Hi
Paul here saying hello, this morning I really need to talk, I hate this way of communicating....my words (typed) never express my heart in the truist sence. I just wish I had more people to talk live with....you know.... hear a voice back instead of reading words. Its difficult for me because I cannot speak to people face to face locally about my stuggles with addiction because of my profession. Iff I say anything that looks like I am relapsing, or even getting close to it , all the "experts" I see would have to report what I say back to my work, so I have to keep it in. Damm.....I wish I could be "weak" with someone and not have to keep this front up to keep my job. I just thank God for the fact that I have to have Drug and alcohol tests all the time....thats all whats keeping me safe (fear) at the moment
Paul
GOODMORNING Paul,
I know its not the same as talking face to face but you know you can come here and say exactly whats on your mind, are you okay? let me know where your at x
love
Gabbs
I know its not the same as talking face to face but you know you can come here and say exactly whats on your mind, are you okay? let me know where your at x
love
Gabbs
Thanks Gabbi
Guess I just got out of the wrong side of the bed...........just wanted to be "normal" for a change. Not having to fight of the "demons" that attack me daily. OK.............on with the battle;-) breath deep.
Paul
Guess I just got out of the wrong side of the bed...........just wanted to be "normal" for a change. Not having to fight of the "demons" that attack me daily. OK.............on with the battle;-) breath deep.
Paul
I know how ya feel but in the bigger picture what the bloody hell is 'normal' anyways?? cos i certainly don't know!!!! x
How are you feeling today?
How are you feeling today?
Morning Paul,
The heavy heart thing, see you have it too, on this end I am worried.....
Might be time for you to let some of your burdens go. Put out in words what is on your mind, bothering you the most.
I know you hate the distance and the fact that there is no one you think you can talk to face to face. Yet there has to be those you trust, those you know will pick you up when you fall, take your burdens.......without ever judging you.
Seek them out and ease you pain.....
You are in my thoughts......
Hugs,
Tina
The heavy heart thing, see you have it too, on this end I am worried.....
Might be time for you to let some of your burdens go. Put out in words what is on your mind, bothering you the most.
I know you hate the distance and the fact that there is no one you think you can talk to face to face. Yet there has to be those you trust, those you know will pick you up when you fall, take your burdens.......without ever judging you.
Seek them out and ease you pain.....
You are in my thoughts......
Hugs,
Tina
Morning paul i cant say i know how you feel but i can relate to it. When you say you want to just feel normal and that the only thing thats keeps you ok is the drug tests do you mean you are thinking or wanting to use? If im wrong sorry but if im right just keep yourself busy today and tommorrow you could wake up thinking completly different i did anyway. Forgive me if i have got the wrong end of the stick i usually do, anyway i know its not the same as talking to someone in person but at least you can say whats on your mind and not be judged for it on here and the people on here i think are great they seem like they really do care id rather listen to people who have been through it or similar things than someone who has just read it in a text book not saying they dont know what they are talking about i just listen more, buts thats just my opion. Anyway hope youre ok and will feel better in a bit just get it all out on here x x x
hey Paul whats up mate? anything i can help you with? jackie xxxxxxx
Gabbi,Tina, Cozza, Jackie
Thanks for your concerns, Cozza......yeah I am thinking about using but probably will not.....just for today;-)
Anyhow the plan is I am going fishing, the kids are crap at it and need a lot of input but at least I will be busy.
Thanks
Catch you later
Paul
Thanks for your concerns, Cozza......yeah I am thinking about using but probably will not.....just for today;-)
Anyhow the plan is I am going fishing, the kids are crap at it and need a lot of input but at least I will be busy.
