I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. About 7 months into our relationship he got arrested and I found out he was a heroin addict. He went into rehab and I supported him. A week after he got out of rehab he found some old stuff in his house and his parents found him with the needle still in his arm.
He almost died that night. I almost broke up with him but decided to stay with him because I loved him. he was doing great and then in may, I found him passed out on his bathroom floor gasping for air. He ended up getting arrested because there were still bags in the bathroom. I had stayed with him because he promised to go to his intensive outpatient again. I thought he was doing good until I went on vacation in august and came home and he looked skinny and tired all the time again. He said it was just his allergies and I tried to hard to belive him. About a week after I got back from vacation he got arrested again. The charges were dropped and he said he didn't know the one bag was in his car. I wanted to believe him but it was so hard so I stayed and kept an eye out. A week ago I found out he lied. There was a bag and an uncapped needle ready to be used. I also found out he gets his needles from a needle exchange. Which isn't always sanitary. I can't keep living like this but I'm afraid if I end it he will kill himself. What do I do?
End it..... You are just keeping him from hitting bottom.
I strongly recommend you attend some Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings to find out why you are attracted to this situation and think you can fix it. You need help as well.
All the best.
Bob
I strongly recommend you attend some Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings to find out why you are attracted to this situation and think you can fix it. You need help as well.
All the best.
Bob
Thank you so much. I'm just not sure how to end it. That really helped thank you!
It's a difficult choice to make. Ask yourself some questions of what you may want in your future. Actually write them down. After you're done, how many things would your current partner be a contributing to ? Assuming you are young you have a long time to try to love yourself and enjoy and experience life. You can't fix him. He will fight this his entire life. To love an addict is more painful than you know. I'm older but have a 5 month-old daughter with an addict mom. Was not exactly planned. I get tears in my eyes daily. Cps, court, visitation. So screwed up. Won't be with the mom until she starts recovery. This was not What WE planned for our baby. Addiction got in the way. It will always be in the way. It may be in my daughters future. Try nar-anon meeting. You will feel relief. Don't pause your life waiting and hoping. Learn about detachment with love. He is not responsible for your happiness. You Are. All easier said than done, I know- believe me !
Thank you so much. This advice is really helping. I'm just so afraid that if I end it he will kill himself. He has said soany times that I'm the only good thing in his life right now and that really puts pressure on me.
The pressure is only on you if you accept it. It is NOT YOUR PROBLEM !
I strongly suggest you seek out the local Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings in your area.
You can find them in the phone book or on-line.
Attend a few of their meetings and find out why you would feel that an addict's problem is your business. Why you would think that you are responsible for the happiness or well-being of another.
All the best.
Bob R
I strongly suggest you seek out the local Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings in your area.
You can find them in the phone book or on-line.
Attend a few of their meetings and find out why you would feel that an addict's problem is your business. Why you would think that you are responsible for the happiness or well-being of another.
All the best.
Bob R
Thank you so much. I Will look into those meetings. This has really helped with my decision!
Chances are he may kill himself with a needle in his arm with or without you. He won't/can't give up the drug for you. It Is a form of manipulation. You are not responsible for his decisions. It's your turn to be "selfish" in your relationship, he is every time he uses.
Thanks you. You are absolutely right. It's my turn to be selfish and do what I want and what is best for me. I was just feeling like it would be all my fault if he killed himself
It's not being selfish, it's being "Real".
If I didnt work and had no money would you give me your paycheck ??
If you were holding a gun to his head you would be responsible for his well-being and held accountable.
If he has a disease and doesn't seek treatment it is not your fault or responsibility (unless you take it on).
If I didnt work and had no money would you give me your paycheck ??
If you were holding a gun to his head you would be responsible for his well-being and held accountable.
If he has a disease and doesn't seek treatment it is not your fault or responsibility (unless you take it on).
You are right. He chose to do this with his life and now I need to decide if I want my life to be this way. Thank you so much for the great advice. It's easier to hear it coming from other people instead of my my family and friends.
Dear Guest.
What Papa Bear and the others are telling you is absolutely the truth. You cannot feel responsible for how other people feel or the choices that they make. This man cannot get clean for you or his mother or even his children if he had any. He has to do it for himself and do all the work. You can be supportive.
