Can anyone give me some advice on how to deal with my son telling his counselor and me that he wants to walk out of rehab after just 5 days? They are trying to get him on suboxone or something, but they were late in addressing that issue and now he's anxious and obnoxious and because he is 23, I can't prevent him from walking out. He knows he will go to jail if he leaves treatment, and furthermore, the treatment facility is 100 miles away from our home. I told him he can not come home and that he has to complete his treatment and to let the counselor and psychiatrist do their jobs and give them a chance to get him on something to help him. I am truly scared because he does not know the area where he is and I am afraid he will try to hitchhike home and it is only about 25 degrees with temperatures dropping overnight.
Any suggestions on how I can respond to him when his counselor calls me back?
Hi worried mother,
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Having a child addicted to anything can be devastating, I'm sure.
My first advice to you is to go over to the Family Board here. They are there with open arms to help you through this. I was the addict in my family not my children so these wonderful gals, and guys, are more suited to give advice than me.
My second piece of advice is to read "let me fall all by myself" which you will find here as well, on the left side of the page under Most Popular Topics. It is a real eye opener and a good read to follow.
Good luck to you.
granny
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Having a child addicted to anything can be devastating, I'm sure.
My first advice to you is to go over to the Family Board here. They are there with open arms to help you through this. I was the addict in my family not my children so these wonderful gals, and guys, are more suited to give advice than me.
My second piece of advice is to read "let me fall all by myself" which you will find here as well, on the left side of the page under Most Popular Topics. It is a real eye opener and a good read to follow.
Good luck to you.
granny
Hey worried Mom ,
I can tell you don't get him out! He will go back to drugs. If he does get out then let him go to jail , it may save his life. My son, now in jail, was in a rehab for 30 days over one yr ago. He convinced me he would not do drugs again. But one month ago he got caught w/ herion....
I can tell you don't get him out! He will go back to drugs. If he does get out then let him go to jail , it may save his life. My son, now in jail, was in a rehab for 30 days over one yr ago. He convinced me he would not do drugs again. But one month ago he got caught w/ herion....
C Lewis,
Its true isn't it?? As much as we hate it when our kids to do stupid things when the answer is right in front of them or us it is still really hard to make the right choice! We so want to believe what they tell us and we even believe the lies, hoping to God it IS the truth.
Tough Love, isn't that what we call it??
Its true isn't it?? As much as we hate it when our kids to do stupid things when the answer is right in front of them or us it is still really hard to make the right choice! We so want to believe what they tell us and we even believe the lies, hoping to God it IS the truth.
Tough Love, isn't that what we call it??
I am with you. My son is 20 years old and has been addicted to various drugs for at least 6 years. He started with marijuana, "energy" drinks and pills, pain meds (Vicadin/Percoset), and we now know that he's been using heroin for quite awhile.
He was arrested over Memorial Day weekend and spent 3 days in jail for drug possession, after trying to lift handles on car doors and got caught. He didn't end up stealing anything, because he got caught, so would only have been ticketed but they found heroin in his wallet. Formal charges are still pending.
My husband (his step-dad) and I, and his dad all told him that he needs to enter a treatment program. He said he knew it would be a good idea to go to treatment, especially if he would be up against charges before a judge. So, he entered a residential treatment program about a week ago. The thing is, he's been calling every day--sometimes several times a day (they can make calls after 4pm). We were told when he entered the program that it would be a good idea for us to wait to communicate with him until after he'd been in the program for at least a week or two, and to also wait to visit. But, he's been calling me every day. I'm trying to be confident about not answering, but it's wearing and breaks my heart.
I answered the first phone call because i didn't know it was him, and during that conversation he said he was already "ready to leave," "too much structure," "they don't know what they're doing." I told him that if he left the program that he could not come live in my house. I spoke with him briefly one other time, when he called to say he'd like his tennis shoes because he'd only brought his work boots with him. I dropped those off on Sunday, but haven't picked up a call since.
Aaaaah!
Tonight, when visiting my husband (who is staying in a care center after surgery), one of the waitstaff and I had a conversation. I had asked him how he liked working there, because he seemed so good at his job. We talked about the restaurant work he'd done over the years and he said he was originally from another state. I asked him what brought him to MN and he said "treatment." All of a sudden, I was sharing that my son was in treatment, and that it was his first week and really tough to not be talking to him. This man told me that when he had come to treatment, his father didn't speak to him for a year and that holding my ground was the best thing I could do for my son. Wow. It was quite an affirmation.
It's still really, really difficult to overcome the temptation to give in and talk with my son.
What do you think?
He was arrested over Memorial Day weekend and spent 3 days in jail for drug possession, after trying to lift handles on car doors and got caught. He didn't end up stealing anything, because he got caught, so would only have been ticketed but they found heroin in his wallet. Formal charges are still pending.
