My Boyfriend Steals

Hi everyone,
Haven't posted for awhile so for those of you who don't know my story, my bf is was a heroin addict for 2 years, just got on naltrexone, clean for a little over a month. Everything was going great until this past weekend. We went to my niece's birthday party at my sister's house and when we got home I got a frantic call from my sister saying that my bf had stolen money and a credit card from one of the guests. Apparently he has also stolen from my mom twice and my brother in the past when he was still using. My family had suspected it was him but hadn't confronted him yet (they did not know about his addiction). A month ago I would have left him over this but he was doing so good and I was finally beginning to have a normal life and now this. He has not been on H since then and is still taking the naltrexone. He is also addicted to pot and was trying to quit last week so he says that's why he wanted the money but mostly it was a "thrill" type thing. Needless to say, my family is hysterical and he is no longer welcome around them. The lady he stole from is pressing charges, I don't think he will get any jail time but this is all so stressful. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to kick him out and make sure he gets thrown in jail. Part of me says "he was doing so good this is just one slip-up" My family does not believe me that he is clean but I watch him take the naltrexone every morning and I can tell he hasn't been high. After 2 years I could tell if he was on it the second I saw him! My parents want me to move back in with them and go to counseling and all this s*** and I know they're trying to help but I am so sick of everyone it is driving me nuts. Please some advice! Should I leave him? Give him another chance? Help!!!!!
Dear Onyx,
My bf is also a heroin addict though is clean at the moment. We've been through a lot, though I beleive everyone has their own limt. It's very confusing when you want to support the one you love(especially when you've seen them trying to get clean) and have those around you pulling the other way. I think that by stealing he's crossed a deep line that you need to really think about. I know how hard it is. My bf never stole from my family or his own, though when he stole from me that led us to split for a little while. It's rough!!!! Why does he steal if he isn't using? And if its' for a another reason are you prepared to deal with that? Onyx, I know its' not an easy decision but that's pretty low! You must fell so stressed out! Beleive me I'm into supporting the person though when they rip you off & "guests", it brings it to a whole different perspective. Onyx I wish you truth & patience with your decision. Thinking of you , Dora
Aw sweety I know how you feel. My bf for a year has been lying to me I just found out hes addicted to H and that he's been stealing money and other stuff off of his roomates at college and pawning them. Everything all hit me at once because I had no idea he was even on drugs! One night he just called me and said hes going to the hospital for detox on vikes , but it was a lie it was really H. He doesnt know that i know hes on it yet, because he told his friends I'd leave him and think he's a scumbag......but I wouldn't..I want to help him and be there for him but i don't know what to do, it feels like he chose drugs over me, I feel like i don't deserve this and don't deserve to be lied to, but love is so strong and it's so hard to let go of. It's easier said then done to leave someone you love. All my friends say to leave him but he's such a good guy to me and they have NO idea what I'm goin through right now. I hope everything works out for the both of us and all addicts and their loved ones. What do you think I should do? Thanks
Hi Kristy, I don't have answers for you though think the first thing you should do is start talking about it with him. I do not know how he will react though sooner or later you would of found out, friends,etc... When people are actively using yes you are right they are choosing drugs over others & including themselves. 2 of my close girlfriends know, One of them is supportive and cares about him, the other well I know she would like otherwise. Anyways it really comes down to you and what you think is right for you. You can't win everyone's favor wether you stay or not. I hope your bf is better after being in the hospital, maybe it'll be a releif that it's finally out. Try to talk to him. Good Luck, Dora
Hey Kristy,
I remember how shocked I was when I first found out my bf was on H. I knew he had a problem with pills but he would talk about his cousin who had just started doing H and how horrible it was. Then I found out he was doing it too and was scared to tell me. It really sucked. That was 2 1/2 years ago. I really should have left him a long time ago. He only did it every day for about 6 months but he never really even wanted to quit until recently, and it has been such a struggle. Now I am glad I stayed with him (with the exception of this lovely stealing from my family incident) because he's been doing really good. But, my entire life has been screwed up in the process and I'm not sure if we can ever have a "normal" relationship again. I can't trust anything that he says and now that he finally is telling the truth most of the time he gets pretty frustrated with everyone always accusing him of lying. That's what happens after years of lies. I wouldn't recommend giving up on your bf yet, but please be careful. You need to make sure he is ready to quit. The fact that he went to rehab is a good sign, especially since it was voluntary, not the "I'm breaking up with you if you don't go to rehab that I'm used to. My best advice is to help him get on suboxone or naltrexone. I tried for over 6 months to get my bf on sub and finally he found a doctor who prescribed him naltrexone. It blocks the high if they use so it gives me some peace of mind, but it also helps him. He says he doesn't crave H as much anymore since he knows it wouldn't get him high if he tried. He has been clean for 42 days now and the naltrexone is what did it. He's starting to feel better but at first the naltrexone was the only thing keeping him clean, he said he's sure he would have used at first if he could have. Make sure you sit and talk to your bf about all this. Find out if he really is ready to get clean and if he is support him however you can. Just don't let your life get ruined in the process.