As suggested, please go to Al-Anon and/or Nar-Anon to find out about addiction so you know how you fit into this. But the smartest thing you can do is get away from the entire situation.
They are listed in the white pages in your phone book or look online. Great places to be.
good luck.
Granny
What Papa Bear and the others are telling you is absolutely the truth. You cannot feel responsible for how other people feel or the choices that they make. This man cannot get clean for you or his mother or even his children if he had any. He has to do it for himself and do all the work. You can be supportive.
As suggested, please go to Al-Anon and/or Nar-Anon to find out about addiction so you know how you fit into this. But the smartest thing you can do is get away from the entire situation.
They are listed in the white pages in your phone book or look online. Great places to be.
good luck.
Granny
Granny,
thank you so much. Really, all this advice is helping me so much. I've already started looking into some meetings close by me. This means a lot to me.
thank you so much. Really, all this advice is helping me so much. I've already started looking into some meetings close by me. This means a lot to me.
All of the above are right- walk away before you get in over your head, if you are not already there-addiction is a nightmare, for those of us who are addicts and for those that love us-YOU DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD- there is nothing romantic or heroic in this life- there is pain-lies , deception, more pain-he will manipulate you-blackmail you (threatening to kill himself) of course he wants you to stay with him- where else will he find a decent person like you-you have to look out for you-do you want to get on the merry go round of rehab-relapse-jail-and round again and quite possibly death-walk away-this guy needs to be clean for several years before you can trust him-do you want to wait and take all the pain involved in the meantime- when we are addicted the drugs come before everyone and everything- we will tell you what we think you want to hear-promise you the world-it will be different this time !!!! it wont change until he changes- do yourself a favour get out of this world of addiction-you deserve better-you have a choice make the smart one-it may hurt right now but it will be nothing compared to the pain you may have to endure if this guy does not get clean- sorry but thats the reality of addiction- i have lived this life and done all of the above- i am an alcoholic and drug addict-
Thank you so much. This decision has been a hard one on me. My parents want me to break it off today since I've even putting it off for so long. And I am having a tough time trying to figure out how to do it. This really helps thank you.
i'm truly sorry you have been faced with this decision, it's so hard to give up on someone you love-it's the curse of addiction-but this situation was not of your making- you have done what you thought was right and more-do not feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong-you are not responsible for this situation- all the best for the future.
Thank you so much. Really it helped me a lot with this decision.
chin up, you have done what you know is right, you must proud of yourself. I know how it's hard for you, and i am sorry for that. But, please always remember you have done the right thing :)
I was just in a very similar situation. My boyfriend/best friend/love of my life kept lying about using and I wanted to believe him but eventually I told him I couldn't live in a relationship full of lies and a lifestyle with drugs and that I love him very much but I can't support constant drug use anymore, and when he is clean we will start talking about our future together again. He immediately went to find a doctor and he is updating me that he is doing well. Hope this helps and I know it's a hard situation! Good luck.
-celestial
-celestial
Your problem is you love him and feel guilty and are afraid. Do you love him. If so this is probably not a problem you can fix. But, you can choose how involved your are, perhaps be a friend or step back until he gets clean. You may always feel guilty and afraid of his choices. His disease is not your fault. You have to stop trying to believe him or even wanting to. If you choose to stick around its not going to be a good time at all. Relapse is part of addiction recovery. I would say its normal if there is any normal in addiction. As previously said your happiness is not up to him. He has to make the hard choices and so do you now. If leaving him is unbearable and you choose to stay then you should prepare yourself. Read everything you can about addiction and recovery. A lot of new information is available. Prepare yourself for a hard road and that he may never recover or if he does how you can be supportive and not afraid. You should not stay out of fear.
If he threatens suicide he can be picked up on a 51/50 involuntary psychiatric hold , due to being a danger to himself or others. You should find out about this in your area. BTW he wont like it!
Perhaps to ease your guilt you can help other people to care and see how this disease affects our community and help to get more research done and more options or better options for treatment and recovery. :)
If he threatens suicide he can be picked up on a 51/50 involuntary psychiatric hold , due to being a danger to himself or others. You should find out about this in your area. BTW he wont like it!
Perhaps to ease your guilt you can help other people to care and see how this disease affects our community and help to get more research done and more options or better options for treatment and recovery. :)
