I don't believe this. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years just told me that I was at fault for everything in our relationship. Honestly! He said just that; everything is my fault. Isn't that nice?
I had stopped talking to him for two days because I was on day 6 of withdrawls and everytime we spoke, he got angry at me and hung up on me. It made me want to use really bad, so I cut him out for a few days to really work on sobriety. Then I finally called him back today, and he started in saying "you're out of your mind because you're coming down, so everything that's happened in the past 7 days is your fault. You should have listened to me instead of stressing out. That's what I would've done". Yeah right. He would've been crying and throwing up just like me. Then he said that everything wrong with our entire relationship was my fault. I can't believe it.
How can I do this now? I'm on day 10, I was feeling strong, but my heart just litterally shattered, and I'm a total mess right now. This is worse than withdrawls. I don't know if I can do this anymore. Who ever heard of someone getting dumped for quitting drugs?
Westwind,
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with him. But look at it this way - at least you're clean and sober! Seriously, if you were still using you'd have twice as much misery on your hands at this moment. You'll get through this, and you can do it without pills. Anyway, I've only got a few days of sobriety under my belt so am definitely not the best person to be guiding you through this, but I'm happy to listen and give as much comfort as I can. Do you have friends to talk to who know about your addiction as well?
Hang in there, keep posting.
Hugs,
Matty
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with him. But look at it this way - at least you're clean and sober! Seriously, if you were still using you'd have twice as much misery on your hands at this moment. You'll get through this, and you can do it without pills. Anyway, I've only got a few days of sobriety under my belt so am definitely not the best person to be guiding you through this, but I'm happy to listen and give as much comfort as I can. Do you have friends to talk to who know about your addiction as well?
Hang in there, keep posting.
Hugs,
Matty
Dear Westwind,
If your boyfriend is using drugs himself, then the fact that you are cleaning up your act might be threatening to him. If he doesn't use, well, most people resist change -- even change for the better -- in people they are close to, especially as you are in so much distress right now. That might be overwhelming to him.
In any event, you've worked really hard to get to Day 10 and I hope this latest blow won't shatter your resolve. Everyone on this board really cares about you and is pulling for you to make it through this rough time. Things will get better, if you can make it through today without despairing and using.
Please forgive me if I'm make a huge assumption here -- because I don't know your boyfriend at all -- but what he said to you last night about tylenol PM being the same as vicodin struck me as manipulative and simply not a nice thing to do to someone who is going through what you are right now. Neither is this guilt trip he's laying on you by blaming all the problems in the relationship on you.
Take care of yourself. You're doing the most important work in the world right now.
Gina
If your boyfriend is using drugs himself, then the fact that you are cleaning up your act might be threatening to him. If he doesn't use, well, most people resist change -- even change for the better -- in people they are close to, especially as you are in so much distress right now. That might be overwhelming to him.
In any event, you've worked really hard to get to Day 10 and I hope this latest blow won't shatter your resolve. Everyone on this board really cares about you and is pulling for you to make it through this rough time. Things will get better, if you can make it through today without despairing and using.
Please forgive me if I'm make a huge assumption here -- because I don't know your boyfriend at all -- but what he said to you last night about tylenol PM being the same as vicodin struck me as manipulative and simply not a nice thing to do to someone who is going through what you are right now. Neither is this guilt trip he's laying on you by blaming all the problems in the relationship on you.
Take care of yourself. You're doing the most important work in the world right now.
Gina
I'm sorry to hear about this. While I don't think time heals all wounds, I do think it affords objectivity. Some time alone may allow you to find strength you didn't know you had. That may lay the ground work for a better relationship with you current bf. Hang in there. Pills are not the answer.
Thanks, you guys.
Seriously I feel good about my 10 days, I don't want to go back. But this is the worst thing that could happen to me now, this is the man I love. I mean, we were going to get engaged next year, I've already met his family, we have Cristmas photo cards, we agree on religion and politics and children, I'm his first love!
Actually I'm his second love.
