Since seems like the last couple of threads were about guilt, and forgiveness, and sharing our roots.......and seeing how we all were raised different.......and how some of the parents from Families/Loved Ones share with us.....and what kind of parents they have been I wanted to do a parent thing.
We're parents......we have parents.........had parents..........our beloved Jack's Grandmom just crossed over..........he's there for his mom right now...it's all about family ain't it?
Maybe just it's my need to do this.........maybe ya all wanna share......I want to publicly say:
I'm sorry I dissed my mom for belittling the Irish cause I am Irish.......cause actually she's my staunchest supporter........and of course I am sorry for the pain I put her through while using......and appreciated her help.
As a mom myself I am sorry I screwed up that job.......I could have done alot of things differently.........so I'm sorry there too.
Now I don't have to go to Confession.
Lay your burden down here and maybe all our guilt will wash away........and ya can share your thanks too for your parents or children......cause we're nice people ain't we?
My biggest regret (Confession) is that I did not see how hurt my youngest daughter was with our divorce. My oldest daughter has always had her emotions out for all to see. The youngest always bottled them up (takes after her dad).
When her addiction started, the anger that came out towards her mother really shocked me. I expected the oldest who did not get along with her at all (but now does go figure). In fact when I had her locked up she blamed her mom until I told her I was the one who did it.
I don't know if it would have changed a thing. But at least she would have had the chance to constructively let out the anger.
But if we keep looking back trying to fix the past, we miss the proper turns in the present. I guess that is why many make the same mistakes over and over. Time to look forward again.
Thanks for the thread and chance to dump some baggage Bryn.
When her addiction started, the anger that came out towards her mother really shocked me. I expected the oldest who did not get along with her at all (but now does go figure). In fact when I had her locked up she blamed her mom until I told her I was the one who did it.
I don't know if it would have changed a thing. But at least she would have had the chance to constructively let out the anger.
But if we keep looking back trying to fix the past, we miss the proper turns in the present. I guess that is why many make the same mistakes over and over. Time to look forward again.
Thanks for the thread and chance to dump some baggage Bryn.
Bryn, it's okay you shared your mom story. It may even be helpful to someone. It's not good to be a push over, maybe she needed to hear what you said. I feel guilt when i bash my mom. My mom really would stand up for me, be in my cornor no matter what. She is human and has many faults to. She has done said things that hurt me A LOT. She has done And said things that AMAZE me she loves me so much. It's just kinda like that.
You know from being a Mother "or a Father" it's a darn demanding job. We help our kids, guide em, try to do right by em. THEY get in this world with their very own Personlity. I've seen ROTTON people from really nice homes. I've seen met ROTTON people with terrible childhoods. The same goes for awsome caring people.
Like HURTDAD shared the hurt we get from our kids is deep!. Thanks for sharing that HURTDAD. My parents Divorced when i was 6. I thought my Dad was a super HERO. It had a life long effect on me not having him there. There was a lot as a child i did not understand. I know it was best for my parents to be apart.
You know from being a Mother "or a Father" it's a darn demanding job. We help our kids, guide em, try to do right by em. THEY get in this world with their very own Personlity. I've seen ROTTON people from really nice homes. I've seen met ROTTON people with terrible childhoods. The same goes for awsome caring people.
Like HURTDAD shared the hurt we get from our kids is deep!. Thanks for sharing that HURTDAD. My parents Divorced when i was 6. I thought my Dad was a super HERO. It had a life long effect on me not having him there. There was a lot as a child i did not understand. I know it was best for my parents to be apart.
Great thread, Bryn!
I too am sorry I didn't realize the depth of my son's hurt. On some occasions we did get him some counseling, but it stopped when HE felt he didn't want to go anymore and there were times we didn't realize how much he was hurting. Looking back, I believe a LOT of his problems started when his long time ago xgf played games with his emotions. She shocked him and told him she was pregnant. He adjusted to that and stepped up to the plate. We fell in love with the little guy. Then she told us all that he had a hereditary defect that her xbf had and the baby wasn't my son's. He completely fell apart over that but he was 2 hours away at college and I didn't see it. He told me later when he appeared to be handling it. We later found out she was lying about that. She was only trying to get my son out of the baby's life because she was afraid she was going to have to share him and she had become way too attached to him.
Also, looking back, I can see how my son might have felt left out because the girls and I did so much together and he really didn't have anyone (in the family) to do things with since my husband always worked second shift. He seemed to be happy because he always hung out with his friends a LOT and was very active in sports, but I DO think he missed this.
I have told him that I'm sorry about this and he said it was okay. Now I need to let go to the guilt and accept forgiveness! Guilt doesn't do anyone any good! I always tell my kids that I'm human. I'm not perfect. I love them very much and I TRY to be the best parent I can possibly be, but there will always be times that I let them down in some way and I'm sorry for that. The same with our parents. I know mine did the best they could with where they were coming from because they didn't have perfect parents either. Perfect parents don't exist!!!!! The sooner we get that through our thick heads the better!