Thanks
Catch you later
Paul
Thats the key Paul, try and keep busy x
Goodluck sending you loads of ((((((((((POSATIVE))))))))) vibes x
What i do whenever i want to use, i write a list with the pros and cons of using, why don't you do that, cos i'm sure they'll be only one pro (you'll feel ok for a few hours but then back to feeling sh!te again).............just a suggestion x
Enjoy your fishing trip x
Goodluck sending you loads of ((((((((((POSATIVE))))))))) vibes x
What i do whenever i want to use, i write a list with the pros and cons of using, why don't you do that, cos i'm sure they'll be only one pro (you'll feel ok for a few hours but then back to feeling sh!te again).............just a suggestion x
Enjoy your fishing trip x
Paul email me when you get back plz have good time and well done jackie xxxxx
PAUL there is nothing better than kids to keep ypu busy lol if you think about using shove a fish in your mouth it tastes the same anyway joke anyway have a good day and hope you catch a few and not crabs x x x
Paul,
Have a wonderful day with the boys.....fishing sounds like great positive redirection......Oh and I love cozza's idea, and maybe hitting yourself in the head with it will work as well....
Enjoy it all.....
Tina
Have a wonderful day with the boys.....fishing sounds like great positive redirection......Oh and I love cozza's idea, and maybe hitting yourself in the head with it will work as well....
Enjoy it all.....
Tina
Hi folks
Well......went fishing for a few hours.......froze my nuts off but caught a few nice ones. Did not stay too long and I am back home now in the warm house with the rosey cheeks and relaxed (slightly achy) feeling one gets from being out in the wind and cold. Just sucking my Sub now because I forgot it this morning. I am on 20mg and have been at least 6 months. I am seeing Dr Tuesday and seriously thinking of weening off because it is failing to be as effective for my pain. I did it before about a year ago and only rattled for a few days so hope this time will be as easy. I think I tapered over 6 weeks last time so, Dr willing, I will do the same. Trouble is I think most people around me, including Dr's and work, would be happier if I stayed on it forever........Damm this chemical shackle.....its time I broke free.
Maybe I will start to hang around here for awhile again.........well I will as long as the things are cool on here.
Well its time for tea..........my Sub has disolved so I am craving a Red Bull now...whats is it with Red Bull and Sub? anyone else crave a caffiene soda boost after Sub?
Well I am drifting into ramble mode......
So will catch you all later.
Peace
Neon
Well......went fishing for a few hours.......froze my nuts off but caught a few nice ones. Did not stay too long and I am back home now in the warm house with the rosey cheeks and relaxed (slightly achy) feeling one gets from being out in the wind and cold. Just sucking my Sub now because I forgot it this morning. I am on 20mg and have been at least 6 months. I am seeing Dr Tuesday and seriously thinking of weening off because it is failing to be as effective for my pain. I did it before about a year ago and only rattled for a few days so hope this time will be as easy. I think I tapered over 6 weeks last time so, Dr willing, I will do the same. Trouble is I think most people around me, including Dr's and work, would be happier if I stayed on it forever........Damm this chemical shackle.....its time I broke free.
Maybe I will start to hang around here for awhile again.........well I will as long as the things are cool on here.
Well its time for tea..........my Sub has disolved so I am craving a Red Bull now...whats is it with Red Bull and Sub? anyone else crave a caffiene soda boost after Sub?
Well I am drifting into ramble mode......
So will catch you all later.
Peace
Neon
Hey Paul, Don't think we've spoken before, but I relate to much of what you say. My heavy heart has some to do with allowing the shakle to take place...well said. We know what slavery is to a degree eh? I too, must keep my secret. I'm being really frowned upon at work as my energy is so low and temper so short. Sounds to me that you have much to live for and are doing pretty good in the physical world right now. Take comfort in that...remember a time (if it was this way for you) when your physical world was worse then the mental, and I only thought I was fooling everyone! Beck
paul,
i can relate to the profession thing i am a nurse too, and the thought of having my license revoked over these silly pills, scares the s*** out of me, i can also relate to not having people you can trust to talk to openly. you can email me anytime if you need to talk-adriennef23@aol.com
love,
didi
i can relate to the profession thing i am a nurse too, and the thought of having my license revoked over these silly pills, scares the s*** out of me, i can also relate to not having people you can trust to talk to openly. you can email me anytime if you need to talk-adriennef23@aol.com
love,
didi
