i have to get an 1/8oz&have a 2/3 day binge,"the junkie still in me,saying more for less etc"Also its the good words from all the friends ,yes friends, i have posted with on this board,thanks everyone,it was a close one but the pressure has eased.All the very best ....Davey
Shirley
When I say credit cards - in my case it mostly means paying them ,not using them.
When things were good I use them for cash advances,and we know where that cash went.
Now for the last few years ,Ive been paying them back -without the benifit of using them.
much love &respect
jack$$$$
When I say credit cards - in my case it mostly means paying them ,not using them.
When things were good I use them for cash advances,and we know where that cash went.
Now for the last few years ,Ive been paying them back -without the benifit of using them.
much love &respect
jack$$$$
Damn Davey, I can just feel that f***er you talk about so well. Dogging you and eating at your resolve. What a tough battle. Sounds like you won another round though. Well done. And won't Sian be happy when she sees her tramp! Soon money won't torture quite so much. It'll become a tool for a better life, instead of a ticket to get high. You have my respect, Davey!
xxoo, Beck
xxoo, Beck
Good going, Davey! I know it was rough. I'm quite familiar with that f$%#$& in your head. He visits me also. Hey! That trampoline could come in handy. Next time you can't stop thinking those thoughts, Just jump on that trampoline until you scramble your brains for awhile! If you're like me, you'll just about do anything to make that f$#%& shut up!
Thanks all ,Becks your always around at the wknds.to give me that lil push of support,ive noticed it&thank you&cheers Shirley...Irish descent ..eh,do you know whereabouts we might be related.All the best folks ...Davey