He smokes pot all day, every day. I knew it when we met, but I didn't worry about it. It bothers me, but I've never sweated him about it. I helped him quit a while back, but he started again... I don't know what to think, I don't know what factor that plays, I'm so confused, I'm freaking out, I'm feeling like using right now.
None of my other friends know. I'm afraid to tell anyone now, after what happened with my bf. I feel like I shouldn't have told him and just done this on my own. I know I could've, now, after four days with you blessed souls.
I don't know, maybe he is acting manipulative. Maybe he's worried I'm going to crash his parry, kill his high... I don't want to lose him, he's great. I just feel like I have to share him with pot, and now that I've quit pills I really don't do any thing "recreational".
I don't know if I can get through the weekend without both of them.
Seriously I feel good about my 10 days, I don't want to go back. But this is the worst thing that could happen to me now, this is the man I love. I mean, we were going to get engaged next year, I've already met his family, we have Cristmas photo cards, we agree on religion and politics and children, I'm his first love!
Actually I'm his second love.
He smokes pot all day, every day. I knew it when we met, but I didn't worry about it. It bothers me, but I've never sweated him about it. I helped him quit a while back, but he started again... I don't know what to think, I don't know what factor that plays, I'm so confused, I'm freaking out, I'm feeling like using right now.
None of my other friends know. I'm afraid to tell anyone now, after what happened with my bf. I feel like I shouldn't have told him and just done this on my own. I know I could've, now, after four days with you blessed souls.
I don't know, maybe he is acting manipulative. Maybe he's worried I'm going to crash his parry, kill his high... I don't want to lose him, he's great. I just feel like I have to share him with pot, and now that I've quit pills I really don't do any thing "recreational".
I don't know if I can get through the weekend without both of them.
Westwind,
What part of the country do you live in? Have you checked to see if there's a Pills Anonymous meeting near where you live? You don't have to spend this weekend alone, and you definitely don't have to spend it on pills. It's easy for somebody to tell you "You're better off without him" (which sounds like the case) but I know how painful a breakup can be and it's truly one of the hardest things to experience. Here's an idea - can you plan a last minute visit to friends out of town somewhere, where you don't have access to pills and don't have to be around your bf and the things that remind you of him?
Hang in there - you'll get through this!
-Matt
What part of the country do you live in? Have you checked to see if there's a Pills Anonymous meeting near where you live? You don't have to spend this weekend alone, and you definitely don't have to spend it on pills. It's easy for somebody to tell you "You're better off without him" (which sounds like the case) but I know how painful a breakup can be and it's truly one of the hardest things to experience. Here's an idea - can you plan a last minute visit to friends out of town somewhere, where you don't have access to pills and don't have to be around your bf and the things that remind you of him?
Hang in there - you'll get through this!
-Matt
I would go to a pills annonomys meeting, but I've already asked and they say you have to stop drinking wine, too. I suppose if it comes down to it I'll have to, but I'd be screwing myself; I've already spent tens of thousands of dollars on my vintners degree and family-based winery. It's my thing.
I suppose I could go out of town... it IS Memorial day weekend. I live in CA so the beach is just a short drive... but what sucks is that he's going to Vegas with his friend this weekend, and all I'm going to do is worry about what he's doing. This is miserable.
I can't tell anyone else, people would be amazed. I've never had issues like this in my life, it's just not like me. I'm so sad. I feel heartbroken and alone and confused, and you're right, Matt, this isn't something I can just wipe my hands of. It's a serious relationship, a wonderful relationship.
I really want to use, I really want pills. I have to be honest with you, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm out of my mind with grief, and I feel like it's day one again. I don't mean to be so dramatic, but that's truly what I'm feeling. Why did I tell him? Why does he have to leave me in my greatest time of need? I was there for him!
Looks like it's back to counting minutes, for me.
I suppose I could go out of town... it IS Memorial day weekend. I live in CA so the beach is just a short drive... but what sucks is that he's going to Vegas with his friend this weekend, and all I'm going to do is worry about what he's doing. This is miserable.
I can't tell anyone else, people would be amazed. I've never had issues like this in my life, it's just not like me. I'm so sad. I feel heartbroken and alone and confused, and you're right, Matt, this isn't something I can just wipe my hands of. It's a serious relationship, a wonderful relationship.
