Just to update those who replied (and those who read as well, I suppose), I went to our Guidance Center to learn about treatment options they have for outpatients as well as group meetings. We decided I would have an interview/appointment with a psychiatrist to talk about depression and possible medications as my doctor doesn't seem to have a good handle on what I may or may not need. In the meantime, a counselor came out and in 2 seconds, she so had me figured out. She said she was angry with my husband for treating me like a 2-year-old and doling out medications (although I think it is helpful as I would not be able to only take 1/day -- on the other hand, I need to learn to control myself). Then she said I have been doing too much and not taking care of myself and I need to learn to say NO!!!!!!! She is so right on. Now, I just need to figure out how to do that. I went to the bookstore and got some good reading material and didn't feel (too) guilty about taking time off from my transcription work while browsing the bookstore. Hubby is cooking for my stepson and his buddies tonight, so I will not get involved in that scene at all - just let them do it. This counselor said that now, especially, I need to take good care of myself and that this anger and emotionality is all due to the fact that I am having FEELINGS, feelings I have numbed out for so long. There you go!
Our feelings are amplified even more now that we have to feel them again...
Your counselor is right....you need to take care of yourself. I honestly believe that chemically we threw ourselves off as well...
Kerry
Your counselor is right....you need to take care of yourself. I honestly believe that chemically we threw ourselves off as well...
Kerry
Maggie, I was just going over what I'm going to tell the new shrink on Friday and your post sounded a lot like what I imagine my conversation will be like...
I want my husband's help getting off these pills and depend on him to help me control my intake, but he expects me to go from taking 4 at a time every 4 hours to taking 2 twice a day..... He's never done a drug in his life, so he doesn't understand....
He's just now realizing how it only fuels my drug use when he comes in after working all day and automatically starts complaining or finding something wrong or bitching about something.... I know he's tired and works hard, but it got to be where I dreaded him walking in the door.... I feel like he treats me like a child most of the time and that I'm always a disappointment to him...
And I never take time for myself... My whole life is work (three jobs) and taking care of my family... that's part of the reason why I had this affair... All of a sudden money and bills didn't matter..... expensive hotel rooms, vacations on tropical islands, no kids crying, dinners at nice restaurants... I know that's not life and you can't expect that, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I did before I had responsibilities....
I want my husband's help getting off these pills and depend on him to help me control my intake, but he expects me to go from taking 4 at a time every 4 hours to taking 2 twice a day..... He's never done a drug in his life, so he doesn't understand....
He's just now realizing how it only fuels my drug use when he comes in after working all day and automatically starts complaining or finding something wrong or bitching about something.... I know he's tired and works hard, but it got to be where I dreaded him walking in the door.... I feel like he treats me like a child most of the time and that I'm always a disappointment to him...
And I never take time for myself... My whole life is work (three jobs) and taking care of my family... that's part of the reason why I had this affair... All of a sudden money and bills didn't matter..... expensive hotel rooms, vacations on tropical islands, no kids crying, dinners at nice restaurants... I know that's not life and you can't expect that, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I did before I had responsibilities....
I can so totally relate. Many years back, in my 20s, I had several affairs and I know it was that feeling of escaping from everything that was so inviting. It's a backwards way to take care of oneself but it certainly worked at the time. Hang in there - we can all get through this together.
I hate giving up the "pretty boys" almost as much as I hate giving up the pills... LOL - There's something about that washboard stomach and those hairless faces... It makes me weak!
Then again, my husband is the most handsome man I know, though in a more rugged, macho way. He looks JUST like Bruce Willis, so much that people do a double take.... He always says it's weird that I like the model-younger guy type and yet I married him...
Then again, my husband is the most handsome man I know, though in a more rugged, macho way. He looks JUST like Bruce Willis, so much that people do a double take.... He always says it's weird that I like the model-younger guy type and yet I married him...
Danielle, when I detoxed from Xanax, I was in with a guy that could be a dead ringer for Harrison Ford, PLUS he was a doctor..the ladies were all over him..hehe..me, I was just on the sidelines looking in...
Danielle, also if you choose detox, just choose one you are comfortable with. If it is all women, great. If it's mixed, well OK too. Whatever makes YOU comfortable is the improtant thing. I just recommend researching it before you go in. And basically "interviewing" them. After all, it's your money. Just make sure you feel comfortable with them. It's kinda of a crap shoot...
Danielle, also if you choose detox, just choose one you are comfortable with. If it is all women, great. If it's mixed, well OK too. Whatever makes YOU comfortable is the improtant thing. I just recommend researching it before you go in. And basically "interviewing" them. After all, it's your money. Just make sure you feel comfortable with them. It's kinda of a crap shoot...
Danny, I'm still hoping to be able to do this at home, so hopefully I won't need to go to rehab, though I'm not ruling that out. My husband and I pretty much decided that we'll let the doctor on Friday make that call.... If my health and my sanity are at stake, then I'm going. It's just hard to imagine being gone for an entire month (though I was traveling a lot for work and was gone for 8 days here, three more days a week later, etc)....
I won't be lucky enough to get Harrison Ford to be my doc.... I'll get the mean lady like in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" who won't fall for any of my b.s.
LOL
I won't be lucky enough to get Harrison Ford to be my doc.... I'll get the mean lady like in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" who won't fall for any of my b.s.
LOL
Danielle, actually, "Harrison" was a pretty good guy..when they did my blood work, I could not make hide nor hair out of it..and my Doc was useless..he took me aside and explained everything to me..I guess you can say he and I bonded..but again, if you go the rehab route, just study up on them, understand their technique and make sure it is right for you..in your situation
Danny, I looked up some last night and definitely know I want to go somewhere peaceful and serene..... If I go, I'm going as much to find myself and cope with other things that have happened in my life as I am for the pills. Can you pick where you want to go? I have excellent health insurance and they have mental health benefits.... Could I go anywhere in the U.S. that I wanted to go?
I'm sure you're thinking "How the hell would I know what your insurance will pay for?" (LOL) but since you've gone through it, I was just wondering if you knew how that worked...
I'm sure you're thinking "How the hell would I know what your insurance will pay for?" (LOL) but since you've gone through it, I was just wondering if you knew how that worked...
Danielle... You have to call both the insurance company and the rehab place and make sure the "accept" one another, so to speak. However, understand it's not going to be peaceful and serene. It's pretty hard. BUT, I'm sure you can do it. At least the place where I was at was hard. Did you ever see the movie 28 Days?
Yes, I've seen the movie... thought it was pretty good, actually.
I've just heard so many horror stories about people going to government-funded places that I just don't want to end up somewhere like that. I want to go where there's a lot of counseling & group therapy, but also where I can rediscover life and walk around and take in the beauty of things around me without the aid of drugs...
I've just heard so many horror stories about people going to government-funded places that I just don't want to end up somewhere like that. I want to go where there's a lot of counseling & group therapy, but also where I can rediscover life and walk around and take in the beauty of things around me without the aid of drugs...
Danielle, no matter where you go, please understand it's no walk in the park. A lot of people think rehab is like some kind of country club. It's not. It's pretty military, I guess. Anyone else have any advice? I know, as my daughter would say "they kicked my butt very very hard"...
