My Addict Came Home For A Visit

My best friend, the addicted gal that I have adopted as a recovery project, came home for a visit. She was wired, ready to crash, and quite intent on some revenge against me.

I had to go, a tennis appointment and a trip out of town. She spent the day at my house here in the countryside, without me. Now, for the next week, whenever I cannot find something, I will think, "Did she take that too."

As I left on my trip, I receive a phone call on my cell from her. She claims that a physical relationship with me has meaning for her. I can only guess what the meaning is, for with her boyfriend the meaning is simple, sex for money for use in buying meth.

It is precisely because I cannot be manipulated by her that I have told her I must keep my distance. This is not going over too well with her.

She claims that she is ready to quit her addiction. If so, then why did she remove her personal belongings and return them to her boyfriend? For it is her boyfriend who enables her continued addiction.

Boyfriend is interesting. A shy man, insecure in his relationships with women. The only woman he has had a long term relationship with was an addict, which lived in his house, with her toddlers. She died in his house of a drug damage, 25 years later, and the pair has spawned two generations of violent, dangerous criminals.

His insecurity with women is so severe that he can only have a women suffering an addiction, for which a wad of sweaty cash gets him sex and not much more. Unfortunately, the indignity of paying for sex creates a desire that the women never leave him, he is perfectly willing to have her die in the house. The alternative, having a woman leave him, after dumping thousands of dollars supporting her addiction, would be too much for his manhood to bear. He prefers they simply die of a drug related causes.

The two are a matched set of co-dependents. She, a gal from a family of very beautiful women, a mother who committed suicide, and an alcoholic abusive father. She has learned to choose the weakest men in her life and manipulate them. Generally the result is the break up of the man's family, teenage children banished. In her long career at this game, she has caused three murders, numerous bankrupt businesses, fights, kidnappings, banished teenagers, and many a broken home.

I tell her, for the sake of humanity please give up sex. When she is in transition between boyfriends, I tell her, she is a f*** ready to happen, very dangerous as this attracts the weakest men.

She has lost her son in a custody battle, the county authorities even allowing an illegal move of the 13 year old out of state to keep him away from this menace.

Beneath it all, though, at the moments I have gotten her in her most emotional state, there is a young 11 year old girl trying to be just like the other adolescents from her childhood. My goal is to make this countryside home safe for an 11 year old girl to be safe at play.

When I first met her, she spent her hours in my large backyard, more or less living in a rundown travel trailer. I saw her as a severely molested child (she is middle aged) too ashamed and too frightened to use a room in my house. (My house is practically vacant) I knew that soon she and a jealous insecure boyfriend would soon become an item, and I smoothly tried, over many days, to convinve her it was OK to live indoors without having to produce sex. Alas, the great fear happened, she co-depended up with current boyfriend.

Current boyfriend is more than a match for her, and her rapid aging reveals his psychological control.

Can I get this severely molested 11 year old mind to stay here and be a healthy, clean adolescent again? Dunno. Stay tuned.


"the addicted gal that I have adopted as a recovery project"

a recovery project?
Sorry, but that is a weird message
"Recovery project" You sound like a rescuer and this issue may be arising in other relationships that you have. You should try reading "Rebuilding Relationships In Recovery: A Guide To Healing Relationships Impacted By Addiction" by Catherine Patterson-Sterling. I ordered this book on-line from www.amazon.com This book helped me to focus on healing my issues rather than solving everyone else's problems. I learned that I no longer have to be an expert manager of other people's lives.
Best of luck,
Myra
I'm sorry, but MyBestFriend's post really bothers me for some reason. It reads like pure fiction. Like a Romance novel or something. I doubt very much there is a woman, a tennis date, a trip or a house in the "countryside" Who the heck says countryside when refering to their own homes location?

And again, I'm sorry, but this quote from his message just rings as plain sick:

"Can I get this severely molested 11 year old mind to stay here and be a healthy, clean adolescent again? Dunno. Stay tuned"
This is a way bizzare reading, kind of intrigued though. HUH?

"Current boyfriend is more than a match for her, and her rapid aging reveals his psychological control."
Sarah, ya, I mean..whats up with that?
People;
This is someone who has come here for advice and help.
Danny - I'm surprised of you doubting his story when this has been done to you so many times when you have posted your stories. And how did that feel to you?
Give this person the benefit of the doubt and give him your advice if you have any for him. This is what he came here for.
Myra - I think you are right and HelpBestFriend, I think you should look at your motives in all of this.
Maybe you are stuck in the "Rescuer" role and this could be harmful to yourself as well as the person you are trying to rescue.
If you are this concerned about your friend, I think you should seek some professional help for her and maybe even for yourself to help you through this and to get some guidance in how to support her in the ways that will help her.
Myra - I think I'm going to try looking for that book you have recommended.
I just got "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie and I'm finding it helpful so far. It is more about yourself than the addict in your life and how to control your co-dependent and enabling ways and focus on yourself.
Hope everyone has a great day!
Take care,
Mickey