thank you guys so much for replying and giving me your advice, it really means a lot. My bf is getting out of rehab in about a week and said he feels great and that everything will be like it used to be when he gets out before he got on H. I'm still scared that he will go back , he said he'll never hang out with his old friends again , but with all of his previous lies it's hard for me to believe him anymore, but now i know more symptoms and hopefully he will stay clean. thanks so much, love kris
Hi Onyx this is the black widow I don't know how old you are sweetheart but I'm 34,what he did was uncalled for like someone said on here why steal if your not using.I would have nothing to do with him unless proved otherwise,what a disgrace he doesn't care if your family doesn't want nothing to do with you in the long run.If you have to steal then do it to someone that you don't know not to your girls family and friends.Axually don't steal at all,but anyways.How does that make your family look in the eyes of this lady,real bad how could they leave this person into their house, she doesn't know that your family had no clue.How can he do this to you if he is clean.I'm a recovering heroin addict for the past 9 and a half years I'v been on methadone and doing great,but I remember when I was getting clean I had no reson to steal,I used to steal only when I wanted to do a little hit just one little one.Anyways you know him best my friend and we will all stand by you no matter what that may be.LUV YOU ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO"S BEEN THERE AND CARES,THE BLACK WIDOW P.S As for him quiting pot I would not recomend it, he has one thing he is trying to stay off that is enough for now when he will have more clean time then he can start thinking about quiting pot.One thing at a time.Plus pot is not that bad compared to heroin and it also eases the pains that we get from withdrawl. Thinking of you's girls all of you's....Here if you need me ok any of you girls,bye for now...
Hi, thanks for the reply. I am 23. This whole stealing thing was over a month ago and as always I ended up staying with my bf. I put up with his addiction for over 2 years and I couldn't give up now that he is clean. He was trying to quit smoking pot and had been without for a couple days on top of having a real bad toothache. I am NOT saying what he did was okay, I am still disgusted by his behavior. He has been on several different meds since then and they finally took him off a couple of the stronger ones and upped his dose of Effexor. For the first time in forever, he is actually starting to feel better. He is still on naltrexone (it is an opiate blocker so he can't get high) and that has really helped him. I am always afraid to get my hopes up, but it seems stuff is finally starting to get better. I am surprised you can't get sub. in Canada. We could not get it here (US) either. It is available in other states but not where we live. He tried for months and finally gave up and got on naltrexone. I am pretty sure that is available in Canada. It doesn't really make you feel a whole lot better, just keeps you from getting high. But it is not an opiate so if you wanted to try it you would stilll have to detox from meth first (do not take it while still on opiates it will make the withdrawal much worse). I don't know if it's legal or not, but I think I saw once that you could buy sub off the internet- from Austrailia I think. But it said make sure your country will let them ship it in and I didn't think they would here. Maybe you could try that. I will look to see if I can find the site again and post it if I do. Hope you're feeling better.