Hi, this is the first time I have read or posted on this site, I felt I needed to hear about other peoples problems with their children, I feel so guilty, my son is 31 yrs old, not a kid any more, he started taking marijuana when he was 14, he was living with his father, whom is a wonderful man, we have always maintained our friendship for our son sake. Sometimes it wasn't easy but our son came first. He had a good up bringing, even though his parents weren't together, there was no violence, no drugs.or even smoking! I have remarried and have been with my husband for 18 years, he is very supportive of me in this situation, between us, we have 6 children and 11 grand kids, My son Anton, was a very bright and full of life kid, he was introduced to marijuana at school from another boy, I'm not blaming this boy, Anton made choices. When he was employed, the trend was he would last about 6 months in a job, then tell us the boss was a d***-head, this happened all the time. He started not coming around so much, missing Xmas time together and so on.15 yrs on, he has started getting really angry, posted some really bad comments on my face book page, so had to take him off it. We have had numerous arguments on the phone, on how I have been a terrible mom, my husband and I thought he may be on something else besides marijuana, I talk to his father regular and he suspected the same.He said he wanted to give up the weed, but were he was living, they smoke all the time and is hard to do. I asked him if he wanted to move in with us, he said he would think about it, as he didn't feel comfortable here.He has been selling drugs for quite some time, and using meth. He came around for dinner the other night, and I was shocked when I saw him, his facial features have changed, and he had been using before he came around. His father has seen him in very violent moods and said he is pure evil. How did this happen to my beautiful boy??? I couldn't let him move in, for fear of our safety, I have grand kids over regularly, I feel I have let him down, but reading some of the post on this site, has helped. His symptoms are the same as other users. I can't believe this has happened to him, I fear nothing but the worst for him, and he won't talk or listen to me, I feel so helpless. The last thing he said to me, was he was taking meth because he was disappointed in me! Please tell me the guilt leaves in time, I hate feeling like this, and I think about him all the time, where he is, what he's doing, is he warm at night, is he eating properly. If there is a god, please help him! So many of you have gone through this! How do we forgive ourselves??
You didn't cause it...you cant control it...and you can't cure it...there is nothing to forgive if you understand this...
I responded to you, puku, when you posted in response to I Need to Get High letter. It took me a zillion paragraphs to say what Con said in 2 lines. Smile.
Lynn
Lynn
None of us are without "sin" (error, naivete, ignorance, short-sightedness, selfishness etc)
As AA's Big Book says "There is some good in the worst of us and some bad in the best of us"
The enablers, co-dependants etc need help as much as the addict/alcoholic.
The same 12 Steps help the Al-Anons and much as the AAs.
My first sponsor used to say "What keeps you awake at night?"
Those became the things that I (reluctantly) had to begin to address.
Anyone who sits in a room full of smokers and develops lung disease is as sick as the smokers.
All the best to the "victims" of addiction.
(holding fast to my flawed thinking is my worst addiction)
I have to be led out of the woods (the dark) by the enlightened oldtimers-
I have to learn to let go and follow GOD (Good Orderly Direction)
Bob R
As AA's Big Book says "There is some good in the worst of us and some bad in the best of us"
The enablers, co-dependants etc need help as much as the addict/alcoholic.
The same 12 Steps help the Al-Anons and much as the AAs.
My first sponsor used to say "What keeps you awake at night?"
Those became the things that I (reluctantly) had to begin to address.
Anyone who sits in a room full of smokers and develops lung disease is as sick as the smokers.
All the best to the "victims" of addiction.
(holding fast to my flawed thinking is my worst addiction)
I have to be led out of the woods (the dark) by the enlightened oldtimers-
I have to learn to let go and follow GOD (Good Orderly Direction)
Bob R
Puka, Don't let your son put a guilt trip on you. This is all part of the addiction. He will play this game to get you feeling exactly how your feeling. It's a way of getting you to give in to his every whim. You have done nothing wrong!! Don't feel bad that you don't want him at your house if he was mine I wouldn't either. It's scary, I know! I wish I had all the answers to help you, but I don't. All I can tell you is you've found a good place coming on here. There are wonderful people on here that will help ease your pain by just listening and replying to your posts. Ones who have been where you are and others who still are. I don't know much about Meth except what I read on here. My daughters drug of choice is Heroin or Crack/Cocaine. I've been doing this dance for 18 yrs and I'm so tired of it. One week shes okay and the next is a disaster. Holidays usually bring some kind of nightmarish drama. It's very hard, I know. Be strong for you and if you feel it's getting to you I'd go talk to your doctor. There are AA meetings and NA meeting for families too that PapaBear has on his post. Lots of mothers and fathers get help there. You'll be in amongst people like yourself. Sorry for rambling just want you to know I care and I'm here for you if you need me. ((Hugs)) Mary
Ya..but you say it much better ...and with way more compassion HM..
