Hey everyone. I am not here, because I have a drug problem, but because my boyfriend does. I just really need to get some things off my chest and talk about it, because I am traumatized and I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months, and he was in recovery at a half-way house. He was doing great, and he was really good about not doing any drugs or alcohol, and that is something that I really liked about him. He truly wants to be better, and he was getting better, but he ended up getting kicked out of the house, because he kept breaking the curfew and he had no where to stay. So I let him stay with me, and he had been living with me ever since. I know it was a early for us to be staying together, but we were so happy. We seriously love each other, and we are each others best friend. I can't imagine my life without him.
Two days ago on Halloween, we both decided to go to my friends Halloween party. Earlier that day he went out with a recovery friend that was in a bad place, while I got ready at home. He ended up getting home really late, so I went to the party without him. I was a little upset, because of how late he was, but I didn't think anything of it. He later showed up to the party, and things were alright. I was just happy that he finally got there. The party was really fun! He didn't drink anything, but I did a little bit. I always ask him before we go somewhere like that if its okay, because I hate putting him around that kind of environment when he's getting better. He says drinking isn't as big of a problem for him as drugs are. Anyway, so the party was really fun, and we walked home sober together. When we got home we both tried to sleep, but he was feeling really itchy and had uncontrollable scratching, so he said he was gonna go sleep downstairs. I didn't think anything of it , so I said okay and went back to sleep.
Later, at about 3 or 4 in the morning, I heard him making a strange noise in the bathroom. So I woke up, and I went to see what he was doing. I tried to open the door, but it was being blocked by something. So I pushed harder, and his body was blocking the door. I saw him laying on the floor, naked, and he was seizing and foaming at the mouth, and there was blood on him. I had no idea what was happening, until I found a syringe in the sink and figured out he used heroin. I called the police, but they could barely understand me because I was crying so much. They were giving me intrusions on how to give him CPR, and I was trying, but I don't think I was doing it right. I couldn't stop crying and telling him to wake up because I love him so much. The cops and ambulance finally came, and were trying to revive him, while the police asked me questions downstairs. I was still a mess and crying cuz I was so freaked out. They eventually brought him downstairs in a bag thing, and took him to the hospital.
I have never been through anything like that in my life, and I can't help but feel betrayed and confused. I just don't know what to do. My apartment complex banned him from the area, and if he comes here again they will arrest him. Everyone is telling me to leave him, but I can't because I love him so much and want to help him. I just keep thinking about all the bad things that could have happened. I am not a light sleeper, so I could have easily not woken up, and found him dead in my bathroom. I am just so happy he is alive, but I am so traumatized and need to talk to someone, because now when we are together, i just remember seeing him on the floor and I just cry. He says he is really going to try to get better, but I have a hard time trusting him now, and I am so scared for the future. I love him so much. I hate that he does this to himself. He was doing so well, and I don't want to run away when he really needs me the most. Has anyone been through something like this? Does anyone have any advice?? I really don't know what to do, and I don't really know what Im asking for.
The harsh truth is..if you stay...you will most likely encounter it again...and again....narcan in your house will and should be always on hand...if you stay...you will need to know how to handle living with us...naranon or alanon can show you how ...you will need to set boundaries. ..detach...separate your finances...live with the not knowing if we're using or not...the detoxs...rehabs...jonesing. ..fixing in the house...the blood...od's...drug buddies. ..absent times...days gone...sleeplessness...restlessness...and the list goes on...I recently od'..for the second time in 6 months...last time was in the house...my spouse found me...wasn't the first time...she's been on this ride 25 years...she didn't even have to tell me it was time to leave...i knew...it's on me now...i either get and stay clean...or don't come home...she knows there is absolutely nothing she can do or say to "help" me...it's a ride I have to do alone...with NA or AA...i have support ...sponsors...etc.....there is nothing you can do. ..except help yourself...family board members here know this...
Peace
Con
Peace
Con
Zoe,
That was an awful traumatic thing that you had to experience. Con is right, you need to really think about if you want your life to be like this. Some of the best choices that we have to make in life don't necessarily feel the best. Obviously, you can do what you want but I would recommend that you cut ties with this young man and look back at this someday and know you did the right thing. Good luck.
Michelle
That was an awful traumatic thing that you had to experience. Con is right, you need to really think about if you want your life to be like this. Some of the best choices that we have to make in life don't necessarily feel the best. Obviously, you can do what you want but I would recommend that you cut ties with this young man and look back at this someday and know you did the right thing. Good luck.