I really want to use, I really want pills. I have to be honest with you, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm out of my mind with grief, and I feel like it's day one again. I don't mean to be so dramatic, but that's truly what I'm feeling. Why did I tell him? Why does he have to leave me in my greatest time of need? I was there for him!
Looks like it's back to counting minutes, for me.
Westwind,
You don't have to go through this alone. Stick to this board over the weekend. Or look at this webpage and find an NA meeting.
http://www.na.org/
Perhaps there is a hotline number listed in the phonebook.
If you think using again will bring your boyfriend back, it probably won't and if it does, what does that say about the relationship? You already know that you come second to his pot use. You've taken stock of your life and made some pretty big changes. You're holding a mirror up to him and he's probably scared of what he sees.
You've got 10 clean days. Congratulations. Breathe. You can make it through tonight without the drugs and without your boyfriend.
Be good to yourself.
Gina
You don't have to go through this alone. Stick to this board over the weekend. Or look at this webpage and find an NA meeting.
http://www.na.org/
Perhaps there is a hotline number listed in the phonebook.
If you think using again will bring your boyfriend back, it probably won't and if it does, what does that say about the relationship? You already know that you come second to his pot use. You've taken stock of your life and made some pretty big changes. You're holding a mirror up to him and he's probably scared of what he sees.
You've got 10 clean days. Congratulations. Breathe. You can make it through tonight without the drugs and without your boyfriend.
Be good to yourself.
Gina
You can make it through this, but you need to take it one minute at a time and focus on the moment. You are gifted writer, perhaps a journal would be an ideal vent. Positive affermations (and Walt Whitman) are my thing, but many here hold scripture near. Take a deep breath. You are strong. Change is hard, but your bf will see the err on his part. Set goals that are reachable (minutes, not hours). Reward your strides with something nondestructive. You are a wonderful being with every right to be here in the moment. Asking family or friends (or message board) for help shows strenght and trust.
Hi West,
Hang in there, focus on yourself and your recovery. Things will work out just the way they are supposed to. Picking up wont make anything better. Good for you
for posting and having the courage to not give up. Thats a big step in the right direction. And congratulations on 10 days! Thats a big deal!! Way to go!
Take care..........Bob
Hang in there, focus on yourself and your recovery. Things will work out just the way they are supposed to. Picking up wont make anything better. Good for you
for posting and having the courage to not give up. Thats a big step in the right direction. And congratulations on 10 days! Thats a big deal!! Way to go!
Take care..........Bob
some time apart may be the best thing at this point..time to get yourself togather.
you've already come so far , don't let this stress you out to the point of using.
you've showed just how strong you are by doing this alone,b/c from the sound of it he was no help at all.so over the weekend do something for you..
hope things get better.keep coming back to post,it helps...
wishing you the best....dj
you've already come so far , don't let this stress you out to the point of using.
you've showed just how strong you are by doing this alone,b/c from the sound of it he was no help at all.so over the weekend do something for you..
hope things get better.keep coming back to post,it helps...
wishing you the best....dj
You guys are really great, I almost feel ashamed of how badly I want pills. I'm back to pacing, I HATE pacing.
Thanks for the compliment on my writing, Fisherman, that meant a lot right now. I've always loved writing, maybe I will start a journal this weekend... that could be a good project while on the beach. (if I go)
I have to look at the improvments I can make and the progress I can make and the positive things I can acomplish right now in my time of reflection.
It just doesn't feel worth it sometimes, that's my problem. If I took a pill right now I'd be able to clean the house, finish my report, and call my BF to say "have a great time in Vegas, Honey!" It's so amazing that there's a substance that can control me like that. I don't know what's real anymore, I don't know about tomorrow, and the next day may as well be a year away for all I can see. I'm sorry to flood the line, but I just can't stop crying, and the W/D's are back in force because of how weak my mind is.
I just can't believe I've lost two loves in two weeks. Plus being sober for the first time in a year clears my mind to the fact that I've neglected dealing with my Mothers death, that's why I started in the first place last year.
