Multiple Addictions

First-time posting.

I am a 46-year-old guy who is an alcoholic, on pain pills, and addicted to 'huffing' compressed air cans. I am not physically addicted as when I'm with others I can stop cold turkey without any physical effects whatsoever.

My addictions are mental.

When I start drinking, I can't stop. I went into a store for printer ink and saw a display of air cans, so I HAD to get one. I get a 30-day prescription for pain pills every month for my arthritis, and they are gone within a matter of days.

It is only when I am alone that I get these urges that I can't control or override. My conscious thought process disappears and there is only the urge to get the 'fix' - nothing more. Only after the deed is done do I return to the real world - and get myself hammered with feelings of worthlessness, feeling that I am weak-minded, guilt, shame, etc. from myself.

I go to AA meetings a few times every week, but they aren't stopping the 'urges' - and they only want to hear about the alcohol side, not the pain pills or the huffing. Apparently their 12-step program isn't working for me.

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO SO THAT I DON'T LOSE MY FAMILY, MY SANITY, OR MY LIFE TO THESE PROBLEMS!!!
I think you should post this on both the pain pills board and the alcohol board. There are lots of 12 steppers and recovering addicts who can help you on both boards. Maybe the moderators could help here...or you could copy and paste your post in both areas.

Welcome to ARG.

Peace ~ MomNMore
Lots of cross addictions here..welcome to the board.

Not all AA meetings are like that, find a different one. I'm not an alcoholic but could be one in a heart beat if I drank, so I don't. But I like AA as opposed to NA because there's more clean time in the rooms. I really don't care if they like it or not if I talk about my pain pill addiction, I'm there for me, not them. Get a sponsor..my guess is, that person isn't just an alcoholic.

And I hate to disagree with you but your addictions are not mental...they are a disease. It's not mind over matter and has nothing to do with control or strength. It's about being humble and admitting you are powerless over this disease.

Lots of people here have been where you are...I hope you come back.
Well, I'm new to this forum but sadly, not to addiction. My drug of choice was painkillers, except for a brief stint on crystal meth back in the '80's. But when I could no longer get the pain pills, I turned to alcohol. I got a DUI and did a few days in jail, and I have to go to ASAP(almost done! horray!) and get a breathalyzer installed in my car.
What I think is that an addiction is an addiction is an addiction. It can be mental, psychological, physical, or any combination of the three, but they all share one thing in common. The NA definition of an addict is ''someone whose life is controlled by drugs''. Doesn't say anything about what kind of drugs or what kind of addiction.
If you feel like you can't function without your doc, that's addiction.
A dear friend of mine in the program put it this way: ''Describing what kind of addict you are is like saying, 'I like vegetables and I like broccoli' ''. It's all the same thing; that's just the way of it. Good luck in your recovery! Vickie
Very well said Vicki. A drug is a drug is a drug and alcohol is a drug.
In my opinion or my experience, my addiction is neither just physical or mental but both and more than that its spiritual. I have used many different types of drugs, marijuana, alchohol, xanex, valium, sleeping pills, pain pills, cocaine: my biggest weekness always seemed to be the pain pills but I do believe Im just plain and simply an addict. One who once I use a drug (of any kind) can very easily turn into a different person and get out of control quickly. I dont even limit this to just drugs but any thing that changes my emotional state, from food to gambling. I am definitly a sugar addict (big time) and I for almost 20 years smoked two and sometimes even three packs of ciggarettes a day. I gave that up about two years ago and boom, back came the food addictions. Nowdays I am battling that one , for me its a never ending spiritual battle between me and my demons. My lasting legacy from my drug days is that I nowdays have a support system in place that helps me deal with any and all of these issues. Most days it seems like its one battle or another, but really for me its a spiritual disease that can and does manifest itself in so many different ways So one day at a time, one step at a time I live my life to the fullest and get all the enjoyment I can out of the simplest things and because of that also get blessed with so much more than I ever thought Id deserve.
Hey Now,

Glad your here, air cans? can you be addicted to air, my god I hope not. Now Nitrous I can see, is that what you mean?

Anyway I think what you view as addiction widens as you get away from putting dope in your body.

Like when you first stop, it's like these f***ing pills are ruining my life. I gotta stop.

So by an act of absolute grace you do not use for 1 day. Then other.