I feel bad that I let my feelings that my mother favored my sister interfere at times with our relationship. Yes, she did brag more about my sister. In a way I think it was because she was in "awe" of my sister's calmness (most of the time). My sister is one to take things in her stride for so long and then blow up about something....and it takes her a long while for her to get over it. My mom and I are ones to react, then think it through, and then we're pretty quick to get over it. What I came to realize (much too late) is that that didn't mean that my mom didn't love me as much. It just meant that she admired something my sister had that she didn't. I'm not sure which is best though....to be a reactor who gets over things quickly or be a bottler who holds on to things. Maybe a balance of the two is best...that would be perfect...which none of us are! lol
Seems like a lot of that old guilt comes from thinking we have to be perfect but we're not! Now I'm going to release the guilt about my misconceptions about my mother loving my sister more. I'm not a perfect daughter either, but I love everyone as much as I am humanly capable of! Thanks for giving me a chance to work through some things!
Love,
Susan
I too am sorry I didn't realize the depth of my son's hurt. On some occasions we did get him some counseling, but it stopped when HE felt he didn't want to go anymore and there were times we didn't realize how much he was hurting. Looking back, I believe a LOT of his problems started when his long time ago xgf played games with his emotions. She shocked him and told him she was pregnant. He adjusted to that and stepped up to the plate. We fell in love with the little guy. Then she told us all that he had a hereditary defect that her xbf had and the baby wasn't my son's. He completely fell apart over that but he was 2 hours away at college and I didn't see it. He told me later when he appeared to be handling it. We later found out she was lying about that. She was only trying to get my son out of the baby's life because she was afraid she was going to have to share him and she had become way too attached to him.
Also, looking back, I can see how my son might have felt left out because the girls and I did so much together and he really didn't have anyone (in the family) to do things with since my husband always worked second shift. He seemed to be happy because he always hung out with his friends a LOT and was very active in sports, but I DO think he missed this.
I have told him that I'm sorry about this and he said it was okay. Now I need to let go to the guilt and accept forgiveness! Guilt doesn't do anyone any good! I always tell my kids that I'm human. I'm not perfect. I love them very much and I TRY to be the best parent I can possibly be, but there will always be times that I let them down in some way and I'm sorry for that. The same with our parents. I know mine did the best they could with where they were coming from because they didn't have perfect parents either. Perfect parents don't exist!!!!! The sooner we get that through our thick heads the better!
I feel bad that I let my feelings that my mother favored my sister interfere at times with our relationship. Yes, she did brag more about my sister. In a way I think it was because she was in "awe" of my sister's calmness (most of the time). My sister is one to take things in her stride for so long and then blow up about something....and it takes her a long while for her to get over it. My mom and I are ones to react, then think it through, and then we're pretty quick to get over it. What I came to realize (much too late) is that that didn't mean that my mom didn't love me as much. It just meant that she admired something my sister had that she didn't. I'm not sure which is best though....to be a reactor who gets over things quickly or be a bottler who holds on to things. Maybe a balance of the two is best...that would be perfect...which none of us are! lol
Seems like a lot of that old guilt comes from thinking we have to be perfect but we're not! Now I'm going to release the guilt about my misconceptions about my mother loving my sister more. I'm not a perfect daughter either, but I love everyone as much as I am humanly capable of! Thanks for giving me a chance to work through some things!
Love,
Susan
The things i've said and done to my mum over the yeasr F*&K! I've not been the best the son in the world but i can only make up for it now, eh? My mum brought six of us up basically on her own as my dad( not even worthy of that title) left her... just thinking of that man is making me angry. She has done a good job but it has took it's toll on her cause she must have dealt with all the stress with alcohol and it has continued til now( she's off it at present) I love her so much but recently we argue alot over stupid things...
We take our families for granted alot of the time, well i do, hate to day it, but right now in this part of my life i'm being a better man, son, brother and uncle...that's all i can do
To the mums on here i take my hat off to you. My sis is working lates this week so i'm minding my nephew, it's hard work lol. But i enjoy it. Peace, Kev
We take our families for granted alot of the time, well i do, hate to day it, but right now in this part of my life i'm being a better man, son, brother and uncle...that's all i can do
To the mums on here i take my hat off to you. My sis is working lates this week so i'm minding my nephew, it's hard work lol. But i enjoy it. Peace, Kev
Dear Kev,
You're right. We can't change the past, but we sure in heck can change the present, and it seems like you're doing just that! :) It's so nice that you're helping your family by babysitting your nephew. Doesn't it feel good to be there for your family again?
My son has put us through a lot but when I hear his sober, true laugh back again or he calls to ask if I need him to pick something up for me or he gives me money towards his debts or he gives me a big, genuine, loving hug....those bad memories get pushed further and further back in my mind. It makes me so happy to see him working to get his life back. That is his greatest gift to himself and to me. I never hated my son for what he did. I did, however, hate his choices. I have never stopped loving him.
Keep up the good work! I'll keep you in my prayers.
God bless!
Susan
You're right. We can't change the past, but we sure in heck can change the present, and it seems like you're doing just that! :) It's so nice that you're helping your family by babysitting your nephew. Doesn't it feel good to be there for your family again?