If I can make it through the night, tomorrow will be day 11. Double digits is good. But I feel like dying right now.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for the compliment on my writing, Fisherman, that meant a lot right now. I've always loved writing, maybe I will start a journal this weekend... that could be a good project while on the beach. (if I go)
I have to look at the improvments I can make and the progress I can make and the positive things I can acomplish right now in my time of reflection.
It just doesn't feel worth it sometimes, that's my problem. If I took a pill right now I'd be able to clean the house, finish my report, and call my BF to say "have a great time in Vegas, Honey!" It's so amazing that there's a substance that can control me like that. I don't know what's real anymore, I don't know about tomorrow, and the next day may as well be a year away for all I can see. I'm sorry to flood the line, but I just can't stop crying, and the W/D's are back in force because of how weak my mind is.
I just can't believe I've lost two loves in two weeks. Plus being sober for the first time in a year clears my mind to the fact that I've neglected dealing with my Mothers death, that's why I started in the first place last year.
If I can make it through the night, tomorrow will be day 11. Double digits is good. But I feel like dying right now.
Thanks for reading.
hey sweetie,
i know that it feels like hell now but you will make it through it..
go to the beach, have a good time you deserve it...
i'd jump at the chance to go to the beach by my self,
and i live in fl...lol it's just a hop,skip,and a jump away for me,
but i never seem to make it..
go on have some fun,celabrate w/ a big bowl of icecream or some
other treat....dj
i know that it feels like hell now but you will make it through it..
go to the beach, have a good time you deserve it...
i'd jump at the chance to go to the beach by my self,
and i live in fl...lol it's just a hop,skip,and a jump away for me,
but i never seem to make it..
go on have some fun,celabrate w/ a big bowl of icecream or some
other treat....dj
West,
Wait a second. Did I read that you were told you were not welcome at a PA meeting because you drink? Are you an alcoholic? If you are that is one thing but even if you are right now you are dealing with the narcotic thing. My God, one thing at a time. It sounds like you need to drink for your job? I should look carefully at all the posts so I know what I am writing. About your boyfriend--I know you love him and all but If he is a total pot-head than you don't agree on everything such as kids, ect.... Honestly, you can not raise kids totally stoned. My friend got married to a guy who she knew was stoned all the time and once they were into big time life stuff it all fell apart. He never quit and now they are divorced and he hardly even sees his son. I don't want to work you over when you are down. I know how a broken heart feels. plus the w/d's. Here is the good news--It don't get much worse! I really know that things work out in the end. Don't hate me but I honestly think perhaps this breakup happened for a reason. Read your post. Your boyfriend is selfish and immature. I know you love him so I don't want to sound like a hard b**** but you are young and we should never settle. You are doing something that is really hard on your own right now. You are obiously strong. Things do not always work out as we think they will or should. That is life. Better things are often around the bend. A minimum of one broken heart is require for life. Look at it this way--You have met that quota and gotten sober in one week. You rock! Hey yea, what is up with that bizness about you not able to go to the pa meeting because you drink? Are you sure that is correct? There is a super hot respecful guy who wants to rub your back and not be baked when he is around you in your near future.......
Wait a second. Did I read that you were told you were not welcome at a PA meeting because you drink? Are you an alcoholic? If you are that is one thing but even if you are right now you are dealing with the narcotic thing. My God, one thing at a time. It sounds like you need to drink for your job? I should look carefully at all the posts so I know what I am writing. About your boyfriend--I know you love him and all but If he is a total pot-head than you don't agree on everything such as kids, ect.... Honestly, you can not raise kids totally stoned. My friend got married to a guy who she knew was stoned all the time and once they were into big time life stuff it all fell apart. He never quit and now they are divorced and he hardly even sees his son. I don't want to work you over when you are down. I know how a broken heart feels. plus the w/d's. Here is the good news--It don't get much worse! I really know that things work out in the end. Don't hate me but I honestly think perhaps this breakup happened for a reason. Read your post. Your boyfriend is selfish and immature. I know you love him so I don't want to sound like a hard b**** but you are young and we should never settle. You are doing something that is really hard on your own right now. You are obiously strong. Things do not always work out as we think they will or should. That is life. Better things are often around the bend. A minimum of one broken heart is require for life. Look at it this way--You have met that quota and gotten sober in one week. You rock! Hey yea, what is up with that bizness about you not able to go to the pa meeting because you drink? Are you sure that is correct? There is a super hot respecful guy who wants to rub your back and not be baked when he is around you in your near future.......