Michelle
In 12 step programs it is recommended that one not enter into a relationship during the first year at the least. Con is right, you will go through this again and again. Something you wrote was a HUGE red flag for me:
If he "truly wants to be better" he would NOT miss curfew...he would do whatever it takes...if he can't even make a simple curfew, he is NOT ready to be better, it's all just talk, smoke and mirrors and manipulation, and he found a soft place to land - right on you.
No one says don't love him, but do it from a distance or prepare for a lifetime of heartache and uncertainty. If he's the one, wait till he really is 'better' or accept that this may be as good as he gets and ask yourself: is that good enough for me?
Peace ~ MomNMore
| QUOTE |
| He truly wants to be better, and he was getting better, but he ended up getting kicked out of the house, because he kept breaking the curfew and he had no where to stay. |
If he "truly wants to be better" he would NOT miss curfew...he would do whatever it takes...if he can't even make a simple curfew, he is NOT ready to be better, it's all just talk, smoke and mirrors and manipulation, and he found a soft place to land - right on you.
No one says don't love him, but do it from a distance or prepare for a lifetime of heartache and uncertainty. If he's the one, wait till he really is 'better' or accept that this may be as good as he gets and ask yourself: is that good enough for me?
Peace ~ MomNMore
How will I know if he is ever truly better?? Because I really love him and want to be with him...
He is my best friend, and I would hate to see him go through this alone.
He is my best friend, and I would hate to see him go through this alone.
he was very lucky to have you around when he overdosed or he would be dead now , every time we take drugs we are know it ccould be the last time and life with person who thinks on that way it will be traumatic ( i think we junkies we dont love ourselves enough and if we dont love ourselves how we an love others then?) I am not going to tell you to run simply becouse I know you wont , right now you are in love and whatever we say it doesnt matter really but please prepare yourselves , it aint going to be easy or pretty. Your best bet is to go to Family board and read other people posts to see what other families are going trough when hye have addict for son, daughter, boyfriend etc
my son's friend died of an OD/ he had a one month old baby. his girlfriend woke up during the night and found him dead at the kitchen table.
my son wants to come back to live at home, get a job in the area. he says he is clean and will stay clean and follow the rules... how will we know if he is or is not... he will be seen as guilty until proven innocent. how does he prove that..... looking at his eyes several times a day.... urine test..... if he is just using enough pain pills to get out thru the day, we will not be able to tell w/o a urine test....
my son wants to come back to live at home, get a job in the area. he says he is clean and will stay clean and follow the rules... how will we know if he is or is not... he will be seen as guilty until proven innocent. how does he prove that..... looking at his eyes several times a day.... urine test..... if he is just using enough pain pills to get out thru the day, we will not be able to tell w/o a urine test....
You don't. .and u will never be sure ...until he can't hide it or doesn't want to anymore...detach from the using...it is or it isnt...his call...you set the boundaries. ..and then live your life with him ...he knows the rules...it's up to him...
"my son's friend died of an OD/ he had a one month old baby. "
He will see many others of his "friends" die as time goes along -
alcoholism/addiction is a progressive disease and untreated is deadly.
Us addicts can't handle the life that is in front of us yet we take on families
Insanity !
We know deep inside we want to get clean as your son does when he sees death.
I know I truly believe in God as when I face death I instinctively call out to God.
It has been my experience that my main job is to surrender to the program.
I know the program will get me .. I won't get it .. if I work it.
All the best.
Bob R
He will see many others of his "friends" die as time goes along -
alcoholism/addiction is a progressive disease and untreated is deadly.
Us addicts can't handle the life that is in front of us yet we take on families
Insanity !
We know deep inside we want to get clean as your son does when he sees death.
I know I truly believe in God as when I face death I instinctively call out to God.
It has been my experience that my main job is to surrender to the program.
I know the program will get me .. I won't get it .. if I work it.
All the best.
Bob R
Oh PB... I wish I could send my son to YOU for 6 months! Or however long it took! You've been there... done that... no matter what I say to him he doesn't listen. Part of me thinks he would listen to you. Maybe wishful thinking... idk.
I just know I admire you and your wisdom.
Lisa
I just know I admire you and your wisdom.
Lisa
Lisa
I agree 100%
PB and Con always have just the right feedback.
Love everyone on this site!
Hugs
Paula
I agree 100%
PB and Con always have just the right feedback.
Love everyone on this site!
Hugs
Paula
Zoe,
We should talk sometime. My boyfriend is also a heroin addict and I have no one to talk to about it. If you'd like we could exchange information. What do you think?
We should talk sometime. My boyfriend is also a heroin addict and I have no one to talk to about it. If you'd like we could exchange information. What do you think?
Zoe and Zansmama, I would love to join you too and help each other as I am also with someone whose in recovery for heroin. My family doesn't know about his addiction and I often have nobody to talk to.