My husband (his step-dad) and I, and his dad all told him that he needs to enter a treatment program. He said he knew it would be a good idea to go to treatment, especially if he would be up against charges before a judge. So, he entered a residential treatment program about a week ago. The thing is, he's been calling every day--sometimes several times a day (they can make calls after 4pm). We were told when he entered the program that it would be a good idea for us to wait to communicate with him until after he'd been in the program for at least a week or two, and to also wait to visit. But, he's been calling me every day. I'm trying to be confident about not answering, but it's wearing and breaks my heart.
I answered the first phone call because i didn't know it was him, and during that conversation he said he was already "ready to leave," "too much structure," "they don't know what they're doing." I told him that if he left the program that he could not come live in my house. I spoke with him briefly one other time, when he called to say he'd like his tennis shoes because he'd only brought his work boots with him. I dropped those off on Sunday, but haven't picked up a call since.
Aaaaah!
Tonight, when visiting my husband (who is staying in a care center after surgery), one of the waitstaff and I had a conversation. I had asked him how he liked working there, because he seemed so good at his job. We talked about the restaurant work he'd done over the years and he said he was originally from another state. I asked him what brought him to MN and he said "treatment." All of a sudden, I was sharing that my son was in treatment, and that it was his first week and really tough to not be talking to him. This man told me that when he had come to treatment, his father didn't speak to him for a year and that holding my ground was the best thing I could do for my son. Wow. It was quite an affirmation.
It's still really, really difficult to overcome the temptation to give in and talk with my son.
What do you think?
Bearhgs,
Absolutely it is the best thing you can do. Don't talk to him until it's ok. I know its hard. Addicts will say and do anything to make this about you and not them. We lie, cheat and steal and tell you what you want to hear. When I went to jail for heroin possession and got the mandatory 90 days for a first offense reality slammed me hard. I called my brother, begging him to bail me out and to not tell my dad I had called and asked. He said he'd look into it. Every day for the next few days, I called collect about 10 times a day. The answer was always, your brother isn't home, I'll tell him you called. They both ignored me. No visits, no nothing.
After the initial hurt and after I got a little clearer in my brain, detoxing from my heroin addiction, I decided I needed to do something about the mess I had created for myself. I started looking for anything on recovery, AA books, NA books, meetings.....Unfortunately in local jails, at that time, (1988), there wasn't a lot available. I found an AA Big Book and an AA meeting which I went to every time it was available. I spent the next couple months trying to ready myself for staying clean when I got out.
I stayed clean for 5 years, got off probation early and started living life. I was not the least bit angry at my brother for the choice he made. I did this to myself and it wasn't his job to fix it. After a few mistakes, but no jail time, I knew I needed more than just meetings so I went on methadone maintenance and celebrated 20 years of being clean in January 2014.
Please read" let me fall all by myself" which you will find on the left side of this page under Most popular topics. A very good heads up for parents and family members involved in loved ones struggle with attempting sobriety or getting clean. It will be a hard thing for you to swallow, not doing everything you can to help your child, but know you are doing what is best for HIM, NOT YOU.
Even if he fails, which he might, it is up to him to figure it out. Also, please go to the Families/Partners of Addicts page and speak to other parents who are going through what you are or have been through it already. They know first hand what you are feeling.
Good luck sweetie, hang in there.
granny
Absolutely it is the best thing you can do. Don't talk to him until it's ok. I know its hard. Addicts will say and do anything to make this about you and not them. We lie, cheat and steal and tell you what you want to hear. When I went to jail for heroin possession and got the mandatory 90 days for a first offense reality slammed me hard. I called my brother, begging him to bail me out and to not tell my dad I had called and asked. He said he'd look into it. Every day for the next few days, I called collect about 10 times a day. The answer was always, your brother isn't home, I'll tell him you called. They both ignored me. No visits, no nothing.
After the initial hurt and after I got a little clearer in my brain, detoxing from my heroin addiction, I decided I needed to do something about the mess I had created for myself. I started looking for anything on recovery, AA books, NA books, meetings.....Unfortunately in local jails, at that time, (1988), there wasn't a lot available. I found an AA Big Book and an AA meeting which I went to every time it was available. I spent the next couple months trying to ready myself for staying clean when I got out.
I stayed clean for 5 years, got off probation early and started living life. I was not the least bit angry at my brother for the choice he made. I did this to myself and it wasn't his job to fix it. After a few mistakes, but no jail time, I knew I needed more than just meetings so I went on methadone maintenance and celebrated 20 years of being clean in January 2014.
Please read" let me fall all by myself" which you will find on the left side of this page under Most popular topics. A very good heads up for parents and family members involved in loved ones struggle with attempting sobriety or getting clean. It will be a hard thing for you to swallow, not doing everything you can to help your child, but know you are doing what is best for HIM, NOT YOU.
Even if he fails, which he might, it is up to him to figure it out. Also, please go to the Families/Partners of Addicts page and speak to other parents who are going through what you are or have been through it already. They know first hand what you are feeling.
Good luck sweetie, hang in there.
granny