My son has put us through a lot but when I hear his sober, true laugh back again or he calls to ask if I need him to pick something up for me or he gives me money towards his debts or he gives me a big, genuine, loving hug....those bad memories get pushed further and further back in my mind. It makes me so happy to see him working to get his life back. That is his greatest gift to himself and to me. I never hated my son for what he did. I did, however, hate his choices. I have never stopped loving him.
Keep up the good work! I'll keep you in my prayers.
God bless!
Susan
It does Susan, it really does. They know i'm not phoning for money ect or stealing.Reading your post there... brilliant, glad all is going well with your son.. My mum was saying that to me in letters when i was in prison " i want to see my blue eyed boy back" Cause i was a diffrent person on the H. Take it easy.Peace & positive vibes, Kev
Dear Kev,
I think everyone is different on that horrible H! I'm so proud of you for getting free of it!
My son is still suffering his consequences. He managed restaurants before his addiction. Now he's painting houses. He's fighting his way out of financial ruin but he has pretty far to go yet and he's trying to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend at the same time. One day...one item....at a time I know he'll get there and so will you!
God bless!
Susan
I think everyone is different on that horrible H! I'm so proud of you for getting free of it!
My son is still suffering his consequences. He managed restaurants before his addiction. Now he's painting houses. He's fighting his way out of financial ruin but he has pretty far to go yet and he's trying to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend at the same time. One day...one item....at a time I know he'll get there and so will you!
God bless!
Susan
Wrote this for my parents when I was 18...long time ago...funny aren't they, family relationships...guess this is a bit shmulzy!
The Source
A hero you were through my childhood,
The captain of all I felt or thought,
You gave me your voice, I found the truth,
My views still tainted by what you taught.
And what is she, your queen, by your side?
The word is meaningless to others
Who, ironically, dressed in black,
Are silently killing their mothers.
No, I don't say a prayer every night
To pray that I never bring you pain
But, once in a while, I remember
The thunder of the storm; then the rain,
The rain, pouring from our eyes, beating
Its solemn rhythms in all our hearts,
But the sunshine remains most hidden
In our dark lives when we are apart.
For you gave me the air which I breathe,
From your eyes were made the stars above,
You are the water, the fire, the earth,
And you showed me the meaning of love.
The Source
A hero you were through my childhood,
The captain of all I felt or thought,
You gave me your voice, I found the truth,
My views still tainted by what you taught.
And what is she, your queen, by your side?
The word is meaningless to others
Who, ironically, dressed in black,
Are silently killing their mothers.
No, I don't say a prayer every night
To pray that I never bring you pain
But, once in a while, I remember
The thunder of the storm; then the rain,
The rain, pouring from our eyes, beating
Its solemn rhythms in all our hearts,
But the sunshine remains most hidden
In our dark lives when we are apart.
For you gave me the air which I breathe,
From your eyes were made the stars above,
You are the water, the fire, the earth,
And you showed me the meaning of love.
Its funny - - sometimes I'm so grateful that Ive had my family all these years for support, even though Ive hurt them many times. I live upstairs from my mom,who 11 or so years ago kicked me out. I guess Ive gained back a certain amount of trust. I live with the guilt and disappointment Ive layed on them (and myself)-
Sometimes ,like today, I kind of wish I wasn't so close. I have to stand strong with all my siblings and huge Italian family at Gramma,s wake all day.
My family is very Catholic & there will be readings and story telling all day . A member from all the families (gramma has a son /w 3 kids- another son with 4 daughters and my family- which is my mom ,my 2 brothers and 1 sister.) will be reading at the 1st viewing ,which is family only. Even though I got close again and am welcome and treated like a normal person at all family functions, I guess its the guilt of my past actions ,that everyone knows about but never mentions, that make me uncomfortable at all family gatherings. So therin lies the conflict.
Grateful for the closeness, but uncomfortable with it at times.
I guess everything will be all right- - it usually is.
thanks
jack
Sometimes ,like today, I kind of wish I wasn't so close. I have to stand strong with all my siblings and huge Italian family at Gramma,s wake all day.
My family is very Catholic & there will be readings and story telling all day . A member from all the families (gramma has a son /w 3 kids- another son with 4 daughters and my family- which is my mom ,my 2 brothers and 1 sister.) will be reading at the 1st viewing ,which is family only. Even though I got close again and am welcome and treated like a normal person at all family functions, I guess its the guilt of my past actions ,that everyone knows about but never mentions, that make me uncomfortable at all family gatherings. So therin lies the conflict.
Grateful for the closeness, but uncomfortable with it at times.
I guess everything will be all right- - it usually is.
thanks
jack
Dear Jack,
If your family is anything like mine which they probably are, my family is delighted that my son is taking part in family functions again and they hold nothing against my son for his past. They are so happy for him that he is getting his life back. Hope your day goes well. Sometimes we're harder on ourselves than others are.
Love,
Susan
If your family is anything like mine which they probably are, my family is delighted that my son is taking part in family functions again and they hold nothing against my son for his past. They are so happy for him that he is getting his life back. Hope your day goes well. Sometimes we're harder on ourselves than others are.
Love,
Susan