Rath,
I am so sorry about your boy. I know how it feels to look at them and wonder who is this person. I often say that someone came in the night and substituted a bad duplicate of my son for the person I raised. It seemed one day he was my little boy and the next day he was someone I didn't know.
Stay on this board and read the posts. It is very helpful. Read everything you can find on your son's addiction. It helps to know what is going on with him so you know what to expect. Read things that will make you stronger and give you peace. Books on boundaries, enabling, inspirational / religious books, or whatever helps you.
If he is selling the stuff, the story about wanting to give up drugs is probably not true. He is just blaming his use on others so you will feel bad for him and it makes him look better. However, if he is coming around your house, he might be thinking about making a change in his life unless he just came to ask for money. I would not have him move in with you. He could go to rehab and a half-way house if he wants to give up the drugs. He can detox in the hospital or in jail. Don't try to help him detox yourself. It is not safe.
I know a little something about Meth. It is bad stuff and they can develop mental issues, some of which can be permanent. They can say some really hurtful things and often blame others for everything. They can be scary people and have unpredictable moods. Don't talk to him if he becomes abusive to you on the phone. It will only make you sad and nothing you can say helps. You should call the police if he gets out of control at your house. You may not be able to handle the situation without help.
Don't feel guilty and try to find happy times with the other children & grandchildren. Look at them and know you did nothing to cause this. He chose his own path and has to fix it himself.
I am so sorry about your boy. I know how it feels to look at them and wonder who is this person. I often say that someone came in the night and substituted a bad duplicate of my son for the person I raised. It seemed one day he was my little boy and the next day he was someone I didn't know.
Stay on this board and read the posts. It is very helpful. Read everything you can find on your son's addiction. It helps to know what is going on with him so you know what to expect. Read things that will make you stronger and give you peace. Books on boundaries, enabling, inspirational / religious books, or whatever helps you.
If he is selling the stuff, the story about wanting to give up drugs is probably not true. He is just blaming his use on others so you will feel bad for him and it makes him look better. However, if he is coming around your house, he might be thinking about making a change in his life unless he just came to ask for money. I would not have him move in with you. He could go to rehab and a half-way house if he wants to give up the drugs. He can detox in the hospital or in jail. Don't try to help him detox yourself. It is not safe.
I know a little something about Meth. It is bad stuff and they can develop mental issues, some of which can be permanent. They can say some really hurtful things and often blame others for everything. They can be scary people and have unpredictable moods. Don't talk to him if he becomes abusive to you on the phone. It will only make you sad and nothing you can say helps. You should call the police if he gets out of control at your house. You may not be able to handle the situation without help.
Don't feel guilty and try to find happy times with the other children & grandchildren. Look at them and know you did nothing to cause this. He chose his own path and has to fix it himself.
Sorry I got the name wrong. I am technically challenged at times. :(
UNder NO circumstances should you allow him to live with you, should you start to get a little soft-hearted on him. His is a sad situation, and so is yours and I'm sorry for that. But you already know he's using meth and meth causes psychosis...not just a little mental rearrangement, actual psychosis...dangerous, unpredictable, volatile. Meth also causes the types of physical changes you've seen in his face. There is no other drug quite like it. Heroin users can function for years while using...holding down normal jobs, having family relationships, all sorts of everyday living. Meth addicts, not so much. Most meth heads find that within five years they have lost most everything - family, friends (except using pals), job, possessions, home, their looks, and ultimately a good chunk of their rationality.
Please take care of yourself and your family. Your son will get well or not, but it's not yours...has little to do with you and everything to do with him and his choices. Love him from afar and keep him your prayers...then give him to God.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Please take care of yourself and your family. Your son will get well or not, but it's not yours...has little to do with you and everything to do with him and his choices. Love him from afar and keep him your prayers...then give him to God.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Puku
I was wondering if you read the book....beautiful boy?
I just finished it and it's really good. Everything we are going
Through.
Hugs
Paula
I was wondering if you read the book....beautiful boy?
I just finished it and it's really good. Everything we are going
Through.
Hugs
Paula