Thanks again for posting, you guys.
Thanks for honesty, it's nice to hear the truth. This is pretty overwhelming, and I'm feeling shame for trying to duplicate my high with Nyquil and Melatonin...
That's right, I'm a Vintner. I will someday be a partner in my family's Vinyard. Wine is my job. It's my thing . I was told, from the pills annonymous help line, that it would be best to quit all substances, and that if I imbibed in alchohol then I wasn't ready to quit abusing substances. I only called one time, there's an office in Los Angeles where I live. I understood, she was nice. But she made it clear that substances that "alter your state" have no place in a pills anonymous meeting. I didn't tell her my family holds a vinyard... But I'm so sensitive and embarrased in my state that I just wanted to get off the phone because I felt judged.
Anyways you're not a hard B****, begood. The point of fact is that I share this man with pot, and so will our children, and his career, and his marriage to me. It's just so overwhelming at the moment - I don't want to think about leaving this relationship! The mere thought makes me crumble to the ground. I didn't even cry like this on day 4...
This is not right, this is not healthy. I wish I had a doctor, I wish I could tell someone. But it's just not that way.
Thanks for honesty, it's nice to hear the truth. This is pretty overwhelming, and I'm feeling shame for trying to duplicate my high with Nyquil and Melatonin...
That's right, I'm a Vintner. I will someday be a partner in my family's Vinyard. Wine is my job. It's my thing . I was told, from the pills annonymous help line, that it would be best to quit all substances, and that if I imbibed in alchohol then I wasn't ready to quit abusing substances. I only called one time, there's an office in Los Angeles where I live. I understood, she was nice. But she made it clear that substances that "alter your state" have no place in a pills anonymous meeting. I didn't tell her my family holds a vinyard... But I'm so sensitive and embarrased in my state that I just wanted to get off the phone because I felt judged.
Anyways you're not a hard B****, begood. The point of fact is that I share this man with pot, and so will our children, and his career, and his marriage to me. It's just so overwhelming at the moment - I don't want to think about leaving this relationship! The mere thought makes me crumble to the ground. I didn't even cry like this on day 4...
This is not right, this is not healthy. I wish I had a doctor, I wish I could tell someone. But it's just not that way.
West
I'm sorry that you have to go through this right now. What you're doing for yourself is and should be the most important thing in your life right now. I just wish you didn't have all this happening while you are getting your life back. I think you do need to focus on you right now and I really think everything else will work out in time. Please don't throw away the time you have. You have worked so hard to get where you are.
Take care West and keep moving forward in your recovery.
Frank
dearest westwind....i am sorry for your heart ache, love can make us feel so dood, but it can also cause us much pain. you are 10 days into recovery, you have worked so hard and should be proud of yourself. you are coming clean, while the bofriend is still using, which honestly, how would that affect you and your recovery in the future, with him using through out the day?
my view, is that he is threatned and insecure because you are starting your recovery and you are ten days clean and he could be acting this way, in fear of what the relationship will be like,with you clean and him not. you have done nothing wrong, you are wanting to be free of doc,you have started down that road,i would not, stick it in reverse and go back to start,heartache sucks,but if you decide to use, then you will add to your pain,and you would be letting him get the best of you.
i would not give him the pleasure of allowing him to control you and your desire for a better you.you need support and encourgement,not beaten down emotionally and blamed for problems in relationship.the two days of not talking to him,seems to have possibly made him jealous,of the time you were putting into recovery and not into him.
you are not at fault here,your choosing life,he cant support you the way you need it right now,cause he is using and doesnt want to stop,dont let him get i nside your head and break you down mentally. that is what he wants,he wants to make you feel responsible for problems,when i believe he is the main problem.
