I am a f***** idiot - iz this the straw that breaks the camels back or the begining of the end????
You always hurt the ones u love - aint that the truth....u have trust put in ya from an 11yr old kid an you f*** IT UP?? I must be some sort of ****.
Joe:"Uve got a new flat, u havnt done the bad stuff 4 ages an....your just being different - i am proud of you dad....love you"
.....less than an hour later i was in a toilet sticking a F****** needle in my groin ...proud of me??
I am a piece of s***, son. U dont wanna hav a dad like me really do ya??? I am letting u down for the millionth time...
My little man- you dont deserve such a **** as a father - why do i keep letting you down????
Not only my boy...my best mate called me the other day...
Ashleigh: "Well done, your doing so well, keep it up , come out for a drink with us when you get paid"
....or turn the fone off coz you are so out of it....
My sister : "I'll try and help ya, but if u let me down wiv that money u owe me i wont never help ya again, i will see u when u get your money"
....er..no..i'LL Be hiding from ya coz ive spent the f****** lot on gear and crack.
My landlord : " Rent due 2day" ...ive f****** spent the whole lot..ive only been there 4 f****** weeks an already ive f***** up..wots that about???
I woke up in the nite thinkin..for the first time since just b4 my mum died...I had enuff of this struggle...I wanna go...F*** this life...then woke up again cryin' - oh man...life iz f***** up an itz all my f***in fault - AGAIN.
I woz so happy the other day an now look at me back to square f****** one....
I gotta stop the f***** gear NOW..coz if this aint the end itz gonna be the begining of the end for me, but u know ive never felt THIS guilty B4....i think it was my little boy sayin how proud ov me he was, an as he was sayin it i was holding the bag i had (of needles and stuff) closed, so he couldnt see wot woz in the bag...an now im sitting here f****** crying for him...i wernt cryin when i was scoring was I??...i have let evryone down..myself included...i am sick of HEROIN AND CRACK - it is killin' my soul, if it aint dead already, i luv u son, so wot the f*** am i DOING????
Like i said i never felt THIS bad before so maybe that is a good thing really? I gotta find sum positive out of today coz if i dont im gonna call it a day....ive just about had enough of being me.
An now i really am crying...i gotta go coz i hav tears running down my face an i am sitting on a public pc i look like sum ****.........
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
TM
hey Tinman, hang in there mate.
As you can see, people who love you don't need you to take a pee test to see if you are clean. They know by the positive changes in your life.
Shake it off and start again, look for new tools, try meetings if you haven't, Naltrexone etc tec.
If what you have done before hasn't worked try something new.
You are a better person clean.
As you can see, people who love you don't need you to take a pee test to see if you are clean. They know by the positive changes in your life.
Shake it off and start again, look for new tools, try meetings if you haven't, Naltrexone etc tec.
If what you have done before hasn't worked try something new.
You are a better person clean.
Hey Tinman
Dont be so hard on yourself, youve just had a bit of a relapse. Youve proved how well you can do and the main thing is YOU want to do it. I think it says a lot that you say youve never felt this guilty before and thats a really positive sign. So you see something positive has come out of today.
Youve just been giving me some really sound advice about how to help my little girl so just hang on in there because you obviously have people around who love you too. Believe me I know how they feel. You only know how you feel and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that, but its hard for us to watch someone we LOVE do this to themselves, especially when we know how good life can be for YOU without it.
You didnt purposely set out to hurt your son when you had your STUFF did you. No more than my little girl means to hurt me when shes sticking a needle in her vein. Thats the habit and a hard routine to break.
I do believe though, that it doesnt matter how much someone else wants you to get clean YOU have to want it for YOURSELF and I believe YOU DO. You want to be there to see your son grow into a young man so you can be there for him. Dont forget you are his dad and he loves you.
Anyway, I need your advice to help me, help my little girl get through her subutex programme so you better get started again too, hadnt you!
Dont beat yourself up because you can do it and like The Silent Partner says you are a better person clean.
Good luck and stick with it
Dont be so hard on yourself, youve just had a bit of a relapse. Youve proved how well you can do and the main thing is YOU want to do it. I think it says a lot that you say youve never felt this guilty before and thats a really positive sign. So you see something positive has come out of today.
Youve just been giving me some really sound advice about how to help my little girl so just hang on in there because you obviously have people around who love you too. Believe me I know how they feel. You only know how you feel and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that, but its hard for us to watch someone we LOVE do this to themselves, especially when we know how good life can be for YOU without it.
You didnt purposely set out to hurt your son when you had your STUFF did you. No more than my little girl means to hurt me when shes sticking a needle in her vein. Thats the habit and a hard routine to break.
I do believe though, that it doesnt matter how much someone else wants you to get clean YOU have to want it for YOURSELF and I believe YOU DO. You want to be there to see your son grow into a young man so you can be there for him. Dont forget you are his dad and he loves you.
Anyway, I need your advice to help me, help my little girl get through her subutex programme so you better get started again too, hadnt you!
Dont beat yourself up because you can do it and like The Silent Partner says you are a better person clean.
Good luck and stick with it
Maybe you hit bottom- - the only way from there is up
Keep in touch
jack
Keep in touch
jack
I've been at that place your in now a few times before myself. Many times i've relapse I knew it was doing damage to my kids. What made "this time" work i'll never know 4 sure. I do know when you fall you get up take another go at it. I'm coming up on two years clean now I never want to be in that spot again that your in now. It was damn hard ANYTHING worth doing is never easy.
"THOUGHT IS THE HIGHEST VIBRATION"
You know that now......come on dear friend.......let's get it started.....LAPSED not RELAPSED........you know the goal!!!!!!!!!
Toss the guilt........drop it down........show yourself......then them and then US!
I got the faith in ya!!!!!!!!
You know that now......come on dear friend.......let's get it started.....LAPSED not RELAPSED........you know the goal!!!!!!!!!
Toss the guilt........drop it down........show yourself......then them and then US!
I got the faith in ya!!!!!!!!
How are you doing Tinman
Hope today is a brighter day for you and you're holding your own. OK so you fell down a little but you have the strength to get up and start again I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!
Like you told me, I have to hang on in there for my little girl because she may not get off it this time but I have to stay strong for her......SO I AM no matter what.....
So you have to stay strong too...... for YOU and YOUR little boy... you're on your way UP
Have faith in yourself and hang on in there!
My thoughts are with you
Christinax
Hope today is a brighter day for you and you're holding your own. OK so you fell down a little but you have the strength to get up and start again I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!
Like you told me, I have to hang on in there for my little girl because she may not get off it this time but I have to stay strong for her......SO I AM no matter what.....
So you have to stay strong too...... for YOU and YOUR little boy... you're on your way UP
Have faith in yourself and hang on in there!
My thoughts are with you
Christinax