Now as you get a tad bit more reason back, you go oh s***, this is f***ing up my life, and that is f***ing up my life.

Then finally you reach to this point where your like. man I'm just f***ed up. And so is everyone. but I am growing!

At which point you start doing things different, little things..take walk, avoid a party, and then finally the battle.

The battle of the will...Which will apparently go on to our last breath.

My will, or not, My will or not...Sometimes choosing your will, sometimes choosing to refrain.

The difference in being clean and using for me anyway is 2 fold.

If I stop using even for a day, right. I have shown faith in something, I mean that is the gift. The foundation, the root, the seed. The start, The omega.

Now if I understand I have faith, which is determined by Uncertainty right...fear. What I have learned is certain things can not exist without other things.

One of those is Uncertainty can not abide in the absence of faith. That is the one constant in faith, uncertainty.

So as an addict I will never be 100% certain I will be clean for ever, thus faith.

Faith being a gift, which one either accepts and grows or rejects. Or accepts and never uses, or rejects wishing they had accepted.

Like a million dollars right.

I can be given a million dollars. Bam I am now different.

I can be given faith...bam I am different.

I could refuse the money, maybe because I felt there were some strings attached, maybe because I know it would bring change. But there would be some reason.(staying in active addiction, with knowledge of another path) By not taking the money I have placed myself as the sole judge of future events. So no faith. No change, more of the same old same old.And when I'm sitting in the prison cell, rehab or alone in my bedroom sick with no way left to get the dope I need I am so utterly sick from rejecting the gift.


I could accept the money, and then blow it , and be in worse shape then before I got the money. because I had a taste of the good life only to see my passions eroded it all away either real quick--like 5 days in Vegas, or slowly over like 20 years of so called controlled Oxycontin usage. Still no faith in anything but self, which might not be a bad way to go..I mean if your living for the satisfaction of self. If that is the goal. Pleasure.

I could accept the money and grow it. moving ahead slowly and experiencing all the real wonders I had been missing out on. This would take a healthy Joe, a clean Joe, a risk taking Joe, A Joe that would make mistakes some crushing ones, And even though I knew I would be alright, I would still suffer, finding out that money does not take away suffering, it does however make it easier to deal with and give you untold options. So it is with faith.

For me one who decided f*** it I will not use just for today i have exercised Faith. and you know One thing I can 100 percent guarantee is if you consent to the gift of faith, you will feel HOPE. might be brief 1 second but you will feel it. Now should let that faith grow, water it, invest it, give it away. Charity enters into the picture. Now we are opening doors to the supernatural.

Of course, I make mistakes, some painful, some really pleasurable, I hurt others and I suffer.

I am learning that dope was what I had let go of, in order that I can pick up being clean, Unfortunately at this point I can't be both. Using and Clean. of course that is my great obsession to use successfully. To not have the dope f*** me up.

When I get enough grace to be free from that one, I feel the suffering, and I am learning that somehow in someway. When I am being who I was created to be, A charitable person who lived through active drug use so that I could be there for those still actively using and proclaiming this simple message.

IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET HIGH TODAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

Is when I am REALLY SUFFERING, see I am discovering that the suffering for which there is no earthly remedy is the s*** that hurts me the most.

I have a remedy for my active use, more dope.

or Do not Use no matter what.

What i just do not have a remedy for is being a human being with a soul. One who f***s up, gets up, has good qualities and bad, feels hurt and loneliness and love and joy. Who suffers the pain of this life, of being clean while all around me are people high, not enduring what i am.

It is however when I feel this pain the most I am in in some freaked out way certain I am doing the will of god. I think experiencing suffering is a necessary part of my path to god. Of couse I must believe that the pay off of enduring the suffering is better tha stoping the suffering. I remember so many times I just ended the suffering by getting high.

So why don't I use.

First it was all about saving my a**.

Then it was the fact that dope produced far greater pains than the ones I was trying to stop.

Now it is more about the fun this s*** is, I mean for real being clean is so much more f***ed up than using. It really is and the best part is I get to get up with a choice, man I get to choose how f***ed up I want to make it, or how safe I want to play it.Do I want drama, or peace, seek out a pleasure, or hide behind a defect, seek amends or create new situations. Learn, grow or stay stuck man,
Endless possibilities. Really Endless.

Or wake up with one choice..More f***ing dope.

thanks man.