i dont want to sound rude or like a know it all,because i am neither.early in my recovery,i lost my dearest friend.in my time of need and support,my friend bailed out on me,i hit bottom,couldnt breathe,thought my heart was shattered.it set me back in recovery mentallymy brain was consumed with heartbreak,anger,sadness,self pitty and so on. i didnt know if i would be able to continue my recovery,but i couuldnt let that break me down.and i hope that you will not either.
i know how you feel, and i know when starting recovery,you need positive love.
please,do not buy into his words,then he will have more control over you,and you can not grow and thrive and be truly happy,if you focus more on his happiness.
please take care,and be brave. thoughts and prayersto u,please let me know how you are doing...hugs to ya,kimber:)
my view, is that he is threatned and insecure because you are starting your recovery and you are ten days clean and he could be acting this way, in fear of what the relationship will be like,with you clean and him not. you have done nothing wrong, you are wanting to be free of doc,you have started down that road,i would not, stick it in reverse and go back to start,heartache sucks,but if you decide to use, then you will add to your pain,and you would be letting him get the best of you.
i would not give him the pleasure of allowing him to control you and your desire for a better you.you need support and encourgement,not beaten down emotionally and blamed for problems in relationship.the two days of not talking to him,seems to have possibly made him jealous,of the time you were putting into recovery and not into him.
you are not at fault here,your choosing life,he cant support you the way you need it right now,cause he is using and doesnt want to stop,dont let him get i nside your head and break you down mentally. that is what he wants,he wants to make you feel responsible for problems,when i believe he is the main problem.
i dont want to sound rude or like a know it all,because i am neither.early in my recovery,i lost my dearest friend.in my time of need and support,my friend bailed out on me,i hit bottom,couldnt breathe,thought my heart was shattered.it set me back in recovery mentallymy brain was consumed with heartbreak,anger,sadness,self pitty and so on. i didnt know if i would be able to continue my recovery,but i couuldnt let that break me down.and i hope that you will not either.
i know how you feel, and i know when starting recovery,you need positive love.
please,do not buy into his words,then he will have more control over you,and you can not grow and thrive and be truly happy,if you focus more on his happiness.
please take care,and be brave. thoughts and prayersto u,please let me know how you are doing...hugs to ya,kimber:)
Hey WestWind,
I know everything seems hopeless right now -- the loss of a future you had planned with your boyfriend and the loss of your career as a vintner. Partly this is because you aren't thinking as clearly as you might due to the drugs still in your system. Partly this is your addict brain talking to you and telling you you can fix your problems by using again.
I'm not real familiar with AA rules, but there are at least two people in my group who are still in active addiction but desire and intend to quit. I wasn't aware that you had to be clean to attend.
Also, I am not familiar with the wine business, but understood that wine tasting didn't actually involve swallowing. Can't you be a vintner still and simply use the spittoon provided?
Hang in there and talk it out here on the board.
Best of luck.
Gina
I know everything seems hopeless right now -- the loss of a future you had planned with your boyfriend and the loss of your career as a vintner. Partly this is because you aren't thinking as clearly as you might due to the drugs still in your system. Partly this is your addict brain talking to you and telling you you can fix your problems by using again.
I'm not real familiar with AA rules, but there are at least two people in my group who are still in active addiction but desire and intend to quit. I wasn't aware that you had to be clean to attend.
Also, I am not familiar with the wine business, but understood that wine tasting didn't actually involve swallowing. Can't you be a vintner still and simply use the spittoon provided?
Hang in there and talk it out here on the board.
Best of luck.
Gina
Hey Westwind,
I'm in LA too. Just got back from a NA meeting. My understanding about PA is that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop abusing perscription drugs. It's awesome that you're a vinter, and I'm sure I'll be corrected if I'm wrong, but I don't think that you have to give that up. For most addicts drinking leads to the desire to use. Because wine is such an integral part of your life (the business of winemaking, not getting drunk) I think you'll be ok. Matter of fact, I went to my frist ever PA meeting last Tuesday in Pasadena, and I'm gonna go back this Tuesday. There's one on Saturday as well, as well as a woman's only meeting on Sunday in Torrance. (be sure to check out http://www.pillsanonymous.com - there's a full schedule) I can definitely put you in touch with a PA "veteran" in LA, who can better counsel you and get you in touch with other women.
