My Addicted Died On Christmas Morning.

I watched my father go from a strong too Cool dude who could make anyone feel important. Slowly he became so self involved through methadone abuse he was unreachable to us as afamily. He was a good man with many Demons. I didnt see him much the last ten years of his life because I could not deal with his steady decline in health both mental and physical. I had children now and could not allow them to think this behavior normal. It also gave me an easier way to not see what was happening. In sept. of 04 we were supposed to have a meeting with the man in charge of his shelter about putting my 60 year old father in a nursing home. Well for a numbers of reasons that never happened. Then we went to pick him up for Thanksgiving and he disappeared. He was not even upset when we told him we left abviously he had reasons for not wanting to see us. I found out those reasons on Dec 21. 2004. When I got a call to come to the hospital because he was in a coma and probably brain dead. I am the next of kin so I signed those papers knowing he would not want to be kept alive like this. But in NY its more difficult to turn off life support. We had to go before an ethics committee and plead our case that he would not want top be kept alive like this. On Thusday dec. 23 they took him off life support and we said all we could never say in his life and forgave all the hurts knowing he felt everyone. He was a man who could not find peace on this earth. We could not help him live but we could help him die. I am grateful we could honor that for him. The guilt over never knowing if you could have done more breaks my heart somedays, and yet the thought of knowing he is at peace is very comforting. I would like to know are the any groups out there fighting methadone clinics ? This man was using for 35 years and not productively. His decline may have been slower with Meth but no less traumatic for his family or for himself. Please anyone that canm lead me in the right direction let me knoe. If I can make one Parent see the lifetime of pain and regret and the loss of your childs childhood I want to make his life mean something good. When all is said and done He would not want to see people suffer so if I can do some good through him I may find some peace also. Thank you To All
Dear Donna,

I am so sorry that your father had to be taken from this earthly life to find peace. I know for myself, before my son detoxed, I was grieving the loss of my son because I felt like the devil had taken him away. The person who was here only looked like my son. He didn't act at ALL like my son. He was addicted to heroin, which is one of the most evel drugs in the world! It literally takes the person's soul from what I can see. May God comfort you in knowing that you did the best you could to help your dad and that he's not fighting the demons anymore. God bless!

Love,
Susan
Dear Donna, I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. Methadone gets many mixed reactions, though my late bf never wanted to go on a program as he said it was harder to get off (than heroin), and thought he would be on it for life. I liked what you said in regards to being able to honor what you knew your fathers' will would of been, to not be on support. My bf passed way on Dec. 13/04. Ther are others on this board who are also grieving, and others who probably have better info. on methadone, etc.... My thoughts are with you, Dora
Donna, your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for making me feel..... more.... and for helping me understand how it feels on the other side. Unfortunately the selfishness of my addiction does not often allow this insight.
Best wishes
Charmed
Dear Donna:

My condolences to you,very sorry for your loss.

I just had to right this to you don't take it bad please.
I'm a divorced/single mom of three beautiful angel's,two girls and my baby son,I have an appartment pretty decent,I have all the necessaries and then some,there's always food in the fridge and pantry,clean clothes,etc..

Your probably wondering why is she telling me this,well I'll tell you why.....
The reason is I have all this with the grace of the methadone programme I'm on since almost 10 yrs now,I was the worst of the worst heroin junkies on earth,(if you have been on this site and have went to heroin you will find out more about me if you want)and I got saved by Methadone nothing else worked in the time between the age of 9 till I was 25/26 yrs of age so I had to try one last thing to stay alive and begin living a normal(hence the word"NORMAL)life without the use of drugs.

So you see it's not like that for everyone for some it works for other's it doesn't and there are some that take meth and abuse drugs anyway,there are people that it doesn't agree with them this methadone .
Where I'm from here in Montreal,Quebec,Canada there are people that need and take methadone cause for one their ex-addicts and also there are patient that have nothing to do with heroin,they are suffering from cancer or some kind of other pain related sickness or they have some kind of bone sickness.
The pharmacy I go to there are alot of success stories all from the grace of methadone.

Since you haden't seen your dad for so many years you realy don't know why he was at the stage he was in ,in his life at the time of his death,or why he was in that condition.How could you,you didn't see him for what 10 yrs or so?Or mabey it's heresay right?

I'm realy sorry for your loss since I know what it feels like to lose a loved one since I lost my mom almost 12 yrs ago(she was not an addict,far from it).

Were here if needed..........

Sending my love and strength your way
From a friend Teena......
first let me say that I have a 47 year old brother who is an addict to herion. he did it all, described himself as a cafeteria addict -- since he wa a teenager, he'd injest anything and everything he could get his hands on. he relies on a methodone clinic and has been away from herion for 10 plus years -- has been able to function, maintain a household, maintain a relationship with his current wife, support himself, etc. -- before that, it was the typical heroin addict's story -- everbody that he knew is dead from their disease -- his first wife committed suicide in front of him with a gun -- she just couldn't take her addiction any more.

But the story of you dad could be my own -- only he was addicted to alcohol. after his mid-forties his alcohol use escalated, although he was a functioning alcoholic, meaning he kept a job, etc. after retirement, he would go on rages, drink every moment he wasn't sleeping, ended up living in his truck like a homeless vagabond. i, too, had to emotionally detach for my own wellbeing and the wellbeing of my children. but he lived doing what he wanted to do and there was nothing, and i mean nothing the family could do for him because it's what he chose.

when his physical health finally totally deteriated, we found a nursing home for him where he lived the last 6 months of his life.

but my point is, it's not necessarily the particular substance, but the person.

my thoughts are with you during your time of loss. i agree with you that while we don't have to condone the decisions and actions of loved ones and others, we owe them honor and respect and love, without sacrificing our own ideals, choices, lifestyles and emotional stability.

stay with us, if you will, we may have some ideas and emotions to share with you and i have a feeling you have some to share with us.
Thank you to all of you who responded.it was touchong to read your thoughts. The days have been weird. Even when you know just know they will never give up the drug for you, you always hope. Thats what Ive been thinking about alot lately. Accepting that little spark of hope you thought was gone really was not. Somewhere I always thought he would pull it out in the end.To all who do use for maintenence i applaud that. But please consider the long term affects and slow withdrawal if possible. I can only speak of what I know and I know of the abuse of methadone. I know my father would tell me I did the right things he knew he was toxic, deep down he knew. Methadone robbed me of alot but I know people can and do use it without the abuse. I dont remember if i mentioned this before but the condition od=f his body was that of a holocaust survivor. It took 35 years but it took him over a little bit everyday. My comfort is knowing he is warm and safe and at peace. And maybe somebody reading this will think twice of taking that extra dose or going up a little higher instead of lower. The pain I feel is not uncommon from I hear I just want something good to come from his life and death! Thanks again for all the kind words.