Hang in there, you're doing great.
-Matt
I'm in LA too. Just got back from a NA meeting. My understanding about PA is that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop abusing perscription drugs. It's awesome that you're a vinter, and I'm sure I'll be corrected if I'm wrong, but I don't think that you have to give that up. For most addicts drinking leads to the desire to use. Because wine is such an integral part of your life (the business of winemaking, not getting drunk) I think you'll be ok. Matter of fact, I went to my frist ever PA meeting last Tuesday in Pasadena, and I'm gonna go back this Tuesday. There's one on Saturday as well, as well as a woman's only meeting on Sunday in Torrance. (be sure to check out http://www.pillsanonymous.com - there's a full schedule) I can definitely put you in touch with a PA "veteran" in LA, who can better counsel you and get you in touch with other women.
Hang in there, you're doing great.
-Matt
Thank you, fsguy, you make an excellent point: I do need to take care of myself right now. I appreciate the celebratory tone in your post, I am proud. And I think it's cool that you can put yourself back in that "place" and feel for me.
Kimber I know what you mean, of course I can't think about raising kids in a house with a pot-head husband. But when he tells me that he wants to marry me I just focus on the joy I feel in my heart - it's blinding.
I'm sorry you lost your friend, I feel like I'm losing my best friend too. What if he's right, though? What if it IS all me these last days, what with my withdrawl symptoms and mental instability? You're not rude by sharing your thoughts with me, I appreciate honesty. It's just hard to swallow that he might be jealous of me getting clean, I thought he'd be happy. I got burned, know what I mean? Thanks for telling me you know how I feel, that makes me feel not so alone.
Gina thanks for the invite to vent on the board, I know I've only been here for a few days, but I really feel that if I didn't have this place I'd be screwed. It DOES feel hopeless, it feels terrible. My brain is trying to convince me to use, and I have a pretty large cranium. ;)
Really though, when I talked to the lady at the pills anonymous help line she made it perfectly clear that if I partook in liquor that I was not a serious canditate. When you take wine in your mouth, you get alchohol in your blood through the membranes in your cheeks and vocal cavity. I don't think I've ever gotten drunk off of wine, but I can always tell when there's alchohol in my stomach. I only called once and I didn't explain my situation to her, like I said I got off the phone quickly because of shame. I'm so friggin' sensitive... But if I can't get off pills I'm going to have to figure something out.
Kimber I know what you mean, of course I can't think about raising kids in a house with a pot-head husband. But when he tells me that he wants to marry me I just focus on the joy I feel in my heart - it's blinding.
I'm sorry you lost your friend, I feel like I'm losing my best friend too. What if he's right, though? What if it IS all me these last days, what with my withdrawl symptoms and mental instability? You're not rude by sharing your thoughts with me, I appreciate honesty. It's just hard to swallow that he might be jealous of me getting clean, I thought he'd be happy. I got burned, know what I mean? Thanks for telling me you know how I feel, that makes me feel not so alone.
Gina thanks for the invite to vent on the board, I know I've only been here for a few days, but I really feel that if I didn't have this place I'd be screwed. It DOES feel hopeless, it feels terrible. My brain is trying to convince me to use, and I have a pretty large cranium. ;)
Really though, when I talked to the lady at the pills anonymous help line she made it perfectly clear that if I partook in liquor that I was not a serious canditate. When you take wine in your mouth, you get alchohol in your blood through the membranes in your cheeks and vocal cavity. I don't think I've ever gotten drunk off of wine, but I can always tell when there's alchohol in my stomach. I only called once and I didn't explain my situation to her, like I said I got off the phone quickly because of shame. I'm so friggin' sensitive... But if I can't get off pills I'm going to have to figure something out.
